Collateral Damage (32 page)

My dad? My
dad
? She thinks this whole thing is about
him
?

My dad is a fucking lie!

My family is a fucking lie!

Everything she knows about my whole fucking life is a fucking lie!

"Damn it, Jaden. Don't give yourself that much credit. Not everything is about you. The school, this town, the
entire fucking world
. This might come as a shock, but the universe doesn't revolve around
you
."

"That's why you want to get away, isn't it? He hurts you!"

Something like laughter builds in my throat. I don't know how to make her understand. There's no way she can understand—not yet. I can't ruin this. I can't ruin everything I've worked for.

"It's not what you
think
."

"It's not funny! You have to tell someone!"

Second best.

Callie.

Jaden.

It doesn't matter who.

Whoever's in my life—however much I love her—as long as I'm undercover she will
always
come in second to this job.

"Are you even
listening
to me?" I demand to know.

It's not what you think!

"Parker...this is a
big
deal! He can't do that to you!"

This is pointless. I can't defend myself. "I have to go. I shouldn't be here.
None of this
should've happened."

Her eyes narrow, accusing. "
What?
"

I never should've come here—never should've kissed her. Not until I had something real to offer.

 
"Get out of my way," I growl. If nothing else, she'll do what she's told—that much I know. And sure enough, she steps aside, biting into her lower lip. But it only tempts me, leaving me wishing I could pull her back in my arms, finishing what we started.

"Look," she says, voice lowering. "I know you think that I'm like, this huge goody two shoes or whatever, and I realize I'm not the best person to give advice about something like this, but I know when..."

"You don't know
anything
," I interrupt. "Just...keep that in mind."

You have no idea.

I slip back outside, step off that dormer and onto the roof. "No one hears about this.
No one
. Got it?"

She stands at the window in her tank top and pajama pants, hugging herself against the damp air, eyes wet with tears.

I swallow the knot in my throat.

Please understand that I have to do this—that this is the only way.

"Jaden?" I beg.

She wipes her nose against her wrist, then traces an X on her chest, crossing her heart.

My lungs constrict, suffocating me from the inside out.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY

I slip inside the restroom the following morning, waiting for the halls to clear before making my way to English. I arrive seconds before the bell. My stomach twists when I see that brown paper bag on my chair, but I don't look at her. I don't smile or look at her or thank her, even though I know she's watching. I can feel her laser eyes boring holes into my side. And those celebrities, reminding me to READ and that IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

I can't do this. I can't be in this room with her. I can't be at this school. I can't risk running into her. I can't risk her cornering me, wanting to talk. But I can't sit here and wait while nothing happens, either.

I'll fix this. Right now.

I bail out of second period and drive to Hamilton, skipping school the second day in a row. I park my bike in a public access lot outside the station and jog across the street, through the lobby, and up two flights of stairs.

"I need to see the Chief," I tell the administrative assistant guarding his office, breathless. "It's important."

She picks up the phone. "Chief? It's Officer Whalen."

In seconds, the door swings wide. I shoulder past Anderson, and he shuts it behind us. I dig inside my jacket pocket and produce the USB recorder. "I have everything we need to make an arrest on my case, Sir."

He motions for me to sit in one of the two leather seats in the already cramped space and returns to his own chair. He rolls it forward, folds his hands together, and props his elbows on the desk.

"I'm actually glad you stopped by, Whalen," he begins. "I got an interesting call from your principal this morning."

A ripple of fear slides up my spine.

"The rumor is that you skipped school yesterday with one of your classmates. One of your
female
classmates. Confirm or deny?"

"Confirm, Sir, but it's not what you think."

"No, it's exactly what I think. We sent you into that school to work undercover. We gave you the resources and the training. We gave you permission to do what you needed to do to get the job done. And to be quite honest, I don't like getting calls from principals telling me my agents are engaging in questionable behavior. Do I have to call the DEA? Take you off this assignment?"

"I have everything we need. I can name names, Sir."

His neck tightens, veins protruding from his skin. "That's not what we're discussing!" He points a finger at me. "Now, I don't know who this colleague is or what you're doing..."

"She's my English partner," I interrupt. "It's nothing. Nothing happened between us."

"That's good to hear, because if you have done
anything
to jeopardize this case or your good standing in this department..."

"I haven't, I swear. This guy—Vince De Luca—he's linked to deals in two separate counties. We have enough evidence to incriminate him in court. We can set up a sting."

He eyes me warily, hesitating. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes, Sir. I'm positive."

"Okay," he agrees. "We'll get a group together and go over the information."

"Soon," I argue. "I want this to happen as soon as possible—within the next couple of weeks. And...." I trail off, exhaling a nervous breath. "I want to be the arresting officer."

He grabs a handful of papers, a few folders, stacks them together and sets them aside. "Get rid of the girl. Make sure she knows you are
not
available for a fling, and you've got a deal."

*
    
*
    
*

I return to the high school before last period. I grab a notecard from my backpack, remove a Sharpie, and scribble the words:

WE NEED TO TALK.

I make my way down the empty hall, not stopping until I reach Jaden's locker, and not stopping even then. I slip the note between slats and keep moving. Focused. When the final bell rings, I drop my biology book off at my own locker and pick up math. I've missed two problem sets already this week—two days in a row.

"Is it true?" a voice says.

I glance to my left, where Tyler and Friend stand, ogling me, eyes bulging out of their heads.

"Is what true?"

"Did you and Jaden McEntyre really skip school together?" Tyler asks.

I force a smile, like this amuses me. "Where did you hear that?"

He shrugs, shakes his head, as if the answer is obvious. "Everyone."

Across the hall the artsy girl—paint-stained fingers and flannel shirt—stares at me. Everyone around me stares. And I know someone saw us leave together, that the news spread like wildfire, traveled over the course of the day. Intensified. Made its way to Principal Howell....

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to keep Jaden from getting into even more trouble than she's already in. And so I do what I do best.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I'd believe
everyone
," I say, slamming my locker door shut.

I lie.

I lie and I walk away, leaving them to their theories—their whispered conversations.

Outside, the wind is picking up. Gray clouds smother the sky, hovering—bursting with rain.

I jog across the parking lot, heading toward her Civic.

She's not here. I don't see her anywhere. A gust whips through the trees; new, green leaves rustle, rubbing together. It's like the whole world is out of whack, ready to explode.

This doesn't look good.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I turn toward the voice carried on the wind.

Blake.

I ease away from Jaden's car, distancing myself. "Look, I just have to tell her one thing," I explain. "That's it."

His eyes harden, jaw tightening. "Anything you have to tell her, you can tell me."

"Can I tell her what a douchebag you are?"

His fingers curl into a fist—a fist that almost immediately connects with my face. My body jolts backward, the force jarring my neck. I right myself, blinking back the stars blurring my vision.

"Were you with her yesterday? Were the two of you really together?" he demands to know, moving closer.

Blood drips down my fingers, pouring from my nose.

It's broken. It has to be broken.

"That's none of your fucking business." I tilt my head backward to slow the bleeding.

"My girlfriend is my business."

But the way he says
girlfriend
—the way the word rolls off his tongue, slips into the space between us—ignites a raging inferno inside. My helmet crashes to the ground. My bag slips from my shoulder. And, in a second, I have his collar by the fistful.

One punch.

One punch for lying to Jaden.

Two punches.

Two punches for making her think you were perfect.

My fingers sting, throbbing, red with pain. I release his shirt, shoving him away from me. He steadies himself and rushes forward, ramming me back.

And then Jaden is between us, eyes grasping mine. Eyes wide with something that might be fear—afraid for me or afraid of me, I can't tell, but that look—it's the only thing that could ever make me stop kicking this guy's ass.

"Stop!" she demands. She turns toward Blake. "Blake! Stop it!"

He closes in on us, jaw bruised, a cut bleeding beneath his eye. "What are you waiting for, asshole?"

Jaden pushes against his chest, forcing him back. "Blake, stop it! What...what are you doing?"