Collecting Scars (10 page)

“Huh, not that you would know, most the time, he carries on like she never existed.”

“That is so sad Xave,” she placed a light kiss on his chest.

“She was my baby sister, you know? I loved her, still love her. We fought like cats and dogs.” They both laughed quietly at that. “But what brother and sister don't?”

“Sounds like you were pretty close.”

“Yeah, I think we were. She was only three years younger than me. I taught her how to drive. Took her out to her first night club,” he exhaled a sigh. “Y'know, this is the most I’ve talked about her in years. I think about her every day.”

Asha propped herself up on her elbow and looked into Xavier's eyes. “Thank you, for sharing

with me.”

“Thank you for letting me,” he reached up and planted a soft kiss on her lips, then pulled back and ran a finger down the side of her face. “You really are a beautiful person Ashy-girl. Inside and out.”

Chapter 12

ASHA TOOK A FEW DAYS off work to recuperate.  She felt she could work, but Maria had insisted. Once upon a time, she would have loathed taking time off. Now with Xavier around and their usual schedules not coinciding, she chose to make the most of her free time.

Xavier's days were quiet, especially early in the week, so they took some long rides. To the beach one day, even though it was far too cold to swim, they still enjoyed a cuddle watching the waves rolling in. They stopped off at a nice little cafe for lunch and watched the word go by. They rode around the city another day, Xavier showing Asha all his favourite places. She was really growing to enjoy riding with Xavier. When they weren’t out riding around, they spent long hours, relaxing and watching movies. They discovered they both loved the old Back to the Future movies and enjoyed them over popcorn and cuddles on the couch. Asha had a hard time remembering when life had ever been this good. She was sure it had not been since her dad died.

Thursday came around too fast and it was time to go back to work. Xavier had worked the night before, so she woke up alone. He had offered again, to drive her to work. It was so very cold in the mornings now, if he had a car she may have accepted his offer, but the thought of climbing on the bike in this freezing weather was not so enticing.

The day went along like any other. Maria called her into her office and spent some time explaining her son's addiction to methamphetamines and the struggles she had gone through with him in recent years. She apologised profusely for what had happened and promised it would never happen again. Asha assured Maria she wasn't angry with Dylan, she understood Maria's frustrations at the system that seemed to be letting her son down.

***

Thursday and Friday were busy, catching up with a week's worth of work. Asha found herself distracted spending a lot of her time thinking about Xavier. She had not seen him for two days, due to their work hours. Every night he would text her good-night. It had become something she really looked forward too.

Her last patient for the week was Kathryn. Kathryn had responded really well to her treatment and had made an appointment to tell her the news that her lymphoma had gone into remission.  Asha was delighted, Kathryn seemed like such a lovely lady. It really made her day to hear such wonderful news.

By the time she left it was already late, Asha was feeling on top of the world. It had been a good day and now it was the weekend and she would get to spend some time with Xavier tomorrow. She pulled her phone from her purse and was about to text Xavier when a cab pulled up in front of the centre. On a whim, she decided to drop by the club and share her news with him of her happy day.

***

Xavier was nowhere to be seen when she arrived at the club. It was still quiet, tonight’s band was setting up their equipment and completing sound checks, on the stage.

“Is Xavier around?” she called out to one of the bartenders she recognised.

“Yep, he's out the back, in his office I think,” came the reply. “I'm sure he won't mind if you go straight through.”

She knew her way of course, so she walked in behind the bar and headed down the corridor to Xavier's office. The door was ajar and she could hear voices, so figuring he was on the phone and not wanting to disturb him with a knock, she gently pushed the door in. What she saw stopped her dead in her tracks. The smile she had been wearing was quickly wiped from her face when she saw Xavier, sitting in his office chair with Emma, the blonde barmaid, leaning over him, her face next to his face and his hand on her hip.

Momentarily stunned Asha just stood in the doorway, her mouth went dry and heart rate picked up. She was sure her eyes were bulging out of her head. Within seconds, she regained her composure, spun on her heel and ran, as fast as she could. Down the hall, heading to the bar, she had to get out of there.

“Asha,” she could hear Xavier calling behind her.

She didn't stop. How could she have been so stupid? She ran into the bar, almost bowling over the bartender from earlier. He grabbed her by the elbow to steady her.

“Sorry,” she managed to mutter and kept going. Her heart was pounding in her head. She had never felt so humiliated in all her life.

“Asha,” Xavier's voice was getting louder, angrier.

How dare he be angry! She burst through the front doors out into the night. Gulping in lungfuls of fresh air, she leant against the wall. Tears threatening in her eyes.

“Asha,” he was there, right in front of her.

Why had she not kept running? His hands were on her elbows. She shrugged them off.

“Asha...baby, it's not what it looked like.”

Asha scoffed, “oh how very cliché Xavier.”

“No honey, it’s true, you have to give me a moment to explain.”

“A what?” Asha yelled. “And why should I?”

“Honest to God Ashy-girl,” he sighed. “She had just leant over me when you walked in.”

“You had your hand on her hip Xavier.”

“I was trying to hold her back.”

“Huh... you expect me to believe that?”

“I have no reason to lie to you, Ash.”

Asha walked away toward the road, spinning back to him she said. “No, no your right. You don’t have to lie to me, you don't have to explain. You can do whatever you want. Silly me, I thought we had something going on here.” She waved her hand between the two of them. “But apparently I was mistaken. I knew I should never have gotten involved with someone.”

“Asha listen to me,” he pleaded.

Asha was not interested in listening to what he had to say, he had lied and cheated and she had been such a fool. As she walked away, Xavier chased after her grabbing her by the elbow and spinning her around abruptly to face him.

“You don't get to just walk away without me explaining what that was all about.” His teeth clenched, his eyes boring into hers. “Emma and I went out, one time. We were together one time. Before you and I were even together Ash.”

“I know, I saw you with her at the restaurant remember?”

“Yeah I do remember, I also remember I asked you out that night, and you knocked me back. It was before we were even together and she has chased me ever since.”

“Well I wonder why that would be?” she huffed, rolling her eyes. “Why wouldn't Emma be chasing after you Xavier, obviously she thinks you have something going on.”

“I have not led her on at all,” he exhaled, dropping his hands to his sides. “I made it clear to her right from the start that, I was not interested in pursuing anything with her. I should never have gone home with her. I realise that now. You have to believe me, baby, I don't want to be with her, I only want you.” He ran his fingers down the side of her face.

Why did he have to do that? She was like putty in his hands whenever he did that. She knew she was being irrational, she had no place to be angry with him for being with someone before her. He had a compelling explanation. She let her shoulders relax a little.

“Really? Cause, I won't be used and treated like an idiot Xave.”

“Really Asha, honest. I'm sorry you had to walk in on that. It's the first time she has gotten that close and I was trying to hold her back when you walked in. I've told her I'm with you and I'm not interested. She doesn't like it and she is threatening me with sexual harassment if I fire her. I have to tread carefully. I can't afford that, but you have to believe me. I know I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry, the last thing in the world I want to do is upset you.”

Asha shook her head. “I don't know...I have never felt so humiliated Xave. Walking in and seeing her all over you like that.”

“Come here baby,” he cooed, pulling her into his arms. “I'm sorry, I am so sorry baby, you have to believe me.”

After a while, he pulled back and looked down into her eyes.

“Are we okay?”

Asha nodded her head slowly.

“C'mon lets go have a drink,” Xavier wrapped his arm around her waist and directed her back to towards the club.

Chapter 13

ASHA LAID BACK ON THE picnic blanket with Xavier. It was a warm afternoon for this time of year. They had taken off their jackets, she was wearing a tank-top and Xavier wore a dark grey t-shirt. Laying on their backs looking up to the trees hanging above, little purple flowers floated down towards them. Their bellies were full after the picnic lunch that she had prepared. It was not much, just some ham and salad rolls. She was not much of a cook, but she could manage to put some rolls together.

“It's a gorgeous day isn't it?” Asha sighed.

“Sure is,” Xavier agreed. “I love these sorts of days.”

Asha rolled to her tummy and propped herself up on her elbows so she was looking down at Xavier’s face. He looked so relaxed, his arms crossed and folded under his head. His features so soft in his relaxed state.

“Have you ever been in love Xavier?”

Xavier's brow furrowed a little, he looked as if he was contemplating her question. Finally, he opened his eyes, those beautiful green eyes, she could get lost in.

Suddenly she felt awkward and wished she could take back what she'd said. “You don't have to tell me, it’s none of my business really. Sorry.”

“No it's okay, I guess it's not a question anyone has ever asked me before. Um well, I guess I...” he stammered, as though he was still mulling the question over as he spoke.

“Sorry, it was stupid of me to ask,” Asha interjected.

“Hey,” Xavier soothed, releasing one arm from under his head and running his hand down the side of her face. “Don't be sorry, nothing you ask is stupid, I just had to think about it. I guess that kinda answers the question right there doesn't it?”

Asha shrugged.

“I mean I have been in relationships with girls, who I have told that I loved because I felt that it was expected of me. You know some girls are like...oh I love you, I love you' after a couple dates and what are you to say?”

“So you lied to make them feel better?”

“I guess...I mean I haven’t always meant to lie to them. Not that there have been that many,” he chuckled. “I have had feelings for some of the girls I've been out with, I'm not a monster.”

Asha laughed nervously, she wished again she hadn't started this conversation.

“I guess what I mean is, I've never felt that whole feeling of being in love with someone, do you know what I mean?”

“Yeah I know what you mean,” Asha nodded.

“What about you? Have you ever been in love Ash?”

“Nah, not really. There was one guy, when I was about sixteen, that I thought I was in love with. In hindsight, I think I was just caught up in the attention he gave me. He was an ass,” she laughed bitterly. “But honestly I’ve never really found, my one true love I guess.”

“Do you think you ever will?” he asked with a mischievous grin.

Asha rolled over onto her back and looked back up at the tree, swaying in the gentle breeze that had started to pick-up. Pondering Xavier's question. If she were to be completely honest, she thought that right now, this was the closest she might have ever come to really falling in love with someone. But she wasn't ready to be that honest with herself, let alone Xavier.

“I don't know,” she sighed. “For the last ten years or so, I’ve been so busy concentrating on my career. I really haven’t had time for romantic relationships.”

“You make that sound so clinical,” Xavier laughed.

“Occupational hazard I guess,” Asha giggled. “I always thought one day, I'd get married and have kids. I don't suppose I'm too old yet.”

“Old granny over here,” Xavier teased, leaning over he gave her ribs a tickle and she laughed.

When she caught her breath again, Asha very seriously said, “I do know one thing.”

“Hmm...what’s that?”

“I would never want anyone to tell me that they love me if they don't. I'd rather not hear it at all, than for someone to just say it and not mean it.”

Xavier nodded in understanding, and then laid back on the blanket, pulling her to him, she rested her face on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, she draped an arm over his stomach and sighed.

So relaxed.

They lay there in silence just enjoying the peace in each other's arms.

“Well, we better be heading back I suppose,” Xavier announced after a while. Getting to his feet and putting his hand out to Asha, pulling her to her feet as well.

“You ok?” he asked putting a hand to her back to steady her.

“Yeah I'm good,” she smiled up at him. “A little sleepy is all. Not used to relaxing so much.”

They walked hand-in-hand back to the bike.

“So my mum asked if you would like to come over for dinner tomorrow night,” Xavier announced.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really”

“Wouldn't that be a little weird?”

“Well it's not like you don't know my parents,” Xavier huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah I know, but only as patients...I uh, um, don't usually get invited to their house for a meal.”