Colters' Gift (7 page)

“He never was affectionate with me,” she whispered. “I hated that. I hated what I became. I’ve always been a demonstrative person, and he took that away. He hated for me to touch him.”

Noah’s lips tightened as he met Liam’s surly gaze across the table. God, he wanted to kick Joel Knight’s ass. Men like him didn’t deserve to breathe.

Carefully he pulled Lauren away and pushed the hair from her face.

“You can touch me anytime you feel like it, sweetheart. I guarantee I won’t complain. And you can bet that I’m going to want to touch you often. I won’t be able to resist.”

“Come here, Lauren,” Liam said.

Noah kissed her temple and then helped her to her feet so she could walk around the table to Liam.

Liam opened his arms and she went willingly, and soon Liam had her nestled on his lap, his arms snugly around her. She cuddled into his embrace like a kitten seeking warmth, and Noah realized that what she needed most was comfort. She was starved for the things that most people took for granted. Affection. Tenderness.

Love.

“Anytime you want a hug, you come to me,” Liam said gruffly. “I’d happily spend all damn night holding you.”

“I’ll make mistakes,” Lauren said painfully. “I don’t know how to have a normal relationship, but I want to learn.”

“We’re going to make mistakes too, Lauren. We’ll just be patient with each other,” Noah said.

She straightened in Liam’s lap and looked directly into Noah’s eyes, her expression fierce and determined.

“I want this,” she said in a rush, almost as if she’d been afraid to admit it before. “I want it more than I can say. I’m just so afraid of screwing up.”

Noah’s heart melted. If there had been any lingering doubt on his part about the viability of entering a relationship that involved sharing a woman with his best friend, it was swiftly removed as he stared into Lauren’s eyes.

She was starkly vulnerable. She was afraid and she was still beaten down by a man whose hold on her had yet to be fully broken. But he saw hope in her eyes. He saw fierce determination to make things work between the three of them.

If she could take such a huge step and put her trust in him and Liam, then he could certainly do the same.

It was time to stop overthinking all the what-ifs and maybes and focus on the only thing he could control. His contribution.

“I want this too,” Noah said honestly.

There was relief in Liam’s eyes, and his hold tightened around Lauren.

Liam’s gaze met and held with Noah’s as silent understanding passed between them.

For better or worse, they were in this together.

CHAPTER 9

W
HEN
Noah and Liam had inserted themselves into Lauren’s life—and apartment—they obviously hadn’t given a lot of thought to sleeping arrangements. The one bedroom was tiny, and Lauren had a daybed instead of a regular bed. There was barely room for the small chest of drawers she’d crammed into the room so she’d have a place for her clothing.

The men certainly weren’t going to fit on the love seat, so after much discussion, Liam went down the street to buy sleeping bags at the sporting goods store.

It was decided that one of them would sleep in the living room, and since there wasn’t room for two sleeping bags unless they moved furniture out, the other would roll out his sleeping bag on the floor directly below where Lauren slept on the daybed.

She felt guilty until she remembered that she hadn’t asked for this, and yes, they were helping her. They were protecting her. She was extremely grateful. But there was no definite timeline on how long they would need to shadow her every movement. If she knew it was only for a few days or even a week or so, she would be willing to move to a hotel or consider other accommodations, but it could be much longer. She had a job. It was a job she liked and one she couldn’t afford to lose.

Sure, Max would help her. She wouldn’t even have to ask. But it was important to her that she stand on her own two feet and stop relying on her big brother to bail her out of trouble.

He was married now. He had Callie. It wasn’t fair to saddle him with the responsibility of his younger sister when he should be focused on his new family.

The men decided to alternate nights in her bedroom, and Liam claimed the first night. Lauren felt ridiculously nervous about having him in her bedroom, but he acted as though it was an ordinary occurrence.

He paid her no attention when she went into the bathroom to change into pajamas, brush her teeth and brush her hair. She spent longer than necessary and then realized he or Noah would likely need to use the bathroom before they went to bed.

But when she reentered her bedroom, Liam was already in his sleeping bag, one of the cushions from the couch tucked underneath his head.

At first she thought he was already asleep, but when she turned off the light and began to make her way toward the bed, he said, “Be careful. Don’t fall.”

She stepped over him and then crawled onto the bed. He’d pulled back the covers for her. The sweetness of the gesture made her want to hug him. It was a simple thing, but it showed his thoughtfulness and his determination to make her comfortable.

She settled underneath the covers and turned on her side, edging closer to the outside so she could peer over at Liam on the floor.

“Liam?” she called softly. “You still awake?”

“Yes, baby. You okay?”

She smiled at the soft endearment and the concern in his voice. It was nice having someone other than family care about her. It filled a void that had long been empty.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to say thank you.”

There was a rustle and movement and suddenly Liam was staring her in the eye. He’d pushed up and leaned in close until their faces were just inches apart.

“Don’t thank me for protecting someone I care about. I don’t give a damn about your brother hiring us. That’s not why we’re here. He could fire us tomorrow and we’d still be right here. With you. We aren’t going anywhere.”

She lifted her head, shifting so she could rest it in her palm, her elbow dug into the mattress.

“I wasn’t going to thank you for protecting me, though I am grateful.”

“Then what were you thanking me for?”

“For being so patient and understanding. For knowing all the right things to say to ease my fears. I know they’re irrational, but you never got annoyed. I’m still taking it all in. That you and Noah both care about me when I was already struggling to understand the feelings I had for both of you.”

Liam got to his knees and propped his arms on the mattress just in front of her. He rested his chin so their noses were nearly touching, and then he pushed forward, the barest of inches, and brushed his lips across hers.

She could barely make out in the dim light that shone from the streetlights through her window that Liam was shirtless. She wished there were more light, because she wanted to see if he had more tattoos or how far up his arms the sleeves extended.

Who was she kidding? She just wanted to see his body. Wanted to touch him. He stirred feelings of desire that she’d sworn she’d never feel for a man again.

He kissed her again and smoothed a hand over her face.

“I love the feel of your skin,” he said. “I could keep touching you forever. I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of it.”

She gathered her courage and held it tightly to her. Joel had taught her that rejection was pain. It was humiliation. It meant feeling completely alone. He’d rejected her advances at every turn until she’d numbly fallen into the robotic routine of only doing what pleased him and never acting spontaneously. Did she dare risk being rejected by Liam?

She closed her eyes, her pulse accelerating. It was such a simple thing and yet she was terrified that he’d back away.

“Hey, are you okay?” Liam asked. “You just went incredibly tense. You know I’m not going to hurt you, don’t you?”

“I know,” she whispered. “I was going to . . .” She swallowed hard. “I was going to ask you . . .”

He trailed a finger down her cheek and then back up again. “What do you want to ask me, baby?”

Bracing herself for crushing disappointment, she held her breath and voiced her request.

“I was going to ask if you’d hold me. There’s enough room,” she hastily added before he could respond. “And I understand if you’d rather stay where you are. I know the bed is small—”

He hushed her with a deep, hungry kiss. His mouth covered hers and for a long moment, there was complete silence. Only the light sounds of his tongue, moving hot over hers. The harsh exhalation of breaths. And then he pulled away, his chest heaving audibly.

He didn’t issue a response. Didn’t say a single thing. He simply rose and then lifted her into his arms. Then he maneuvered his way onto the bed and settled her in the crook of his arm between him and the wall. They were both on their sides, pressed tight against each other. She wondered if he had any room or if he was on the very edge of the bed.

And then she realized she didn’t care. She was in his arms.

Nothing had ever felt so right. So perfect.

Peace settled over her as he cuddled her closer, fitting their bodies together. He reached down to pull the covers over the both of them, and then he hooked one leg over hers.

He was just wearing boxers. And she could feel his erection against her leg. She should feel trapped. He was wrapped completely around her. But what she felt was safe.

“Better?” he asked.

“Better,” she agreed, nuzzling closer still.

She could smell him, loved the sensation of his chest against her chin and lips. She inserted her hand between them and smoothed from his belly upward to his chest and then upward over his shoulder.

His muscles quivered and jumped beneath her touch. She just wanted to soak him in. Savor this moment and the closeness between them.

He rubbed his hand up and down her back, and then he slipped his hand underneath the hem of her pajama top and slid his palm over her bare back.

She shivered in reaction and closed her eyes. She was very nearly lulled to sleep when his chest rumbled and his words broke the silence.

“Lauren, how badly did he hurt you?” he asked softly.

She stiffened but he kept rubbing her back and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“He can’t hurt you, baby. You’re here with me, in my arms. I’m wrapped around you, and to get to you, someone has to go through me. I’m a mean son of a bitch when I’m riled. No one’s going to fuck with me.”

“Why is it important to know?” she asked, her throat closing in as she remembered that last night when her world had been shattered. Her faith. Her belief in Joel. He’d become real to her then. No longer a fantasy she’d created in her denial. He’d hurt her. But sometimes she wondered if he hadn’t done her a favor by losing control. If he hadn’t would she still be under his thumb? Would she still be trying to please him by losing more of herself every single day?

“Because you’ve never told anyone. Or at least you didn’t tell Max and you didn’t tell me or Noah. You were vague and let the bruises do most of the talking for you. You let us draw our own conclusions about what happened, but you’ve never talked about it.”

“H-he snapped,” she said falteringly. “To this day I can’t remember what made him lose his temper. He came home in a mood. I knew it and I tried my best to fade into the background. Become invisible. I knew he wouldn’t want me in the way. I remember going into the kitchen. I was nervous and scared and I kept thinking, this is wrong. This is so wrong. Why am I with a man who terrifies me? Why am I tiptoeing around? I dropped a glass and I panicked. Had he heard it? I got the broom and a dustpan but when I turned around to clean it up, he was there.”

She was shaking against Liam. Cold. She no longer felt warm and safe. She was back in that cold, sterile environment that had suddenly erupted in violence.

“He dragged me into the bedroom, shoved me face down on the bed. I remember his hand in my hair and his knee in my back and the sound of his zipper.”

“Oh God, baby,” Liam said as he hugged her tighter to him.

“I always wore dresses or skirts. He liked thin, feminine material. He liked easy access. He shoved up my dress, yanked my underwear down, and then he was on top of me. I-inside me. Oh God, I hated it, Liam. I hated him.”

Liam rocked her back and forth, his body so rigid that there was absolutely no give in him.

“That son of a bitch.”

Lauren yanked away from Liam and scrambled up as she heard Noah’s explosive outburst from the doorway of the bedroom.

“Goddamn it, Noah!” Liam bit out. “You scared her to death. What the fuck, man?”

“Is it all right if I turn on the bathroom light, Lauren?” Noah asked, his voice still tight.

“Y-yes,” she stammered out.

A moment later, light poured into the bedroom, illuminating the bed where Liam lay and she sat, her knees hunched to her chest and her back against the wall.

She glanced warily at Noah, who stood at the end of the bed. Her bedroom was getting crowded with three people. It was hard to breathe. Her chest felt tight and constricted.

Liam pushed himself upward into a sitting position, and it was then she saw the tattoos that swirled over his shoulders and to his chest. She’d been right. He had more than just the ones on his arms.

“Lauren?” Noah asked softly.

She glanced back up at him.

He sat on the very end of the bed, and she wondered if the bed would bear up under the weight of all three of them.

“Come here, sweetheart.”

She flew into his arms and wrapped hers around his neck. He held her tightly for what seemed like forever. Just holding her. He buried his face in her hair and smoothed his hand up and down her back much like Liam had done.

“I’m sorry if I startled you,” he said against her hair. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I got up to come to the bathroom and I heard you and Liam talking. I heard what that bastard did to you. I couldn’t just walk away and pretend I hadn’t heard.”

“I didn’t fight him,” Lauren said in a small voice. “I was in shock. He wasn’t that rough. He was punishing me. But I wasn’t ready. I mean how could I have been? It hurt. A lot. But more than the physical pain was how violated I felt.”

“Did you want him to do that to you?” Liam asked.

“No!” she said, shocked by the question.

“Did you say no?” Liam prodded further.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I said no. I sobbed it. I begged him to stop.”

“Then goddamn it, he raped you. He forced himself on you,” Noah said fiercely. “If you said no. If you even
thought
no. If you had no power to make him stop, then how could it be anything else? You sure as hell didn’t give him your consent.”

“No one else would see it that way,” she said, tears welling in her eyes.

“I don’t give a fuck how anyone else sees it,” Noah bit out. “He took the choice from you, Lauren. He had absolute power over you. He held you down and forced you to have sex with him. How can that be anything but rape? And worse, he made you believe you deserved it.”

“I don’t like it that way,” she said, her voice cracking.

“What way, baby?” Liam asked gently.

“It was the way he always had sex with me. He held me facedown and he took me from behind. I hate it. I feel so helpless.”

Noah found her lips and kissed her. It wasn’t an overwhelming kiss meant to dazzle her senses or overcome her with passion. It was a tender, sweet kiss that she felt all the way to her soul.

He framed her face in his hands and pulled away so she was forced to look into his eyes.

“When the time comes that you’re ready to make love to us, we will do nothing that frightens you or makes you uncomfortable. We’re not to that point yet. Yes, we want to hold you. Touch you. Kiss you as many times as we can get away with it. But making love is a big step and it’s not one we need to take before you have absolute trust in the fact that we’re not going to hurt you. But you know what? It’ll come. Maybe not next week or next month. But we’ll get there and I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes you to heal from what that bastard did to your confidence and your heart and your mind.”