Command Performance (27 page)

Mason didn’t care. She’d hurt him one too many times for him to feel any sympathy for her. “Miri and I belong together,” he said as a parting shot. “And nothing you do is ever going to change that fact.”

Leaving Mason hurt like hell, but it also felt like a weight lifting off her. She didn’t have to play the game anymore, didn’t have to put on the show. She turned back into Miri Durand, former child star living in obscurity. She understood now it was better than living in the shadow of Mason’s fame, wanting something she could never have, something that wasn’t realistic. She missed him, but the haze of sex and longing soon cleared from her brain and the reality became clear. They would never, ever have worked out, never made it beyond the typical two-year duration of a Hollywood marriage.

Now she was back to living at home with her father, who still grumbled about Mason, about depravity and sin and her ruined career. Even so, he cashed the checks Mason sent in the mail. She wished he would stop trying to support them. With the mortgage taken care of and Grammy’s bills paid, they could squeak by on her residuals until she set up some new jobs. Miri would wait a while, until the breakup coverage died down, and then she’d start auditioning on her own merits, not the fact that she was the lesser half of Mason Cooke.

In the meantime, Miri killed time painting the stained walls of her dad’s house, reclaiming the overgrown yard, putting up wallpaper in the bathrooms. She tried to go through her dad’s things and unclutter the worst areas of the house. She went through Maddy’s old belongings and had screaming fights with her father over letting it go. She ran out of energy when it came to her mother’s things. She felt the exhausting weight of depression dragging her down, but she pushed through. The media barrage burned out, mostly because Miri didn’t participate in it. She asked Mason to stop calling, and when he didn’t, sent his calls to voicemail in self-preservation. He finally gave up.

Christmas came and went, along with a lonely New Years. She cried on the day that would have been their wedding day, but at the same time, she felt relief. It was over. She put his ring in a small velvet pouch in her bottom drawer, next to her narrow black collar and the framed photo of them at the Golden Globes, burying her mistakes under old workout clothes and underwear. Out of sight, out of mind. Mostly. Then Jeremy and Nell stopped by her dad’s house out of the blue.

“Sorry we didn’t call first,” said Nell, taking her hand. “We were afraid you’d tell us not to come.”

“I probably would have,” said Miri, but she let them in anyway. Seeing the two elegant, famous people in her shabby home just validated the reasons she’d broken up with him.
You don’t belong. You’ll never belong in Mason’s world.

Nell sat next to Miri on the couch, making small talk before she launched into the purpose of their visit. “We’ve been worried about you,” she said, taking her friend’s hand. “Why don’t you visit? I miss our tea talks so much.”

Jeremy leaned forward in her dad’s recliner, concern etched into his features. “We’re sorry about the way things went down between you and Mason.”

Miri shook her head. “You shouldn’t feel sorry. It wasn’t your fault. It was my fault for agreeing to marry him for...I don’t know. All the wrong reasons. I was so immature.”

Nell took a deep breath. “It was partly our fault. A
lot
our fault. See, it was our idea, the two of you. The whole PR thing. Me and Jeremy and Kai and Constance all hatched this scheme to help him, but we never meant to hurt you. Not one of us set out to hurt you, Mason most of all. The thing about Mason...” She paused a moment, biting her lip. “The thing about Mason is he means so well. But he’s kind of like a bull in a china shop most of the time. He’s so generous and funny, but somehow he ends up...”

“Reeling around and breaking vases,” Jeremy said.

“Yes, he ends up making a mess of things because he’s kind of impulsive sometimes like...”

“Like a bull in a china shop.”

Nell shot an exasperated look at her husband. “Yes.” She turned back to Miri. “What you have to understand is that we’re the ones who put him up to all this. It was our idea for Mason to find a nice girl to reform his image.”

“It was
your
idea,” Jeremy interjected.

“Well, you went along with it right away. In fact, you were the one who said—”

“I was the one who told him he should just be honest. Lay it on the line for her. You and Constance were the ones who said that wasn’t romantic enough.”

“Mason is a romantic guy! He can’t be as cold and calculated as you.”

“Oh, I’m cold and calculated.” Jeremy chuckled. “Like I said, this was your idea in the first place, this whole save-Mason’s-reputation business.”

Nell put her hands on her hips. “I wouldn’t be so holier-than-thou if I were you. Your solution was for him to fly to France and get an odalisque.”

Miri held up her hand, although it was fascinating to watch one of Hollywood’s most-loved couples squabbling in her father’s living room. “Really, neither one of us was honest in the beginning. I had ulterior motives too. I thought I could ride Mason’s coattails, but I found out the biz really doesn’t work that way. It all just...didn’t work. Thanks for your concern, but I’ve accepted the fact that we’re pretty toxic to one another.”

They looked at her. There was an uncomfortable silence. Then Jeremy asked, “Toxic to each other, or toxic to each other’s career?”

Miri sighed. “Does it matter?”

“It might.” He rubbed his chin and held her gaze. “Famous people can be pretty schizophrenic. Some of them manage to hold it together, but most develop two compartments for their lives. The fame one and the real one. Sometimes the two sides get confused. Tangled up. It happens a lot.”

Nell nodded. “Fame makes everything harder in a relationship. You wouldn’t believe the crap me and Jeremy did to each other when we were starting out together.” She cut her eyes at her husband. “Well, mostly the crap Jeremy did to me.”

Miri recalled a few garish headlines. “Didn’t you shoot your assistant in a jealous rage over her or something?”

“Not exactly,” Jeremy drawled.

“That was all a big misunderstanding,” Nell said. “See, there was this crazy stalker woman, and she was holding me at gunpoint—” At the look on Miri’s face, Nell clamped her mouth shut and waved a hand. “It’s a long story. Anyway, Jeremy didn’t shoot Kyle. Jeremy wasn’t even there at the time. He and Kyle are best friends to this day.”

Jeremy nodded. “We visit him and his wife and daughter in Texas at least once a year.”

“The media misrepresents everything,” said Nell, “but the truth is still there, and the only people who need to know it are the people in the relationship. And I think—truly—that Mason loves you, and he misses you. I think he
needs
you. That’s the most important thing. None of the rest of it matters.”

“If he loves me, if he needs me, why—” Miri looked down, twisting her hands. “Why would he want to be with other people? I mean...sexually?”

Jeremy and Nell exchanged a long look. “That’s probably our fault too,” he said. “Nell and I are such perverts. We assume everyone will enjoy swinging the way we do. To us it’s fun, not cheating.”

Nell nodded in agreement with her husband. “We could see Mason really liked you, and he told Jeremy you were getting into the lifestyle together, that you liked exchanging power. So we planned this birthday party to get to know you better. We thought it might bring the two of you closer. You know, to meet all his friends.”

“And have sex with them,” Jeremy added ruefully. “Maybe we got a little ahead of ourselves. Sorry about that.”

Miri flushed, remembering her time in the odella with the handsome, charismatic man. “It’s okay. I just...” She stared at the floor, not knowing what to say.

“God, we suck.” Nell screwed her eyes shut, then opened them and clutched Miri’s hand. “We won’t interfere again in your and Mason’s business. You get enough interference from everyone else. The things Jess told you, about his first wife, about Constance? Really, Miri, there’s a lot more to the story. Everything is so complicated, but I can tell you one thing for sure. He loves you to death and he misses you. He’s waiting for you, Miri. He’s waiting for you to come back.”

“Did he send you here?”

“No,” Jeremy said. “We came because he’s our friend, and because you’re our friend. If you want to ask us anything, or ask him anything... If you want us to take him a message...”

“I’ll never go back to him,” she said quietly. “You can tell him that. I don’t want him to wait around for something that’s not going to happen.”

Jeremy and Nell left soon afterward, their faces stretched into tight, false smiles. When had she become such a cold bitch? It was a good thing. If she was ever going to get back into the business, she’d have to develop nerves of steel and a cold heart like Jessamine.

After that, Miri followed Mason’s movements casually, from the covers of the tabloids and some blogs online. He’d signed on with some big director for a blockbuster project that took him overseas. It was a relief to have him so far away, and so busy, because then she had no choice but to move on.

She had to get out there again. Not relationship wise. She didn’t want another relationship, but career wise, she knew she had something to offer. If
Revelation
did well, it might bring her some work, as long as people didn’t bring up her and Mason’s romance again, especially considering the nature of their scene together.

Fuck it. Of course they would. Why was she so fucked? This was all his fault. After the sadness and frustration, she started to feel something else. Anger. Mason Cooke had pretty much ruined her life. By the time all this blew over to the point she could resume looking for work without Mason attached to her like a shadow, she’d be too old to get the best parts, and Mason would still be basking in the limelight, getting plum role after plum role. In her loneliness and isolation, anger turned to bitterness, and then something very much like hate. Miri decided she hated Mason Cooke. Everything that had gone on between them took on a sinister pall. He’d used her. He’d ruined her chances at a normal, successful life.

It was in that nadir of despair that Miri made a horrifying discovery. Goddamn St. Johns Wort. She’d sucked it up in that tea that was supposed to relax her, not realizing it altered the efficacy of birth control pills. She was pregnant, almost four months along. Getting rid of it wasn’t possible—it was her and Mason after all, and it was too late anyway.

She had no idea how to spin this or where to go next. There wasn’t a PR campaign in hell that could save her from the mess she’d made of her life. She could barely think beyond the panic that closed in on her.

She was fucked. Way beyond fucked.

*** *** ***

Satya was a beautiful bride.

Mason watched her dance at her reception, his head propped on his hands. He felt no jealousy, no regret. Her new husband, Rob, adored her and seemed to be a stand up guy. Satya wouldn’t have settled for anything less than the perfect man. Flowers blanketed the ballroom, riotous, lovely and hopeful. A multicultural array of guests celebrated while sun poured in through picture windows. There was something about a wedding in the spring.

But Mason felt desperately lonely. The cherry in his drink taunted him. Miri should have been here with him as his wife, his love. Their own wedding would have taken place back in December—that is, if she hadn’t completely cut him out of her life.

“Hey, frownypants.” Satya swept up behind him in her glittering silk sari-style wedding gown. “You promised to dance with me.”

Mason reached back and took her hand. “So I did.”

“People are usually honored to dance with the bride. They don’t, you know, scowl like that.”

Mason put on a fake smile that turned into a real smile as Satya dragged him onto the dance floor. They swayed together to a jazz tune in wordless accord. He tried—and failed—not to think about dancing with another very special woman, in another time and place. This was Satya’s time. She was glowing, so beautiful. This was the face of love and happiness. She looked the way Miri looked in those early paparazzi photos. She looked the way Miri used to look before things went all wrong.

Satya rested her head on his shoulder, just for a minute. “Thanks for being here to watch me tie the knot.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” he said, nuzzling her cheek through her filmy veil. “We go way back, you and me.”

“Any new developments since we talked?”

He shrugged and made an indeterminate sound. He didn’t want to spend Satya’s reception burdening her with his relationship problems. “Things are about the same. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” She plucked at one of the petals in his boutonniere. “I got my New Year’s wish. You need to get yours.”

“A new year has come and gone. Anyway, I’ve got plenty of happiness in my life. Probably undeserved, but nonetheless.”

“Happiness? Back at the table, you looked like you were yearning for a cyanide pill. What’s even happened to her? I haven’t seen anything in the news about her for months.”

He knew Sats would keep bringing Miri up until he satisfied her curiosity. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t heard from her either. I’m afraid that water’s under the bridge.”

“So build a new bridge.”

“I tried. She shut down construction.” Mason frowned, staring at the pearl and diamond necklace glittering against Satya’s bronze skin. “I don’t know what to do. You know I’m hopeless at this shit.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I do know.”

“The thing is, we got off on the wrong foot. We started dating as these personas, with this agenda. We started out with dishonesty. It poisoned everything. I thought if I waited, she’d change her mind and come back to me—”

“What is this ‘waiting’ crap you’re talking about?” Satya interrupted. “Do you love her?”

He didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”

“Then you have to act. She’s out there, you know, maybe talking to some guy at the gym. At the mall, at the deli counter. A young, handsome guy with more game than you. Did you ever think about what happens if she falls in love with someone else?”