Confessions Of A Vampire (23 page)

As I lost myself in the taste of him, drinking hungrily, I raised my wrist to his lips. I held back the growl when he tore into my flesh, the pull of the bond nearly knocking me off of my feet the moment my blood began to flow over his lips. His moan was all it took to lose what little control I had left. I drank with wild abandon from this demon that I loved as we completed this bond that would join us for eternity.

Sev's hand tangled in my hair, pulling my fangs from his neck, the blood dripping down his chest as he captured my lips in a hungry kiss. I could taste the urgency in that kiss as his fingers teased my nipples. My body ached to be one with him. His hands splayed across my hips and lifted me, lowering me slowly down the length of him.

I caught his lip between my teeth and tugged gently on it as we moved together. The need was urgent but somehow we found the ability to take our time. Every ounce of love I felt for him was put into each movement. With each caress I felt how much he loved me. Our kisses were long and intense, my moans were lost in them over and over as I reached the heights of orgasm multiple times.

As we lay, a tangle of limbs and sheets, he lightly rubbed my back and I
couldn’t help but to smile when I felt how happy he was here with me
. I
could have stayed there forever with him
. My hair draped across his chest and I smiled as his heart beat against my cheek.

I wanted more than anything to tell him that I loved him but I knew that he felt it was too soon for us to even think about a relationship, so I kept it to myself. I wondered if he knew how special this bond was.
I longed to tell him that I could feel the feelings he had for me. I ached to tell him that that was what love feels like, but I knew that it would spoil the moment. So I lay there
warm and comfortable pressed against him and soon found myself drifting into downtime. Just as death was claiming me, when he thought I was no longer awake, he softly said the words I'd longed to hear, and I wasn't sure if it was real or a dream.

“
I love you,”
he said in a
whisper
that
seemed to echo in the room and I fell asleep with a smile.

“Did you ever tell him that you heard him?”

Aaron's voice
dragged
me reluctantly from the memory. I smiled sadly and shook my head. “No, I never did. I didn't want him to know that I'd heard his deepest secret.”

“You've been married all of this time and he doesn't know?”

“Nope,
some things
are better left unspoken.”

“Mrs. Severus, may I ask you something else?”

I nodded, still thinking about the night we completed our bond.

“Do you think that you can continue to live this way with your husband? Please don't be offended, but I've heard you talk about how much you love him and I see the sadness that lurks just beneath the surface. Can you really just carry on as if everything is okay?”

The hurt I'd been feeling rushed forth and I struggled to not cry. I wouldn't allow myself to show that emotion, not to a human, no matter how much I liked him.

“I love my husband a great deal, my dear. I can forgive him just about anything.”

“And your children? How do you explain to them that he misses all of the important things in their lives?”

“We're not humans, Aaron. They understand that their father must be gone a lot.”
I wasn’t completely sure who I was tr
ying to convince more.

He smiled and nodded, dropping the subject when he saw that I was getting defensive. He stayed another hour, but didn't once ask anything else about Severus. We parted ways with a kiss on the cheek and I promised that I'd be at his book launch party.

Chapter Thirty

And true to my word, three months later, I was there. I stepped out of the black town car and ducked into the hotel conference room where the launch was being held. I stopped at a table filled with books and chuckled to myself seeing the cover. Staring back at me was a model that had been made to look as closely like me as possible and a man that tried his best to capture Sev's natural sexuality, but didn't even come close.

I ran a nail over the embossed title that looked as if it were dripping blood down the paper. I looked
up when I felt him watching me, scanning the room until I found hi. Curiosity consumed me as I wondered how long he’d be there.
In an instant every available space of air around me was filled with his scent and I stood still as he pushed through the crowd towards me. His lips were warm on my cheek and his hand rested familiarly on my lower back.

I was thrilled that he'd shown up and couldn't stop smiling. All eyes were on us as if they couldn't tear themselves away as he kissed me. I was curious as to how many of them would be shocked to know that we were the couple in the book. I'd gone all out to look different than the description Aaron had written that was so accurate it scared me.

I stood there in a blonde wig, dressed more like the old version of myself than the current. The silver A-line dress hit just above my knee and the Jimmy Choos were high enough to put me almost eye level with my husband. I'd worn the emerald earrings he'd given me the night we bonded and I smiled as he touched them lovingly.

He led me through the crowd and we managed to find Aaron surrounded by literary agents and publishers. Seeing us, he excused himself an
d hugged me close, lingering just
a moment
too long
. Severus and Aaron exchanged polite hellos and
the three of us
made small talk. Aaron wanted to introduce me as the inspiration for his book but I shook my head, explaining how this wasn't about the inspiration but
about
the man that put the words to the page and created a masterpiece. Of course, he tried to talk me into
it
, but my husband came to my rescue and agreed that we should avoid drawing attention to the fact that we were the only non-humans in the room. We excused ourselves then to let the young human enjoy the fruits of his labor. For once in my existence I was happy that I wasn't the center of attention. We stayed a few hours, chatting with the breathers gathered to celebrate Aaron's accomplishment and made up crazy lies when they asked what we did for a living.

By the time we'd left, Severus and I were giggling at how gullible all human beings were. He opened the car door for me and I slipped inside, kicking my stilettos off immediately. After giving the driver the address of a local hotel, he pulled me close and let his fingers dance across my bare leg before pulling them over his lap and massaging my feet.

We pulled up to the hotel as the rain started, both of us drenched by the time we'd gotten a room. We spent a week in that hotel. Malachi had taken his sisters
so that I could be in New York for the book launch
and
Severus and I
made good use of the time we had alone.

Two and a half weeks later, our little book, Confessions of
a
Vampire debuted on the New York
Times
Best Sellers list. As much as I'd have liked to share that moment with my husband,
but
in true Severus fashion, he was not home.

So I called Aaron and we traded congratulations and then I went back to my normal, vampire life. A life
that some
days
seemed like I’d been living for too long
, b
ut
it was
a life that I loved.

My thoughts were interrupted by the laughter of two little girls who were waiting impatiently for their momma to join them for an impromptu tea party. I hurried down the hall and turned the corner into their play room stopping dead in my tracks when I saw Severus sitting on the floor, drinking pretend tea out of a plastic Disney Princess teacup.

I suppressed my laughter and joined him on the floor, readily accepting the pretend cookie that Vivica handed me and the cup of tea that Vivienne had just poured. And in that room, on that floor, surrounded by two dark haired little girls and one extremely handsome demon, I found my fairy tale ending.

And we lived happily ever after, if only for that night.

Epilogue

I'd just finished reading that little book that I helped a human write. I wish I could tell you that in true fairy tale fashion the heroine and her Prince Charming lived happily ever after, but this is not a storybook ending. This is real life, if you can call what I live a life.

It's been four years since I gave Aaron that interview. Four years that seem to have flown by in the blink of an eye. Vivienne and Vivica are now eight years old and they look more like Severus by the second. Malachi and his boys have moved on, keeping Izzy close in their thoughts. He's remarried now and expecting a daughter in a few months. His wife, a full blooded fairy, has decided to name her Isabelle and we're all proud of her for honoring the
boys’
mother in such a way.

It's been a little over two years since I left Severus for the final time. As much as I love him, it was time to let go and move on. For more than eight centuries I searched for the man I thought would offer me everything I ever needed. What I found was a man I love
beyond all reason and who loves
me back in
the same
way. We were happy
in
the time we were together, but that time was short.

Looking back on it now, I see that the last fight we'd had was the beginning of the end for us. That fight tore us apart in ways I never imagined would happen. But I wanted so badly for him to know how I felt and he came home looking for trouble. We lasted two years after that, but it wasn't the same. We weren't the same. I needed more than he was willing to give and he expected more than I wanted to give.

As much as I wish it hadn't happened, I'm glad it did. Everything and nothing changed that night. We tried our best to carry on the charade that we were both happy but it just wasn't working. There were too many things said to ever take back. And as much as I wanted him to stay, I knew that he never would. I sometimes wondered why he'd married me if he didn't want this life but I also understood that he craved freedom, much the same way I craved him. I never for a second doubted that he loved me. I just doubted where his loyalties lay.

Severus could never put his family first. We were always an afterthought and I'm not willing to live that way. He's a wonderful father, when he's here. But those times are few and far between now. I saw so little of him the last two years of our marriage that I may as well have been al
one anyway.

We haven't divorced
.
That was my choice and his. We still love each other just as much, if not more than we did the day we married but sometimes love isn't enough to make a relationship work. It breaks my heart to this day to know that I'll never be first in his life. But that is who I married and who I love, but it doesn't mean I have to live that life. Our relationship is now on my terms. I've gained a strength I never knew I had and I'm proud of myself.

Our last night together
was filled with the love we have
for one another. We made love that night as if it were our first time together all over again. We took our time and filled each movement with the depth of our feelings for one another. We watched the sunrise together and then he
arose
from the bed and dressed.

My tears fell silently as I watched him brush his hair and button his shirt. He tied his tie with expert precision and as he shrugged into his jacket he caught my eye in the mirror and smiled sadly. We'd both known this day was coming and neither of us were in any hurry for it to dawn. As the first warm rays of sunlight spilled into the room he leaned over the bed and kissed me softly. And with a whispered I love you, he was gone
, taking my heart and soul with him
.
It was only appropriate that he did, since they’d always belonged to him.

Now, I'm living with the decisions I've made. The girls and I moved back to New York City and we have a good life. Severus pops in to see the girls and Malachi when he ca
n find the time. He regales Vivienne and Vivica
with tales of hunting for souls and the different realms he gets to visit. And it's all fun and games until he leaves again.