Confessions of a Wild Heart (18 page)

“Mama, we talked about this.”

“No,” she snapped. “You decided I wasn’t worth the extra money. That’s all you talked about. How much it’d cost. Heaven forbid we spend a little extra. When I have the money.” Wrong. She didn’t. A project that size
would
come out of Jase’s pocket. And he honestly wouldn’t mind if it was what she needed. And it wasn’t. But they’d had that conversation too.

“Mama. That’s not true,” he said, trying his best not to sigh.

“If your daddy was around, you wouldn’t have to pay for it. He’d know how to do something that damn simple, at least. Guess it’s too much heavy lifting? God, he’d be disappointed what a sissy you still are.”

Jase wasn’t able to contain his flinch. Neither could Will. “Mama,” Will scolded.

Ms. Jacklyn went to their mama’s side and tsked her. “For heaven’s sake, Judy,” Ms. Jacklyn fussed, tucking covers around their mother. After a moment, one of those painful moments where Jase’s mother—the one who’d loved him, hugged him, and protected Jase from his father’s meanness when he’d been disappointed—flickered in her eyes as she realized what she’d said. She sagged, and her eyes brimmed with tears.

Those moments were why Jase never rose to the bait. His mother hadn’t been easy on him the last several years, but she really wasn’t this person. And she was much better these days than she had been in the beginning. Even if they were few and far between, sometimes her sweet smile would come out and shine through the clouds of unhappiness she’d been shrouded in for so long.

She wiped her eyes. “Oh, Jason. I’m-I’m sorry.” Jase unclenched his jaw. He didn’t want to be an ass. He couldn’t. She wasn’t well. This wasn’t all her fault. Didn’t make that particular word from her sweet mouth hurt any fucking less.

“Think nothing of it,” he said. He gave Ms. Jacklyn his attention, looking between them so as not to make his mother think he was being patronizing. He did his damnedest not to make it seem like he was making decisions for her. “You’re just tired. Too much company? I just wanted to say hello and check in. I’ll leave you to it for a nap.” Ms. Jacklyn and his mama nodded.

“A nap does sound like a good idea. I can get dinner started while you have a lie down, Judy.”

Ms. Jacklyn and Will helped her to standing, and she gave Will a hug. Holding Ms. Jacklyn’s arm, she hobbled toward the door. Jase was sad for her, hated seeing her so unwell. She’d always been a vital, physical woman. She’d been as fierce on horseback as any of their ranch hands. He could only imagine how she must feel. It was such a strange juxtaposition, his sympathy for his unwell mother, the love for the mother who’d cared for him so long, coupled with the urge to rail at the unfairness of how she’d sided with his father and not talked to him when he’d moved away, hurt him with words that, though said in sickness now, he feared were actually hidden in her subconscious all along.

She stopped on her way out the door, turning to him, and placed a kiss on his cheek. She smelled like the sterile hospital, the musk of sickness, and ointments to keep bedsores at bay. But she still had that underlying scent of magnolias and peppermints that took Jase back to a million other hugs and kisses on the cheek from his childhood.

“Sleep good, Mama.”

She clasped his hand. “You too, baby.” She looked so ashamed of herself; Jase was surprised. But she’d also never, ever uttered that word. He was glad to see she hadn’t completely lost herself to the Cantankerous Old Lady routine.

Chapter 15

“THAT was… damn,” Will said, once the ladies left the room.

Jase sighed. “Yeah.” And he hated how much it smarted. She hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t. But it immediately made him think of being on his knees in front of Ase, doing his best not to let himself get lost in what his daddy would think of him for it.

“Should we put in the lift? If it’ll make her happy?”

Jase gave Will his attention. “Her physio guy said no. He wants her using the stairs as much as possible now that she’s so mobile.”

“You sure it’s not the money?”

Jase scowled. “No, William. It’s not the damn money. I told you, if it was necessary I could cover it. I wasn’t bullshitting. I just think, unless the doc says to give in, I should keep her on track. She’s supposedly doing really well. If giving in to her shitty moods sets her back, she won’t thank us for it any more than she’ll thank us for putting in that lift.”

Will smiled. “Yeah. I can hear her now. It don’t match the walls, it don’t sit right, it don’t leave room for people to get up the stairs.”

Jase snorted. “Among other complaints.”

“Y’all stop gossipin’ about your mama in her own living room,” Ms. Jacklyn said, with no heat to the words.

“We’ve been doing it since we were old enough to talk. Why stop now?” Will teased. Ms. Jacklyn shook her head, but was smiling as she picked up Ensure bottles and tissues their mama had managed to collect on the table beside her chair.

Just then they all looked out the window at the motorcycle coming up the drive. Jase felt a buzzing down to his toes, recognizing the sound of Matilda II before he even saw the blue and black body of the BMW. She didn’t growl like a Harley, but she definitely didn’t sound like a car.

“Hot damn, that’s a beauty,” Will said. Jase felt proud for Ase, knowing he’d love to hear the compliment.

“Yes, he is,” Ms. Jacklyn said. Jase choked at that. But he couldn’t deny the truth of it. Ase’d come off the bike, hanging his helmet on one handlebar, and unfolded his long, lean body like a graceful cat as he removed his jacket and stretched his legs. His black, sleeveless shirt showed off his well-toned, tattooed arms. Jase could only wonder from Will’s expression what he thought of the olive-skinned tattooed guy who’d ridden up on a motorcycle in skinny jeans. Of course, when he narrowed his eyes at Jase, he didn’t have to wonder long.

“Friend of yours?” Will asked. Jase nodded, watching Ase pull out his cell phone and take a call.

“Yeah. Ase. He’s a doctor over at University.”

“That so?” Will asked. His tone wasn’t exactly unfriendly. Jase hated thinking that, since his brother was the only one in his family who knew Jase liked guys too, and he was sizing up Jase next to Ase’s six-foot frame, what conclusions Will might be coming to.
What’s it matter? They’re right. And that doesn’t bother you when you’re
with
Ase.
Hell, he wouldn’t mind being under the man right then.

Feeling too bare under his brother’s scrutiny, too raw from his mother’s words earlier, he started walking toward the door. “I’ll holler at you later. Promised him I’d show him the old Ghost Town.”

He didn’t wait for Will’s reply. As he drew closer to Ase, he saw the man was frowning as he spoke rapid-fire Spanish into his phone. Jase could only gather Ase was speaking to his mother.

Ase caught sight of Jase walking up and after a few more words, ended the call. “Seems it’s a day for mommy problems,” Jase said.

“Ah, you too?”

Jase grimaced. “Something like that. Mostly just her moods get a bit off.”

“That’s common with—”

“Stroke victims. I know.”

“And I know it’s hard to be patient,” Ase said, putting a hand on Jase’s shoulder. His sympathetic expression and sad smile were nothing more than companionable, but Jase couldn’t help sneaking a look over his shoulder, feeling his brother’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

Ase pulled his hand away, his expression unreadable.

“Sorry,” Jase said, quietly. Ase waved him off. “Ready to go?” Jase tried to salvage the afternoon. He’d been dying to see Ase.

Ase studied him carefully. “Is there a paved road to this place? Or do we have to go through your property?”

Jase frowned thoughtfully. “Well, it’s only about two miles back if you cut through on the dirt road we got on Emery Pines. But yeah, there’s a paved way. Adds about eight miles and goes way around on the backside of the government reserve.”

“It’s a park? We’re allowed back there?”

“Oh, yeah. Why?”

Ase held out his helmet. “Hop on.”

“Wait. What?”

“You’ll thank me. Nothing like a ride to clear the mind.” He leaned in and gruffly said, “Having the power between your legs and in your balls doesn’t hurt, either.”

Jase didn’t think Ase meant the words to be as flirty as they’d sounded; they’d definitely been on the resuming-our-old-friendship track rather than the dating track. But the words went right to his dick anyway.

“W-want me to grab the food?”

Ase smirked at Jase’s stutter, earning a glare from Jase. “You did that on purpose.”

“Got our minds off our
mamis,
didn’t it?”

Jase chuckled. “That it did.”

“Now, hop on,” Ase said, throwing one of his long legs over the bike. He’d rolled up his jacket and put it in his saddlebag, so Jase was totally screwed when he was straddling the bike, arms wrapped around Ase’s torso with just their two shirts separating them. He could feel the warmth radiating off Ase’s body, smell his familiar, arousing scent.

Damn.

Jase was hard from the moment the bike was turned on and they started down the road. But Ase had been right. Between the power rumbling between his legs, his hard-on close to that perfect body, the smell of Ase, and the wind whipping around him as they flew down the road, Jase was carefree for a few minutes.

He helped direct Ase around to the Ghost Town but they were both mostly silent until they got there. When Ase parked in the dirt lot Jase directed him to, they both came off the bike. Jase loved how his legs still tingled from the ride. Ase took the helmet from him.

“The bike safe here?”

“Oh, yeah,” Jase said. “No one comes out this way.”

“We’re here,” Jase retorted, flatly.

“You’re an ass, Ramirez,” Jase said with an equally dry tone.

Ase turned his well-shaped ass Jase’s way and looked over his shoulder as he rubbed it through his black denim. “It’s a nice ass,
gringo
. Don’t forget it.”

“You really gotta get more original than
gringo
.”

“I can’t help you’re so white,
hombre
.”

“Because that’s more original.”

“Give me time. I’ll come up with something more to your liking,” Ase said, with a wink. He started digging through the saddlebag and lifted out a smaller bag. Opening that bag revealed the Nikon Jase remembered. It was fascinating watching the concentration with which Ase inspected and readied his camera. The man was fucking sexy whether he was teasing or deep in thought. Which Jase didn’t find fair because it was getting harder and harder to ignore the pull Ase had always had on him.

Jase suspect that the sad look in Ase’s eye would put bigger mean than Jase off, but over time even Ase’s melancholy endeared him to Jase. But some of that darkness had drained out of Ase’s eyes. Jase didn’t think it was all him, but if Ase felt anything like Jase did with their renewed friendship, he’d like to imagine being in Jase’s company helped in some way.

“Ready?” Ase asked.

“Just waiting on you,” Jase said, tapping his boot impatiently, teasingly.

“Excuse
me
.” Ase bowed dramatically at the waist and held his hand out. “After you,
Princesa.
”

“Don’t call me that, either.”

“I can never please you,” Ase said, shaking his head woefully.

Jase lead the way, cackling a little at Ase’s being so silly. It was nice to see the silly Ase again.

Finally they rounded the trees that led to the small ghost town. It had long since stopped being popular with tourists, because all but a few buildings had been reclaimed by the forest. But the main street was well preserved and a few of the false fronts still stood.

Birds perched on some of the buildings, whistling merrily, and the sun peeked through the trees in such a way the area felt magical to Jase. He’d always loved coming here. And he was happy to be able to share it with Ase.

He hadn’t heard any shutters from the camera so he looked back to spot Ase. The happy, childlike way Ase took in his surroundings made Jase’s heart clench. It was almost like Germany again when Ase started testing boards and stepping up on porches.

“This is great,” Ase said.   

Jase smiled to himself, watching Ase whistle back to the birds, who stayed perched on the false fronts, eyeing him warily.

Then Ase turned Jase’s way, smile broad and face a little flushed with happiness. And he stole Jase’s breath.

Ase was beautiful, and the years seemed to have dropped away as the sun shone on him, his happy expression open and less tense than it had been since they’d started hanging out again.

And fuck if Jase didn’t feel himself falling, no matter how stupid that was.

Chapter 16

ASE laughed at the strange expression on Jase’s face. He didn’t know exactly what it meant, but the kind of dumbstruck look was cute, so he snapped a picture of it. That seemed to snap Jase out of his mood so Ase started shooting photos of the area. He hadn’t expected this. When Jase said a ghost town in the woods he’d suspected maybe there would be some rotten old log cabins.

This was awesome, though. Bona fide Old West buildings. Yeah, they’d rotted some, and entire buildings had been overtaken with kudzu or had whole trees growing through them. But that lent to their charm, and he wanted to photograph every inch of the place.

“Thanks for this,” Ase said. Jase, who’d been lost in thought as he kicked a pile of leaves, started and looked at Ase.

“What?”

Ase waved his hands around. “Thanks for this. It’s great.”

“Oh,” Jase said. His face stretched into a shy smile. The man was fucking adorable with his blond hair matted down from wearing the helmet, his slight dimple on his cheek. “I was trying to think of somewhere you had to go photograph before you left the area.” He seemed to stumble over the last words. Ase had to admit, even he felt his heart give a small stutter at not seeing Jase regularly any more after this. But he had to get back. After this, he had responsibilities. And it wasn’t like Jase would understand anyways.