Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (11 page)

Shit. Here we go. My head is already spinning. Now, he's here. I'm screwed.

"This pitch has me stuck," I answered weakly.

Colin and Sean shook me to the core. My voice sounded an octave above a whisper.

"Mia, you realize it's after seven. We don't expect you to be here past your required hours."

The concern in his voice made my insides warm against the chilliness that currently held me. As he approached me, Ethan flashed a dimpled grin that made me more at ease.

"I don't like the current block in my head. Sometimes my best work comes long after the day has finished."

Ethan walked around my desk to stand behind me. He leaned over my shoulder coming within inches of me as he scanned my computer screen. Sparks zoomed throughout my body. He smelled like a cool summer's day fresh after a rain shower. It was my new favorite smell. I begged myself to remain focused given his proximity. It was a losing battle.

"You don't fail at much do you," Ethan commented.

His breath skimmed my neck making it tingle as it skated across. Butterflies fluttered throughout my stomach as my chest tightened into a ball of nerves.

"Where did that come from?" I questioned.

"From what you have up on the computer, you seem well on your way to completing a perfect pitch to match the rest of your teams excellence," he praised.

My eyes zoned in on him as he continued to stare at my work. His deep brown eyes had awe like quality behind them as they drifted between the screen and me. I had a strong urge to press my body close to his to satisfy the hunger he created with that look alone. I wanted to bury my head in my hands because my body and brain were in two very different places.

"This isn't finished. I was playing around with some ideas that might work but I'm not happy with any of it. I'll know when I'm there," I stuttered.

His closeness made my pulse speed up. It frustrated me not to have control over such little things. My blood boiled with the anger but the ache for more from him was drowning it by the minute. His lips curled into small grin. The sensations between my legs started to intensify as Ethan stood there smiling at me. I rolled my chair to the side to give myself more breathing room. The urge to move closer to him was a step away from taking over.

"What makes you know you are there?"

"I just get a feeling," I muttered.

"Interesting," Ethan murmured.

"What's so interesting about going with your gut?"

I flinched catching my touchiness slip out. He pressed a button I didn't even know was ready for an argument. Hell, it was possibly my lack of ability to command the wayward emotions running through me that caused me to lash out. Every time he elicited a new reaction out of me, it sent me in a tailspin. The numbness that used to hold me seemed like a distant memory because whenever he was around I couldn't seem to catalogue my feelings fast enough.

"It's not an answer I expected to hear from you," Ethan defended.

"Maybe it
is
quitting time for me."

His eyes darkened with my mood swing. He stepped back gliding his long fingers into his pockets before striding away. I started shutting down my computer. Silence surrounded me making me thankful for the last morsel of myself that was able to keep my breathing even since I had no control over my mouth. Ethan lingered at the door apparently waiting for me to walk with him downstairs. The inexplicable draw to be near him pulled at every nerve ending. I shuffled my way over to him doing my damn best to control the wanton ache that had settled between my stomach and thighs.

"Can I ask you something?" Ethan asked as we hit an even pace departing the floor.

"Depends."

"On what?"

"It depends on what you want to ask me."

"What? Do you have some sort of approval list?"

His tone startled me since it was out of character for him. I glanced at his perfect face seeing a hint of exasperation there. My heart pulsated at the prospect of affecting him.

"No, I don't have a list," I answered shyly.

"So I'm free to ask?" Ethan inquired.

"Fine, ask away," I conceded.

"Why are you so detached?" he questioned.

"Huh," I stammered nearly stumbling over my own feet.

"I tend to pay attention to what happens around here. You seem to get along with everyone but it's very superficial. I'm wondering why you keep yourself so separated."

I tensed effectively halting all my sexed up feelings. My breath was all but lost that he saw me so clearly. It downright frightened me.

"Try another question. I don't know you well enough to share something that personal," I deflected, keeping my eyes away from him.

"Why are you really here?"

What the hell? Why is he so damn interested in me?

"I needed a change."

"I assumed since you jumped fields. Why did you make such a drastic change," Ethan pressed.

He tilted his head making sure I caught his eyes that were full of curiosity.

"I think you know the answer to that one. You do seem to be a bright guy."

"Your expulsion from school," he murmured.

I nodded. "Umm...so...I believe this is where we say good night."

I was mere seconds away from the blissful silence of my car. The prospect elated me.

He huffed. "I'll walk with you. This isn't a safe neighborhood."

I rolled my eyes. "Ethan, it's not necessary."

"This area is unpredictable. I'm walking with you," he insisted.

His stature wasn't worth arguing with. My stomach twisted with the hard edge that settled upon him. He didn't like being told no. As if to reinforce his point, gunshots fired in the distance. Ethan raised an eyebrow as he opened the door. I rolled mine and followed him outside. I could handle a few more minutes and deep down I liked being with him. A sense of comfort wafted along with all the other sensual desires attacking various parts of me.

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-six."

"Interesting."

"How is that interesting?"

"You seem older. It's hard to tell and a difficult detail to track down."

Ethan squared me up with an inquisitive eye. I bit my lip letting far too much slip out there.

Do not fuck up again. He is the last person you can make that mistake around.

"I'm not sure if I should be annoyed that you're curious about such a mundane fact or honored that you cared to know," he muttered.

"I didn't ask to annoy you. You've got a lot more going for you than most people do at twenty-six," I responded, gesturing back to the monstrosity behind us.

Ethan smirked. "I'm going to take that as a compliment though the tone that accompanied it was on the sarcastic side. Is that one of your default settings?"

"Maybe," I said with a sly grin.

His chest rumbled with laughter before his jaw tightened pulling away his dimples. My insides mourned the loss. I loved when his dimples appeared.

"What is one thing you're grateful for this week?" Ethan asked.

"I'm fortunate to be surrounded by great friends that are like family to me," I blurted out.

I snapped my mouth shut with that slip of the lip. I took a deep breath attempting to reinforce the walls I have around people.

"Care to elaborate," he responded hesitantly.

"Not particularly," I answered harshly.

His face stiffened and his eyes darkened. I offered a partial smile in apology.

"Where do you live?" I asked.

His eyes centered on me curiously. "I live downtown."

"Do you like it? It seems like it would be a hassle getting in and out of the city to a place down here for work."

"I never liked living here. I moved away the second I had a chance."

"Did you grow up around here?"

"I think the answer to that is obvious," Ethan replied crudely.

"I hated it here too. I did the same thing the when I turned eighteen." I said involuntarily.

Fuck. Again. Why? Where the hell is the version of myself that curbs this shit?

"I enjoy being downtown. There's a hustle to it making the liveliness seep into you. I like the energy it brings me," he continued carefully.

It shocked Ethan as much as me. I nodded and resorted to biting my cheeks to keep quiet. My chest constricted with the fear that was rising with how very open I had become with him.

"Do you still live near Eckman?" he asked curiously.

I gaped at him. It was unnerving that he knew that I lived close to campus. He detected my alarm waving his hands back and forth.

"It's not what you think. I saw your address and your academic profile on your resume. I went to the state university nearby. You keep stating you needed a change so I didn't know if that meant in where you lived as well," Ethan explained.

I softened after listening to him ramble. Despite my best effort to prevent it, my heart swelled for him. Ethan relaxed with a shy smile.

"Yes, I'm near campus. The place I'm at now is in a very nice neighborhood. It's certainly nothing like the streets around here," I said, motioning my hands around us. Ethan opened his mouth but I beat him to the punch wanting to know more about him. "What street did you live on? I don't ever recall seeing you while growing up."

"State and Michigan."

It looked like he wanted kick the living daylights out of something just thinking about where he grew up. He closed the door on that subject by his reaction alone. I was familiar with that part of south side. It was the worst intersection of streets down here and mob central so the crime rate was astronomical. I shivered as the conversation from Colin and Sean crept into my head. It reinforced my earlier thoughts that things were definitely corrupt around here. Ethan seemed to hate everything about here. It confused me because I had no clue where he fit within this picture. My mind remained captivated by that detail. It allowed for my mouth to babble against my will.

"I grew up on the opposite end."

I forcefully bit my lip. A soft smile appeared on his face that brought out his dimples.

"Our paths must not have crossed with all those blocks between us because I would have remembered meeting you," Ethan whispered.

Lord, he confuses me. He was irate a minute ago and now he is sweet as can be.

We had closed the distance to my car. I reached into my purse for my keys and pressed the button to unlock the doors. The headlights illuminated the dark parking lot. As light filled the surrounding space, I caught Ethan watching me. He had calmed down and his dimpled smile still graced his face making my insides leap. His dark irises tenderly appraised my every move as he stood there with his fists curled at his sides like he was refraining himself from moving an inch. My stomach flipped all over itself at the idea of touching Ethan again. His stance made warmth glide into my heart attempting to crack at the impenetrable walls there.

I should go but I wasn't ready to stop talking with him. It was the first time we really talked to each other. I was able to ask some basic questions without losing complete control over my body. As much as I hated admitting it, he intrigued me. I leaned against my car looking at him as he cocked his head at me with a crooked grin.

"What's one thing you liked about growing up here?" Ethan asked.

"I was fortunate to find friends that had wonderful families who opened their home to me and cared for me unconditionally," I responded honestly.

I had no idea how he was able to get these answers. I sure as hell didn't forfeit them over willingly. He got more out of me in the last ten minutes than any guy has gotten in the last ten months. It had to be the extra effort my brain was using to control my body.

"If you were sand on the beach, what would you say to the people that stepped on you?"

"This question is even more random than you asking how old I was out of the blue," Ethan pointed out. I smiled arching an eyebrow. His grin grew wider. "I would have to say get the hell off me you assholes. I'm very selective about the people that can cross me."

I giggled. He seemed to unwind with the sound of my laughter. He uncurled his hands crossing them across his chest.

"What beach would you be on as you cussed out all those that walked along you?"

He snorted and ran his eyes all over me as if he was trying to figure me out.

Good luck. I'm a hot mess.

"I'm not sure I want to share such intimate details with you on that one," he retorted.

Ethan was well aware of how I was handling him throughout this conversation. He was putting up his own front by refusing to answer a question. We were treading lightly with one another but there was an ease that hadn't been present before that made it different. He wasn't too bad to be around when I could keep my body in check. I was still spending a healthy amount of brain space to control all the impure feelings surging through me. However, I was able to focus better than I ever had in the past. I considered it forward progress.

"What made you pick this type of car?" Ethan asked, pointing to my Mazda.

"It was in my price range," I answered but it rolled out more like a question.

He strolled around it and ran his hands along the spoiler before returning to open my door.

"It's a great car. Why black for the color?"

"Because red gets people pulled over," I replied sarcastically.

I peeked at him absorbing his reaction. I never knew if he would laugh or get angry. His lips remained in a thin line trying to be stern but quivered as he started to chuckle.

"Thanks for walking with me. I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered, getting into my car.

"Yes, you will. Bye Mia," Ethan replied with a parting smile.

~

I got home making small talk with Jackson and Shane since Bri and Trey were nowhere in sight. They had hangovers so it was a brief chat. The drain of the day had hit me too. The uneasy feelings from earlier surfaced as I started thinking about Sean and Colin's conversation. I decided against talking to Harrison about it. I had no idea if what I heard would even help. It was all rather cryptic. I needed to figure out what they attained that was so huge.