Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (4 page)
Bri said you had a meeting today. Try to make an effort to check in with her when you're done.
I grimaced going for the last message from Bri.
I hope you consider staying down here. Please text me so that we can talk about how everything went.
I tossed my phone in my purse. They were all worried about how I'd handle being here. I was positive they all assumed I had gone bat crap crazy by now which was understandable considering my past behavior after everything fell apart. As much as I loved them, I wasn't ready to talk about the last half hour of my life. I needed to think and I knew where to go. I drove off campus going back to the interstate to head south.
I gazed in awe over the horizon finding the balance I needed. The beautiful lake off in the distance always brought me a sense of peace that I could never find anywhere else. It was one of the few places a person can view everything between downtown and the suburbs. The various neighborhoods seen from a distance all blended not setting any one of them apart. The ugliness that plagued so many of them was invisible up here.
I admired the beauty mulling over everything from the meeting. On the one hand, it was the opportunity of a lifetime. On the other, it was taking me back to a world that I ran from before finishing high school. You didn't mess around on the south side.
Is it worth it?
I knew in my heart that being a journalist was all I ever wanted for myself. Then last year happened and it felt like my dreams were light years away. This was an opportunity to get back into that world. As great as it all sounded, I couldn't ignore that it was a little dirty to spy from the inside for my own benefit in the end. There was something about Harrison that didn't sit right with me. I had little reservations regarding the business end of what he was proposing but he seemed to be the furthest thing from trustworthy. My gut had never let me down in the past. It was screaming with doubts about entertaining this offer.
My mind drifted to the idea of double-crossing F. F. Sweeney & Company. F and F stood for Fitzgerald and Fitzpatrick. Those families had been here for generations. The same went for the Sweeney's. They were hardcore Irish families. The gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach forced me to consider the danger if anyone found out what I was doing there. As if to reinforce my thoughts, gunshots sounded off. It wasn't anything that I hadn't heard before but it was rather eerie with my current thoughts. It was a decent reminder of the level of danger that went into this offer. More shots fired making me feel even more mixed up.
I circled back to my uncanny ability to present myself well and assimilate into pretty much any situation with ease without revealing my true colors. My guard was usually up making it easy for me to investigate and report when I did work on articles for the paper. I approached most things from a distance and prevented myself from forming any personal attachments. My morals would be in question by pursuing this offer. I sighed not feeling any closer to a decision. As I sat in my stupor, I heard footsteps crunching against gravel on the trail. I glanced over my shoulder to confirm the person behind those steps.
Trey is the last person that I want to deal with right now. He knows me too well.
He was my oldest friend in the house. When Bri started crushing on him, I was open to it and not surprised in the least. I saw why she liked him. Like Jackson, Trey was eye-catching. He kept his blondish brown hair trimmed depending on his mood or time of year. I'd known him since we were four so I'd seen it buzzed down to nothing to shaggier and spiky. He typically kept a dusting of scruff on his face personifying the rugged tough guy look that his personality backed. The part that sucked you in the most was his mystical gray eyes. He was in pristine shape. Trey appropriately wore clothes that displayed the precise lines throughout his body.
He reached me keeping a short distance between us. I noted the concern is his eyes.
"What do you want Trey?" I asked crossly.
"I know your meeting with your advisor was today. When you didn't come home, I figured something was up. When you need to take a break from everything, you come here. You always have - even when we were kids. You may not like it but I still know you Mia," Trey replied, shoving his hands into his faded jeans.
I exhaled feeling perturbed that every word that he said was right. My strange quirks didn't go unnoticed by him. I met Trey and Micah on my first day in this godforsaken neighborhood. I was very eager to make friends. My uncle made it clear immediately that life with him was going to be anything but pleasant. Every wonderful childhood memory I had those two were there. Trey always reminded me of Micah. It brought me more pain than I cared to admit. We were so close growing up and remained that way until last year. I spent more time at their houses than anywhere else. Their mothers treated me like one of their own. It was hard to be around Trey because it pushed all the memories of Micah to the surface.
We had been together since we were sixteen. Before we ever started dating, we were best friends. Puberty hit and feelings started to develop for Micah that was anything but friendly. After weeks of subtle touches, glossy gazes, and intense flirting, we discovered that there was something more than friendship and that it was worth exploring. Micah made me feel safe and cherished. He was protective of me growing up. He made so many of the hardships of having no parents manageable by making me feel like a priority to him and his family. Falling in love with him was inevitable.
"Yes, I'm thinking. It doesn't mean I'm going to share any of that with you. Why are you here?" I snarled, as memories of the three of us ran through my head.
His expression shifted from concerned to angry. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and clenched them into tight fists making his knuckles turn white as he tried to contain his temper. His muscles rippled against his fitted charcoal muscle shirt. If anyone else was on the receiving end of his stature, they would flinch but I knew him so it didn't even faze me.
"Mia, I know you see him every time you look at me. I can't change that but I'm not him. I didn't leave and I'm not the one who hurt you," Trey snapped.
My eyes returned to the silhouette of the city. The agonizing pain that I blocked from coming to the surface was starting to spread throughout me. I had gotten to a point of coasting along in life. I was indifferent about everything and everyone but there were exceptions that triggered all the emotions I suppressed on a daily basis - Trey was one of them. I existed fine by controlling each situation that I was in by never allowing anyone to get too close to me. Bri was the only person who paid enough attention to know how shattered I was on the inside.
"It's a beautiful spot in a shady neighborhood. You've got to admit that right?"
Trey relaxed his fists letting out a light laugh. I watched as he shook his head probably having a few nostalgic memories of his own.
"You're dancing around my question. Why did you come up here?" Trey asked.
"My meeting went well. I'm considering the possibilities of what my options are going forward," I mumbled.
His jaw tensed as he gave me a cold stare demanding for me to elaborate more on the matter. I pierced my eyes at him stubbornly holding my ground. He ran his hands through his buzz cut before giving me a look not to argue with.
"Come on. My mom has been driving me nuts checking up on you. Let's stop at my house so she can see with her own eyes that you're alive and well."
Mrs. Donovan was the best. I loved her as if she was my own mother. She was a worrywart and was always fussing after us whenever she had the chance. I missed her so much that it tore at my heart now even thinking about it. After everything that happened in this last year, I avoided most people and places that reminded me of Micah. I missed his family. I knew having dinner with them would be painful but it would be worth it.
"Is she making her famous stew?"
"Once she sees you, she will make you anything you want. She called on my way out here and I said that I'd drag you over to the house. I'm glad you're willing to go and I don't have to take you there kicking and screaming," Trey muttered.
I winced. "Trey, I really am sorry about how I've been acting towards you. I'm sorry it's affected your family too. You know how much they mean to me. It's still hard to be around anything or anyone that reminds me of him."
I couldn't stop the tear that formed in the corner of my eye. I refused to blink not wanting it to fall. His face softened as he leaned over pulling me to him for a hug. He held me tight doing his best to comfort me as he had done so many times this last year even when I didn't deserve it. He did everything he could to help bring me out of the darkness. It included staying away from me the majority of the time. I missed him as much as his family but the pain ran so deep that the choice to push him away so I could breathe won every time. I could let that pain rise for one evening. I needed it and from the sounds of it so did they.
"It's okay Mia. I understand and so does my family. They want you to remember that they are here for you and love you very much," Trey reassured.
"I know. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't be sorry because I am," I whispered.
~
After a wonderful dinner, we headed home. When I pulled up, Bri was sitting on the front steps with one hand fidgeting with her brown hair while nervously biting on the fingernails of her other hand.
Geez. I wonder how long she has been sitting there. I know better than to do this to her. I sure do suck at life sometimes.
I noticed her outfit was different from this morning. She ditched the worn skinny jeans and boho pleated tank for pinstriped fitted dress that flared above the knees. I felt awful. I had a feeling that I more than likely ruined plans for her and Trey when I failed to return everyone's attempts to reach me this afternoon.
I got out of my car giving her an encouraging wave. Trey was already up the steps towing her in for a quick kiss. He leaned over whispering into her ear. Whatever he said made her relax as she took a noticeable breath of relief. She stood on her tiptoes anxiously talking to him. He nodded earning him a tender kiss from her. Bri settled on her feet concentrating on me. The distraught look in her eyes froze me to my current spot on the lawn.
"I'm sorry. It worried me when you didn't call or text back," Bri cried.
"Hey, I'm okay. I needed to clear my head. Trey found me and then we had dinner at his house," I replied gently.
Bri stared me down debating if she believed me. She shifted her weight continuously and fiddled with her rings. Trey saw it too and grabbed her hands. He kept them still by entwining them with his hands.
"Was it horrible? Why didn't you get back to me?" Bri interrogated.
It tore me up that disappearing for several hours created this level of panic in her but I knew why. What I put her through last winter changed her perspective of me and I couldn't blame her for freaking out on me like this. My eyes skirted towards the trees that decorated our lawn. The sun was hitting that fine line between night and day. It was falling into a tween for the day - an in between of one place or another not really being neither here nor there. I related to it.
I looked at her keeping my face composed so she calmed down. "Bri, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. The meeting left me overwhelmed. I sort of zoned out the rest of the world."
She tilted her head to evaluate me. I gave her a genuine smile hoping it would help her see that I was fine. Bri wiggled free from Trey making her way down the steps. She pulled me in for a tight hug. I returned her embrace praying that she'd calm down.
"I'm sorry. He went to look for you because I kept flipping out on him. I knew he would be able to find you," Bri whispered.
I sighed. "It's fine. I'm okay and it was great to spend a little time with his family," I admitted. I stepped away from her heading for the porch. As we walked, I gestured towards the house. "So how did it go today? I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you."
Bri stopped as her eyes darted from mine to the ground. "Well, I...umm...I took your advice," she said sheepishly.
I raised an eyebrow. "My advice?"
She shrugged. "I hired a cleaning service. After seeing the mess, I couldn't stomach it."
I laughed at the guilty look on her face and glanced up to see Trey hunched over the railing of the porch in his own fit of hysterics. "I hope they got the whole house. You might as well get your money's worth by bringing them in."
Bri flashed a sly smile and we laughed even harder. "They did and I would never use my own money. I used the profits from our parties. I figured it was fine to make the executive decision since it was a step away from a chemical hazard zone."
"You know I don't care and obviously Trey doesn't either. Good luck with the other two. I'm not sure they will see it that way. I think Jackson had high hopes for that money."
She gave a dismissive wave of the hand following me up the stairs. "Ah, who cares about Jackson? If Shane crosses me, I'll give him a titty twister. That shuts him up every time."
"True. Why don't we see what those two are up to? I'm foreseeing a house night in the man cave. What do you think Trey?" I asked.
"Shit yea!" Trey shouted, pushing off the railing.
"Yea, I could do a night in the cave," Bri agreed.
On our way into the house, we laughed hearing Jackson and Shane shouting at each other over a video game that they were playing in the cave. Those two continued towards the cave while I swerved into the living room to get rid of my heels and purse. I contemplated heading upstairs to change but decided against it and continued on past the flight of stairs down the hallway to the cave.
The sizable den branching off our kitchen was affectionately coined the cave. Once you walked in the door, you could turn left or right and find yourself in every man's dream play area. An eighty-inch flat screen covered the wall off to the left. They circled off that side with leather couches and chairs. The entire room had built in shelves that lined the bottom portion of the walls throughout the room. We filled them with hundreds upon hundreds of DVDS and video games. Mounted below the flat screen was a separate shelf with every video game console on the market along with a top of the line sound system. The wall off to the right had a wet bar that had more liquor than we ever needed in this house. We sectioned off that area with a pool table, foosball table, and a poker table tucked into the corner. The sidewalls each contained different dartboards. The boys finished off the room giving it the man cave touch by hanging the appropriate neon beer signs, posters of naked girls and sports dynasties.