Conquer Me (Sawtooth Shifters, #4) (4 page)

All those eyes on us. We couldn’t deny what happened. And I didn’t want to. Fuck, I still thought it was a beer-soaked fantasy that she came to me, but I didn’t have a hangover. It happened. I could still taste her, if I closed my eyes I could swear she was still under me. I’d do anything to get her back.

It was a huge step for Cass to come see me. The last time I kissed her was the night before her wedding, and last night we picked up where we left off all those years ago. Out of respect or stupidity, I’d walked away from her. I’d been a cocky twenty-three-year-old that expected to see her on my doorstep, in her pretty white gown, the next day. The way she’d cried that night with her head in my lap, I never thought she’d go through with it. The contract the Rykers made with her parents was rock solid, and she had no way out. She tried; I wondered if Walter knew how hard she fought it. He probably had a pretty good idea, since he kept her under lock and key on that ranch. Shea worked there for years and swore to me he never saw her. I always wondered if he was lying, like he thought he had to protect my feelings or something. Fuck that. If he gave a shit, he would’ve told me the truth, shattered my heart on the ground. It would’ve been kinder. Maybe I could’ve moved on.

Now I knew I never could. Last night I walked away from Cass once again, sending her home to Walter. This time I knew she’d be back.

I was just as desperate as the Channings with their human women, wanting something I couldn’t have. They dreamed of their scientific freak show babies, and I dreamed of growing old with someone else’s wife.

Lost in a daydream, I tipped my head back behind the counter in the showroom. I needed to snap out of it. I was all too aware that reality had a way of twisting dreams into nightmares.

Back in the motorcycle business, we were so damn busy that we only took custom orders and gave showings by appointment. I’d learned from the Full Moon Fever parties that the more exclusive something was, the more people wanted a piece of it. Just to say they could have it. Until we could meet demand, Choppers by Lowe was for the privileged few.

“Looking good, Major,” Walter proclaimed when he walked into my shop like he belonged here. He, on the other hand, looked like shit. The older he got, the less difference there was between wolf and man. He plastered a feral grin on his face and leaned against the counter. “You were bloody and broken the last time I saw you. Can’t tell you which one I prefer.”

I leaned forward, my arms crossed not to take a swing at this shithead. A tire iron connecting with his skull would end this whole thing. “Why’s that?”

“Because now I have the chance to break you again,” he said. Never going to happen. “You’re the talk of the town.”

“Am I?” I balled my fists behind my back, determined to keep my cool. I wouldn’t give him any more information than he offered, but there was no way he didn’t know Cass came to The Redheaded Stepchild last night. “I’d think a man of your stature would have more important things to do than listen to gossip.”

Walter laughed. “I do. I’m here to see your beautiful bikes. I hear they’re a work of art.”

“Bullshit.” Now it was my turn to laugh. Walter tried to shut us down so many times, even going as far as introducing an ordinance at the town meeting to ban motorcycles in Granger Falls. He was so deep in the mayor’s pocket he was probably giving Southworth head.

“What the fuck do you want, Walter?”

His posture relaxed, pretending to be nice had stressed his system. Bile rose in my throat as the image of him naked on top of my Cass flashed through my mind. I eyed the tire iron one more time. “We seem to have something in common,” he said. “An enemy. Shadow Channing.”

Wasn’t expecting that. “I wouldn’t call Shadow an enemy.” More like the annoying little brother I never wanted, constantly vying for my attention. Trying to one up me. I had two younger brothers and they knew their fucking place. “But he is the alpha right now.”

“Right now,” Walter echoed. “That must be eating at you, Major. I know how much you don’t like coming in second. To anyone.” He might as well have rubbed my nose in shit.

“No, I don’t. Are you ever going to get to the point? I have work to do. A whole backlog of customers waiting for bikes. Six months out of commission tends to do that.”

“Channing thinks he has the right over my father’s land. I don’t have any legal recourse because it wasn’t traditionally willed to me. But you know the packs have their own way of administering justice. I see this as a win-win. I get my father’s farm back, and you get to be alpha.”

“You want me to kill Shadow.” A hard lump formed in my throat.

“I want you to take care of the problem.” That disgusting yellow grin was back. “You’ll be rewarded handsomely. I can buy every bike in this place, if you like. You’d be a wealthy man, Major. Imagine what you could do with all that money.”

“I don’t want your money.” It was another fucking slap in the face. Money meant nothing to Walter, about as much as the wolves he referred to as trash meant to him—the Channings and the Lowes included. I’d never let Walter have any controlling interest in my shop, and money couldn’t buy me what I needed. “I want your wife.”

There it was. No question about it now. Thick silence settled between us. I wasn’t doing anyone’s dirty work anymore, no matter what the price. Whatever I did would be best for me. But I wanted to see how far Walter would go to get what he wanted. I was willing to go all the way. “You bring me Shadow Channing’s head on a platter, and I’ll think about it.”

Walter held out his hand to seal the deal. I only had seconds to make a decision. One that I could live with. That was all I needed.

His handshake was firmer than I expected. “You have yourself a deal.” 

C
ass

“You’re the smartest girl ever.” I was in awe of how fast Emma soaked things in. She didn’t have many friends her own age, spending most of her time with adults, and it showed. It was my favorite day of the week—Connie’s day off—and I had my baby girl all to myself. It changed everything. Emma clapped in response, absolutely glowing at my praise.

I homeschooled Emma. It hadn’t been my choice. Walter didn’t trust the school system. Too much wolf trash, he said. That was bullshit, the only school age wolves that were left had wealthy parents and went to a fancy charter school on the edge of the forest. It was just another way of keeping both of us under his thumb. It was also the closest thing to a job Walter would let me have. Despite my protests, and my attempts to keep Emma’s life as normal as possible, I loved having this time with her. Today we were playing a math game where Emma had to do some quick addition and subtraction, and she was killing it. Some of the problems she solved faster than I did. “Your turn, Mommy.”

She handed me the controller. “I’ll hit the buttons, but you have to give me the answers,” I said.

“Okay.” Her eyes lit up at the challenge. “When we win, all the flowers bloom!” She spread her hands wide, mimicking the screen. 

Emma shouted out numbers, and I dropped the bees down to the vines, squealing along with my daughter when the animated flowers opened up. If only every day could be like this. Tomorrow Connie would be back, butting her nose into everything, distracting Emma. We still got our work done—I’d fire Connie if she interfered with that, no matter what Walter said. But Emma doubted me with her nanny around, and that had to stop. She was learning lessons I feared I could never fix.

I may have just been wolf trash and the plaything of a rich dickhead, but I’d never let my daughter doubt I was strong to the core. And that she was, too.

Someone knocked on the door, and we side-eyed each other in surprise. On a three-hundred acre ranch, we didn’t have neighbors, and no one ever dropped by. “Finish the game and think about what you want for lunch.” I kissed Emma’s head as I gave her the controller back, then headed to the door.

“Peanut butter and jelly!” Of course. Same thing, every day.

My heart stopped when I saw Major standing in the doorway. He blinked rapidly, like he couldn’t believe he came here, either. His mouth moved, but no words came out.

I wanted to throw my arms around him, let his warmth chase the ever-present chill of this house away, let our lips slow dance together, but there was no way that could happen. “What are you doing here?”

I wouldn’t call the other night a mistake, but I shouldn’t have done it. And now I was going to have to make Major believe I didn’t want him here. I’d always been a terrible liar.

He shook his head, a smile forming. “I can’t tell you how many times I asked myself the same question on the way here. The answer is, I can’t stay away, Cass. Not anymore.”

Walter’s words rang loudly in my ears.
Next time you do it, I’ll bring him back here, and you can watch me kill him. See if that turns you on.
It didn’t seem like such an empty threat anymore. “You can’t stay.”

“I know.” His head dipped down. If he thought I was twisting the knife on him, he had to know what I was doing to myself. Every word that came out of my mouth made my heart constrict. I wanted the exact opposite. He looked back up, topaz eyes sparkling in the late autumn sun. “Tonight’s the full moon. Come run in the forest with me. Let yourself be with nature. All the crap we deal with when we’re human doesn’t matter out there. Just you, me, and the moon. Think about it.”

“It sounds amazing.” I was breathless at the thought. I hadn’t run in the forest since before Emma was born. Things changed once I became a mother, and I refused to leave my baby alone. Truth was, she was all I had left. I didn’t have a pack anymore. Walter always had some business to take care of, my girlfriends were off with their families, and I had explicit instructions not to mingle with the rest of the wolf trash. Like I could become any more tainted. Most moons, I stayed in the backyard, alone, dreaming of the forest. And Major.

“Mommy, who’s that?” I hadn’t heard Emma come up behind me. She’d snaked her arm between my legs, staring up at Major.

There were so many things I could tell her. Someday. “This is my friend, Major.”

Major crouched down, eye level with Emma. The way he looked at her made my heart stop beating. His expression was full of awe, and more loving than her own father. Like he’d do anything to protect her. He held out his hand, and kissed hers when she took it. “You look just like your mommy,” he said to her, then looked up at me, eyes glossy, and added, “She’s beautiful.”

Emma and Major beaming at each other was too precious to break up. I could only imagine what was going through Major’s mind, but I could only think of one thing.
Why couldn’t he be her father? Maybe he could still be her daddy.

How could I ever make this work? Major Lowe was a fierce wolf who took no shit in the forest, but my husband had resources Major could never touch. I tried to make peace with my fate, but what about Emma? She was five. Her decisions, or lack of decisions, shouldn’t be set in stone. She should be able to become the woman she wanted to be, not who her father told her to be. When I looked at Major smiling at my baby girl, I saw a better future for her. How to get her there, that was the question.

Walter had an office in the house, and he could be home any minute for lunch. If he caught Major here with his daughter, we’d never see another full moon.

“Can he play my game, Mommy?” Emma tugged on Major’s hand, not waiting for my answer. “I want to show him the flowers.”

“Not today. He’s just here to say hi.” And he had to go. Now. “Maybe another time. Go in the kitchen and I’ll make your sandwich in a minute.”

Emma loved peanut butter and jelly more than new friends, so she nodded and scampered off. “Bye, Major,” she called over her shoulder.

“Come see me tonight,” he repeated. “Meet me in the village. My brothers and I, we won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I’ll try.” It was the most honest answer I could give him.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Cass.” He started to walk away, but turned around before he got back to his bike. His eyes promised something I’d completely shut myself down from. A future. “I’ll always wait for you.”

**

I
usually fought my shift, tried to shove it back down like an overflowing bag of garbage. Every month it came, whether I wanted it or not. It only magnified all the things I couldn’t have because I was a wolf. Choice. Love. Happiness. But this moon was different. Walter had left me alone as always. Usually I swallowed that like a bitter pill, but not tonight. After the stunt he pulled, I couldn’t stand be in the same room as him. The feeling was mutual, since he didn’t come looking for me in Emma’s room. Her warm body snuggled against mine made all the trouble my heart longed for worthwhile.

Tonight, I stood on the porch, the cool air rippling through my thin robe, thinking of Major’s arms around me. His fur rippling against my skin. Those teeth scraping against my neck...

The shift always began like an electric shock, a complete shutdown of everything human. This one was different. Lightning made a direct strike to my core, and something unfamiliar rippled through me. My head fell back as the sensation pulsed and quaked through my body, fur following the waves of something I’d swear was an orgasm. It had been a long time since I’d had one.

I peeled the robe off before it was too late, the moon kissing my bare skin goodnight. I fell to all fours. I felt like more of a wolf and a woman than I had in a long time.

This shift wasn’t about me. It was about the she-wolves that covered their bruises with makeup and cried themselves to sleep, thinking of their Major. It was so my daughter would never be owned by a man who considered her trash. And maybe it was about me chasing after the look in my long lost love’s eyes, the one that made me feel like a woman again and promised things I knew I deserved. No matter what my husband told me. He could break me down but he could never take the truth away from me.

It was okay for things to be about me. It felt good to remember that.

My lungs burned with the crisp night air, letting scent guide me through the forest. Things changed so much since I’d been here last, or maybe I just saw them differently. The villages seemed so much smaller, and it broke my heart to realize, shabby. With the full moon all the lights were on, fires burning bright. A few wolves gave me a double take, shocked to see me, of all wolves, alone in Sawtooth. No one approached, they just stared, not responding to my greeting. When I was a kid these houses had always been full of love. Now I sensed confusion and fear.