Consequences (18 page)

“When he grabbed a hold of my hand, his
fingers looked as if they could wrap entirely around mine twice.
Everything disappeared below my wrist as he gracefully enclosed my
palm. Following the line of his forearm, his lean muscles flexed
showing tight ligaments and tendons on top of his elbow joint. He
easily stood two feet over my five-foot-six-inch height. Looking up
into his eyes, I was surprised to find, drifting through the dark
brown almost black, there was an echo of a slate blue-green.
Slightly muted, his eyes reminded me of a thunderstorm rolling in
over the sea, at night. His face was kind, and his stormy eyes
smiled as he introduced himself.

“My name is Zuvan. I have never seen a Gabon
as fair as you.”

“His English had a French lilt; I couldn’t
believe my luck, to find we understood each other … then again, the
Ho Thanatos always seem to understand each other no matter the
location. When he spoke again his expression turned quizzical. “The
light that surrounds you is shifting in colors like an iridescent
feather. Why … je ne sais pas. Peut-être, you are not like me?”

“For the first time, I noticed the light that
flowed eagerly out of his pores. Starting next to his dark skin as
a deep blue, almost Payne’s gray, the glow quickly became a bright,
hot-white halo encompassing his entire body. I wondered, why hadn’t
I noticed the light when I first saw him?

“Beautiful and frightening, power oozed from
his long, muscular frame. I was reminded of a time when I had
entered Christopher’s waking mind and was torn down by the
intensity of his emotions, collapsing on the floor … absorbing his
fear and anger had crippled me. As I was lying there before him,
Christopher watched my body expel his toxic emotions in some kind
of light show. I wondered if that was how Zuvan projected this
radiance: forcing emotions out of his skin. Shifting my perspective
back through the cocoon of light ─ his dark skin was such a
contrast; I had to squint to bring him into focus.

“The scars from past fights formed ropes on
his flesh that ran across his cheek and down his neck, and then hid
under his linen shirt. The scarring looked as though he fought
lions, before his death; I knew better though … the cruelest animal
on earth, humans, had made these. Yet his stance remained relaxed,
only accentuating his kind face and friendly smile.”

Cassandra leans back on her heels with her
eyes closed and a small dreamy smile forms on her mouth. “He sounds
lovely, Ellie … tell me more about your time with Zuvan.
Please.”

Looking at Cass, I start to understand the
loneliness of her existence; I hope she will eventually tell me why
she made herself into a recluse. When she raises one delicate
eyebrow, waiting for me to continue, I recognize the hungry
expression that only intense curiosity can create … so I
continue.

“Zuvan and I sat on the warm ground; even
sitting, he towered over me. But strangely enough, I didn’t notice,
because his personality had such a calming, balancing effect. He
smiled innocently and nodded as I told him my name, looking as if
he had always known it. He kept touching my skin like a child
intrigued by the fur on a caterpillar.”

“Zuvan, I know you have been exposed to
fair-skinned people before … what is so fascinating about my
skin?”

“Not so much your skin, as that you are ‘like
me’, and I’ve never seen the shades of color that flow out of you.
Every time I think I might recognize the hue, it shifts again with
each new expression you show on your face. It is very beautiful; I
do not think I’ve ever seen anything quite like it … except perhaps
in oil spilled on the surface on water.” The look on his face was
penetrating; oddly though, I wasn’t self-conscious under his
scrutiny.

“What do you think we are, exactly?” I was
looking for a teacher, and Zuvan seemed very capable of the
task.

“For my people, we are Gabon. We are guardian
angels to family … our present and future generations. To tell the
truth, I have only met one other guardian during my travels, as I
followed my familial lines. The other was cruel. Even though I was
curious about him, I did not like being around him; especially
after I watched him spread a plague through a village of his
family’s enemies. He could make people believe they were sick …
sick enough for their bodies to show real symptoms; but with no way
to heal the illness, they would inevitably die. I learned quickly
that not all Gabon are fair or just … we are as open to temptation
and vindictiveness as any living human.

“Ultimately, deciding to leave behind his
brutality, I went in search of ma famille; those being slaughtered,
fighting against impossible odds. I found what I was looking for in
the north, where the rebels have been constantly at war. Then I saw
you fly over … and I had to follow; the curiosity was overwhelming,
I must admit.” He smiled sheepishly and looked at the ground as if
embarrassed to admit his inquisitiveness.

“I do think we are alike; although, I do not
think I’m actually a Gabon. I lived in London during my human life,
and died during World War Two … but I think our connection is not
where we lived or died, but that we were both gifted in life, and
passed ‘here’ after death. Zuvan, did you have any special gifts
when you were alive?”

“Yes, I can control fire … that, which gave
me a sense of power in life, is also what took my life from me. I
think you may be correct, we are alike … but we are still very
different. What was your gift, my dear friend?”

“Zuvan was the first being I had met who
could manipulate elements; everyone else I’d met, influenced minds,
not environments. I started to think that maybe he would be the one
who could help me return to Christopher; the one who could help me
become solid enough, for long enough that I could stay firmly with
Christopher forever.

“I can feel others’ emotions, and touch minds
to ease psychological pain … but I can’t seem to do that with our
kind, only humans.”

“Ha, oh, Ellie, you have much to learn then …
we are alike, we are all connected in this world. Understanding and
communication should be as simple as falling asleep … hmmm, maybe,
you should try to relax.”

“Zuvan sat patiently with me, meditating, and
allowing me to experiment on his mind, until I could read his
thoughts as well as my own. I asked questions the entire time and
he gave me answers; but in every statement made, he prepared me to
understand that his answers were only opinions. I needed to find my
solutions, for myself. When I was able to overcome my own
limitations, and understand just how simple it was to read his
emotions, I tried to go deeper than reading, and reached out to
touch his mind.

“My stomach twisted, as I watched the pain of
his personal history unfold: images of death, bloody and gruesome
scenes that I could never imagine. I wondered how he could possibly
have become such a kind soul. I saw that under his linen shirt he
was hiding the mottled scars of destroyed flesh all across his
back. The cause of those scars showed me the scene of his torture,
while learning to control his gift as a boy.

“He was showing me what he wanted me to see;
I had no power to poke through his thoughts. He was allowing me to
witness only certain parts of his pain. The images were so intense
that I didn’t realize I was screaming louder than the burning boy
in his memory … until Zuvan pulled me away and forced me to
breathe. Looking into his eyes, I couldn’t stop my tears from
falling; fire still seared my back painfully… even though, I was no
longer in contact with his horror.

“He lifted me on to his lap and wrapped his
long arms around me, whispering the entire time, “You’re okay now;
just breathe … I’m so sorry, Ellie. I had no idea you actually feel
what I feel. I thought maybe you were an observer, a witness … not
a sufferer. Mon dieu! Comment peux j’être si stupide? I am so
stupid … please forgive me.”

"As I sat embraced by Zuvan … the pain
started to subside, and I gently probed at my back to see if I was
now, also, covered in burns. The reaction had been so sudden and
overwhelming … I started to think, maybe, my mind had been
protecting me from the intensity of touching another Ho
Thanatos.

"As a form of apology, and to take my mind
off of the pain we now shared, Zuvan led me to a park in southern
Chad. It was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. The
Zakouma National Park, there in the middle of a country that has
known war for generations, was one of the most welcoming and
friendly nature reserves you would ever want to visit. They had set
up a restaurant and huts that mimicked the local villages, but with
all the amenities. I marveled at the ingenuity, and Zuvan joked
that I hadn’t seen anything yet." I can see Cassandra daydreaming
about where I've been and what I've seen.

Starting the story again, I let my memories
pull me back to Africa, "I drew in a breath quickly from surprise,
'Zuvan…those are elephants!'”

He replied while laughing, “You are truly a
master of stating the obvious, Ellie. Yes, yes, they are elephants
… beautiful, aren’t they?”

"His smooth baritone voice quivered as he
laughed at me. The laugh was loud, and kind, and contagious; it was
the first time I laughed like that, since I left Christopher and
Lune. I am still grateful to that laugh; my heart ached with holes
wanting desperately to be filled; Zuvan lessened the ache to a dull
throb … for a little while at least.”

Cassandra looks at me strangely, “I’m sorry
to interrupt, but how long were you with Zuvan?”

“I lost track of time, but I think about
three months. I stayed in the Zakouma Park most of my time there,
because the surroundings gave me a break from the toxic emotions
all around me. When I ventured out, I liked to visit the smaller
local villages. The people there, with their bright smiles and
beautiful children, always lifted my spirits. Zuvan felt he had a
preordained responsibility to his relatives, and checked on them
every day. He never wanted to discuss what exactly he did for his
extended family. When he would return, all he wanted to do was talk
about what I had seen in my travels, what I had done over the
years, and most of all, what it felt like to fall in love with a
human.

“After hedging around my questions for weeks,
he finally admitted that he didn’t want me to think any less of him
for his actions when he was visiting his relatives. I asked him if
those actions contained any malice or disrespect for human life, or
was it more likely that they were defensive and protective. As an
answer he asked me if I felt like seeing for myself.

I didn’t think I could handle placing myself
in the middle of war again. When I stalled, he picked up on my
dilemma; he then asked if I felt like I could handle touching his
mind again.

"Entering his thoughts and feelings was
smooth and natural, as if I was always meant to touch only Ho
Thanatos minds. I was blasted by emotions clearly enough to not
only hear thoughts, but see glimpses of the events that brought
about the strongest of his feelings. He withheld the intensity as
much as possible, telling me that he didn’t think these memories
would be as painful, since he was a Gabon, therefore not as fragile
as he was as a human.

But he was wrong; as such a sensitive and
humane creature, what he had to do, had to witness in order to
protect those he cared about … hurt him deeply. He showed me a
village; very much like the ones I enjoyed visiting, with families,
and children … a community. Then I saw the bright fire, thick with
smoke … screaming babies, mothers running … Zuvan’s hands became
ridged before my face … no, before his eyes. I was seeing through
his eyes.

"Watching his memories, through his
perceptiveness, I could see the bright, hot halo, that usually
surrounded his form, was being forced through his arms and out of
his hands. In an intricate ballet using only his hands, I watched
him sway his strong, lean fingers, delicately communicating with
the blaze. He was manipulating the fire; pulsing and dancing, the
flames obeyed his command like a candle being gently blown out.
Then he turned to where he knew the fire had started, to where he
knew the enemies were waiting to send in the next level of assault.
Instead of blowing out this portion of the fire, he ordered it to
turn on its makers. I felt the shiver run through his long frame as
he listened to the screaming of his family’s would-be attackers,
but he held the flames on them until all their protests stopped …
no more screams, whimpers, or pleading … no more life … and then he
simply blew out the killing fire.

“He looked in my eyes, waiting for my
condemnation. When I smiled with understanding, his face became
extremely confused. That’s when I told him, 'Zuvan, I have lived
through war, and to tell the truth, if I could have protected my
family from the immediate threat, with my gifts … I would have,
without a thought. And if I could have protected them from future
threats, future attacks, by making a preemptive strike, I would
have without a thought. I cannot judge you; I can only respect and
admire your strength, and stand in awe over your sympathy for your
enemies.' As I patted his arm, he shook his head, shook the
confusion from his face and beamed an exquisite smile.

“He responded, still beaming, 'I do not know
exactly what you are, Ellie, but I’m glad to have met you. You have
asked me questions on what I think we are … I still do not have an
answer for you, I am sorry. But I do think that in our world there
is good and evil … you are good, and that is enough for me. I know
you are looking for a teacher, and as much as it hurts me to face
the possibility of losing you … I am not that person for you. Thank
you for giving me so much: a friend, a confidant, a sister … I hope
very much that you find your Christopher. Please, find me again,
mon amie, Je vais manqué toi … I will miss you very much.'