Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) (20 page)

This night was supposed to be a step forward. A chance to feel alive a little and be a woman. It was my night with Liam and somehow this has turned into the night from hell. Each word shreds my world into pieces and burns them to ash.

“I loved him. We were together for months before I found out. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”

“You wanted me to know. You stupid bitch! You wanted me to know!” Liam’s arms are vices around me as I flail toward her. “If you cared, you could’ve not come to talk to me!”

“When I found out he was married, I ended it. But that didn’t mean I stopped loving him.”

I scoff, “I loved him. You’re selfish, do you know that? Months you were together! We have a child.”

“I saw her.” She looks away ashamed. “I wish things were different.”

“Don’t look away! You need to see my face when I say this to you,” I practically growl the words. I’m so angry! “You could’ve kept your mouth shut and let me be, but no, you had to come make sure I knew. You stupid, selfish whore!” I scream and I’m ready to punch her in the face.

“Natalie, enough,” Liam says as he pulls me away. I’m quaking in anger and disgust. I hate her. I hate everyone.

This can’t be real. I tell myself over and over again. I was starting to be me again, and now I find this out. It’s not real. Still it is. The cruel joke is on me. The echoes of despair scream loudly through my heart. Hollowness overcomes any emotion and I try to shut down. My mind goes back to when I first found out Aaron was dead and how I trained myself to become numb. I search for that power again, but I come up empty.

“Let me go!” I cry out in Liam’s arms.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Liam’s voice is calm and it enrages me.

“Let go of me!” He practically carries me out of the bar, sets me on the ground, and takes my hand. I look up and pull my hand back. “Did you know?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? No, I didn’t know.”

Liam extends his hand and I tremble. He looks at me waiting and I just stand there. I don’t want to touch anyone. My mind starts to run crazy circles and the questions assault me. My heart is shattered and my life feels like a lie.

A man I would’ve lived the rest of my life loving is a lying piece of shit. He slept with another woman when I was pregnant with his child. I cried for months over losing him. I clutched his pillow and sobbed wishing he was home, only to find out he was doing this.

Reanell rushes toward us and places her hand on my shoulder. I look at her and tears continue to fall like rain. “Rea,” my voice is barely a whisper.

The torrent of emotions flow from one to another and I can’t seem to hold on to the anger. I could handle the anger.

“Let Liam take you home.” She nods to Liam who grabs my shoulder and pulls me toward him. “I’ll come by later.”

“Rea,” I say again, begging her to make this a lie. Make this all go away.

“I’ll find out the truth. Just go home. Liam has you.”

The entire walk to the car is a blur. I keep seeing Brittany’s face and imagining my husband kissing her, touching her, and I feel sick. When we reach the car, I lean over and the nausea is too much. My stomach heaves, whether from the news of my husband’s infidelity or the alcohol I’ve drunk, I couldn’t say. I cry and let it out.

Liam holds my hair and my shoulders. I want to die. I feel like each bone in my body is shattering. The splinters of my wounds are open and I’m bared for the world to see.

“I hate him!” I cry out as I stand and Liam puts me in the car without saying a word. I hate myself for coming here. I hate Liam for touching her even if it was only her hand. I hate Aaron for his indiscretion and the fact that I’m left with my imagination.

Aaron, the man who wrote me letters. The one who made love to me so sweetly when it was my first time—was a fucking cheater. I made him promises of love and fidelity, to end with him dead and now a liar. I cried for him, wanted to put myself in the ground next to him so I could be close to him.

Did he love her? Was she better than me? When he held me at night and talked to my stomach, was he wishing it was her carrying his child? I can’t stop thinking it. It flows through my thoughts over and over. Each memory feels tainted.

Next thing I know, I’m in front of my house and Liam is helping me out of the car. I close my eyes and sit on the deck. The warm air that used to give me solace makes me ill. Liam stands before me, and when I look up, he looks as lost as I am.

“I’m going to let Paige go home,” Liam says and walks into the house.

I barely nod.

This day I want to forget.

Paige walks by and waves. I lift my hand and then I feel Liam beside me.

“I’m at a loss here, Lee. I’m not sure what to say or do.”

“You think I know?” I say harshly. I’m sitting here crying about my dead husband’s newly discovered year-old affair to my current boyfriend. There’s no way to make this shit up.

“No, I don’t, but do I hold you? Do I tell you that he’s a fucking fool?”

I look at him ready to spew my anger, but he looks as enraged as I am. “I don’t know. I can’t get answers for any of this. Do you know how this makes me feel?”

“I swear to God, Lee. If he was alive, I’d fucking kill him right now.”

“How could he do this to me?” If Liam can give me some answers, I’d really appreciate it.

Hesitantly, Liam moves closer. “I don’t know, but I would never be able to touch another woman after you. I’d cut my fucking arm off before it would happen. So I can’t answer you because I don’t get it. I hate that you’re hurting.”

I look at him and I feel worse than before. Here’s Liam, my boyfriend, consoling me over another man. The word “man” is being used loosely because right now, I don’t consider him one.

“I don’t know if I can do this with you.”

Liam laces his hands behind his head and looks at the sky. “This is going to sound fucked up, but don’t let what he did to you define what happens with us. I’m not Aaron. I’m here. I’m standing right here. I didn’t touch her and I wasn’t married to you. Fuck, we’re not even sleeping together and I couldn’t do it. So I’m not that guy.”

I step toward the door and want to erase this entire evening. Before I open it, I turn to him, “I know you’re not Aaron. I know you’re here, but right now my heart is broken. It’s like I’m back grieving all over again.”

He steps forward and grips my face, and I beg him with my eyes not to do it. “You’re not grieving. You’re hurt and I get that. But if you didn’t find any of this out, where would we be tonight? I’d be in your bed with you. I’d be holding you, touching you, showing you how much you mean to me.”

“Make me forget him,” I say desperately.

“Lee . . .” The apprehension in his voice tells me to stop, but I can’t.

“Please, show me how you want me,” my voice is dripping with need.

“Don’t do this,” he begs, staring into my eyes.

I want him to make this all go away. “Make love to me tonight. Please, I need you to show me I’m yours. Make all I can think about be you. Give me this.” I try to lean up to kiss him but he backs away. The way he looks at me says it all. I cover my face with my hands. This night just keeps getting better and better.

Liam pulls my hands down. “When we make love for the first time, when I claim you, it’s not going to be because you want to forget. It’s going to be because you want me. You’re mine now.” He pulls me close and kisses me. Every emotion Liam’s feeling is passed through us. My stomach tightens as I experience them all—anger, hurt, fear, love, and desire. He pours himself into me.

Liam pulls back and looks at me.

My eyes fill with unshed tears. He kisses me gently and walks away, leaving me feeling worse than I did before.

I enter the house and I want to feel nothing. I deserve a break from every emotion that’s haunting me. The bottle of Jack Daniels sits mocking me. I grab it and don’t bother with a cup.

“Fuck you and your cheating self, Aaron,” I say out loud as I take a drink. The burning down my throat ignites my anger. “I hope she was good, fucking bastard,” I say at his photo and the flag on the mantel.

I drink another gulp and the alcohol flows through me. After getting sick at the bar and the amount I drank before, my body welcomes the numbness. “I guess I’m a real naïve idiot.”

Reanell opens the door and stands there. “Oh, Lee . . . you and Jack don’t need to have a date tonight.”

“Jack, Johnny, hell, any man will do. Except for Liam, nope . . . he doesn’t want me like this.” I grab the bottle and pour more down my throat. Might as well, my life went to shit again anyway.

She walks toward me and takes the bottle. Before I can protest, she takes a long drink. “I figure we can both hate life tomorrow.”

I snatch the bottle back from her and she glowers. “Mine. I need it more than you.”

“Before you grab a straw, I think you should talk to me. Where’s Liam?” Reanell looks around and I scoff.

“He left too. I threw myself at him and he left.” I see the disapproval through her eyes. Good. She can be pissed at him too. “Maybe he went back to the bar to find Brittany. She seems like she gets around.”

“Now you’re just being an idiot. Keep talking like that, I’ll take your liquor away,” she chastises me and I begin to cry. “Oh, Natalie . . .”

The tears stream and the numbness I was hoping for morphs into pain. “How could he do this to me?” I sob and she opens her arms. “I thought he loved me. I was pregnant!”

“I know, I know. Let it out.” She doesn’t try to console me more than hugging me and letting me drench her shirt.

“I gave him everything. I-I don’t get it-t.”

“You’re hurting and drunk, so go ahead and cry,” Rea says as she brushes my hair off my face.

I lie in her lap as she plays with my hair. I mumble incoherently about hating him to wishing I could kill him myself. All this time I thought I was married to a different man.

Once I’ve gotten to a point where I’m no longer hiccup-crying, Reanell helps me upstairs. She climbs into bed with me as I lie here wishing I could sleep so I could get a break from my mind. This is what she did after he died. Mason was away and she’d come sleep here so neither of us were alone.

“I wish I could go back in time,” I whisper, holding back the sadness that creeps up.

Rea shifts onto her side, “Yeah? To when?”

“I wouldn’t have tried to make him sleep with me . . .” My eyes close and I fight the sleepiness. “He didn’t even want me.”

Reanell shakes my shoulder, waking me. “Liam wants you. Liam cares for you and that’s why he didn’t sleep with you. You both deserve better than a drunken night of sex because you found out Aaron cheated. Now, shut up and go to sleep. I’m going to owe Mason a blowjob for sleeping here tonight.”

My lips attempt to smile but I fail. I close my eyes, drifting to sleep where the hurt can’t touch me. I welcome the reprieve and pray Brittany and Aaron don’t haunt me in my sleep.

My house is eerily quiet and I fight the urge to go back to her. I sat in my car for an hour after Reanell showed up. Fought with myself to knock on the door but instead I went home. Sitting there wishing I hadn’t pushed her to come tonight. Selfishly, I’d wanted to force her to be with me outside of the walls of her home, to go public.

After two hours of staring at the walls, I need to see her and make sure she’s okay. The way I left wasn’t exactly how I’d planned for the night to end. I wanted to fuck every memory out of her mind. Show her that he’s a prick for ever making her feel like this, but I don’t want it to be because of him. When I take her for the first time, it’ll be because she’s ready, but I had to use every ounce of restraint I had to walk away.

What a mess this whole damn situation is . . . I can’t really bash Aaron because he was my best friend. But I want to bash him because he’s a fool. I can’t push Natalie to be with me because the guilt of falling in love with my best friend’s wife overwhelms me, but I want her so bad I can barely breathe.

I open the door with the key under the plant. I make a mental note to have her change that. She’s asking for something bad to happen.

First, I see the half-empty bottle of Jack on the living room table. I shouldn’t have fucking left her. There was no way in hell I was going to sleep with her tonight. Not that I don’t fall asleep thinking about it every damn night, because she’s the real deal. The girl you bring home to your mother because you want to spend every day with her. She’s not the girl you fuck the night she finds out her husband slept around.