Cool School (12 page)

ou cross the road and walk nervously up to the two people.

‘Yes, Mr Pigly?' you say. ‘Yes, Mrs Pigly?'

‘What did you call us?' the man asks.

‘Mr and Mrs Pigly.'

‘I suppose you think that's funny,' the man says. He pulls out a card from his pocket and shows it to you. ‘I'm Senior Constable Irvine. And this is Senior Constable Craig. We're from the Truancy Squad. We don't like cheeky kids. We'd like you to accompany us to the station.'

As they lead you away you look around. The street is deserted. There's not a single one of your fellow students in sight. But you're almost sure you can hear their giggles following you all the way to the lockup.

es,' you say again, more urgently, and to the whole class now. ‘If everyone stays sitting in their places, and is extra extra good, you'll get a big surprise.'

‘What's the surprise?' someone yells out.

‘Oh well, if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?'

But they all start chanting: ‘What's the surprise? What's the surprise?'

You're helpless, knowing that you've completely lost control of this rabble, and completely unable to think of a surprise for them. But as you stand there, gaping at them like a laughing clown at a sideshow, waiting for someone to drop a ping-pong ball down your throat, there's a cough from the doorway.

You look across. Standing there is a tall man with a dark brown briefcase.

The whole class falls silent as they notice him.

‘I'm the surprise,' he says to them. ‘I'm your new teacher. I'm sorry I'm late.' Then to you he says: ‘I heard your efforts to stop the class from getting up and leaving. Thank you very much. Well done.'

You sit down, blushing. The kid who was going to walk out yells at you: ‘What a moron. We knew you wasn't a teacher.'

The real teacher says, very quietly: ‘No yelling out in my class. Half-hour detention, tomorrow after school.'

And the kid shuts up, straight away!

‘Now,' says the teacher, ‘we'll start with Africa. Africa is the world's second largest continent with a population of over 600 million. Its main rivers are the Congo, Limpopo, Zambezi, Nile and Niger.'

You settle back in your seat and yawn. Looks like life is back to normal.

uddenly his nerve breaks. With a strangled cry he puts his hands over his mouth and rushes out of the room.

‘What was that all about?' you ask the class.

‘He's scared of germs,' a kid tells you again. ‘Terrified of them.'

You don't see the big guy for the rest of the day, but a boy tells you that he's spent all the time in the bathroom, scrubbing himself with Dettol. Next morning you find he's swapped lockers with another kid so that he's now on the other side of the school to you. You laugh.

You can't believe that you fooled him so easily. But later that day you start to feel funny. You feel all hot and dizzy. By the time you get home you can hardly stand up. When your mother gets in you stagger across the room to her. ‘Err, I don't feel so good,' you tell her.

She takes a close look at you. ‘Let's see your chest,' she says. You unbutton your shirt and to your shock there's a big red rash there.

‘Oh no!' you groan. You don't need your mother to tell you. Yes, you've got German measles!

ou're lying,' he says.

‘That's not very nice,' you say, trying desperately to think of something else to scare him with. He's taken another step towards you, and his hands are reaching for your throat.

‘All right, I'll tell you the truth,' you shout.

He hesitates, and you just have time to think of something to say.

‘I've got hypoimaginoliosis,' you say.

‘You do?' he growls. But there's just the faintest trace of uncertainty in his eyes.

‘Yes!' you cry. ‘I didn't want to tell anyone, but I've got an extreme case of it. The doctors have given me . . .' you try to squeeze a tear out of your eye . . . ‘they've given me three months. If I'm lucky.'

‘Oh gee.' The big guy stands there looking embarrassed. ‘I'm sorry. I didn't know.'

‘Well,' you say heroically. ‘I don't like to talk about it. I don't want any fuss.'

For the rest of the day the big guy carries your bag around the school for you. Next day he gives you a box of chocolates. Next day he beats up a kid who doesn't hold a door open for you. You enjoy being looked after like this, so you don't complain. There's only one problem. What are you going to tell him in three month's time?

o your amazement he actually stops. As you'd have trouble spelling kung-fu, let alone doing it, you're very amazed. You stand there on your one leg, still balanced but not sure what to do next. Then a slight breeze comes blowing through the door. You feel yourself swaying. ‘Oh no!' you think. ‘Not that!' But yes, it is that. Before you have time to consider a plan of action you fall straight over. How stupid do you feel? One minute you're a martial arts warrior, the next minute you're on the floor. Through dazed eyes you see the towering figure of the Incredible Hulk standing above you. You close your eyes in terror.

You're about to cop severe punishment!