Cool School (14 page)

nfortunately it's been a hot afternoon. Even more unfortunately the sun streams in through the windows directly opposite the lockers. Most unfortunately of all, when you get to your locker you see a small brown waterfall slowly cascading down the front of the steel doors. You open your locker door and the waterfall turns into a flood. Your friends gather around in stunned silence. There's only one thing to do. There are no more choices to be made here. You reach into your schoolbag and pull out half a packet of marshmallows that you'd been saving for a special occasion. You hand each of your friends a marshmallow and a straw.

‘OK,' you say sadly. ‘The hot chocolates are on me.'

m, look, maybe I made a mistake,' you say weakly. ‘In fact the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I got it a bit wrong.'

‘Yes' says the Principal. ‘I'm sure you did. I think you'll find Cedric was just wanting to show you his collection of pressed flowers.'

You nod frantically and give Cedric a nervous smile. He stares back. If looks can kill then you just got terminal cancer.

‘Well,' you say, backing away towards the door. ‘Guess I'd better be moving along. Don't want to miss any more school. Ha ha ha. It's been very nice. Thank you so much.'

And out the door you go. You scuttle straight to your locker and open it with trembling hands. But a moment later Cedric is there beside you. His huge hand grips your wrist and his pale eyes stare into yours.

You stare back for about two and a half minutes and in all that time he doesn't blink once. It makes your eyes water to look at him.

‘You haven't seen my flowers yet,' he says.

‘Uh, no,' you agree.

‘Behind the canteen, at lunchtime,' he says. ‘Be there.' He releases your hand and you count your fingers carefully. Four, and one thumb.

What a relief.

Lunchtime comes and, with a sinking feeling, you walk towards the canteen.

You don't want to go, but you know you have no choice. Taking smaller and smaller steps you go around the side of the canteen. And there he is, as large as the Titanic, as ugly as a heavy metal band, as frightening as a retired footballer. You stop in your tracks. You're not sure how to handle this. It feels dangerous, really dangerous!

t's too much trouble to resist, so gradually you let your eyes close.

Her voice sounds like it's coming from far away now, like she's talking to you through a wall.

‘Do you hear me?' she asks.

‘Yes ma'am.'

‘Good,' she purrs. ‘Listen closely. From now on you are going to be my eyes and ears in this school. Every time you see someone breaking a rule, every time you hear of someone saying or doing the wrong thing, you will go to the nearest teacher or to me and tell us all about it. Do you understand?'

‘Yes ma'am.'

‘Good,' she says again. ‘I want to know everything that goes on, everything. No matter what happens, you will report it. Now say, “I understand and I obey.”'

‘I understand and I obey,' you repeat slowly.

‘All right,' she snaps her fingers and your eyes suddenly open. There she is, standing in front of you. ‘Such a sweet little old lady,' you think. ‘So kind and helpful.'

‘Off you go now,' she says merrily. ‘Off you go to class. Oh, and . . . have a nice day.'

‘Thank you,' you mumble, and you shuffle outside. You pull out your timetable and study it. You're not sure where you're meant to be. Is it time for Science or PE?

he rips the knitting needle out of the books and comes at you again. You heave the jar of jelly beans at her and unluckily miss by a centimetre. She chases you around the desk, but at least this means you've now got a clear path to the door. You race towards it, forgetting that it's locked. But just as you get there it crashes down from the other side, ripping right off its hinges. A crowd of police officers comes rushing in. They grab the Principal and, after a fierce struggle, manage to handcuff her. But behind them, standing in the doorway watching, is . . . the Principal! How can this be? In complete shock you gaze from one to the other. They're identical! Two women of the same age, dressed in similar clothes, but impossible to tell apart.

As you stand there, too stunned to speak, the one in the doorway smiles at you.

‘I can see what a surprise this is to you,' she says. ‘As you can now see, there's a perfectly simple explanation. We are identical twins. Unfortunately Myrtle has suffered from a severe psychopathic delusion for some years now and has been confined. But this morning she escaped and managed to find her way here and bluff her way into my office. I hope she hasn't done you any harm. She does become quite violent at times.'

As the Principal speaks, Myrtle is led past, her mad eyes staring at no one and nothing.

‘There, you see,' says the Principal, ‘she's gone now. You're quite safe. Why don't you come in and . . . have a nice cup of herbal tea.'

ou hesitate, then the man and the woman suddenly start crossing the road, walking quickly towards you.

‘Run,' a kid yells. ‘They're coppers.'

Everyone scatters. You find yourself pounding along the road with three other kids. You run flat out for five minutes. At last the four of you stop, panting and laughing.

‘Hey, you make a pretty funny teacher,' one kid says to you.

‘Oh well,' you say, ‘it was good while it lasted.'

‘We're near my place,' another kid says. ‘Anyone want to watch a video? We've got
Honey, I Ate the Kids
.'

It sounds good to you, and off you go with your new friends. There'll be time enough tomorrow to worry about school.