Cover to Covers (27 page)

He
held her arms. “But the fantasy of being with me is inevitably going to be better than the reality. Go back to writing about the way you thought I was, Moe. Those stories are always going to read better than the lies I can give you.”

Monique
stared at him, her gray eyes pleading for illumination. “What lies?”

He let her go. “The big lie I’ve been hiding from the world about me
. On the inside, I’m terrified, Moe. I’m terrified that I can’t run Propel, and I will let all of our employees down. I wake up every morning and wonder, is this the day that everyone will find out what a screw up I really am?”

“Ty, everyone wakes up and thinks the same thing, every single day of their lives.
” She rested her hand on his arm. “I wonder when people are going to figure out I can’t write. Mat used to have nightmares about being in surgery and not being able to save his patient. Even Chris confided to me that he is winging it most of the time. No one is born with confidence; we just pretend to know what we are doing and pray to God no one ever figures it out.”

“But I am a screw up, don’t you see that?”

“That’s not the Tyler Moore I remember. You could tackle any challenge that came your way.”

He spun away from her, moving toward the kitchen doors. “But it’s the Tyler Moore I’ve become.”

“I believe in you, Ty,” she declared behind him. “I believed in you twenty-one years ago, and I’m not about to give up on you now. Being in love means you’re willing to fight for someone, or die trying.”

He stopped at the doors, but did not turn to face her. “Please don’t love me, Moe. I’m not worth the effort.”

“You’re worth it, Ty. Sometimes we only find our self-worth when it is shining back at us through the eyes of the ones we love. People come into our lives for a reason, maybe it is to show us how special and worthwhile we really are. That’s what you did for me all those years ago.”

“How on earth did I do that?”

“You loved me.” She came up to him and placed her hand on his back. “Encouragement may be instilled with words, but it’s only fortified by love.”

Tyler
was not sure if he should flee or hold her in his arms. He craved another shot of bourbon to bolster his caving confidence, but he knew the alcohol would not help. Years of sobriety had taught him that all of his problems could not be washed away with a bottle of booze. He could get drunk and feel like crap, but his insecurities would still be there, haunting him just like the image of a murdered victim taunts a remorseful killer.

Opting to keep his distance, he
migrated closer to the door. “I have e-mails to get out,” was all he could think to say before quickly departing the kitchen.

As he climbed
the stairs, he was convinced of what he needed to do. He just prayed that he had the strength to do it.

Chapter
20

Spending the next hour in his room, answering e-mails and making phone calls, Tyler tried to remain focused on work, but there was not a second when he did not rehash his conversation with Chris. When he had first planned on coming to see Monique, he had never intended to hurt her or her career.

“
I’m such an idiot,” he muttered after he had read an e-mail from his legal department for the third time.

Reaching for his cell phone, he was startled when it rang in his hand.
After checking the name on the caller ID, he eagerly took the call.

“Gary,” he said into the phone speaker. “I heard. You want to tell me why you called Mitch?”

“Running a company means you are available twenty-four-seven, Tyler. You tell me, what choice did I have?”

Tyler
did not say a word.

“When can you get to Oklahoma City?” Gary
pressured, sounding out of breath.

“Mitch is on his way. He can
see to all—”

“You’re the CEO, Tyler
,” Gary broke in. “You need to handle this. I told Hal Askew you were going to see him, not some second-in-command. Drop what you are doing and head to Oklahoma.”

“Mitch knows the pipeline project better than me, and he is the one who sealed the deal with the locals.”

“He didn’t seal a goddamned thing, and you know that. If Mitch had done his job in the first place, you wouldn’t be fighting with the state legislature. Get your ass on a plane and get to Oklahoma.” Gary coughed into the phone. “Your mother told me you’re with some old flame in New Orleans, and I know how you get with your women, Tyler, but you can’t blow this off for some broad.”

Tyler bit his tongue, refusing to elaborate on his feelings for Monique to a man who
viewed her as nothing more than a fleeting amusement for his stepson.

“I’ll get a flight out in the morning,” he
assured him.

“You need to go today,” Gary
protested.

“I’ll go tomorrow, Gary. That will give Mitch time to try and close the deal
; if he can’t, I’ll be there tomorrow. That’s it. You left me the company to run, and this is my decision. And if you ever go around me again, I swear I’ll talk to the board about cutting you out completely.”

“Why you arrogant little shit. I left you the company because your mother swore you could handle it. I’ve always had my doubts about you, now more than ever
, and I—”

“I
will handle it, Gary.”

“You better not screw this up, Tyler. This company is
everything to me, and I will never—”

“I don’t have to answer to you anymore
,” Tyler barged in. “If you don’t like the job I’m doing, why don’t you get off your ass and come back to Propel?”

Enraged,
Tyler hung up the phone. But as he sat there, listening to the beating of his heart, he also felt empowered by his refusal to cater to Gary’s demands. For the first time since taking over Propel, he had acted as if he was the one who was truly in charge.

“Everything all right?” Monique asked from
his open bedroom door. “I heard you shouting at someone.”

Tyler sat on the edge of his bed and
held up the cell phone in his hand. “Gary.” 

“Is there still a problem in Oklahoma?”

Tyler nodded.

She approached
the bed and sat down next to him. “About what I said before, I just wanted to—”

He
tossed the cell phone to the bed. “Forget it, Moe. I know what you were trying to say.”

“I don’t think you do.”

His eyes swerved to the iPhone next to him as a bitter taste rose up his throat. “It doesn’t matter now. Looks like I’ve got to head to Oklahoma in the morning.”

Tension filled the air between them, and all the intimacy they had shared the night before felt
as if it had happened centuries ago.

She got up from the bed. “You’ve got your business to run.”

“And you’ve got your books to write.”

“Attempt to write, anyway.” She stood for a moment, as if she were going to say something, but then changed her mind. “I’ll leave you to your phone calls. I can take you to the airport in the morning.”

Ignoring the growing heaviness around his heart, he reached for the iPhone. “Thanks, Moe, but I’ll get a car. I may have to leave pretty earlier.”

A hint of disappointment crossed her features.
“While you take care of business, I’ll head to the store. Is there anything special you would like me to make for dinner?”

“Let me take you out for dinner tonight
. Anywhere you want,” he enthusiastically offered, trying to lift the mood in the room.

She shook her head,
moving toward the door. “No, I really don’t feel like going out.”

“How about pizza? We can have it delivered?”

A faint smile faltered on her lips. “That sounds good, and you know how I love pizza.”

“Yeah, I know.”

After Moe had left his room, Tyler stared at the phone in his hand as a slew of reasons to go after her barraged his mind. There were things he should tell her, things he should explain about his life, but in the end he never got up from the bed. Disgusted, he hit his secretary’s number on his call list.

“Lynn,” he
barked into the phone before she could get a word in. “Get me a commercial flight to Dallas from New Orleans first thing in the morning. I’ll catch the company jet from there to Oklahoma.”

“You’re not going to let M
r. Douglass handle it?”

“No
. I’m the boss, I need to be there.”

A
n uncomfortable moment of silence passed before Lynn spoke again. “I had hoped you were learning to give up some of that precious control you guard so closely, Mr. Moore.”

“I can never give up control, Lynn. As soon as I do, everything turns to hell.”

***

They dined on barbeque chicken pizza and garlic cheese sticks delivered from Monique’s favorite restaurant,
The Sweet Note. Tyler tried to keep the conversation cheerful during dinner, sticking to subjects like the city, Monique’s books, and, of course, the ever-present Bart.

“Is it my imagination or is that dog always eating?” Tyler
questioned as they sat at the kitchen table after their meal.

“
He is always eating.” Monique watched as Bart sniffed around for crumbs beneath the table. “The vet told me to put him on a diet, but I don’t have the heart to deny him what he wants.”

Tyler leaned his elbows on the table as his eyes roamed over the remnants of pizza in the white cardboard box set between them. “You ever think about living with someone else besides Bart?”

She picked up the bottle of chardonnay she had opened to go with her pizza. “I don’t know. Bart can be a pretty picky customer when it comes to roommates.” She refilled her wine glass.

“You shouldn’t be alone, Moe. You’re a beautiful woman who has a lot to offer a man.”

Monique put the bottle down on the table, the trepidation glistening in her eyes. “Are you trying to tell me to go out in the world and find someone else?”

He could feel the acid
beginning to churn in his stomach. “You know what I do, and there will be times we want to be together and then I will have to leave, like tomorrow. Is that what you want?”

“No one said it was going to be easy
.” She lifted her glass of wine.

“Long distance relationships are
hard to maintain.”

She sat back in her chair, eyeing him thoughtfully. “You sound like you’re already coming up with excuses.”

“No, not excuses.” He held up his hands in resignation to her. “I’m presenting the challenges this will create.”

“Challenges?
I thought you liked challenges.” She quickly took a sip of wine.

“I do, but
they can tear two people apart just as easily as they can build them up.”

“I’m not made of crystal, Ty. I won’t shatter into a million pieces if you don’t call or come to visit regularly.
” She banged the wineglass down on the table. “I’m not going to put demands on you.”

That awkward tension
between them resurfaced, adding to his discomfort. “I just want you to know what you’re getting with me.”

“I
already know, and I will stick by you until….” Her voice failed her. “Until you don’t want me anymore.”

He remembered the bourbon in the pantry and yearned for a sip. “How could I ever not want you, Moe?”

She stood from the table and carried her empty plate to the sink. “You want me; I don’t doubt that. The question is if you need me in your life.”

He sat back in his chair and looked over at her. “I don’t understand.”

She turned from the sink and stared at him for the longest time. “You don’t need anyone, you never have,” she finally stated. “If you ever did find yourself needing anyone or anything, I think that would equate to weakness for you. And weakness means losing control, and you never like losing control.”

“A lot of people don’t like losing control, Moe.” He stood from his chair. “But you’re right. I have to maintain control every
day. I run a multi-million dollar company with hundreds of employees counting on my decisions to keep their jobs.”

“This has got nothing to do with your company.”

“It has everything to do with it,” he insisted, moving closer. “I can’t separate myself from Propel. It’s a twenty-four hour job that has been hell on all of my relationships.” He ran his fingers along her cheek. “And you’re wrong, you know. I do need you in my life.” Tyler placed his arms about her. “Would you consider relocating to Dallas?”

She
squinted, as if mulling over the question. “Nah, I like it here,” she eventually conceded.

He kissed her forehead as the heavy feeling encapsulating his heart spread throughout his body
. “Then we make a go of this with me in Dallas and you in New Orleans. We can commute on weekends, and I can travel to your conventions.”