Cowboy Gangster 03 - Outlaws of Love (16 page)

“Stop calling me baby,” Gavin scowled and shrugged off his arm. “I’m not your boyfriend, you relentless horn dog. I’m not even
gay.
”

Tommy chuckled. “So you keep saying. But you haven’t convinced me yet.”

Angel pursed his lips in a tight smile. “And what would convince you?”

A mischievous grin slid across Tommy’s face. “If we fucked and he didn’t like it.” He threw his arm around him again. “So…
convince
me, baby.”

Gavin snorted. “I can live with you remaining unconvinced.”

“But
I
can’t,” Tommy whined.

“Fuck,” Axel laughed and shook his head.

“You have my sympathy, Gavin,” Angel grinned. “Good luck staying
straight
with that one on your back.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Gavin groaned.

Tommy growled and nipped Gavin’s ear. “Oh baby, once I climb on your back –it’s gay all the way!”

Angel broke with laughter. “Shit, Gav, you’re in trouble. This one is determined.”

“Tell me about it,” Gavin grumbled. He kissed Jonah on the head and handed him back to Axel. “I better get back to work.” He untangled from Tommy’s arm. “At least the horny customers understand
boundaries
.” He shot Tommy a narrow look laced with amusement, then returned to his former flirt session with an attractive man in a nice suit.

“Boundaries,” Tommy scoffed. “What’re those?”

“When he says
no
,” Angel chuckled. “He’s setting a boundary.”

“He doesn’t say no,” Tommy informed. “He says…stop trying to touch my dick. And…don’t look at me like that when you’re jacking off. And there’s a few
fuck off
s now and then. But he doesn’t say
no
.”

Angel shook his head. “I’m pretty sure all those things qualify as
no
.”

Tommy shrugged and smirked. “He doesn’t mean it.” He sucked in a deep breath and brushed his knuckles against his chest. “He wants me…he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Uh-huh,” Angel smiled. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“Oh I will,” Tommy winked. “Until it comes true.”

Angel laughed. “You can’t force him to be gay, you know?”

“Not force,” Tommy grinned. “Just teach him the pleasures of anal penetration. Even a straight guy can learn that. You don’t have to be quote unquote
gay
to enjoy dick.”

Angel cocked an eyebrow. “Since when?”

“Since I said so,” Tommy scowled. “Shut up.” He laughed.

“Okay, well…” Angel cleared his throat. “Good luck with the…lessons.”

Tommy winked and saluted, then returned to the main floor to mingle with the customers.

“I’m not sure we’re doing you any favors by getting you a job around these guys.” Angel’s lips twisted in an exaggerated frown and Axel smiled.

“I like them,” he murmured.

Angel laughed softly. “Yeah, me too.”

Shifting his feet, Axel asked quietly, “Do you think there’s any truth to that?” His head ducked as he slowly dragged his fingertips through the pup’s fur.

“What?” Angel asked.

Axel pressed his lips tight and shrugged. “That…even a straight guy can sometimes enjoy…”

Angel stared at him. “I…uh…suppose it’s possible. Typically, though, if a guy likes that, then he isn’t straight. Not entirely, anyway.” He frowned. “Why do you ask?”

Shrugging again, Axel mumbled, “No reason. Just…wondering.”

Why are you wondering?
Angel’s stomach squeezed with tension. “Honestly, I don’t think it’s the sex that determines if a guy is gay or straight…but whether or not he can have intimate feelings for another man. A lot of people enjoy a lot of different type of sex, but if there is absolutely no ‘gay’ in a man, then there’s no way he could fall in love with another guy.” He smiled. “That’s what I think, anyway. The heart determines your true preferences, not your…
thang
.”

Axel laughed softly, but the veiled disappointment in his eyes didn’t set well at all with Angel.

♦

Axel dropped the subject and followed Angel to the bar. Maybe he had been hoping for a different answer. Or perhaps Angel’s answer would have been fine –if Axel was able to deny his feelings for Clint. But the hole in his heart made it impossible. If it could be shrugged off as infatuation or a passing phase, maybe even then he could come to terms with a different reality that he was more comfortable with…and which didn’t hurt so bad.

He might even reach for that –if it hadn’t been for Clint’s reluctance and hesitation in walking out. His
tears.
And the buckle. Why would he leave it behind if he didn’t care for Axel at all? Why would he shed a fucking
tear?

Don’t do this. Don’t play this game. He’s gone –and nothing else matters. He’s still gone and he isn’t coming back. Don’t try to convince yourself he’s off somewhere missing you. He isn’t.

So why couldn’t he get it out of his head that Clint left against his own will? That maybe…it
wasn’t
what he wanted?

Axel drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. He hugged Jonah closer as an ache spread through his chest. He knew he was just trying to hold onto the illusion, somehow ease the pain by telling himself that Clint still cared. But he needed to let it go, face the truth…and accept that it was over, for good.

How did one do that, though –when their whole world was tied up in that one person?

Maybe that was his mistake. Putting all his eggs in one basket, so to speak. His entire world didn’t have to revolve around Clint. He had others in his life that helped fill the void, that made him feel wanted and even loved. Angel and Maddy, the extended family they brought with them. Jimmy. People he could
trust
.

The moment of enlightenment did little to soften the hurt inside, but maybe in time it would help. The more time that passed without Clint around…would he just fade into the sunset like those old TV cowboys, never to be seen again?

That’s what you need to happen –whether or not it feels like what you want right now.

“Axel?” Angel’s concerned voice pushed through his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

Axel blinked and felt the tears thick in his lashes. He looked at Angel and the young man’s face shimmered in front of him. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m fine.”

Sympathy resonated in Angel’s clear eyes. “Okay,” he murmured doubtfully, then looked at the bar. “Where’d they go?”

Axel glanced around. The bartender and a few customers occupied the bar, but Dane and the others were nowhere to be found.

♦

“Two young men from Clint’s
family
were shot Saturday night,” Gabe said. His face strained. “They were set up. One didn’t make it. The other –Corrigan –was the young man with Clint the day that bastard Ray was waiting to ambush us at our apartment. He’s like a son to Clint. He said the boy called him in the middle of the night from an old warehouse where he’d been shot and left for dead.”

Dane stared at him. “And that’s why he took off in such a hurry,” he murmured.

“Yes,” Gabe nodded. “But there’s more to it.” He explained the shooter’s ‘message’ and how Clint believed it to be a personal attack on him.

“So,” Dane frowned. “He thinks the shooting and Axel’s assault are related?”

“He’s convinced of it.”

Dane shook his head, slightly confused. “Okay, but why did he leave Axel? Wouldn’t he want to keep him
close?
”

“That part isn’t entirely clear to me. He didn’t say anything about Axel in that respect. But…” Gabe rubbed his mouth and paced the storeroom floor as Cole leaned silently against one of the shelves. “The fucker who shot them? He walked right into Corrigan’s hospital room last night. Posed as a doctor and even spoke to Clint directly out in the parking lot.”

“Then he got a look at him?” Dane asked.

“No,” Gabe sighed. “It was dark, he barely saw his face at all.”

“I can imagine he is majorly pissed, though,” Cole spoke up. “The fucker was right there in front of him, within reach –and he didn’t even know it. The man is playing with him, with them all. This bastard has balls. But you start toying with Clint –and they can get cut off real quick.”

“Indeed,” Gabe nodded. “One thing that’s got Clint real worried now –he thinks they may come after him again.”

“He was concerned about that before he left,” Dane said.

Gabe paused, one hand clamping his hip as his other covered his mouth and lingered. “I don’t know the specifics, but he feels Axel is in even greater danger. So we need to keep eyes on him at all times. Extra close watch.”

“So…” Dane looked at Cole and Gabe. “Do you think Clint left…to keep Axel
safe?
”

“Honestly, I think that’s a big a part of it,” Gabe admitted.

“But,” Dane posed. “He’s still clearly worried about Axel’s safety. Isn’t that in itself implying that Axel is still in danger, even with him gone?” He stared at the two men, puzzled. “So why doesn’t he just come back and watch over Axel himself?”

Cole shook his head. “Therein lies the mystery,” he murmured.

“Regardless…he
does
still care for Axel, though…right?”

Gabe sighed. “Obviously.”

“So why didn’t he just explain to Axel what was going on?” he asked. “Instead of ripping his damn heart out?”

“I don’t have the answers to that enigma,” Gabe said quietly.

♦

On Wednesday morning, the two young men that entered the vet office were strangers to Kane, but he did recognize his former patient. The older of the two carried the pup gently in his arms and close to his chest –unlike the Egyptian’s distasteful grasp on the dog when it was brought in the first time.

“Hi,” the kid said quietly. “You treated this pup a few days ago for bruised ribs. I was told I needed to bring him back in for a checkup.”

“Yes, of course,” Kane smiled and took the pup. “I remember this guy.” He looked at the kid. “We’ll need to get your name and contact information, the pup’s name as well, for our records.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll send someone out to give you the form,” Kane said. “You can fill it out while I examine the pup.” He walked into the back and entered the exam room. “Zoe, I need you to gather the contact information from the customer out front.”

Zoe looked up from where she knelt on the floor, stocking a lower shelf. Her eyes lit up when she saw the pup and she crawled to her feet. “Hey, isn’t that the pup…”

“Yeah,” Kane nodded.

Zoe peered out the door, a smile twisting her lips. “Is…”

“No,” Kane interjected. “As you might recall, the cowboy guy said he found the pup a home.”

“So your hottie isn’t here, either, huh?” Her face pinched in disappointment. “Bummer. I was hoping to get a look at him.”

“Go,” Kane ordered.

“I’m
going
,” Zoe sneered playfully and left the exam room.

Kane placed the pup on the table as images from last week worked themselves up and overflowed his mind. How the hell had he gotten caught in that web? He’d been so careful to avoid such situations. And why hadn’t the Egyptian just let it go once everything was out of their system that first night? If he hadn’t given Kane his number, then there would have been no midnight drunken messaging and phone call, and thus no…visit from the man the next morning.

The throb in his crotch was thumping with force before he realized it had started at all.
Get a grip, for crying out loud. You’re like some damned hormonal teenager. This has gone far enough. Too damn far.

Kane inhaled deep, held it then let it out on a slow, even exhale. He stroked the pup. “Your doc is a moron, you know that?” The pup wriggled and tried to climb on him. Kane chuckled. “You don’t have to agree so enthusiastically. You could argue with me, you know?” He held the pup still, though not without effort, and felt his ribs. “You’re obviously feeling no pain when you move.” The pup showed no signs of discomfort as Kane pressed gently down on his ribcage. He picked it up and held it in front of his face. “I believe you’re good to go.” The pup wriggled in his grasp and licked his nose. Kane grinned. “You seem pretty happy. Well fed. And at least your new owner doesn’t hold you like you have the plague.”

♦

Axel wasn’t prepared for the cheery girl that emerged from the back of the vet office, her step light, almost bouncy. She was slim, possibly on the petite side, and her blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. The smile she flashed was genuine and friendly, her entire demeanor warm and welcoming. Axel hadn’t met many girls like her while with Wade. Shit, he hadn’t met
any
like her.

“Hey,” she grinned. Her eyes were emerald –
much brighter green than Clint’s
–and glowed with a natural enjoyment of life. “So I take it you’re the lucky new owners of that handsome pup.”

“He is,” Angel smiled. “I’m just the babysitter.”

She looked Angel up and down. “You are just so cute.”

“Thank you,” Angel chuckled. “Right back atcha.”

That pleased her and she laughed. “Oh, I’m supposed to get your info,” she grimaced. “I swear my brain is mush.” She reached beneath the counter and took out a clipboard with a paper attached. “Just fill this out, if you please.” She smiled and handed it to Axel. Her eyes softened a fraction as they caressed his face. An unexpected warmth seeped through his chest and he looked away. He plucked a pen from a simple plastic cup of pens on the short counter and began writing down his information.

“I’m Zoe, by the way. Sagittarius. Animal lover, but I still eat meat.” She grinned as Axel glanced up. “Lead guitarist in a local rock band.”

“Cool,” Angel said. He reached past Axel, stretching out his hand. “I’m Angel.”

“Yes you are,” Zoe cooed then laughed. “So what do you do, Angel? And let’s hope it involves some medical training, because I know you stop hearts wherever you go.”

Angel chuckled and cleared his throat. “Well…not exactly. I work at the Phoenix Club. Bartender in training.”

The pen paused in Axel’s hand as she went silent for a moment, and he looked at her. A grin played on her lips. “That’s the, uh…” she waved her hand absently. “…The fancy gay strip club, right?”

“That’s the one,” Angel nodded. “My dad owns it.”

Zoe’s eyes widened with delight. “No shit?” she hissed with a grin. “So are you…”

“Gay?” Angel laughed softly. “Yes. Engaged, actually, to one of the
hot
strippers from the club.”

“I better check my pulse,” Zoe whimpered. “’Cause I swear I just died and went to heaven.”

“You like gay boys?” Angel seemed amused.

“Hell,” Zoe snickered. “I was supposed to
be
one.” She sighed heavily. “I guess God got distracted that day. They say God don’t make mistakes, but…” She clucked her tongue and shrugged. “I think I’m living proof to the contrary.”

Axel cleared his throat discreetly and continued filling in the boxes on the form, suddenly very tense and not sure why –until Zoe turned her focus on him.

“So, what’s your name, handsome?”

“Axel,” he mumbled, keeping his head ducked and eyes on the paper.
Please don’t ask
. But he supposed it was inevitable.

“Do you work at the club, too?”

“Actually, I’m going to be starting work there in a day or two,” he said quietly.

Zoe smiled with a teasing tone in her voice. “Stripping?”

Axel jerked his eyes up. “No,” he replied quickly. “Not…that.”

“Are you…gay, too?”

Fuck
. He exhaled slowly. “I, uh…” he faltered, dropping his stare to the clipboard. “I’m not…” He shook his head and sighed. “…Anything,” he mumbled.

Zoe pursed her lips. “Okay…” she murmured slowly. “I just thought, if you were…since you’re wearing that cool buckle I saw on the cowboy gangster guy’s belt the other day…that maybe the two of you were…?”

“No,” Axel practically snapped, then eased off. “Sorry. But, no…we’re not.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “Cool. But…you guys do know him, right?” She shook her head. “Duh. Stupid question.” She glanced toward the back then leaned closer in a conspiratorial manner. “Do you by any chance know his friend? I haven’t seen him, so I can’t describe him.”

“I think his name is Cochise,” Angel spoke up. “One of the guys at the club is tight with them. I think I heard him mention that name. Why do you ask?”

“Umm,” she glanced toward the back room again then smiled. “I can’t say. My Uncle would kill me.”

“The vet is your uncle?”

“Yeah,” Zoe nodded. “He’s pretty cool. And gay,” she added with a soft laugh. “But he hides all his hotness cooped up here and at our apartment.”

“He should come by the club,” Angel winked. “Our boys are very nice, and sexy. They’d make him feel real welcome, definitely show him a good time.”

Zoe leaned her elbows on the counter and propped her chin in her hands. “Can I come along, too?
Please.
”

Angel laughed. “Of course, you’re more than welcome.”

Finishing up the form, Axel slid the clipboard across the counter.

“Great,” Zoe smiled at him. Axel flinched when she unexpectedly reached out and plucked lightly at a stray strand of hair that lay across his eye, brushing it out of his face. “I love your hair.”

His eyes evasive, Axel mumbled, “Thanks.” The odd warm sensation was seeping down from his chest and into his gut, causing it to churn with a nervousness he didn’t understand.

Zoe gazed at him a moment longer, then drew back. “Since you guys are so sweet and nice…” She reached under the counter again, this time coming back with a flyer. “I’d like to invite you to my gig this Friday. I mean, if you’re free.” She handed the flyer to Angel. “It’s just outside the city, in a smaller town. We’re playing at their county fair.” She shrugged and smiled. “It’s hardly Madison Square Garden, but exposure is exposure. I’d love for you to come.” Her eyes shifted to Axel and softened with warmth. “Both of you.”

Angel raised an eyebrow and looked at Axel. “What do you think?”

Drawn to the girl’s hopeful gaze, Axel offered a small smile. “We’ll think about it.”

“Can we bring some of the boys from the club?” Angel asked. “They might like this.”

“Oh God, yes –
please
,” Zoe fanned herself.

Angel and Axel laughed, then sobered a bit when the vet returned with the pup. He cast a skeptical look at his niece. “You better be behaving yourself.”

“Don’t I always?” she asked sweetly.

“No. Never,” the man chuffed, though deep amusement glimmered in his eyes. He turned his attention to Axel and handed him the pup. “He seems to have healed up nicely. Doesn’t show any signs of pain in his movements or to touch. But if any concerns crop up, feel free to bring him back in.”

Axle nodded. “Thank you,” he murmured. “How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing,” the vet said. “Your cowboy friend took care of it. And any future treatments the pup may need.”

“That was sweet of him,” Zoe smiled.

“It was,” Angel agreed.

Axel felt his eyes on him but didn’t look at him. “Okay,” he mumbled.

“Hey…” Zoe grabbed one of the veterinary business cards from a miniature cardboard stand on the counter and scribbled on the back, then handed it to Axel. “If you can’t make it to the gig, call and let me know? Otherwise I’ll be looking for you all night.”

“Yeah,” Axel whispered. “No problem.”

“Thanks,” she said. “But I hope you can make it. You and your friends.” Her soft emerald eyes lingered on his face and he met her gaze momentarily. There was something about her that put him at ease, despite his anxious stomach.

“She was cool,” Angel smiled when they were outside and heading for the car. Dane sat behind the wheel and low music filtered out the open driver window.

“Yeah,” Axel mumbled. “She seemed nice.”

“I think she might have been flirting with you,” Angel teased.

“I don’t think so,” Axel shook his head.

“She called you handsome.”

“And she called you cute and said you stopped hearts wherever you went,” Axel reminded him. “Sounds more like she was flirting with you.”

Angel smirked. “Nah. She was just stating the obvious.”

“Ahh,” Axel chuckled. “That was it, huh?”

“We could ask Dane,” Angel said as they approached the car. “I bet he would agree I was cute enough to stop hearts.”

Axel chuffed. “He’s biased.”

“True,” Angel grinned. They walked around the front of the car. “What did you mean?” Angel asked, his tone growing serious. “When she asked if you were gay and you said you weren’t anything?”

Axel shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess that’s how I feel,” he said. “Just kind of…numb. I don’t feel attracted to either gender.”

“You will
feel
again,” Angel said softly and squeezed his shoulder. “You just have to give yourself time.” He opened the rear passenger door. “And I think it’s safe to say…your attraction will be toward men.”

I hope not
, Axel thought with a sick feeling in his chest. He took the front seat and placed Jonah on his lap.
I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to love…any man.

♦

Cory was released from the hospital Friday morning –five days after being admitted. He left without taking a trip down to the morgue to visit Shay. He was convinced by his dad and the others to wait and say his final goodbyes at the funeral –not in some cold room that felt like hell frozen over, surrounded by death.

Although his dad and Angelo had made arrangements for Shay to be transported back to New York, it was one of the hardest things Cory had ever done –leaving Shay behind, filed away in a metal drawer with a mere name tag to identify him.

It had been one week ago, exactly, that Cory and Shay had left the city together, confident that they would be back home by Sunday evening. They hadn’t talked about the job on the drive upstate. They had talked about
life.
And sometimes just the little insignificant stuff that somehow made life great when it was all gathered together. For short spaces, they had driven along in silence. But it had been a good silence, comfortable. Cory had been in an especially good mood because of Clint and Axel. It was such an amazing thing to see badass Uncle Clint knocking down walls –both within himself and in Axel as well. They were healing each other.