Cowboy Way (6 page)
led Jake down the hallway, holding his hand and looking back over his shoulder with a smoldering look, and Jake was transfixed. He was sure there wasnt a more beautiful sight anywhere. Ryans body was perfect, and touching it made him feel better than he had felt in his whole life. It was more than that, though, and Jake knew it. His heart was already involved, and the risk was overwhelming. Deep down, Jake knew it was worth it.
He pulled Ryan into his arms, unable to wait until they reached the bedroom to touch him. One hand slid into damp blond hair while the other slipped around his waist and splayed across the small of his back, brushing fingertips across the swell of that gorgeous ass. Ryan shivered, and it fueled Jakes fire even more. Ryan snaked his arms around Jakes neck and attacked his mouth. While he was doing that, Jake skidded the hand that had been in Ryans hair down his body, still trying to move them toward the bed. He grabbed Ryans leg and pulled it up, trying to wrap it around himself and pull their cocks closer together.
In his desperation, he pushed Ryan against the wall, sliding both hands down to grab warm flesh. Ryan brought his other leg up and locked it with the first, in the small of Jakes back. Ryans cock was trapped between their bodies, and the feel of it, hot and leaking against his stomach, was making Jake wild. His own cock was pressed against the one place he wanted it to be, and he couldnt take it anymore.
He pulled away from the wall, carrying Ryan with him. Stumbling the few steps to the bed, he gently lowered Ryan to lie on the blankets below. He pulled back then, to look at the breathtaking sight in front of him. Ryan lay there, arms crossed over his head like they were tied, legs still wrapped loosely around Jake. His cock was hard, arching proudly toward his stomach, begging to be touched. He put his hands on Ryans thighs, slowly stroking upward over his hips, coming to rest on Ryans chest. He played with the sensitive nipples until Ryan was writhing and moaning, the sounds he was making like music to Jakes ears.
He slid down to take possession of Ryans mouth, running his tongue across the full bottom lip before licking his way inside. His hands slid around to pull Ryans chest flush against his. He couldnt seem to get close enough.
“God, Ryan, you feel so good.” The words were whispered into a panting mouth before he trailed his lips to Ryans ear, feeling Ryans skin pebble at the air blowing across the sensitive skin. “Youre so soft, so hard, all at the same time.” He couldnt stop tasting and touching. “Need you, fuck, Ryan, need you so bad.”
Ryans eyes opened and locked with his, and the little seed of worry or sadness was still there. As bad as Jake wanted to make love to Ryan, he couldnt ignore it anymore. He touched his forehead to Ryans, sighing before reaching back and gently unwinding Ryans legs, lying down beside him, and gathering him up in his arms.
Ryan stiffened, and when Jake caught his eye again, the sadness was bigger. “Im sorry, Jake. Im pushing. I didnt mean to; just let me go and Ill leave.” He was trying to pull out of Jakes arms, but Jake wouldnt let him.
“Ryan, you arent pushing me. I am right where I want to be. But I need to know what that look in your eye is. I mean, youre looking at me, and I feel more want and desire than I have ever felt in my life.” He pushed the hair out of Ryans eyes and kissed his forehead before pulling back again.
“What has you sad, Ryan? Did I do something, not do something? I need to know, Ryan, because I think that look is breaking my heart.” Ryans eyes widened at that and then welled up with tears.
He reached up and touched Jakes face, tracing lines that were quickly becoming familiar. “Its not you, Jake, I promise. I just dont want you to feel like Im trying to make you do something you dont want to.” He was embarrassed that Jake had read him so easily. He thought that, after all this time, he would have been better at hiding it. And controlling himself. But the clear blue eyes looking at him were smiling.
“Ryan, thats not the first time youve said something like that, like youre forcing me to do something. Youre not, Ryan. I dont want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. I promise. I want this, so much. Cant you feel it? Feel me?”
Ryan had nuzzled his way into Jakes neck while he was talking, and Jake was startled to feel hot tears on his chest. He brought his hand to the back of Ryans head and wrapped his other arm around Ryans shoulders, holding him closer. His voice was a whisper.
“Ryan, what happened to you? Who hurt you this bad?” Ryan snuggled into Jakes embrace. He couldnt look Jake in the eye, not yet.
“I left home three years ago, Jake. I stay away, away from my family, because I made a really bad mistake.” Every word sounded like it was being forced out over broken glass. “I had a friend, Mike, and he had been my best friend forever, all through junior high and high school. And when I came out in junior year, he stood by me, and I thought I was so lucky to have a friend like that. He got a girlfriend in senior year, and I was happy for him, but it made me realize that I had a crush on him. But they insisted that I be their third wheel all the time, and I kept it to myself, happy to just be his friend and hers too.”
He stopped then, trying to get some air, clear his throat, something to make the talking easier. It wasnt working. Jake just kept holding him, tangling their legs together, trying to wrap himself around Ryan, to comfort him, make him feel safe, anything to stop the tears that were ripping his heart apart.
Ryan took a shuddering breath and then continued. “I guess I wasnt as good at hiding my feelings as I thought, because one night he invited me out, guys night out, he said. So we went for a drive, and he brought a case of beer he had taken from his dad, and we ended up at the school football field. We used to do that all the time, before he started dating Cathy.”
Ryan was trembling, running his hands up and down Jakes back, accepting the comfort Jake was offering. “We sat in the back of the truck, having a few beers, talking, and I was pretty happy. Then, all of a sudden, Mike looks at me and tells me he knows. I couldnt figure out what he was talking about, but then his face was right in front of mine and hes whispering that he knows I have a crush on him. And then he kissed me.” This drew another sob out of the wounded man in Jakes arms.
“God, Jake, he kissed me, and at first I was so shocked, and then I was so happy, and I kissed him back. It felt so good, and I was so lonely, and then he was taking my shirt off, and he pulled me down on top of him, and I didnt care about anything, not his girlfriend or how sudden it was, nothing.” Ryan started shaking harder now. But Jake stroked his back and kissed his hair and let him breathe, and soon he continued.
“He was holding me and touching me and kissing me. I thought I was so lucky to have my best friend love me. He wanted to take my jeans off, and I was trying to get his undone, and neither of us heard the car pull up. And then there was a flashlight, and he panicked and pushed me off. It was the school security guards, and one of them was the dad of a friend of Mikes, and he saw us, and the look on his face was horrible. Like he wanted us dead, and Mike saw it, too, and the next thing I knew, he punched me.”
Ryan brought his hand up to his face, like he was remembering the pain, and his voice was a whisper when he spoke again. “He told the security guards I forced him. Said we were drinking beers and I jumped him, took advantage of him, and he looked at me like I was nothing, worse than nothing, and I fell out of the back of the truck and puked my guts out, and the whole while they both looked at me like I should be dead.” His voice was dead, like there was no emotion left in him to give, and for Jake it was worse than the tears.
Ryan looked at him like he had almost forgotten he was there. “He took us to their office and called our parents. My mom and dad came down, and so did his dad, and he wanted them to call the cops and press charges against me, but Mike said no, because he just wanted to forget about it and didnt want anyone to know. And he wouldnt look at me anymore, and my parents didnt know what to say, and they sent us home, telling me to go to the principals office in the morning.”
His voice was scraping and cracking, like the physical act of talking was painful. “They said they believed me, my parents, but God, Jake, maybe I did? Maybe I pushed him? Maybe I was wrong, thinking he wanted it!” He was sobbing again, and Jake couldnt take it anymore.
He pulled on Ryans hair gently, to tip his head up so he could look him in the eyes. “Ryan, you listen to me. You didnt push him, and you didnt push me. Mike was a confused kid who panicked and threw you under the bus to save himself. How old were you? Seventeen?”
Ryan shook his head. “Just turned eighteen.” “Its not in you, Ryan, to hurt someone in that way. You didnt push me, Ryan, but you did pull me.” He smiled at the look of confusion on Ryans face. “You pulled me out of myself, and you pulled me into your orbit, and the pull of you had me crashing into you, but, Ryan? I was so ready, and I wanted it, wanted you! So please, believe me when I say you did nothing to force me, and that I am here because I want to be. What happened the next day?”
“When I got to school, I went to the office, but I could feel everyone looking at me. By the time it was done, I was asked to leave the school and never come back. It was close enough to the end of the year, and I was an honor student, so they said they would send my diploma, but I wasnt allowed to attend any graduation activities. And then they pushed me out of the office and out the door and that was that. And as I was leaving, I saw her, Cathy. She walked up and punched me so hard I fell. Then she spit on me and walked away.” Jake could feel the humiliation burning through Ryans body, and his heart broke all over again for him.
“No one asked me, Jake, not one of my friends. They all believed him, everyone did. And they treated me like garbage, and they harassed my family, and I left. I havent been home since.”
couldnt bear the sadness in Ryans voice and face. There was something so wrong about such a caring and loving person being treated so horribly. It made him angry, and Ryan felt him tensing up and mistook it for something else. He started trying to edge away, the humiliation and heartbreak burning into his soul again, like it did before, when he had seen that look on Mikes face. Only now it was worse, because he was pretty sure that he cared far more about Jake after twenty-four hours than he ever did about Mike.
Jake felt the shift and rolled himself on top of Ryan, pinning him to the mattress and looking in his eyes. He could see overwhelming fear and needed to calm it. He reached up and cupped Ryans cheek. “Hey, where you going?” Ryan was quietly sobbing, and each sob tore at Jakes soul.
“I dont know, I just, I dont want to burden you with this. I mean, you dont know me, and you dont need this, and I should just go.” But his hands told a different story, clutching at Jakes back like he was trying to find something to hang onto. Jake wanted to give it to him.
“You dont need to go anywhere, Ryan.” He carded his fingers though Ryans silken strands, letting it calm Ryan. “Youre safe here, and wanted here, and believed here, and I dont want you to go.” Ryan looked up at him, puzzled, but Jake could see the hope there too.
“Ryan, what happened to you was awful, but its not who you are. Ive never met anyone like you. After all the hurt you have suffered, you opened yourself up to me and made me feel more special than I ever have in my life.” He could feel Ryans breathing calm down. He kept touching him, just letting his fingers wander over warm skin, brushing tears from that heartbreakingly beautiful face, down his neck, over his shoulder. It was working, and soon he felt like he could slide off of Ryan, so he wasnt squishing him.
But Ryan held him close, not wanting him to go. He felt like Jake was keeping him grounded and safe, and it didnt hurt to breathe so much. Jake just lifted himself to rest on one elbow, leg thrown over Ryans hip and his hand wandering over Ryans hard chest and stomach, making Ryans breath hitch for a different reason.
“How did I get so lucky? It was some twist of fate that brought me to your door, Jake Evans. But I am grateful it did. Ive been feeling alone for a long time, like I needed to keep running, but I dont want that anymore.” He kept touching Jakes back and sides, just letting himself relax.
“Lets have a bit of a rest, okay? Just an hour or so, then I gotta get the horses in, and we should eat something.” Jake was talking quietly, letting his voice soothe Ryans nerves. Ryan snuggled down and let his head rest over Jakes heart, letting the sound of it lull him to sleep. He had both arms wrapped around Jakes waist, not caring that one was probably going to be asleep by the time they woke up. Jake set the alarm on his watch before giving in to the warmth of Ryans body pulling him under.
Jake woke up and saw that his alarm was about to go off, so he turned it off and untangled himself from Ryan gently before kissing him on the forehead and quickly grabbing his clothes. He snuck out to get dressed in the hall and headed outside to call the horses in, making sure each one had what it needed before heading back into the house. The sun was low in the sky, and it was a beautiful evening. Jake went into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and reflected on his day while starting a simple supper for him and Ryan.
Jake thought about how Ryan had treated him that afternoon, like he was someone precious who needed to be cherished, and Jake realized he hadnt felt like that before in his life. It was something he could get used to, though, and he was kind of awed at how much his life had changed in such a short time. Jake had known he was lonely, but he didnt realize how much until Ryan kissed him for the first time. The thought made him smile, and that was how Ryan found him when he wandered into the kitchen.
Jake looked over and saw Ryan standing there in his jeans, barefoot, shirt thrown over his shoulders but not buttoned, with a shy smile on his face, like he was unsure of his welcome.