Cowboy Wisdom (14 page)

I
f they start takin’ away guns, they’re gonna have to back me up against a wall and that’s no lie.

—C
URT
T
AYLOR
Blue Creek Ranch, Wyoming 1975

W
hen old age really gets its rope onto you, you can shift to a .38, then to a .32, an’ fall back on a single-shot .22. If yo’re
still alive after that, an’ gettin’ weaker, I’ll buy you one of them silver-plated air rifles.

—H
OPALONG
C
ASSIDY

Shoot ’em up Joe.

Run for sheriff 1872.

Run from sheriff 1876

Buried 1876.

—Boot Hill epitaph Dodge City, Kansas

E
very man for his principles. Hurrah for Jeff Davis. Let ’er go, men!

—B
OONE
H
ELM
Virginia City, Nevada

C
an’t you hurry this up a bit? I hear they eat dinner in Hades at twelve sharp. I don’t aim to be late.

—B
LACK
J
ACK
K
ETCHUM
Clayton, New Mexico

G
entlemen, I am not used to this business, having never been hung before. Do I jump off or slide off?

—G
EORGE
S
HEARS
Location unknown

I
declare this gent met his death at the hands of a doggoned good pistol shot.

—J
UDGE
R
OY
B
EAN
Langtry, Texas 1893

T
he body was rich in lead but too badly punctured to hold whiskey.

—Provenance unknown quoted by W. N. Burns,
Tombstone

T
his man came to his death by suicide. He tried to shoot to death at the distance of a hundred and fifty yards a man armed
with a Winchester rifle.

—quoted by M
ODY
C. B
OATWRIGHT
1946

T
here’s always retribution for your deeds.

—C
LINT
E
ASTWOOD
Carmel, California 1973

F
irst time I took this Outlaw Trail I was seven or eight. Helped push a bunch of cows through here, up the steep section from
the Dirty Devil on over to Moab ’cross Dead Man Point and Horseshoe Canyon. Used to drive livestock all over here. Brought
’em down from Green River over from Hanksville and then south to New Mexico. In the old days people were tougher. Why, the
people that lived over in Hanksville had to ride horses seventy-five miles to Green River to get the only doctor in the area.
By the time you got there you was either dead or well. Undertaker did a hell of a lot of business.

—A
RTHUR
E
KKER
Ekker Ranch, Utah 1975

I’ve labored long and hard for bread,

For honor and for riches,

But on my
corns
too long you’ve tred

You fine-haired sons of bitches
.

—B
LACK
B
ART
“
THE
P
O
8” southern California c. 1880

T
hat boy can handle a pistol faster than a frog can lick flies.

—A
NONYMOUS COWPOKE
on seeing John Wesley Hardin shoot five men who were firing at him
Abilene, Kansas 1871

A
s I was leaving Horse Creek one day a party of Indians “jumped me” in a sand ravine about a mile west of the station. They
fired at me repeatedly, but missed their mark. I was mounted on a roan California horse—the fleetest steed I had, and laying
flat on his back, I kept straight on for Sweetwater Bridge—eleven miles distant—instead of trying to turn back to Horse Creek.
The Indians came on in hot pursuit, but my horse soon got away from them, and ran into the station two miles ahead of them.
The stocktender had been killed there that morning, and all the stock had been driven off by Indians, and as I was therefore
unable to change horses, I continued on to Ploutz’s Station—twelve miles further—thus making twenty-four miles straight run
with one horse.

—B
UFFALO
B
ILL
C
ODY
on his Pony Express experiences
Independence Rock, Wyoming 1860

I
ain’t got no recollection of it.

—K
IT
C
ARSON
on seeing his picture on the cover of a dime novel killing seven Indians with one hand while holding a greatly relieved maiden with the other c. 1870

B
at’s gun-hand was in working order, so I made him deputy. He patrolled Front Street with a walking-stick for several weeks
and used his cane to crack the heads of several wild men hunting trouble; even as a cripple he was a first-class peace officer.

—W
YATT
E
ARP
on Bat Masterson Dodge City, Kansas 1876

T
here is no use to hang a gun low unless it is held firmly to a position where the arm and hand can, by practice, learn to
find it instantly. A sagging belt or any other arrangement that allows the gun pocket to swing or flap or twist will confuse
the drawing.

—C
OTEAU
G
ENE
S
TEBBINGS
Texas panhandle c. 1920

A
pair of six-shooters beats a pair of sixes.

—B
ELLE
S
TARR
Dodge City, Kansas 1877

S
itting by the table, I noticed that Wild Bill Hickok seemed sleepy and inattentive. So I kept a close watch on the other fellows.
Presently I observed that one of his opponents was occasionally dropping a card in his hat, which he held in his lap, until
a number of cards had been laid away for future use in the game. The pot had gone around several times and was steadily raised
by some of the players, Bill staying right along, though he still seemed to be drowsy. The bets kept rising. At last the man
with the hat full of cards picked a hand out of his reserves, put the hat on his head, and raised Bill two hundred dollars.
Bill came back with a raise of two hundred, and as the other covered it he quietly shoved a pistol into his face and observed,
“I’m calling the hand that’s in your hat.”

—B
UFFALO
B
ILL
C
ODY
Deadwood, South Dakota 1876

N
ow, in regard to the position of Bill’s body, when they unlocked the door for me to get to his body, he was lying on his side,
with his knees drawn up just as he slid off his stool. We had no chairs in those days—and his fingers were still crimped from
holding his poker hand. Charlie Rich, who sat beside him, said he never saw a muscle move. Bill’s hand read aces and eights—two
pair, and since that day aces and eights have been known as “the dead man’s hand” in the Western country.

—D
OC
P
IERCE
, undertaker
Deadwood, South Dakota 1876