CRASH (A Logan Brothers Novel) (17 page)

“
What in the name of fuck was
that?”

The voice sent a shiver into my
body. The last thing I wanted to do now was see him. I wish I could
just disappear into my pillow and die.

I heard the door shut hard and
his footsteps come towards me from behind.

“
I said, what the fuck was
that Elle?”

I couldn't move. I couldn't turn
around and look at him. I'd sooner spend the rest of my life hugging
my duvet.

“
I know you're awake. Look at
me.” His hand reached onto my shoulder and forced me over onto my
side.

My eyes were full of tears, my
face growing red with abject humiliation. His, on the other hand,
were fierce and furious. They looked like they did when I first met
him.

“
Do you have any idea what
just happened Elle. You damn near spoiled a fucking important meeting
for me.”

I sniffed, rolling back onto my
side to hide my face. I couldn't bare to look at him right now.

I felt him sit down on the bed,
my back to him. His words began softening at the sight of me. I must
have looked so pathetic.

“
I'm sorry,” I sniffed, “I
had a few too many drinks. I wasn't thinking.”

“
Too damn right you weren't
thinking. You were shouting like a loon in the middle of a fucking
restaurant Elle!”

“
I know. I can't take my drink
sometimes.”

I felt his hand lift onto my
shoulder, his touch gentle.

“
So who were you with? That
guy, who was he?”
Was that jealousy in his voice? No, just
interest.

“
Um, he was a date. Tess set
us up.”

“
That's what I thought.” He
voice did seem to drop a little. “Was it going well, before...?”

I sniffed again. “Not really.
Hence all the drinking. He was pretty boring actually.”

He laughed lightly. He sounded
almost relieved.

“
First dates can be like that
I guess.”

“
Yep, not that I'd know. I
haven't had one in years.”

His tone perked up. The anger in
his voice was lost now.

“
Really?” He sounded
surprised.

“
Yep. Last proper first date I
had was way before I started uni. Before I met Brad.” The name
still left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“
Brad? Ex boyfriend?” I
realized suddenly that he wouldn't know who Brad was. Why should he.

“
Psycho ex, yeah. He's the
reason I'm here.” The lingering alcohol in my body was making me
open up more than usual.

I felt him pull at my shoulder
and roll me back around to look at him. His eyes were full of concern
all of a sudden.

“
What do you mean?”

“
Oh, nothing serious,” I
lied. “Things just got weird with him when we broke up so I moved
here to get away. I mean, I didn't have to move. I guess I wanted a
change anyway.”

All lies. I didn't want to move.
It was the last thing I wanted. That freak had forced me out.

“
I'm sorry to hear that Elle.”
He sounded genuine.

“
And I'm sorry for the other
night as well,” he continued. “I guess I reacted badly when you
pushed me away.” His eyes dropped a little and he turned his head
from my gaze. “I just thought you liked me is all.”

I felt my heart quicken
slightly, my breath growing more heavy. “I do like you. I just...”

His eyes returned to mine. “Just
what?”

“
I don't know Crash. I mean,
we're so different. I don't just sleep with guys randomly. It's not
me.”

“
And you think that's what I
wanted? You think I'd treat
you
like that?”

I didn't really know what to
say. I felt awkward talking about this. Literally everyone had warned
me off him, told me he wasn't someone to get involved with. I didn't
have a clue what to think.

“
I don't know. I don't know
you really.”

He was shaking his head lightly.
“No one does,” he said, his voice dropping. “No one knows who I
really am. I get it Elle. I know what people have probably said about
me. I know what you probably think.”

He turned and looked towards the
door.

“
I walked away because I like
you Elle. There's something about you that draws me in. You're not
like the sort of girls I know. But...”

His words hung in the air for a
moment.

“
...but I can't see you. Not
right now.”

I felt a real conflict inside of
him. It was like he wanted to lean in and kiss me but couldn't, but
wouldn't.

I reached out and took his hand
in mine, his eyes turning back on me. “You don't have to be
Crash
with me, you know. You don't have to be that guy. If no one knows who
you really are, show me.”

I felt his hand tighten on mine,
his hazel eyes lowering to my lips. He sat there looking at me, a
solemn stare on his face like he was weighing things up in his mind.

I wanted him to lean in and kiss
me, I wanted those soft lips on mine. I wanted more. I wanted his
hands to caress my body, his fingers to brush through my hair. I
wanted his lips to spread over my neck and down. I wanted his hands
to touch me where I hadn't been touched in months. I wanted the feel
of his warm body next to mine. I wanted it all.

But I wouldn't instigate it. I
wouldn't force it.

If he wanted it too, it was down
to him.

His hand slowly slipped from my
grasp, the tips of his fingers lightly brushing past mine as he
stood, slowly, and turned again at the door.

“
I'm sorry Elle,” he said,
his words now almost a whisper. “I can't be here any more.”

He turned and looked at me, my
eyes full of want, a desire for him building inside me.

“
I have feelings for you. But
I can't act on them now. Not right now.” His voice turned less
emotional, more businesslike, his mind directing towards other
things.

“
But I'll always be there, OK.
If you ever need me, I'll be there.”

Those were his final words to
me. He turned back towards the door and walked briskly towards it,
opening it quietly and disappearing out into the hall.

I lay there in silence once
more, a heavy weight of disappointment and loss filling me up from
the core.

They say you don't miss what
you've never had. That was bullshit.

I'd never had him, but I missed
him already. The idea of him, the thought of him, the fantasy that we
might be together.

It was all just a dream, one
that would never become reality.

And yes, call me stupid, but I
couldn't help but miss that.

Crash

I stood in a large meeting room.
There were several men sat around the table, each with files and
folders and pads and pens in front of them. At the head of the table
sat Walter Lithgow, his manner entirely professional and
businesses-like.

Not like the last time I'd seen
him.

He'd called me early the next
morning to tell me that he'd concede, admit defeat, convince the
other investors to accept his change in direction. He'd made that
phone call two days ago. Now it was his chance to prove to me, in
person, that he'd truly live up to his word.

My mind was set in a single
direction now. My tunnel vision was all consuming. Make the deal, get
all the necessary paperwork for my new project signed off, and then
deal with Lithgow in whatever manner I saw fit.

He thought he'd given me all I
wanted. The spineless old fuck would soon realize that that wasn't
the case at all.

I wanted his life as well.

“
Right gentlemen, shall we
begin.” His words rung out, loud and proud, across the room,
bringing to a close conversations and the scribbling of fountain
pens.

Everyone turned to him and
waited in silence. They were yet to know exactly why they had been
gathered together so promptly, and exactly why I was there.

“
You all remember Mr Logan
here. He delivered a wonderful proposal for a casino which we all
thought had fantastic long term potential.”

There was a muttering of
agreement as people turned towards me and back to Lithgow.

“
Now, as you know, we decided
in the end to favor another project. I have called this urgent
meeting to discuss the option of reverting to Mr Logan's proposal.”

I sat in silence, smiling
politely as people turned to me. I didn't have to play any part in
this. No longer was it my job to convince these men of my worth. No,
I'd passed the baton to Lithgow now.

A man stood up. I remembered him
as Bruce Cromwell, a man who hadn't been so keen on my proposal from
the start. He'd questioned me extensively on it, eventually saying
that it was too high risk.

“
Walter, didn't we agree that
Mr Logan's project was a little, I don't know, risky. This real
estate venture will secure us a very high return on our investment,
and fast. And a casino? Is that not a little immoral? Call me old
fashioned, but I don't like to invest in vice and addiction.”

He glanced over at me as he sat
back down. The stupid naive fuck. What he called vice and addiction,
I called entertainment. He was living in the fucking Dark Ages.

“
Obviously Bruce, I understand
that this is a bit of a turnaround from my part. However, after
extensive thought I have seen the long term potential in such a
venture.”

He looked directly at me,
holding his hand out in my direction.

“
I have also come to see that
Mr Logan here is an investment in himself. He has a great deal of
ambition, and that will see our banks accounts swell in years to
come. We won't stop at one casino. We're going to turn the entire
plot into a Las Vegas of the North, a mecca for gaming,
entertainment, and wonderful dining in this humble part of the
country.”

Fine speech. The old shit was
playing his hand well.

A sensed a stirring in the room.
Wealthy men such as these were always seduced by the promise of
greater gains. I'd told Lithgow of my ambition to build an empire,
not just a casino. These men would benefit from my graft over the
years, but not him.

“
But this doesn't change the
moral ambiguity of all of this,” said Cromwell. “I don't know how
comfortable I am investing in such an enterprise.”

I was having trouble keeping my
mouth shut at the end of the table. I'd done my best to explain the
virtues of casinos to him before when I made my initial pitch.
Perhaps now would be the time to school him again.

No, I'd let Lithgow do the work.
His tongue carried far more power than mine.

“
Bruce, you have to accept
that we are in business to make money. We're not talking about
anything too seedy here, no one is going to be exploited. We are
simply tapping into a market that is woefully underdeveloped in this
part of the country.”

“
I find that quite contrary to
be honest Walter. Have you not built your reputation on family
virtues and honest, sustainable businesses. We talked about this
before. How can you now change your mind and opt for such an
unethical enterprise?”

The words hung around the room
as Lithgow's eyes moved from man to man, refusing to meet my own.

“
That's true, but I have
changed my position on this regardless. I don't look upon Mr Logan's
project as being unethical. He has convinced me of its worth in our
society. If you are unwilling to invest, that is your right. But this
is the decision I've come to.”

There was silence in the room as
all eyes fell to Bruce Cromwell. I saw his mind work things over, the
cogs turning and turning to come to a conclusion.

“
Think it over Bruce,”
Lithgow said finally. “Give me your decision tomorrow.”

He turned to the rest, standing
up and leaning on the desk. “I assume the rest of you are with me?”

There was a murmuring around the
room, no words of disagreement.

“
Excellent. Now let us move
forward with this quickly. The floor is yours Mr Logan. Please run us
through the first phase of your plan.”

He sat back down as the group of
investors turned towards me.

The floor was mine. The way
I'd always wanted it.

....

The cork popped loudly and
bounced off the ceiling.

“
Fucking hell yeah gentlemen,
we are out of the traps!”

I filled three glasses and
passed them to Kyle and Jones. I raised my own to the heavens.

“
To Jones, for all his
wonderful work!” I smiled as he bowed his head at my compliment and
took a sip of his champagne.

“
Anything I can do to build
the legacy of the Logan family,” he said.