Crash Into You

BY  KELS BARNHOLDT

No part of this work may be reproduced without written consent of the author. This book is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

NOTE: This book is for a mature YA audience only due to strong language and strong sexual conduct.

 
This is a complete and total disaster, how had I been stupid enough to get myself in this situation? Sure, back in the parking lot at school I had felt all strong and empowered, but now, here, headed to god knows where with Nathan, I was starting to have second thoughts. And third and fourth thoughts, it’s one thing to think you don’t care what people say, or to think you’re going to do something brave in the moment, it’s a completely different thing to actually do it.

I glance inside the gas station, trying to make Nathan’s body out in the crowds of heads bobbing around in there. My new car had come with a full tank of gas, so I was completely set to go, but Nathan had insisted we stop at the gas station so he could load up on road trip snacks. I tried to explain to him that a few hours wasn’t exactly a road trip, but like everything else that seems to come out of my mouth these days, he brushed it off like I was being inconsiderate. I know this because he told me I was inconsiderate, and that just because I had been off skipping school, getting a new car, and eating all day, didn’t mean he should have to starve. Not wanting to fight the entire ride there I had pulled over in the first gas station I saw, letting him run in to get what he wanted.

It had been at least five minutes now though, what could he possibly be doing in there? How long did it take to grab a few bags of chips, and a soda, or something? He was probably taking a long time on purpose, just to get under my skin. I grip my hands on the shiny steering wheel, tighter and tighter, until my knuckles start to ache. I glance around the parking lot nervously. I should have waited until we were further outside of town, but I had just wanted him to shut up about it, so I went with the first place I saw. I was starting to regret it now, we were right in the center of town, and anyone could see us at any moment. Anyone who could tell my dad, or his mom, or even my Aunt Jenna. Ugh, what the hell was taking him so long?

It didn’t matter anyway, because as soon as he came out of there, I had to get rid of him. I could tell him I wasn’t going after all, or that my aunt needed me home right away, or something. A quick thought of just pulling away and leaving him inside the gas station flashes through my mind, but I know that would be seriously messed up. But what were my options here? I couldn’t actually take him with me to see Stephanie’s mom. How would I ever be able to explain that without telling him the truth? Why had I even let him in the car in the first place! It was like the further this whole situation went, the stupider and stupider my decisions got.

Finally, I see him making his way across the parking lot, as slow as a snail. Literally, I know the star of the basketball team could move faster than that if he really wanted to. Although, he is carrying like four bags in his hands, wow, how much did he need for one drive?

Finally, he reaches the car, and after moving all his bags around, he manages to open the door and get inside. He sets all his snacks on the floor and slams the door after him.

“You don’t have to slam the door,” I say, trying to not sound harsh with him, but it was a brand new car, he could try a little harder to be careful.

“Well,” he says, starting to dig through one of the bags, “maybe, if someone had offered to come in and help me carry some stuff, I wouldn’t have had my hands full.”

“I didn’t think you would buy the whole store! Besides, what does slamming the door have to do with how much you had to carry? You had already set your bags down when you slammed the door.” I’m not trying to sound like a know it all, just pointing out the obvious. My eyes drift down to the bag of Doritos he’s opening now. Great, those look awful messy to be eating in a brand new car.

“Maybe, I wouldn’t have slammed the door if I hadn’t been so frazzled from carrying all my bags with no help,” he points out like this makes perfect sense, when in reality it makes little if any sense. He dips his hand inside the bag and takes out a few cheesy chips, popping them happily into his mouth.

“That makes no sense,” I tell him, “did you get any napkins?” The cheese is sticking to his fingers now, looking all orange and sticky. I glance at my new black leather seats nervously.

He shakes his head, and goes back for another chip. “No”

“Maybe we shouldn’t eat in the car, I mean, it’s only a few hours old.” I have this vision in my head of him getting cheese all over the seats, or of him spilling some type of drink all over my sparking clean floor mats.

He sighs loudly, like I’m super annoying. “If I can’t eat in the car, why did we even stop for snacks?”

I open my mouth to tell him that he made me stop! He practically pitched a fit the second we got in the car about how hungry he was! I had enough on my mind without having to worry about his snack problems! But I realize doing this will do me no good. It doesn’t matter what I have to say, or how I feel, even if I’m completely right, Nathan would never give me the satisfaction of agreeing with me. Instead, he would sit here and argue with every word I said, just to be a jerk to me. Just to get his point across of how little he cares about what I have to say. Not that I can blame him. If I were him, I would feel the same exact way about me, knowing that killed my heart more than anything else.

“Look, maybe I should just bring you back to the school, I don’t really know how long this is going to take, my friends mom who I have to talk to, she’s kind of…unpredictable.” I’m trying to make it sound as awful as possible, hoping he’ll realize he doesn’t want to go, and I won’t have to look like the bad guy. Not that it matters, since he already hates me so much, anyway. I doubt it could get any worse at this point.

Nathan ignores me, grabbing a bag of cheese puffs out of nowhere and tugging them open. Wow, didn’t he buy anything that wasn’t orange and messy? He takes a huge handful out and pops them in his mouth, chewing loudly. “That’s cool, I’m a people person.”

I practically choke. That was the last thing I needed, Nathan going inside and trying to chat Stephanie’s mom up. It was bad enough that I didn’t even know what I was getting myself into, I didn’t need him making it worse, or him finding anything out.

Nathan takes my sudden choking fit as an insult and shoots me a nasty look out of the corner of his eye. “I am a people person, not that you would know,” he says, rolling his eyes. He’s reaching for another handful of chips now, ugh. “Stop trying to get rid of me, I’m coming, this article is important to my future, so, can you stop being a baby and just drive,” he says the last part really slowly, like if he doesn’t I might not get what he’s saying.

I still don’t move the car out of the gas station, studying the cars around me, trying to think of anything I could do to get me out of this. Anything that would make this day, and the last four months of my life in general, go away. But, of course, nothing happens.

“Wait a minute,” Nathan says suspiciously, “what are you trying to hide?”

“Hide?” I ask, “nothing, why would I be trying to hide anything?” I pretend to be busy flipping through the radio stations in an attempt to not have to make eye contact with him. A loud rap song fills the
car,
I reach over and turn it up really loud, the loud beat bouncing in and out all around us. Wow, this actually has a really nice system in it.

Nathan reaches over me and flips the radio off in one swift motion. “You’re acting very suspicious, like you don’t want me to go because you’re hiding something,” he pauses, “is this about that guy?”

What guy? I didn’t have a guy. “What guy?” I ask.

Nathan scowls, then pulls a huge bottle of blue powerade out of his bag of snacks. “Don’t play dumb, the guy you’re always hanging around with.” He unscrews the cap, and takes a huge gulp out of his drink. He places it on his knee without putting the top back on it, just kind of balancing it there while he pops more chips into his mouth. “I mean, I really don’t care about you and your new man, but if he’s too insecure to even let us go on a car ride, when it’s all about business, then he sounds like a pretty big tool to me.”

Eric? Was he talking about Eric? Ugh, Eric wasn’t my boyfriend! If he only knew how I really knew Eric. I glance down at his drink, it looks really unsteady now, like it’s going to fall over and spill everywhere at any moment.

“He can come if you want.”

“Who?” I ask, my eyes still on his floating drink. His balancing skills were pretty impressive, but still, it was only a matter of time before it went flying all over.

“Your boyfriend, let’s call him right now.” He reaches over my lap and grabs my phone from where it’s resting in between my legs. God, he was abnormally fast.

“No!” I practically scream, grabbing my phone out of his hand before he has a chance to bring the screen to life. The drink on his knee starts to tip over and Nathan grabs it with little effort, standing it up right again. “Besides,” I add when I see the look on his face, “he’s not my boyfriend.”

Nathan chuckles like I’ve just told the punch line of a joke. “Sure he’s not, I mean, you have the best record of being honest, and all. I’m sure I can take your word for it.”

For the second time since he’s gotten back in the car I open my mouth, but no words come out. What can I really say to that? He’s right. I don’t have the best track record for being honest, at least not in his eyes, anyway.

“Can we go? Or do you want to sit here and keep this great conversation going for a while longer?” Then he turns his back to me, looking out the window, clearly not waiting for my answer.

What do I do? What do I do? I look up at the sky as if some magical sign is going to come down somehow making the right choice obvious. In the end, I throw my car into drive, and take a left out of the gas station toward the highway. It was a no win either way. If I made him go home, he would think I was suspicious, and might start poking around himself, asking questions. If I took him, I would be scared he overheard something he wasn’t supposed to know. Either way, I would be stressed out and worrying. At least this way I got to have him near me, even if it wasn’t in the way I wanted him.

That’s how much I cared about him, that’s how much he meant to me. Even though it killed me being so close to him, and not being able to touch him, or hold him, it killed me even more not being around him at all. I liked the way his presence affected me, I liked the way it made me feel alive. Crazy alive, painful alive, but still alive.

I glance at him now, his face glued out the window, pretending I don’t exist. I can tell even from just his side profile how sexy he is. His dark hair sticking to the top of his head, still wet from the shower he took after practice. Oh god, the shower he took, Nathan in the shower. I feel my body starting to get hot, and force myself to look away for a second, gaining my composure back. When I look back I study his tan skin, and perfect jaw line. I can see his toned arms and broad chest perfectly, even in a bulky sweatshirt.
Plus, you’ve seen them without anything covering them
a voice somewhere in the back of my mind reminds me.

I look away, turning bright red, scared that somehow he will be able to read what’s on my mind.
Your dirty mind
, the same voice reminds me. I must look like a tomato by now.
Breathe
, I tell myself
,
relax
. You would think I would be able to control my hormones a little better around him by now, apparently not. It was so crazy to me that even after all this time, I still felt the same way I did when I first met him.

He drove me absolutely crazy, annoyed the hell out of me, disagreed with everything I said, loved pissing me off, and had every girl following him around like he was a god, or something. I had thought he was so full of himself those first few days, refusing to admit the truth to myself. The truth that I didn’t hate him the way I wanted, instead, I was completely and totally crazy about him. I had never thought he could like me, not in a million years, and when he had, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. It killed knowing that he was going to be making other girls feel that way now, for the rest of his life.

I hit my blinker, picking up speed as I merge onto the highway. As I do my phone starts going crazy in my lap.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
A ring of text messages is coming through.

Nathan turns to me, his eyebrows raised, “that must be your non-boyfriend.”

I shake my head. “It’s Angelina,” I tell him.

“Sure it is,” he says, looking back out the window.

Ugh, was he going to question everything I said? I knew he was just being a dick about everything in general, but still, it hurt my feelings more than he realized.

Ding. Ding. Ding.
My phone keeps buzzing.

I hear Nathan sigh loudly next to me.

I grab my phone, ready to switch it to silent. But not before I see one of Angelia’s text messages, clear as day, right on the screen.

Nathan’s Facebook status is totally switched to single, everyone in school is talking about it! Ahh, where are you guys?????

Well, things just got a hell of a lot more interesting.