Crazy Little Thing Called Love (34 page)

She’d buried her father today. She’d realized
she was in love today. It was already the worst day of her life and
now she’d lost Zach too because he had never really been hers to
start with. She was all alone, again.

Zach wiped away the sweat on his brow and
then cursed as his knuckles scraped hard against the engine of the
tractor. It had broken down, again. He’d only gone out of town to
get the new part a few months ago. Now it looked like his new part
had been defective because once again he was working and groaning
beneath the tractor, trying to make sure they didn’t lose any more
time with it in the fields.

“Jesus, have you said a sentence without
cussing in a full week?” Riley chuckled from his spot a few feet
away.

“Kiss my ass.”

“Hey just pointing out the obvious.” He
shrugged, “You’ve been nothing but an asshole for days. What’s
going on with you?”

“It’s a hundred degrees and the tractors
broke.” Zach grumbled.

“Uh huh.” Riley smirked.

“He’s just mad Bluebell’s gone and he isn’t
getting any.” Devin’s voice came from a few feet further down the
barn where he was supposed to be cleaning out the stalls but where
he’d done nothing but glare at his older brother for the past few
hours.

Zach groaned and bit his tongue so hard he
wouldn’t have been surprised to taste blood. The last thing he
needed was his brothers input when it came to Bluebell. She was
gone. It was over. That had happened nearly six days ago and he’d
thrown himself back into working the ranch.

He’d let his real life slide while he’d been
with her. He hadn’t been spending enough time helping around the
ranch. He hadn’t spent enough time in the heat helping his
brothers. He hadn’t even spent enough time on his house and now he
was behind on renovations and the tractor was broken again and he
couldn’t do anything but work from sunrise to sunset and try to
catch up and get everything back on track.

“Leave your brother alone. He’s allowed to
have a sex life without you two giving your input.”

The sound of his mother’s voice made Zach sit
up and he cursed again when his forehead collided with the
underside of the tractor. He cursed some more and rubbed his face.
They were going to be the death of him. His family was trying to
kill him, slowly. Riley and Devin and now his mother too. He
groaned and pulled himself out from under the tractor to glare at
the tiny brunette that had walked into the barn.

“What’re you doing here mom?”

“Saving you from your brothers from the looks
of it.” She shrugged.

“Not if you intend on discussing my sex life.
Off limits. Now and forever.”

“How’s Bluebell?” She ignored him.

“Don’t know.” Zach frowned.

“I heard she’s been in Denver packing up her
apartment. She’s moving back to the Oaks indefinitely.” Devin
offered.

Riley shook his head, “She got back yesterday
actually. I heard she and Maddie were out at the Roadhouse dancing
and drinking and have a ball. Austin Evans said he’d never seen her
so drunk in his life.”

“Now, now, don’t gossip.” Reba admonished,
“Besides, Bluebell is a sweet young girl. I’m sure she wouldn’t be
out partying and getting into trouble.”

Zach rolled his eyes, “How would you know
what kind of girl Bluebell is?”

Reba smiled sweetly, “She seemed liked a very
sweet girl when I met her in your bathroom Zachary and she comes
from good stock. She’s a fine young woman. I can’t imagine her
getting drunk let alone into trouble.”

“My God, she’s imaging getting a
daughter-in-law isn’t she?” Devin chuckled.

“She met Blue in your bathroom? That’s a
story I’m going to need to hear.” Riley grinned.

“Give it a rest, all of you.” Zach glared at
them and pushed to his feet. “I have work to do so you can all get
the hell out of here and leave me to it or I can leave and you can
do it yourself.”

“Don’t curse.” Reba sighed. “I just wanted to
talk to you about the girl, that’s all.”

“No.” He shook his head, “Blue isn’t a
discussion I’m open to having, not with you, not with any of
you.”

Reba gave him a look that reminded him of all
the times he’d ever been caught doing something wrong as a kid.
Those times had come to an abrupt end when his father died. He’d
made mistakes since but after he’d assumed the role of adult in the
West household he’d seen that look a lot less.

“That’s too bad because we’re about to have
it.” His mother smiled again though there wasn’t even a hint of
humor in her eyes, “Boys, go find somewhere else to be. I’d like to
talk to your brother.”

“Ah, man, I want to see you rip into him.”
Riley whined.

“We miss out on all the fun.” Devin
chuckled.

“Damn you two sound just like you did when
you were kids.” Zach growled at them.

There’d been times when his mom had requested
to speak to him after their father passed and their whines had
seemed comical. Now, not so much. Now, he didn’t want to see them
go or deal with the conversation that she apparently wanted to
have.

“Zach’s right, you two sound like children
and he’s spent more than enough time pretending to be your parent.”
Reba frowned, “He’s your brother, not your father. You all need to
stop acting otherwise.”

Zach blinked and then blinked again. Did his
mother realize how unnatural his life had been? She’d never
mentioned it before if she saw how screwed up his life was. If
she’d seen how he toed the line between being a brother and a
parent for the past eighteen years, he had no idea. Still, he
wasn’t in a talking mood.

“Drop it mom.” He frowned.

“No.” She shook her head, “I’ve spent years
dropping it and I’m done. We’re going to talk about your life Zach,
really talk about it and you’re going to hear me out.”

He groaned and rubbed his temples. He didn’t
have it in him to hear any more confessions or truths. He was still
running from the last round he’d been forced to listen to.

“That sounds like exit music to me.” Riley
grinned, “I’m out of here before she starts looking too close at my
life.”

“Good idea.” Reba frowned at her youngest
son.

“Me too.” Devin chuckled, “Good luck Zach. I
wish you the best, really.”

Zach watched his brothers leave him and
cursed them silently. They were good at presenting a united front
against their mother. They all loved her, all would give her
anything she asked, but when it came to their love lives they’d
always been on the same page. Now, they’d abandoned him.

“Drop it mom. I’m serious.”

“I will, just let me have my say and then you
can do whatever you like.”

He watched the pretty brunette in front of
him and couldn’t help but wonder how she’d been his father’s second
choice. Liza Beth Montgomery had been a legend of Fate as long as
he could remember. He’d grown up on stories of her beauty and smile
and generosity. Still, his mother had always been a beam of all
those things as well. He loved those things about her; she just
wasn’t a blonde like certain other women he knew. Maybe his father
had a thing for crazy blondes too.

“Fine. Say it and then it’s over.” He
frowned, “I’m serious.”

“I know you are. You’re always so serious
Zach.” She sighed as she walked further into the barn his brothers
had just deserted. “I always knew I’d put too much pressure on you
but until recently, until I saw some of it loosen and actually saw
you smile for the first time in ages I don’t think I ever realized
how much.”

He frowned but kept his mouth shut. His
entire life had been pressure and expectation. Every single day
since his father died he’d woken up with expectations and promises
to be fulfilled. He took care of everyone. He stepped up. That’s
who he was. He wasn’t looking for apologies now.

“I’ve made mistakes Zach. I’m sorry for
that.”

“Mom it’s not going to…”

“The biggest mistake I ever made was letting
you fill in for your father with your brothers.” She cut him
off.

“No. Mom. No.” He shook his head as she faced
him down for the first time in more years than he could
remember.

“Yes. That was a mistake.” She shrugged, “I
was lost and I needed something solid. You stepped up to help and I
let you when what I should have done was stand up for myself.”

“You were lost and alone. What were you
supposed to do?”

“Let you live your own life. I should have
let you live your life Zach. I should have sent you off to college.
I should have taken over the ranch and raised your brothers like a
single parent should have. I should have found the strength inside
me instead of relying on yours when you were just a boy, just a
kid. It wasn’t fair to you and I’ll be sorry for that every day of
the rest of my life.”

He opened his mouth, closed it again. He
hadn’t seen tears on his mother’s cheek since all those years ago
in the hospital. She’d been weak and broken and lost and he’d
helped put her back together but he’d never seen her cry since. Not
once.

“I wanted to help. I did.” He shrugged. He’d
never been good with crying women. He’d never be good with crying
women.

“You shouldn’t have had to.”

He could look back on it for the first time
in his life and realize that fact alone had a lot to do with why
he’d insisted on stepping up when his father died. His mother had
been broken and she’d been crying and all he’d wanted was to make
it stop. So he’d taken the power away from her, taken away her
choices and decisions and made them for all of them. He’d become
the man of the house so the uncertainty didn’t threaten any of
them. He’d taken on that path on purpose and he realized, probably
for the first time, that he’d taken away everyone elses decisions
in doing so.

“It’s over and done at this point mom. We
played our cards. We ended up where we all ended up. I’m nearly
forty for God’s sake… it’s done.”

A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped
it away, “You’re right. I can’t take back the last eighteen years.
I can’t take back the responsibility I put on your shoulders too
soon but I can tell you that level of responsibility doesn’t rest
on you anymore. You don’t have to keep living up to unreasonable
standards. You don’t have to keep living your life for us.”

“I don’t know another way to live.” He
admitted before he could pull the words back.

“I know and that’s my fault.” She
sniffed.

“No, mom, I like my life. Really I do.” He
promised, “I know what I gave to be there for you and Devin and
Riley and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“I know you would, that’s what makes you such
a good man.” She shook her head, “But you need to realize that we
don’t need you to take care of us anymore. You can go; you can
choose something other than this ranch. You can choose somebody
above us, care about someone else, love someone else.”

“No Mom….” He shook his head.

“Stop it Zach. I’m not stupid. I saw all the
signs. You care about her and even if I hadn’t seen how awful
you’ve reacted the past few days when she’s been gone I’d have
known something was wrong.” She held up a hand to stop him from
speaking. “You broke up with her didn’t you? Tell me what
happened.”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me Zach. What happened?”

“She said she loved me.” The words were out
before he could stop them.

“And?”

“And I took her home and haven’t spoken to
her since.”

She gaped at him. She walked a few feet away.
She walked away until the point he thought she was walking out on
him and then she turned on her heel. She stormed back into the barn
and smacked him. He hadn’t felt the sting of a slap from his mother
ever, not once in his life. The weight of it resonated.

“That is terrible Zachary, just terrible.
You’re better than that.” She shook her head, “What did you say
when she told you she loved you?”

He grit his teeth, “I’m sorry. I told her I
was sorry.”

She gasped and her green eyes went wide, “Oh
Zach… honey, no. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy.
You know that right?”

“I am happy.”

“You’re here but you’re not really listening
to me at all are you?” She cupped his cheek that was still stinging
and he was transported back to when Bluebell had held his face the
same way.

Her small hands on his rough cheek. He’d held
her face like that so many times, tipped her sharp little chin up
so he could look into her big blue eyes. She was so pretty, so
small and delicate beneath his rough hands. And then she’d held his
face in hers and believed in him, trusted him and loved him. She
was the only woman to ever do that.

“If you let Bluebell go you’re going to
regret it. You’ll regret it Zach and I don’t want you to have those
kinds of regrets, not after everything you’ve done for us.”

“I don’t have regrets. No regrets, no looking
back.” He shook his head.

“She wasn’t like the others.”

“No. She wasn’t.”

Bluebell had never been like the others, not
from the moment he laid eyes on her. She was smart and funny and
beautiful. She was crazy as hell and real and difficult. She
wrapped him up and confused everything he’d ever known.

“Well, that’s progress I suppose. At least
you can see that.” She sighed. “Just know that you deserve to be
happy okay. That’s all I want for you.”

He nodded.

“I’ll let you get back to work. I love you
honey.”

“You too.”

As his mother left him alone in the barn he
wiped the sweat from his forehead. This was his life. Sweating in
the barn, getting teased by his brothers and interrogated by his
mother. This had always been his life, that hadn’t changed.

So why then did it feel so empty now that he
thought of doing this and not seeing Bluebell after a long day in
the sun? When he thought of never seeing her again, never having
her sit beside him in the Impala or never having her body pressed
tight to his he got a weird mix of confusion and relief and panic
in his gut.