But the rest of his brain broke out into a cold panic. DONE FOR. DONE FOR. BIG SPIDER.
GONER.
And my life isn't even flashing before my eyes,
Jasper thought. He felt kind of ripped off. If he was going to die, he might as well do it properly.
A sharp bark broke through Jasper's thoughts. The Grubbergrind froze, a few centimetres from Jasper's shaking body. There was another bark, followed by a deep, guttural growl. Jasper didn't move a muscle.
The Grubbergrind stepped backwards, whirring its wings angrily as it backed away from the approaching dog.
Woof had his teeth bared at the monster. He really looked like a ferocious guard dog. Woof pounced, and sank his teeth into the monster's abdomen. But even a dog as big as Woof was no match for a tank-sized, fanged, winged, taloned spider-monster.
It is still a monster with monstrous instincts
, Stenka had said. Jasper figured it would be pretty happy to eat a dog.
Woof didn't stand a chance.
Feeling panicked, Jasper thought about everything he had in his pack.
Paperclips? Useless.
Bolt cutters? No good. Chicken? Chocolate bars?
No
â¦
I think Munchers prefer live bait.
So much for being prepared.
And then something in Jasper's brain clicked. He did have a weapon! He opened the sack.
âDo this,' Jasper whispered to the toilet monster, âand there's a whole load more chicken for you.' He really hoped the monster understood.
Jasper reached inside and pulled the monster out by its slimy, wart-covered head. The monster didn't look too pleased, but it didn't shoot goo at him.
'Get back, Woof!' Jasper yelled. âNOW!' he shouted, giving the toilet monster a squeeze. The monster obeyed, opening its mouth wide and spraying goo all over the Grubbergrind.
The Grubbergrind froze. There was complete silence. And then, before everyone's eyes, it began to shrink, leg by leg, eye by eye, talon by horrible talon, right down to the size of a small spider. Well, a small spider with wings, fangs and talons.
Before it had a chance to escape, Jasper grabbed a box of matches from their supplies, emptied it out and clapped it over the shrunken monster. Then, he carefully slid the matchbox lid back over the box.
The Grubbergrind was trapped.
âNot a spider, not a spider, not a spider,' Jasper whispered to himself, and shoved it deep into the pocket of his hoodie.
Then he remembered Saffy and Felix! He ripped the matchbox out again, and put it in his other pocket, then zipped it firmly shut. His friends would definitely be angry now.
Jasper smiled at the toilet monster and patted its slimy head. âThanks, fella. You're not so bad after all.'
Jasper thought the toilet monster looked almost cute. It blobbed at him cheerfully and wound a tentacle lovingly around his hand.
âHmm, OK, let's just put you back â¦' Jasper untangled his arm and gently placed the toilet monster back into the sack.
Woof limped over to Jasper, licking his hand. The Grubbergrind had cut a gash in his leg with a talon but, other than that, he seemed fine.
Jasper knelt down and hugged the dog. âYou're a good boy,' he said.
Jasper was pulled back to reality by a voice shouting at him from inside the monster's lair.
âCome on, Jasper!' called one of his classmates. âWe're still stuck here, you know!'
A sudden crack of thunder made the trapped kids yell even more frantically.
Jasper pulled the bolt cutters from his pack, and cut through the thick strands of sticky white webbing. When he was done, the captured kids burst out of the lair, hugged him, and sprinted back towards the mansion as if it was not such a bad place to be after all.
Jasper made a mental note to ask them later how they had worked out the clue. He had the feeling that this was one mistake Saffy and Felix wouldn't let him forget in a hurry.
Jasper stood to attention in front of Stenka's desk. It was hard to tell exactly how angry she was because she wasn't yelling â she was staring icily at him. She picked up the stick she usually used for pointing, and snapped it in half.
âMr McPhee,' she said coolly. âYou're lucky we have an antidote for Octoglug goo. It's not something we always keep on hand. You might have thought of that
before
shrinking your friends to the size of beetles.'
Jasper was about to argue that
he
hadn't actually shrunk them, but then he saw the way Stenka's eyes flashed with anger.
Jasper had watched as Stenka had administered the antidote. If his friends thought being shrunk was bad, it was nothing compared to being un-shrunk. They had grown, as they had shrunk, one bit at a time. Their tiny little bodies grew green gooey legs, then their torsos glooped out of their legs, their heads and arms slopped into place, and finally there was a POP! The gooey jelly set hard, and they were both back to normal.
Except that they were covered in goo, and coughing up great gobs of it from their lungs. Jasper couldn't tell if it was worse than when they had been de-morphed from being stone statues. It looked less painful, but more disgusting. Still, at least they were OK now, apart from the occasional gooey sneeze. Felix's voice had a distinct high-pitched squeak to it, but apparently that wouldn't last for too long.
Jasper was pulled back to the present by Stenka's frosty voice. âWe take theft seriously at Monstrum House. Dog-napping from Mondrag's kennels. Stealing an Octoglug from the sewer.' Her eyes hardened. âHow could you possibly think that the clues could refer to an
Octoglug
? Did you consider why the clues were delivered by slingshot? Did you even
read
the clues? Have you completely forgotten about those monsters whose weakness is their bellybutton? A simple blow to the Grubbergrind's bellybutton would have sent it into a deep sleep!'
Jasper vaguely remembered something Stenka had said in one of their first classes about weaknesses ⦠but as for the slingshots, he'd just thought that was the prefects' way of having fun. Although it looked like Felix had been right about the poem. If only they had found the right eight-legged monster.
âOctoglugs don't creep and crawl, they squelch and jump! Or didn't you notice that?' Stenka hissed.
Jasper squirmed. âWell, now that you mention it â¦' he mumbled.
âOctoglugs don't even eat people!' Stenka continued. ' Mr Golag is not happy. That monster was meant to clear the pipes. Since you stole it, the pipes have already blocked up. He's put your name down on the list of students to clean the bathrooms.'
So
that
was what the monster had been doing. Only at Monstrum House would teachers put monsters in the toilets to keep them clean.
âAnd then there is the breaking and entering and vandalism,' continued Stenka.
Jasper remembered the letters to be incinerated, and how angry he had felt.
âYes, the letters,' Stenka said, rolling her eyes. âYou really must learn not to take things at face value.' Jasper looked at his teacher in confusion. âWhat do you think would happen if parents received letters home detailing the types of things we do here, hmm?'
Jasper shook his head. âBut that's not what my letters said!' he said angrily. âMy letters were to make my mum feel better. To make sure she wouldn't worry! And now â'
Stenka held up her hand to silence Jasper. âAnd your mother received every letter you wrote. We have the video evidence if you really feel the need to watch.'
Jasper was speechless. Video evidence? There were cameras in his house?
âThe letters you found were from students who didn't think about what they were writing.
The students who would have ended up in mental institutions had they reported what really goes on here.'
Jasper had assumed that
all
of their letters were destroyed.
âAnd, for your information, all those students affected were told that their parents wouldn't be receiving their original letters. They were encouraged to write a more, shall we say,
believable
version of events.'
Jasper let his gaze drop. Perhaps it was a good thing he hadn't been able to let the monster loose.
âPrincipal Von Strasser asked me to remind you of his invitation to join him for apple pie. He also wanted me to give you this.'
Stenka reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a folder marked:
Student Intake File.
âYou were meant to review this earlier in the year. If you remember, Principal Von Strasser took you to the records room?' she said, handing him the folder.
Jasper remembered. That was just before he had tried to escape Monstrum House and ended up running head-first into a Bogglemorph. A lot had happened since then, and he had completely forgotten about the file.
Jasper flipped the file open. A photo stared up at him. The name on the file said
Scarlett
Maitland
. His mother's maiden name.
âMum?' Jasper gasped, looking up at Stenka.
Stenka nodded. âYes. Your mother attended Monstrum House. She was a talented student.'
âBut she ⦠she ⦠never said â¦' Jasper could only stare numbly at the photo.
âDid you not wonder why your mother soaks her feet in ice-cold water?'
âI always thought she just had sore feet,' he replied.
His brain was firing a million messages at him. He felt completely confused. His mother? Here? At Monstrum House?
âOf course, after the incident, we expected you would follow in your mother's footsteps. But your mother was certainly not as much trouble as you are proving to be.'
What incident?
thought Jasper. But Stenka's face was stony.
âI think that's enough information for one day,' Stenka said, pulling the file from Jasper's hand and slapping it back into the desk drawer. âAnd now, I think we will return to the charges of breaking and entering,' she continued. âI said you could use anything from Storeroom A. I don't recall saying anything about breaking into the kitchen and stealing supplies.'
Jasper wondered if he could just keep quiet, but Stenka was staring at him, waiting for him to speak.
âWell, to be fair,' he began, âyou never said
not
to break in and steal supplies.'
Stenka's face turned a deep shade of red, and Jasper wondered if it were possible for eyes to actually pop out of someone's head.
Stenka didn't say anything for a moment. And then she did exactly what Jasper feared the most: she smiled. âWell done,' she said.
Whaâ?
Was she being sarcastic? Was she going to keep him in the basement with the Blibberwail forever?
âI don't think you quite realise what you did today. No-one has ever made it through their first Task. In the entire history of Monstrum House,' Stenka said. âYou're not
meant
to make it through. We set you up with an impossible task so that you all start to take your monsterhunting duties seriously. The Task is intended to rank students from the most able to the least able, but we don't expect anyone to actually complete it. It's a remarkable achievement.'
Jasper was confused. Did this mean she wasn't angry?
âJust imagine if no-one hunted monsters,' Stenka said. âImagine the chaos! You kids â misfits in the outside world â are the only hope. We need kids with courage, who are prepared to break rules to get things done. Like you did today. Kids who will go the whole way.'
Jasper couldn't believe it. She was actually congratulating him. No-one was ever going to believe this.
âOf course, there is still your punishment to discuss.'
This was more like the Stenka he knew.
He was almost relieved. Stenka being nice was seriously unnerving.
âWhile you did complete the Task, you broke a number of rules along the way.' She paused.
âHowever, given that you single-handedly captured the Grubbergrind, I think a fairly light punishment is in order.'