Crewel (19 page)

As much as I loathe Pryana, I turn and look at her directly. ‘Did they ask you about that?’

‘About what?’ she says, but then she sighs, grudgingly meeting my eyes.

‘Other Spinsters, you know . . .’

‘Hitting on me?’ She shrugs. ‘Yeah, it was weird.’

Pryana turns back to her shopping. She seems less than interested by the mapping questions. But if she’s being truthful, and it is only a half-hour procedure, she doesn’t have nearly as much to worry about.

Since it’s probably not a good idea to snoop around with her here, I try not to be disappointed that I can’t get a better look at this wing of the Coventry. It’s under surveillance anyway. I flip through a catalogue but don’t order anything. Meanwhile Pryana barks out order after order to the companel. If her wardrobe is half the size of mine, she doesn’t need any of it. But she strikes me as a girl who’s here to get her duty’s worth. Finally Nurse Renni reappears with our clothing. We dress in a hurry, our backs turned to each other. A guard meets us at the door and leads us through the sterile corridor. There is nothing here to distinguish one door from another. No sign to suggest what happens in the rooms we pass. Not even the sound of medics working. So much for my brilliant plan of using the mapping to get more info.

But as the guard guides us into the main lobby, I spy a nurse busily updating a digifile as she disappears behind a grey swinging door. It’s the first medical personnel I’ve seen besides the doctor and Nurse Renni. Edging closer to the door, I catch glimpses as it slowly sways to a close – a long hallway, grey tile, a small security door, and on it the word ‘research’. It’s a good thing that monitor isn’t on me now, because my heart just stopped.

‘Ladies,’ the guard says, waiting for us like a gentleman at the access desk. We exit the clinic, and he takes us back to the high tower. As we walk, I track the number of turns and count each step I take. If I can manage it, I want to get back there. But first I’ll have to get clearance to go into the research area. Our escort deposits us at the brass lift, bowing slightly as he leaves.

‘What floor?’ Pryana asks.

‘F-f-fifteen,’ I stammer, shocked by the friendly gesture.

She rolls her eyes.

‘What floor are you on?’ I ask.

‘Four.’

I reach over to press the button for her floor, but her hand smacks mine away.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ she hisses. ‘If I have to ride in a lift with you, I’m going to see the high tower.’

‘You live in the high tower,’ I remind her.

She glowers at me. ‘No, I live in the lower quarters and the lifts won’t let me travel past the lounge floor.’

For the first time I study the buttons. There are five floors below the lounge button, including Pryana’s.

‘Oh, I just assumed.’

‘Yeah,’ she says, ‘that’s always your problem.’

‘Look—’ I say, heat flushing my cheeks, but before I can tell her where to shove it, the doors slide open to my floor.

There are two more plum-lacquered doors on this floor, but I’ve never seen another Spinster here, which is why I don’t push Pryana into the lift and force her back to the lower quarters. There’s nothing here she can’t see, and it’s not like she’s going to come hang out with me in my room and have a pyjama party. But as soon as we step off the lift, I regret my decision. Two women are in the hall. Way to go, Adelice. Get caught showing off.

Their backs are to us, but then I realise only one of them is turned away, her blonde hair neatly rolled and pinned into a French twist. I don’t understand what I’m seeing. Arms snaking around her waist and up her back. Slender olive arms with brilliant red nails.

‘Oh, my Arras,’ Pryana gasps, and the pair split from their embrace.

It’s enough to startle me, and I shove Pryana into the waiting lift and push the button to shut the door. Twisting back to the women, I stare at Enora and Valery, who are frozen to the spot. Now I understand why the doctor asked those questions. And so does Pryana.

Enora snaps to, fleeing down the hall to the seldom-used stairs at the end. Valery shifts back on her heels and opens her mouth, but she doesn’t say anything. We stare at each other. I can’t quite wrap my head around it. Valery and Enora. It doesn’t feel wrong exactly, just different. And a small part of me feels left out, like I should have known that the two people closest to me here share this secret. The unfairness of this thought makes me look away, ashamed. Who am I to judge them? I’ve been anything but upfront about Jost.

I’m the one to break the silence. ‘Is that why she’s acting strangely?’

‘No,’ Valery says with a slight shake of her head. ‘This has nothing to do with that.’

I pause for a moment and then take a deep breath. ‘Come on. Let’s not stand out here. Besides I expected you to do my hair hours ago.’

If Valery is puzzled, she doesn’t show it. She simply follows me to my door. As I open it, I catch her glancing at the door to the stairs. Tugging on her arm, I urge her inside my quarters.

In the bathroom, I turn the tap on, like Jost showed me weeks ago. Valery starts to gather her supplies: an apron, shampoos and hair tonics. I take them away and push her into the prep chair. Leaning against the wall, I study her. Valery. Kind, quiet Valery. She’s a lot like Enora.

‘You don’t have to tell me anything,’ I say.

‘It’s a long story,’ she says bitterly.

‘A lot of those around here. Look, I can’t tell you what Pryana is going to do, but it’s none of my business.’

‘Oh, they already know,’ Valery says. Her voice trembles, but she holds her chin up. ‘That’s why Enora is acting off.’

‘Is she worried they’re going to kick her out?’

‘Nothing like that. She’s just been acting differently since the mind-mapping. She’s been . . . distant.’

I know exactly what she means. ‘I noticed. She barely told me anything about it.’

‘She went in twice.’

Twice? A tremor races up my spine.

‘And you’re sure the Coventry knew that you two were . . .’ I don’t even know what to call it.

‘In a relationship?’ she offers. ‘Yes.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, looking past her to the bathtub. ‘I’ve never—’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Valery says, but her voice is thick and angry. ‘The Coventry nips these things in the bud pretty fast.’

‘I thought they caught most deviants,’ I say, feeling unsophisticated. This is what the doctor was asking about. Pryana knew exactly what his questions meant, but I didn’t, because I had never even noticed anything between Valery and Enora.

‘Just because there are rules against it, doesn’t mean it goes away,’ she says. ‘There are more of us out there, but we keep low profiles. It’s harder when—’

‘You’re in love with a Spinster?’

‘Exactly. We managed to keep it quiet for a long time, but lately surveillance has been stricter, especially on Enora.’

Because I came along.

‘Do you think they did something to her?’ she asks.

I think back to the State of the Guild, and Enora’s own words echo in my head:
Don’t be ridiculous.

‘It was like she didn’t know me,’ Valery says in a soft voice. ‘I cornered her—’

‘They remapped her.’

She shakes her head. ‘But they can’t remap Spinsters. It’s too dangerous. They only remap criminals and unstables! She might not be able to weave.’

‘Trust me,’ I say, placing a hand gently over hers. ‘There’s new tech.’

‘Why? Because of us?’ Her voice cracks on the question, and tears pool in her eyes. ‘She’s not even allowed to marry. She’s not endangering the population.’

‘The Guild takes threats to Arras’s balance seriously. I know it’s not comforting, but if they believed they could fix her—’

‘Fix her? Is that what you think? That we need to be fixed?’ Valery’s voice rises over the tap’s rushing water.

I clasp her hand and speak in a low voice. ‘None of us need to be fixed, but the Guild looks out for itself.’

Valery stares into my eyes for a long minute and then withdraws her hand like I’ve bitten her.

‘They’re after you.’

‘I assume so,’ I admit.

‘They’d never test their new protocol on their prize catch,’ she says. ‘Enora was protecting you. She kept interfering with Maela’s punishments.’

‘I know.’ I could try to argue that I wasn’t to blame for Enora or Pryana’s sister or my own parents’ deaths, but I can’t deny I’m the common factor.

‘Then you know this is your fault.’

Valery stands, and with one last sob, wipes her eyes. Without so much as a glance at me, she exits, leaving me alone with my guilt.

She doesn’t come to dress me for dinner. A gnawing ache in my stomach tells me I’ll never see her again, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t push the strange sensation away. At the table, where I sit with the other Spinsters, Enora’s seat is empty, which only increases my dread. It’s so consuming, I almost don’t notice that Jost is serving tonight.

‘More wine?’ he offers. Our eyes meet, and his crinkle at the edges in concern.

‘Water’s fine.’

He returns a moment later with the water pitcher. He follows my gaze to where Enora should be.

‘Valet,’ I say, as he pours my drink, ‘there’s a problem with the auto light on my fireplace.’

‘I’ll check on it later,’ he says, and fades back to attend to the other women.

As I glance down to the other end of the table, Pryana catches my eye and raises her wineglass. She smiles and then tips her head as though we’re toasting something. I turn away, but I don’t take another bite from any of the six courses they serve.

Jost is toying with the buttons on my mantel when I return from dinner. Kicking off my heels, I wander over in front of it. He presses a button and the fire roars to life.

‘Seems to be fine,’ he says.

‘Silly me.’

‘Do you need anything else?’ he asks, raising his eyebrows.

That’s my cue. A second later, I’ve woven a new moment into the room. Before I can speak, I’m in his arms. I bury my face in his chest, unsure where to start.

‘I don’t—’

‘Shhh,’ he hushes me. Taking my chin in his hand, he draws my face up to his. With his lips moving against mine, everything fades away. My pulse quickens, and I wrap my arms around his neck. I could stay here for eternity.

He pulls back first and I sigh, the shimmering dome and the frozen room resurfacing around us, along with all the problems of the real world.

‘Enora,’ I begin.

‘She wasn’t at dinner,’ he says.

‘She’s been acting strange, and I think I know why.’

‘Because she’s . . .’

‘In love,’ I confess.

‘I know.’ Jost pauses. ‘She’s in love with another woman.’

I stare at him. Maybe Valery was right and everyone knew about them. Exactly how had I missed this?

‘Not much gets past the head valet,’ he says, reading my mind.

‘Does everyone know?’ I ask a bit too sourly.

‘They probably do now. It was a rumour for a long time,’ he says, pulling me down to the floor. ‘Not the first time. Spinsters don’t exactly fall out of trees. The Guild is willing to overlook some things if a girl has the skill.’

‘So why the sudden interest?’

He pauses for a moment, not meeting my eyes. ‘Honestly, more attention has been on her lately.’

‘Because of me.’ It stings, but I know he’s right.

‘And with the new remapping tech—’

‘She didn’t stand a chance,’ I finish his thought, and just then something horrible occurs to me. ‘Do you think Pryana will report Valery for what she saw?’

‘I don’t know,’ he says, heaving a sigh. ‘It’s possible, and Valery doesn’t have the protection afforded a Spinster.’

‘Why do they even care?’ I groan. ‘She can’t be the only one sneaking around. I mean, look at us.’

Jost laughs as though I’ve said something insanely funny. Is that what he thinks about us? That we’re a big joke? I don’t know if I should hit him or cry.

‘What?’ I ask, trying to look defiant and hoping my blush isn’t too noticeable.

‘Of course they care, Adelice. What if women married other women? Or if men married other men?’

In a split second, I transition from relief to embarrassment. Of course he meant them. But then something stirs in my chest, and I remember how Valery yelled at me. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not hurting anyone.’

‘You’ve got it wrong,’ Jost says. ‘You asked why they care. The Guild. And I’m telling you, it scares them. A woman without a husband . . .’

‘I don’t have a husband,’ I point out.

‘You would have in a year or two if you hadn’t been retrieved.’

‘But Spinsters don’t marry – and no one seems threatened by us.’

‘Sure. You don’t marry, but you’re also locked up in walled compounds. And,’ he adds, his voice taking a mocking tone, ‘if you’re lucky you get to go out and hang off some official’s arm.’

My nostrils flare. Is that what he thinks of me? I’m leaning towards hitting him. I can cry later.

‘Fact is, the Spinsters are far from a pure bunch. Why do you think they keep male servants around? To do the heavy lifting?’ he continues, oblivious to the fact that I’ve pulled away from him.

‘You have a lot of experience with that?’ I ask, unsure if I’m mad at the other girls or myself now.

Jost’s eyes narrow, and he regards me closely. ‘Is this about us or Enora?’

‘Enora.’

‘Could have fooled me.’

‘If they ignore that we’re all secretly courting half the guard, why do they mind if she’s in love with Valery?’ I’m screaming, and I don’t even care.

‘Would you let me finish?’ he asks. ‘It threatens them – the officials – if a Spinster is loyal to someone else.’

‘Valery said there were others,’ I tell him, dropping the attitude a notch. ‘In Arras.’

‘Did you ever meet any?’

‘No,’ I admit.

‘They keep it quiet and everyone leaves them alone or they’re remapped. It’s not only them, though. If a Spinster falls in love with a man, even an official, they’ll put an end to it.’

‘Remap her?’

‘No, they’ve never done that before. Sometimes they remap him or rip him if he’s no one important. Others, they threaten. It happens more often than you think.’ Jost shakes his head. ‘How do you think I became head valet? I kept my nose clean.’

A mixture of excitement and fear churns in my stomach. So there’s no one else. ‘And if they find out about . . .’

‘About us?’ he finishes quietly when I don’t continue. ‘I’m no one important.’

‘Yes, you are,’ I say. ‘They won’t be able to control me.’

‘They have your sister.’

‘They don’t have my heart.’

And there it is. As close as we’ve come to talking about whatever it is between us.

‘I can’t lose you,’ he says in a soft voice.

‘You won’t.’

‘It’s a risk for me even to be here,’ he says, standing and beginning to pace the golden dome.

‘They don’t know I can do this.’

‘Not yet.’

‘I know.’ I sigh and stand up. We’re getting dangerously close to something we can’t take back, and I’m not sure I can do this without him now that Enora’s so different. ‘We need a plan, but first we have to figure something out.’

He cocks an eyebrow.

‘What’s happened to Enora,’ I remind him.

I don’t know where her quarters are located, but Jost does, so I dismantle the dome and smooth the strands of time back into place within the room’s weave. Out of the safety of the time bubble, we’re pushing our luck, but he leads me out of my room and up two flights of stairs to her hall.

‘They monitor the lift more than the stairs,’ he tells me as we ascend. ‘No one uses them.’

Enora’s hall is similar to mine, but all the doors are painted violet instead of plum. Jost raps on the first one and waits, but there’s no answer.

‘You sure about this?’ he asks.

I nod. I won’t sleep tonight until I’ve spoken to her.

Jost holds his thumb to the scanner and the door clicks open to a quiet room. Large paintings hang in golden frames throughout the apartment. From the doorway the images look like flowers, but as I move closer to them they blur into a mash of subtle colours, losing their beauty. A small four-poster bed – its linens taut and its cushions precisely placed – sits next to the unlit hearth. The room feels abandoned.

‘She’s not here,’ Jost says from the window.

A chill creeps up into my throat, but I push it back down. They can’t have simply removed her. ‘Let’s check the bathroom.’

He follows me without a word. Her bathroom is smaller than my own and with the lights off I can barely make out her prep area except for the white plastic chair – exactly like mine – that glows faintly as we enter the empty room.

‘I don’t know where she is,’ Jost says. ‘I can run a locator on her from the valet station.’

‘Wait,’ I breathe, aware of the drip of a tap. My hand stretches in the dark, searching for the switchscan. When I run my hand along it, light floods the tiny space, and I blink.

Jost’s eyes adjust more quickly. ‘Damn it!’

I watch as he darts across the marble floor, but I can’t bring myself to look where he’s going. It’s in his voice. I don’t want to see what he sees. If I turn away now, I can go back to the still bedroom and out to the empty hallway and never know.

But then he’s pulling her up, and it’s too late.

Water sloshes over the side of the tub, trailing red down the white porcelain. She’s pale in his arms, not the polished ivory achieved via the aesthetician’s chair, but the blankness of untouched paper, bleached into absence. He struggles with her, heaving her body up by her underarms. The bloodied water laps against her bare breasts and trickles down her collarbone, and I can’t look away. Even from here, I spy angry red gashes along her wrists.

‘Stop,’ I command in a flat voice.

‘Help me, Adelice,’ he says, still pulling against her heavy body.

‘It’s too late,’ I tell him. The escaping water spreads across the marble, and I stare as it creeps toward the toes of my satin heels.

Jost looks at me but doesn’t say anything. After a moment, he drops her arms and lets her body slide back into the water. The motion forces another wave up over the side of the tub, and the puddle of water at my feet surges over my toes. I should step back.