Crewel (20 page)

‘Maela,’ Jost accuses quietly.

‘No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘Enora did this.’

‘She wouldn’t—’

‘The Enora we knew wouldn’t.’

‘Then it’s still them,’ he says. He keeps his voice hushed, but his words are defiantly clear. The audio transmitters must be monitoring us, but why has no one come?

‘Of course it’s them. It always is,’ I say, and then turn to the door.

I crumble as soon as I’m over the threshold, but Jost is already there to catch me.

‘I have to call this in,’ he whispers.

Helping me to the only armchair in the room, Jost waits for me to settle back, but I lean forward on the edge of the seat, my elbows resting on my knees, and hide my face in my hands. Across the room, Jost speaks into the companel in a low voice. They’ll be here in moments and then explanations will be expected. I don’t know what to say. My mind has stopped forming words and keeps replaying the ripple of water against Enora’s breasts.

‘Let me talk,’ Jost whispers, kneeling down next to me.

I turn my head and stare into his blue eyes. I wish I could sink into them and float away.

The guards arrive first, then a few maids, and finally Maela sweeps into the room.

‘Where is she?’ she asks like she can’t hear the muffled chaos in the next chamber.

Jost answers, which is good, because I’m not sure I remember how to talk.

‘You,’ she says to me, ‘stay here.’

I look up and glare at her. Not much of a chance I’m going anywhere.

Maela disappears into the bathroom, and I strain to listen. I think someone is crying. Probably one of the servants. Some poor girl rejected years ago.

I wait forever, and Jost stays crouched by my side. We don’t speak.

‘Adelice,’ Maela says, coming back into the room, ‘you found her?’ She lights a cigarette and blows the smoke down at me.

‘Yes,’ I say in a clipped tone.

‘And she was already dead?’

I clench my jaw and nod.

‘And the last time you saw her?’

‘Yesterday,’ I lie.

Her eyes turn to slits and she opens her mouth, but before she can speak, Loricel enters the room.

‘I’ve informed the medical department,’ she says to Maela. ‘As well as the main office. An investigator will be here soon. You are no longer needed.’

Maela turns to Loricel and lifts her chin. ‘I’ll decide that.’

‘No,’ Loricel says in a quiet voice. ‘I will. Enora was in Manipulation Services. You are dismissed.’

Maela shoots me one withering look, but she slinks out of the room.

‘You found her?’ Loricel asks.

I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. If Loricel was the one who sent her to be remapped, I shouldn’t be so glad to see her.

‘When was the last time you saw her?’ Loricel asks.

I open my mouth, ready to repeat the information I told Maela. ‘I saw her—’

‘Tell me the truth,’ Loricel interrupts. She’s already washed her face and without the carefully applied cosmetics and patching, the cracks of age are more visible. Her eyes sink back and her eyelids droop.

‘I saw her this morning,’ I whisper. ‘She was with Valery.’

‘Thank you,’ she says in a tired voice.

‘Loricel,’ I say, ‘you have to protect Valery.’

She presses her lips into a thin line and looks away. I don’t wait to hear her excuse. Standing, I stride to the door, away from her and Jost, but I hear her response. ‘I’m afraid it’s too late for that.’

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’m down one flight of stairs before Jost catches up with me. His boots beat down the steps behind me, but I don’t stop until his strong hand closes around my arm. He pulls me to his chest and I melt into him. I count the beats of his heart, each more precious than the one before, until I’m sure my own heart will break. As soon as he’s released my arm, I back away.

‘Ad—’

‘No.’ I raise my palm to stop him from speaking. ‘This has to stop now. You saw what they did to her.’

‘She did that to herself.’

‘Because they drove her to it. They warped her mind, Jost.’

‘She was an experiment.’

‘Exactly,’ I whisper. ‘To get to me. And anyone else in the way.’

‘So we pretend nothing’s happened between us?’ he asks.

‘It’s the only choice we have.’

‘I can’t accept that.’

‘We always knew this couldn’t go anywhere,’ I murmur.

Jost takes a step back and stares me down. I resist the urge to fall into his arms and instead push by him to the next set of stairs. There has to be another way. If I break his heart again . . .

‘I won’t live without you,’ he whispers, and his eyes say it all – desperation, betrayal, grief. But even as these emotions flash across his face, he reaches out his hand. He would risk everything – his own life – for us. But I can’t make that sacrifice. The Guild will kill him, too, if they find out about us. I can’t lose him, so I have to let him go.

‘Try,’ I say, as coldly as I can, but I’m dashing down the steps before he replies.

I skip breakfast. And lunch. I don’t leave my room. Valery doesn’t come to style me, so I spend the day strung across my prep chair drinking a bottle of wine. Valery would have liked that; she was always telling me to relax while she worked on me. Here you go, Val. I have another glass for Enora. And then one for my mother, who would so not approve. As it turns out, there are a lot of people to drink to, and I do my best.

I devote the second half of the bottle to Jost, who isn’t dead. Yet. I’m sure dragging him into this will be just the ticket to add him to my personal death toll. And no matter how much I drink, this thought sobers me right up. I can’t let them kill Jost or Amie or even Loricel. I can’t let anyone else suffer because of me. Which leaves me with two options: buck up and take one for the team or get out of here. The trouble with Arras is that the whole thing is watched and controlled by the Guild, right down to my personal identifying sequence. Even if I got out of the compound, a tracker could use my sequence to hunt me down before I made it past the rebound station. Or maybe Cormac would skip catching me entirely and have me ripped.

By mid-afternoon I’ve come up with nothing. But since no one bothers to force me to work I slip into a pair of linen pants and a soft cotton tunic – the only clothing in my entire closet that doesn’t require buckling, zipping, or stockings. It’s the perfect outfit to lie down and waste away in. Staring out the window from my bed, I watch as waves seep onto the shore. There is no snow on the mountain today. Everything is placid, programmed to counteract last night’s tragedy. The wine churns in my empty stomach as I stare out at the peaceful scene, and I feel anything but tranquil.

Behind me my door clicks open, but I don’t turn around. I told Jost not to come, so he can go about whatever menial task he’s concocted as an excuse to see me. Besides, I probably smell like Cormac by now. Not very romantic. But he doesn’t go to the fireplace or my bathroom. I can’t detect the exotic aroma of a late luncheon. Instead he walks straight to me and stands there; I keep my back to him.

‘Go away.’ Happily, my speech is clear.

‘I can’t.’ It’s Jost’s voice, but he speaks in a firm tone – confident of his right to be here. ‘I’ve been sent to retrieve you for a meeting with Ambassador Patton.’

The voice sounds so like him, but different, too. More professional, arrogant. Something clicks in my brain, and I flip onto my other side. Big mistake. Stars burst across my eyes, making my head swim. Maybe I am a little drunk.

‘Been a while,’ I say.

‘I thought it was better to—’ Erik begins.

‘Stay away?’

‘I didn’t want to push things.’

‘I think we crossed that line,’ I say with a cold smile.

Erik’s jaw tightens and then relaxes. I hold out my hand, and he helps me up. My balance is shaky, but, ever the gentleman, Erik takes my arm without a word. It’s strange to touch him now. I can see my arm looped through his, my skin scrapes against his wool suit jacket, even the back of my clenched fist brushes against his bare wrist, but there’s no spark. My nerves don’t react to the contact. I replay the memory of our kiss in the garden. My first kiss. But now I feel like a watcher not a participant. If there was something there, Maela destroyed it, along with the tips of my fingers. Or maybe it’s the numbing effects of that wine I drank.

We travel in silence, and Erik’s stride is purposeful. Getting me to the meeting: that’s his only objective. It’ll be a relief to get rid of him. The delightful numbness has worn off by the time we reach the closed door. Erik nods to a tall, stern guard in that way that men greet each other.

Erik peels my arm back from his and guides me inside. He doesn’t follow, but as he bows his farewell, I catch a simple ‘I’m sorry’ escape his lips.

Bit late for that.

Inside, Loricel sits at the far side of a large circular oak table and Maela perches on a leather-backed chair by the door. She straightens up and thrusts her chin forward as I enter the room. I’m pretty sure she’s going for proud, but really she just looks constipated. And my old buddy Cormac is at a small bar in the corner, pouring a drink.

‘Good to see everything’s back to normal,’ I say.

From her seat across the room, Loricel’s smile turns into a frown of disapproval.

‘Adelice,’ Cormac says, stirring a squat crystal glass, ‘always a pleasure to see you.’

Such a politician.

‘Have a seat,’ Loricel says.

I take a deep breath and plop down into a chair. I start to cross my legs, but remember I’m wearing trousers, so I lean forward, legs wide, and give Maela a baiting grin. Her face stays serene, but her knuckles go white.

‘I was shocked to hear of the unfortunate incident with your mentor,’ Cormac says, taking a chair next to me.

‘Were you?’ I ask with wide eyes.

‘I was,’ he repeats in a tone that dares me to ask again. ‘Sometimes the demands of a Spinster can be overwhelming, and with the important work we do here we can forget to look after our own.’

‘I’ve felt very looked after,’ I assure him.

Maela clears her throat beside me. ‘Enora struggled with—’

‘Save it,’ I snap at her. ‘We know what Enora struggled with.’

‘Remember your place—’

‘Enough,’ Loricel says in a quiet voice. ‘Adelice knows her place, and you would do well to learn your own, Maela.’

‘She’s barely even been on a loom,’ Maela says.

‘She’s got more talent in her left pinky than you have in your whole body,’ Loricel responds.

I have to bite back a smile.

‘Don’t be arrogant,’ Loricel says, turning on me. ‘She’s right. With this political nonsense, you’ve had no real training.’

‘The Coventry needs to maintain a face of power,’ Cormac says, sipping his drink. ‘Adelice is key to that.’

‘Cormac, you worry about the political and I’ll keep this world working,’ Loricel says, slamming her hands down on the table. ‘If you plan to move her into my position, she needs to be prepared, not indoctrinated.’

‘Do I even need to be here for this?’ I ask.

‘Watch your mouth, girl,’ he growls.

‘I’d play nicer with your future Creweler, Cormac,’ Loricel says to him. ‘She may not be as forgiving as I am.’

‘The point is, she’s not ready,’ Maela reminds them, and they both glare at her.

‘I’m ready enough.’

‘You understand the fundamentals,’ Loricel says, ‘but you have a lot to learn before you can assume my position.’

‘What if I don’t want it?’

‘I wouldn’t worry about that,’ Cormac says, shaking his head. ‘You’re under stress with the loss of your mentor, but we’ve arranged for you to receive some evaluation and counselling. Enora’s death – it reminds us how demanding this work can be.’

‘Guess it’s not all fancy dinners and dresses,’ I say coldly.

‘No, it’s not,’ he says. ‘We’ll need you here more than ever now.’

‘Loricel planning a vacation?’

Cormac’s eyes flicker to Maela’s, and he shakes his head.

‘Loricel has opted to forgo further renewal treatments.’

I look from him to her, but her eyes are vacant. ‘What does that mean?’

‘It means I’m going to die,’ Loricel says softly.

I suck in a breath and let it out slowly. Cormac watches me from the next chair, and I work to keep fear off my face. Without Loricel . . .Well, I don’t even want to consider what this place will be like then. Does she think I can stand up to him?

‘So you need a new Creweler?’ I ask after a long moment.

‘We need you,’ Cormac says.

I don’t answer him.

‘You’ll be studying under Loricel all working hours until . . .’

‘She dies.’ I finish his thought.

‘Yes, and it’s imperative that you’re prepared to assume responsibility when she passes.’

‘Especially since you’re already short a Creweler’s assistant.’

Cormac’s eyes narrow. ‘She wasn’t half the Spinster you are, Adelice.’

‘I’m half the person she was,’ I say with a shrug, barely keeping my voice steady. ‘So I guess it evens out.’

‘There are other Spinsters,’ Maela breaks in, but Cormac shoots her a look that shuts her up.

‘You needn’t worry yourself about Adelice,’ he says to her. ‘You’ve wasted enough time.’

‘That girl would have no training if it weren’t for me,’ she says, stabbing at the air in my direction.

‘That girl,’ Cormac says quietly, ‘would be dead if it were up to you. You are in danger of overstepping your bounds.’

‘And we know what happens to girls who overstep their bounds,’ I add.

No one laughs.

‘Adelice, you’ll report to Loricel’s studio in the morning. I’ll let her know when your evaluation is scheduled,’ Cormac says, rising from his seat and buttoning his tuxedo.

‘Cormac,’ Loricel says. ‘A word.’

She gestures for him to follow her, and soon I’m alone at the table with Maela.

‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ she says.

I stare at her. She can’t be serious.

‘No, really,’ Maela says. ‘We’ve had our differences—’

‘That’s one way to put it.’

‘But,’ she continues, ignoring me, ‘Enora was a good Spinster.’

‘Did Pryana tell you?’

Maela purses her lips. ‘Tell me what?’

‘About Enora.’

‘I was called as part of the emergency response.’

‘No, about Enora and Valery. In the hallway.’

‘No, she didn’t tell me, but there’s something you need to understand,’ she says. ‘If you think Pryana is a puppet of mine, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. She is a force all her own.’

‘Which you created—’

‘Which I propelled,’ she corrects. ‘I won’t lie, Adelice. I wanted you to be enemies, but Pryana was never going to be your friend.’

‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘We were hitting it off.’

‘Pryana would stab her own sister in the back if it suited her.’

‘She seemed pretty upset when you ripped her sister.’

‘Listen,’ Maela says, standing and staring down at me. ‘I’d watch who you tell about your own little sister. Pryana’s not the forgiving type. Believe me, I did you a favour.’

‘Feel free to keep your favours to yourself in the future,’ I say.

Maela tosses a bored expression my way and exits. There’s no way I’m about to believe her fake sympathy or her sudden interest in me. Since I’m going to be the next Creweler, she’s just doing some repair work on the damage she’s inflicted.

‘Done?’ Erik asks, poking his head through the doorway.

‘Do I get an escort again?’

‘Cormac wants assurance that you’re safe at all times.’

‘Oh good,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Will you be camping out on my floor?’

‘Outside your door, as a matter of fact.’

I screw my face up. I guess I won’t be sneaking out to investigate the clinic tonight.

‘Don’t look so annoyed,’ he says, taking my arm. ‘This way you get to wake up and go to sleep to me.’

Despite my resentment for how he acted after our kiss, I laugh. He’s just so self-assured.

‘Every girl’s dream,’ I say, tipping my head to the side.

‘I am sorry,’ he says through gritted teeth.

‘Sure. It’s nothing.’

‘I know what she did to you.’

‘Drop it, Erik.’

‘You have to know that it would have been worse if I’d come to see you.’

‘Yeah, you’re probably right,’ I say, ‘but I guess we’ll never know.’

‘So that’s it, then?’

I sigh and pull my arm out from his. He’s not making this easy. ‘Erik, we kissed. I was a little drunk. I’m over it.’

‘And what if I’m not?’ he says, slowing his pace.

I walk faster, pulling him along with me. ‘It doesn’t matter how powerful I am – or will be after this promotion – it’s not going to happen.’

‘Promotion?’ he repeats.

‘I’m training to replace Loricel,’ I say with a shrug. ‘I assumed you knew.’

‘No, but I guess that explains Maela’s change of heart.’

‘Oh, you mean how we’re best friends now?’

He gives me a crooked grin. ‘I wouldn’t go that far, but she’s definitely trying to get on your good side.’

‘At least she’s not trying to kill me.’

‘Again, I wouldn’t go that far,’ he says.

‘The more things change,’ I mutter.

‘Just forgive me?’ he says, and I groan at the circularity of his thoughts. He’s like a puppy chasing his tail, except it’s mine he’s after.

‘I forgive you,’ I say. ‘But it doesn’t change anything.’

‘I can wait.’

‘Erik,’ I say, struggling with how much I want to share. ‘It’s not only that. I’m not the same as I was a few weeks ago. Things have changed, and it would be a waste of your time to wait around for me.’

He looks down at me as though he’s watching my
neurons
firing, and I shrink back from his penetrating gaze. ‘I should have known,’ he says, a hint of a smile playing on his lips before fading away.

I bite down on the inside of my cheek and keep my eyes on the floor. Something in his voice is giving me goosebumps, but he can’t actually know . . . 

‘Look,’ he says, ‘I get it. But there’s something you need to consider. I have more resources at my disposal and a certain value to the Guild. He doesn’t. You’ll get him killed.’

I swallow hard and glance up to his watching eyes. ‘Is that the best you’ve got?’

‘I’m not trying to steal you,’ he says, lowering his voice. ‘I know Jost better than you think. I don’t want to see anybody get hurt.’

‘That’s thoughtful of you,’ I murmur.

‘Think what you want,’ he says. We’re at the door to the brass lift. Reaching forward, he presses the Up button and holds the door when it opens. We step in. When the lift door slides closed, he leans down. I can feel his breath warm against the back of my ear.

‘Remember what I said to you that night at the ball?’

His words tingle in my ear and down my neck, but I manage a nod.

‘You know that plan we discussed. If you finally have one, now’s the time to use it.’

The tingle turns into an electric charge and my pulse builds frenetically in my chest, wrists, ears. ‘Well, I don’t,’ I whisper.