Crime and Punishment 4: Burning Submission (27 page)

Jennifer looked up at Nathan. He winked, and she smiled, relieved he would go to that extreme to keep her safe. She looked back down at the paper and slowly folded it.

Could she trust them? The government? Granted, they hadn’t kidnapped her, but they hadn’t tried to get her out either. But what choice did she have?

“I have complete control?” she asked.

“Yes,” Dr. Borgan replied.

“No one will come in and tell me how to run things?”

“No.”

“And these teens… They won’t have to worry about experimentation?”

“No,” Dr. Borgan replied with a firm shake of his head.

She glanced at Josh. He smiled softly in encouragement, warming her heart and making her wish for things that couldn’t be.

“What would Xavier do?” he whispered.

Jennifer’s lips twitched as tears gathered in her eyes. He’d remembered her X-Men fascination. He was right, though. This was her chance to do things for kids that hadn’t been done for her such as help them understand their gifts, learn to use them, and maybe find out what caused them…and in some cases, maybe even get rid of them altogether.

She would’ve jumped at the chance as a kid to be normal. Maybe she could offer that to them—give them what she’d never had.

Taking a deep breath, she dived headlong into her future. “Well, Dr. Borgan. I guess we have a deal.”

* * * *

Six months later

Josh sat at his desk and tapped the tip of his pen against the thick file of paperwork he had yet to finish. His heart just wasn’t in it. His heart, his mind, his attention. All of them were locked on Jennifer and had been for months.

He missed her.

A lot.

With a sigh, he flipped the file open and stared at the report. He’d caught six criminals since he’d been back, including one serial killer. The thrill was gone, though. The desire to be in the thick of the hardest cases was also gone. He moved through his days like a robot on autopilot.

Last year, he would have told anyone who asked that his life was complete. He had a great job, he could date anyone, anytime, anywhere. He had no obligations. He enjoyed being a bachelor.

Or at least he had.

Now he found himself daydreaming about Jennifer. What was she doing now? Had she met someone else? The thought of her with another man tore at his chest like a jagged knife. He balled his fingers into a fist, and the desire to hit something nagged.

This was ridiculous. He needed to get a grip and move on with his life. She probably had. She was too young for him anyway.

“You’re an idiot, Josh.”

Josh frowned and glanced up in surprise to see Nathan standing just on the other side of his desk. “What the hell are you doing here?” Josh asked, deliberately ignoring Nathan’s comment. “You hate Washington.”

Nathan shrugged and set his coffee mug on the edge of Josh’s desk. “The powers that be asked me to come in and do a profile.”

“Serial killer?” Josh asked.

“Possibly. There are three bodies. The way they were killed is similar but not exact.”

Josh frowned. “Close enough, though?”

Nathan’s lips twisted. “I think it might be more than one. Time will tell. I’m going to keep checking in on this one. There’s something about it that has the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.”

Josh smiled slightly. “The powers that be would do well to listen to your gut instinct.”

“They usually do. Can you break away for something to eat? I’m starving.”

Josh snorted but stood and grabbed the jacket he’d slung over the back of the chair earlier. “You’re always hungry. I swear I don’t see how you keep from weighing three hundred pounds.”

“I work it off,” Nathan said, smiling.

Josh didn’t doubt that for a minute. Nathan’s muscles had muscles. Josh sometimes wished he had the time to work out more than he did. Some days he was lucky to get a meal in, much less a workout. Especially lately.

“Where do you want to go?” Josh asked.

“Somewhere that has steak.”

Josh chuckled as he led the way out of the office building. They climbed into Josh’s truck and headed to his favorite steak house.

“Connelly didn’t come with you?” Josh asked.

“No, she had a deadline.”

“When does that woman not have a deadline?” Josh asked with amusement. “She’s either working on the edits to her current book or starting a new one.”

Nathan laughed softly. “She loves what she does, and her readers certainly love the stories, so… Speaking of love.”

“Nathan,” Josh warned.

“Jennifer is setting up shop in Atlanta. She has a temporary office on the northeast side while they look for property and draw up plans for the facility. She decided to go with a school-type environment.”

Josh frowned over at Nathan as he turned into the restaurant parking lot. “Nathan, I swear to God, I’ll leave your ass here and drive home by myself.”

Nathan sighed and climbed out of the truck, but he didn’t say anything more. Thank God.

As much as Josh wanted to hear about Jennifer, he also didn’t want to hear about her. He needed to move on, and Nathan needed to let it go.

“Just because you’re happily shackled doesn’t mean I need to be,” Josh grumbled as he stepped through the restaurant doors.

They were greeted by a young, smiling hostess. “Good evening. Just the two of you?” she asked.

“Yes,” Josh replied.

She turned and led the way to a booth at the far end. Josh ordered bourbon. Nathan raised an eyebrow before ordering a beer for himself.

The waitress walked away to retrieve their drinks, leaving Josh alone with his very intuitive friend. Josh rubbed tiredly at his forehead. “I hate it when you look at me like that.”

“How would you prefer I look at you?”

Josh sighed and dropped his hand back to the table. “I don’t know. How is she?” he asked quietly, finally relenting.

“As miserable as you, although she hides it better.”

Josh’s lips twitched in wry amusement as the waitress set their drinks on the table and then took their dinner orders. Once she was gone, Josh asked, “Are things going well with the fellowship?”

“So far, although she hasn’t gone beyond the planning stages yet. The search for the patients has turned up some interesting…talents. She and Connelly have also become very close. She even came to the club a couple of weeks ago.”

Josh jerked his gaze to Nathan’s. “What?”

“She didn’t sub for anyone. She started to but then couldn’t go through with it.”

Josh wasn’t sure if that made him feel better. He’d had the same problem. He hadn’t been with anyone else since that night with her at the club. He hadn’t wanted to.

“She needs to move on,” Josh said.

“Like you’re moving on?” Nathan asked as he stared pointedly at the glass in Josh’s hand.

Josh took a long sip of his bourbon. The drink burned all the way down, igniting his stomach. Josh winced but took another, hoping to numb the feeling of loss that gnawed at his gut day in and day out.

“Josh,” Nathan began as he set his elbows on the table and leaned forward. “I’m going to tell you the same thing you once told me. Get off your ass and go after the woman you love.”

Josh started to say something, but Nathan held up his hand, stopping him. “You’re not too old for her. That’s ridiculous. You can’t use your job as an excuse anymore because it makes you miserable now, and don’t even try to deny it, because you fucking know that I know better. Stop punishing yourself for the mistakes you believe you made in the past. She’s good for you. You’re good for her. She needs you. Need I go on? Because I can.”

With a sigh, Josh sat back and stared silently at Nathan. He was right. She was good for him. She made him happy. Happier than he’d ever been before…or at least that he could remember. It was time he hung up his agent hat. It didn’t make him happy anymore.

“And how do you suggest I proceed?” Josh asked.

Nathan grinned. “What was it you told me? Do what you do best.”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Jennifer sat in her office chair and pushed against the desk, making her chair spin in a circle. As it slowed, she would push again, gaining speed, hoping the centrifugal force would push the thoughts of Josh from her mind. As she watched the ceiling spin, she realized it didn’t work.

He never left her mind, despite the efforts of Connelly, whom Jennifer had come to love like a sister. Connelly had been so good to her, taking her shopping to get her mind off Josh, helping her decide the best way to design her compound.

Jennifer still couldn’t believe this was happening.

Her own compound. When it was finished, it would be a safe haven for teens, where they could explore their abilities without censure or fear of standing out—where they could feel safe. Jennifer hoped to figure out what caused these anomalies. She finally had control of hers, but if given the chance, she would get rid of them completely.

She just wished she could get rid of her feelings for Josh.

They hadn’t lessened. They probably would never go away. She would spend her entire life wondering what could’ve been. She’d give her fortune if she could go back in time and tell him how she felt, tell him she loved him.

“I love you, Josh,” she murmured toward the spinning ceiling. “I’ll always love you.”

“That’s good to know.”

She grabbed the desk, stopping the chair, and bolted upright. She spun and stared at the door to her temporary office. Josh leaned against the doorjamb, his arms crossed over his chest. The jeans he wore hugged his slim waist and thighs, and the T-shirt stretched tight across his shoulders, accentuating the width. He hadn’t changed. He still looked as incredibly handsome as the day he’d left and still made her heart skip a wicked beat in excitement.

Was he really here, or was she seeing things?

“What are you doing here?” she asked, barely able to get the words out.

His lips twitched in that adorably amused fashion she remembered so well. “Before I answer that question, perhaps we should talk more about the I-love-you thing.”

She felt her face heat with embarrassment. “I didn’t…”

His grin widened. “Yes, you did. I heard you, so don’t even try to deny it. Lying to your Dom is a no-no and worthy of a spanking. Or better yet, a pussy spanking.”

Jennifer swallowed as memories from the last pussy spanking ran through her mind. She masturbated to them. “What makes you think you’re my Dom?” she asked. “You left me.”

Josh glanced down at the floor before bringing his gaze back to hers. “I apologize for that. I was wrong, and I never should’ve done it.”

“Why did you?” she whispered.

“Because, as Nathan says, I’m an idiot.”

She bit her lip to keep from smiling. “Yes. You are.” She sat back and gave him an assessing stare. “You passed up a gem in me. I could’ve made you happy.”

“Could’ve…or can?”

She licked her lips nervously. Was he here because he missed her? Because he really regretted leaving? “If you’re here to get another quick fuck, then you might as well just turn around and leave.”

Devilment sparked in Josh’s eyes, sending sparks all up and down her spine. Even after months, the electrical connection still raged between them.

“I do plan on a fuck,” Josh murmured as he walked closer. Or stalked was more like it. “But there’ll be nothing quick about it.”

“And then what?” she asked.

“What do you want, Jenn?” Josh asked as he grabbed the back of her chair and spun her so she fully faced him.

She watched, barely able to breathe as he bent and braced his hands on the arms of her leather office chair.

“I don’t want a one-night stand,” she choked out.

“That’s what you don’t want. What do you want?”

“I want forever.”

Josh’s gaze never left hers. Even if his hands weren’t on the arms of the chair, pinning her in, she wasn’t sure she could’ve gotten up.

“Will you take until death do us part?” he countered.

Her stomach did a little flip. Was this his way of asking her to marry him? “Will you buy me a ring?”

Josh’s lips twitched. “Will you promise to obey?”

She smiled slightly. “No.”

“Good.” He pulled something out of his pocket and held it up between them. “Will this ring do?”

Jennifer gasped at the pear-shaped diamond perched on a slim gold band. It was beautiful. She started to reach for it but narrowed her eyes as a thought occurred to her. “So do you expect me to just jump up in your arms, happy that you’re here, ready and willing to forget how much it hurt when you left?”

Josh grabbed her hands and stood, pulling her up along with him. With his left hand, he touched her cheek, but it was the look in his eyes that had her melting. All the other times in the past he’d kept his emotions guarded, his true feelings hidden. But now she could see the love in his eyes along with the desire, and it sent her heart soaring.

“I’m sorry, Jenn. I was a fool. I thought I wouldn’t be good for you, but now I know I’m nothing without you.”

His touch was soft, the look in his eyes tender. Jennifer knew in her heart he spoke the truth, but part of her wanted to make him suffer, to make him really work for it—for her.

She started to pull away, determined not to make it so easy for him, not after she’d cried herself to sleep so many times.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Jennifer froze and stared at him with what she knew had to be a shocked expression. She’d hoped he felt that way, but to hear him say it, well…it made her want to throw her arms around him, shove him to the floor, and screw him until he couldn’t walk.

He tilted his head, the light in his eyes turning very mischievous. “It’s customary to say something back.”

Her own devilish streak reared its ugly head. “I said it first.”

Josh snickered. “Technically, you’re right, but…I want to hear it again.”

“First I want you to answer something for me,” she replied, turning very serious.

Josh took a slight step back but continued to hold both of her hands down by his thighs. “Okay, shoot.”

“How are we going to handle you living in Washington and me living here?”