Crimes of the Heart (14 page)

Long minutes later, he finally removed the last of her clothing, having stopped and feathered his lips over her porcelain skin as each area was revealed. Gently, he placed her on the nest of colorful rose petals.

His hands shook as he took in the beautiful sight. Her glossy black hair was splayed around her head. Shimmering violet eyes gazed at him under hooded lids. The pink flush of desire colored her cheeks. Her lips, swollen from his attention, begged to be covered once again.

He allowed himself the luxury of scanning her from her delicate shoulders, to her full breasts topped with rosy hard peaks, to her tapered waist, down over her slightly rounded abdomen where she’d carried their son, and then lower to her perfect hips and long shapely legs. Lying there in the center of the soft petals she was a dream come true.

No longer able to stay away from her, he shucked off his clothes in record time, and then rejoined her on the bed. With infinite care he cradled her close. When her flesh stroked his, he sighed.
I’ve come home.
“This is where we belong, dollface, together.” He paused to drink from her luscious mouth. Pulling back, but with his lips still grazing hers, he said, “I forgot once, but I’ll try never to forget again.”

With that he felt her melt into him. “I’ll help you remember,” she vowed in a husky whisper.

“You do that.”

Something inside Devon shifted, warming him in places where only cold recesses had resided. Tenderness flooded his heart. He tried to convey what he was feeling by making long, sweet love to her. But he doubted however gentle and caring he seemed it still wouldn’t amount to half as much as he was experiencing with Jewel in his arms.

Being with her, he was whole again.
Wanted.
She didn’t care about his being born to an unwed mother, or the poor boy that had made good. And she certainly didn’t care about his money or what he could buy her. She cared about
him
, the man.

No one had ever done that before or since her. Whatever else intruded on his life he could always hang on to that little piece of knowledge, something he’d failed to notice before now.

Beneath his work-roughened hands she blossomed. The combination of the silky texture of her flesh and the satiny rose petals enticed him to new levels. A moment of concern took hold. “Am I hurting you? My hands…”

She reached for his right hand, and then placed his palm on her breast, brushing the turgid point. She trembled and her soft moan sounded like music to his ears. “Does that answer your question?”

“Uh huh.” His breaths came in short pants now, his chest rising and falling. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Then don’t.”

Liquid fire whooshed through his veins. Only Jewel could drive him mad with words. He captured her mouth in a hungry embrace, his tongue mating with hers.

When he broke the kiss, she choked out, “Please, Devon, I need you.”

Her plea sent flames licking at his teetering hold on sanity. In one swift move, he entered her. Warm velvet surrounded him and he lost all sense of rhyme and reason.

Her hands, mouth, and legs clung to him, merging with his until they became one perfect union. With each thrust, each deeper plunge, Devon craved the blissful connection of her mind, body, and soul. He swore he’d found it, melding together with her, as they soared to the clouds and beyond.

Overwhelmed with emotions bouncing around inside him, Devon halted. Their mingled heavy breathing stirred him, but he held strong.

He gazed, long and lingering, into her questioning violet eyes. Suddenly, her eyes widened and he knew she’d seen what he’d wanted her to read in his, words he couldn’t verbalize anytime soon, if ever again. For one brief moment, he allowed her to see into his battered heart and his hungry soul.

Jewel sank into the steaming tub full of water, the surface littered with rose petals. Devon had prepared her bath, concerned with how sore she would surely become by morning.

“Devon,” she whispered his name, still shaking inside at what she thought she read in his eyes right before he carried her to heaven to touch the stars.

Could it possibly be true? After all these years, does he still love me?

Closing her eyes, she let the hot water work its magic on her muscles. But her mind refused to relinquish her own silent response to his message. The revelation stunned her; she loved him, perhaps even with the same intensity she had years earlier.

He might feel something similar, but in the end it wouldn’t matter; it hadn’t in the past. Despite their love, he’d left and she knew he would do it again. The only difference this time was Sean’s heart would end up broken as well.

What am I going to do?

In response to a light tap on the door, she said, “Come in.”

He strolled in, still naked. She gulped hard as she scanned his magnificent lean body. “Mind if I join you?”

She shook her head, enraptured by him. Scooting forward, she made room for him in the big, claw foot tub. The water lapped gently up the sides, threatening to spill over when he gingerly settled behind her. His hands pulled her toward him so now her back pressed against his front, flesh against flesh. His body cradled her in warmth.

Jewel placed her head on his shoulder, realizing, no matter what, she’d play out this relationship with him. She didn’t know how she’d get through it but sensed the alternative would be even more devastating.

“Mmmm, nice.” His husky voice whispered in her ear, sending a dart of desire arrowing to her core.

Through the pain of her misery, she tried a lighthearted approach. “It’s amazing what you do to me, Mr. Marshall.”

“How’s that, Mrs. Marshall?” He nibbled on her earlobe.

Giggling, she tried to answer, “Exactly that.” He stopped his assault to let her finish. She sobered, her inner musings coming out as she hugged herself. “We’re like fire together. A look, a touch, even a word can act like a match.”

“But?” When she didn’t respond immediately, he went on, “You’re wondering how, or if, it will work out, right? Don’t you think I wonder the same? Will we burn ourselves out until there’s nothing but ashes left?”

“Charred remains.”

“I’m not a forever kind of guy,” he pointed out the obvious.

“And I’m a forever kind of girl.” Her voice throbbed with pain.

“My work means everything to me.”

“I love what I do, but there are more important things in life.”

“I have a temper.”

“I’m cool, calm, and collected.”
At least I was until you came back.

His rich, deep chuckle vibrated clear through her body, doing strange things to her nerve endings. “You, my sweet dollface, are a passionate, vibrant woman who has only a controlled façade.”

Denial bubbled to break free. She held onto the reins, knowing that in the tiny tucked away place inside herself he was absolutely correct. She tightened her hold on her arms, warding off the difficult memories. “I had to survive.”
That’s the only way I knew how.

Devon swore under his breath, and then wrapped his arms around hers. She welcomed his warm, solid touch, his show of unwavering support now. “As much as I want to, I can’t change what happened.” Regret filled his tone.

Smiling sadly, she said, “I wouldn’t change a thing. Really, I wouldn’t. I hate to admit this, and I probably wouldn’t if it were anyone but you. I was such a wuss back then. I let everyone take responsibility for everything. When things didn’t work out, I’d pass on the blame for my own lack of decisiveness. If I didn’t like it, then I rebelled like a spoiled brat.” A part of her shrank at the unvarnished truth.

He blew out a breath. “That doesn’t absolve me from my part in all of it, my deserting you.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t. But I’m a much better person, and a much better mother for finally standing on my own two feet.” She paused, carefully choosing her next words. “Hey, handsome, you knew all along, didn’t you? That toughing it out was a whole hell of a lot better than groveling. It’s a lot easier to live with yourself if you make your own mistakes than live a superficial life by someone else’s standards.”

“Yeah,” he choked out.

The silence grew heavy. With everything in her she knew she had to say the words that were bursting to break free. She drew in a shaky breath. “I believe in a forever kind of love.”

“In my book, there’s no such thing.”

The sorrow in his answer stabbed at her. “We’re destined for trouble, aren’t we?”

He dropped a light kiss on her temple. “Seems like it.”

“What do you suggest we do?” A knot formed in her middle as she waited for him to reply.

“Just like we agreed, play it out.”

“Until the end.” Her voice caught and broke. Calling up something from earlier, she reminded him, “You said we belonged together. You even asked me to help you remember. Are you going back on it now?”

Leaning the side of his head against hers, he said, “You know, I toyed with the idea of bulldozing the house and stables just to tick off your old man. Then I figured the sweetest revenge would be to make the business more successful than he could have ever imagined.”

“Showing him up,” she offered, not knowing where he was going with this new line of conversation.

“Exactly.” He paused for a long moment. “When I found out he was dead, three things raced through my mind: One, regret that I could never throw it in his face that I had made something of myself, something he said I’d never do. Two, I could never exact revenge on him directly.”

Swallowing hard, she asked, “And the third?”

“Ah, that one is much more difficult to admit to. The third thought was of you and how I only wanted to see you one more time without his interference and influence over you. I wanted to prove to you we should have stayed together where we belonged.”

Tears smarted the backs of her eyes. Her heart twisted in agony as she understood what they were both beginning to. “It wouldn’t have worked.”

“The odds were against us. Always have been. It was only a matter of time.” His voice sounded rough with emotion.

“We were so young.”

“Naïve.”

“Idealistic,” she countered.

“I didn’t know anything about compromise. Still don’t, for that matter.”

A long, deep sigh escaped Jewel of its own accord. “We’re like two forces of nature that meet. If we try to meld and become one we’ll sap all the life energy out of each other trying to survive the war, destroying each other until nothing remains.”

“So, we ride out the storm and hope to hell we jump out of the way before it’s too late.”

A hollow ache swept through her core. Everything they both said made so much sense, too much.

The shrill peal of the phone in the other room made her stiffen. She moved to rise, but Devon held her back, saying, “Don’t bother.”

“But it may be Sean.”

“We’ll call him as soon as we’re finished, all right?”

Nodding, she eased back. Silence settled over them after the fourth ring. “It must not have been too important,” she murmured.

He grazed her earlobe with his lips, sending delicious thrills down her spine. “Jewel,” he said hoarsely. “I wish to hell I could be who you want me to be, the kind of man you need.”

She squeezed her eyes closed, holding back the gathering moisture.
Me, too.
“And what about you? Don’t you wish I was the woman you need?”

His chuckle came out raw and strangled. “You’re perfect. I’m the flawed one here.”

A dagger-like pain sliced through her middle. She shifted, twisting to face him. The water sloshed at the swift motion. Gazing into his troubled eyes, she bit out, “Don’t you ever say that again, understand? There’s nothing wrong with you and there never has been.”

First confusion, then wonder, and lastly comprehension chased across his features. She witnessed the mixture of awe and gratitude that replaced the torment in his stare. “Oh, dollface,” he choked out, obviously reading the well of love washing over her.

He hugged her close. His heart thundered under her ear. He whispered, “Why is it that the one person who accepts me just the way I am, is the one person I can’t, or won’t, stay with?”

Depositing tender kisses along his chest, she tried to soothe his distress. A flash of insight made her say, “Because I make you feel what you don’t want to.” She paused for a heartbeat. “Loved.”

Devon quaked inwardly. He tried to reject what she’d said, but failed miserably. The truth stung him, robbing him of speech. Pieces fell into place.

Every person he cared for and who had cared for him had turned on him one way or another. His father died, leaving a gigantic hole in his heart and his world upside down. His mother, desperate and penniless, had joined the enemy camp by sleeping with the man responsible for his father’s downfall in business and subsequent fatal heart attack. And Jewel had placed her family above his love for her.

“Afraid of being loved and hurt,” he said softly, knowing that with the first the last ultimately came.

Now, he sensed the inevitable hovering over Jewel and him. He’d end up alone and aching. Devon figured he’d be ripped to shreds, never able to be repaired. For the first time, he realized that his always leaving meant protection from his getting hurt. With an unshakable certainty he knew it was already too late.
I’m doomed.

Ringing sang out again as he wondered how he was going to guard himself from any further damage. Devon let out a gusty sigh. “I’ll get it.” She moved away from him. He rose, stepped out of the tub, and then snatched up a towel. As he padded across the floor and into the bedroom, wiping the water off along the way and dropping clinging rose petals, he muttered, “Yeah, yeah, yeah I’m coming.”

Grabbing the noisy receiver, he barked out, “Marshall here.”

“Dad?”

His heart skipped a beat at the thready voice. “Sean, are you all right, son?”

“I kinda got hurt.”

Devon’s legs gave out and he slumped to the bed. “How bad?”