Crimes of the Heart (7 page)

She jabbed him in the ribs. “Must I remind you our son is listening?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

That just caused her to laugh more.

Hours later, Devon dreamed of Jewel’s laughter. The sweet music teased all his senses, making him long for more of the sultry melody. But it eluded him, always just beyond his reach.

“Jewel, where are you?”

Breaking out in a cold sweat, Devon sat up quickly, banging his head. Grabbing his throbbing forehead, he cursed long and loud.

A rustling noise somewhere above him sounded, and then his son’s upside-down face came into view in the grayish light. Frowning, Devon asked, “What are you doing here? And why are you standing on your head?”

“Don’t you remember any of it, Dad?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “You’re drunk and you climbed into mom’s room. Now you’re sleeping it off in my bunk bed.”

Fragments of impressions swirled around his fuzzy brain. He glimpsed snatches of scenes and dragged up a sentence or two, but nothing seemed to fit together.

Sean disappeared, obviously, by the sound of it, resettling under his covers. “Now, go back to sleep. And I’m warning you, you better not try to sneak out and find mom. What kind of an example do you think you’d set for me if you did?”

Is he really only eleven?
“Eleven going on forty,” Devon muttered as he sank back down, the pillow cushioning his aching head.

“I heard that.”

Grinning, Devon tried to drift off. But he seemed wide-awake now. Worry crowded in his gut. “Hey, Sean, how bad of a fool did I make of myself?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Well, I didn’t really see a lot, but when I got to her room by the look on mom’s face she was kinda upset, you know, pale-looking.”

He swore under his breath.

“You know mom and I have a swear jar. Every time one of us uses a bad word we have to put a quarter in it. You keep going like this and we’ll fill it up in no time.” He heard the smile in his son’s words.

“A quarter?”

“Yep. Seems to me you owe it at least a couple of dollars already and that’s not counting before tonight while we tried to get you into bed.”

Groaning, Devon could only imagine what his son had heard out of his mouth. He blew out a hot breath. “Well, just let it be a lesson to you on how
not
to behave.”

“Oh, believe me, I won’t.”

Tensing, Devon waited for an explanation. When none was forthcoming, he gathered his courage and asked, “What exactly did I do?”

“You really don’t want to remember that part.”

“Come on, tell me.”
Just how bad could I have been anyway?
A tightness grew in his gut at the silent answer he gave himself.

“If I tell you, will you promise you won’t tell mom? She doesn’t know I stood at the door and heard you two talking. I wouldn’t want to upset her any more than she is.”

The wealth of concern in his son’s voice shook him.
I should be the adult here, not him. I should be the one trying to protect Jewel.
“I won’t breathe a word,” he vowed.

“You said a bunch of stuff about her not being your best friend and how she sold out to granddad and not standing by you. But the worst was when you said you’d never forget or forgive her.”

“Christ,” Devon muttered, berating himself for being such a jerk.

“That’s another quarter.” Sean’s flippant remark failed to mask the strain in his tone.

“I’m sorry, Sean. Sorry for a lot of things I can’t take back and fix. But I swear to you I’m going to make things right with your mom. I’ve got years of making up to do for you, too.”

“All I want is to have you for my dad and for us to be a happy family. Do you think we could, Dad?”

The break in his son’s voice ripped a hole clear through Devon’s heart. If he continued this crude treatment of Jewel he’d ruin everything for Sean. He couldn’t destroy a young boy’s dream, even if that meant sacrificing his pent-up, age-old burning rage at the past. “I’ll do the best I can, son.”

How the hell am I going to fulfill my promise?
A wave of anxiety rolled over him at the thought of letting go of the hatred he’d carried for so long, that had made him who he was today. Without it, he didn’t know anything else. Searching his mind, his memory, he found it empty of anything other than the driving force of his anger.

So many of his actions since returning to his hometown made sense now. Jewel had been an easy target to pin all his fiery emotions on. His father was gone, Simon Wainwright, too. And his mother was ensconced in a retirement home deteriorating from Alzheimer’s. No one from that time had survived except Jewel and him. How simple it was to blame her.
And not yourself.

Now, without that barrier of hate between them, he’d have to deal with her head on. There would be nothing left to shield him any longer, nothing to keep him safe from exposing all the raw, powerful feelings he’d felt for her then and how he’d buried them in a deep pocket of his soul.

A bead of perspiration trickled down his temple. Another soon followed.
I can’t let her discover the hold she had on me. And, if I’m not careful, it could happen all over again.

***

At quarter to eleven the next morning, Devon paced his empty, renovated library. The hardwood floor gleamed in the late morning arch of sunlight and the sounds of his footsteps bounced off the cream-colored walls.

The new navy-blue suit he wore fit perfectly, but seemed stifling. And the tie felt more like a noose. He tugged at it now. With his other hand, he raked his fingers through his hair.

Just then Sean, wearing a similar suit, entered with the smoky-gray cat following on his heels. “Stop messing with your tie, Dad. It’s all cock-eyed now. Here, let me fix it for you.”

Devon turned fully to his son, smiling tightly. Sean winked at him. “You should see mom, she’s just as bad as you are.”

He frowned at that piece of information as his son’s small hands righted the fabric and the cat weaved through his legs. “Is she?”

“Uh huh. You’d think you two wouldn’t be this nervous having gone through this already.”

“It was a long time ago.”
And it was just us, the minister, and his wife. Back then, we’d been in love
.

Pulling away, Sean said, “There, now don’t touch it again, all right?” He shrugged. “At least the lump on your forehead doesn’t look too bad. We did a good job covering it with some of your hair, didn’t we?”

Patting his son on the shoulder, he said, “Sure did. I don’t know what I’d have done without you last night and today.”

His heart swelled at the huge grin splitting Sean’s face. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Well, I guess this is it, then. Any last words of advice for your old man?” He expected a laugh in return, but when the boyish features suddenly turned grim Devon’s internal alarm system reacted in warning.

“Ah…I know you aren’t used to actually living with someone…a woman, that is.”

The topic of conversation struck Devon as funny. “And you are?”

He shot Devon one of those ‘get real’ looks, and then said, “Hello, I’ve only lived with one for the last eleven and a half years.”

Chuckling, he admitted the truth of that statement. “All right, round one goes to you.”

That brought a smile to his son’s face. Sean dug a hand into his pants pocket, and then withdrew a folded piece of yellow paper. He passed it to Devon. “Here, I wrote down all the things I could think of that mom likes.”

Opening the stationary, he asked, “You’re giving me pointers?”

The way his son rolled his eyes caught Devon’s attention. “It’s like in the olden days when guys courted, I think that’s the word, girls, you know, so they’d impress them. Dad, you gotta do that to mom. Geez, don’t you know anything about women?”

“Apparently not.” Skimming the long list he registered the first three items: candy, perfume, flowers. “Yeah, she always loved flowers. Even talked about having a greenhouse someday.” His mind whirled with the thought. “We could build her one.”

“Really? You’d do that for her? And let me help?”

Gazing at his son’s awed expression, Devon smiled. “It’s a deal.”

“Cool.”

Going back to the list, he halted abruptly at the fourth item. “Romance?”

“Yeah, she may not say it, but she really likes that one.” He leaned closer as if confiding a secret, saying, “You pick up these things when you live with a woman.”

Devon had all he could do not to laugh out loud at his son. “You sure you’re not really an adult masquerading as a kid?”

“Come on, Dad, get serious, will ya? This is important stuff to learn.”

“And why am I learning this again?”

Sean shook his head as if he was speaking to a foreigner who didn’t understand a thing. “So we can be a happy family. For mom all you gotta do is make her happy. See, guys like simple things. You know, a place to sleep, junk food, a cool car, and a girl. Women are more complicated.”

Stunned wonder swept over Devon. “Are you sure you’re only eleven?”

***

At five minutes to the hour, Devon stood rooted to his designated spot at the makeshift altar in the freshly painted, formal living room of his home. In the semi-filled flower bedecked space a half dozen guests sat expectantly. His gaze skimmed over Gil, and then Jewel’s two beauty salon business partners and their families who he had met when they arrived earlier.

By his side, Sean elbowed him. “Did I remember to put bubble baths on the list?”

Grinning, Devon nodded.

“Phew! I thought I missed that one.”

A fluff of gray raced by his peripheral vision. “Hey, I thought you put the cat out.”

“Geez, I did. He must have found a way back in again.”

A man clearing his throat behind Devon had him twisting sharply. He relaxed when he spotted the balding, heavyset minister. Holding out his hand, he said, “Reverend Duffy, I’m glad you could do this for us.”

The round face beamed as he shook Devon’s hand. “Well, son, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” Waving an arm to encompass the property, he said, “This is a lot different than the first time I performed the ceremony for you and your bride, isn’t it?”

You mean I’m a lot different, don’t you? I was poor then
. “Things have changed.”

“For the better, I see. Well, I think we’re ready to begin, if you are.” He turned to his rosy-cheeked wife at the organ. “All right, dear.”

Let the show begin
.

Strains of the wedding march floated to him. Getting in position, with Sean beside him, Devon gazed at the empty archway. Seconds ticked by and still no one came into sight. Some of the guests shifted uncomfortably. A few hushed whispers drifted his way.

The tie around his neck seemed to tighten by degrees, choking off his air supply. The knot on his forehead throbbed to life, pulsing shafts of pain through his head. When she still didn’t show, a cold sheen of sweat bathed his body.

What seemed to him like hours later, but, in fact, were mere minutes, Jewel appeared. His heart skipped a beat. Standing in the entranceway, in a creamy white suit that revealed her long, shapely legs and with her glossy, black hair piled on her head, she stole the breath from his lungs.

She didn’t move. Devon frowned. Narrowing his eyes, he detected the slight tremor in her hands as she held the bouquet of flowers. Swiftly, he focused on her colorless complexion, and then her wide-eyed gaze. Pure terror resided there. Slowly, she inched backward, away from the room, away from him.

She’s bolting!
His heart plummeted to his knees.

The last hour had stretched unbearably. Jewel kept her eyes closed as Devon drove down the highway, skillfully maneuvering the sports car at a high speed.

The small intimate interior of the Corvette pulsed with tension. The mixture of his clean fresh scent and the buttery leather seat cradling her crowded her senses.

The feel of his occasional heated glances stirred a combination of desire and anticipation. But a part of her feared the expected confrontation. It was only a matter of time before he questioned her.

Clasping her hands in her lap, aware of the gold band circling her finger, she prayed for the right answers.
Will he understand my actions, my reasons? No, I hurt him…again.
His icy, standoffish demeanor since their encounter in the house proved telling. The impersonal peck on her cheek spoke volumes. But it had been the wounded look in his gaze that twisted her heart and made her berate herself for being such a fool.
If I could only take it back.

He downshifted, easing on the accelerator. Suddenly, his large, warm hand covered her clasped one. She jumped, opening her eyes and twisting to him.

A rueful grin inched up a corner of his mouth, sending a swift rush of warmth clear to her toes. “Any more of that and you wouldn’t have any blood left in them.”

Releasing her breath slowly, she shot him a weak smile. Jewel forced herself to relax, loosening her grip under the welcome weight of his hand.

Withdrawing his touch, he said, “You’d think I was going to beat you or something.”

Sadness strummed to life at the distance, at the awkwardness. “You’re not?”

He jerked his head to her, obviously sensing her distress. “I’ve never hit a woman in my life. I don’t intend to start now.”

“No matter how much I hurt you, right?”

“I’ll heal.” The vow sounded hollow as it rattled around the small enclosure. He paused. “I should thank you for going through with it after all.”

Robbed of speech, she searched his profile. He gave nothing away. Frowning, she said, “But, you had to come get me.”

Shrugging stiffly, he said, “You just backed up a couple of inches.”

“And nearly called the whole thing off.” She shuttered at the weak part of herself. “You didn’t say a word, didn’t force me or anything. All you did was hold out your hand…”

“And you took it. Why?” The tightness in his voice gave a great deal away.