Crimson and Clover (20 page)

Jay turned to face her, his eyes wide with what looked like the beginning of panic. “Katie, I love you! I don’t want to lose you.”

“I love you, too,” she choked out. “But I can’t be your girlfriend when you’re having babies with someone else. And the longer we wait, the harder it will be to … ”

“This isn’t happening.” Jay’s voice was as choked as hers, and the shine of tears in his eyes was Katie’s undoing.

She turned away from him before he could see the flood that wet her cheeks. “You should go. Please.” At the sound of his footsteps approaching, she put out her hand to stop him. “Don’t, Jay. I can’t. Just go now, okay?”

She heard him cross the room, and the rustling sound as he donned his mac.

“Katie … ”

The desolation in his voice matched the feeling in her heart. She couldn’t look at him — that would be too hard — but she tried for a light tone, as if that would make everything better. “Goodbye, Jay. If you ever change your mind, look me up. Who knows?”

The sound of the door closing echoed in her head, like it was destined to repeat itself until she went mad. She heard the motor of his Bentley start — she’d know that sound anywhere, it had become so familiar — and along with it, she heard something else.

The sound of her heart breaking was as small and indistinct as the snapping of the lead of a pencil against paper. Amazing that such a soft sound could cause the tearing pain that clawed its way across her heart. It seized her chest and brought her breath to a halt; as it reached her knees they buckled, and it was only when she noticed the room getting taller that she realized she was sinking to the floor. She grabbed the back of the couch and groped her way around it until she could lower herself onto it. Curled into a ball, she closed her eyes and made herself breathe even though her expanding lungs seemed to be stabbed by the shards of what used to be her heart. She tried very hard to forget she was curled in what was called the fetal position.

Unable to live with the memories that assaulted her at every turn, Katie packed a bag and fled London like a wanted felon. Her first impulse was to return to the States for a visit, but it seemed ridiculous to go to the same country Jay would be traveling to in the next few weeks. If the memories were overwhelming in London, it would be almost as bad in America if she had to constantly be on the move to avoid Shadowed Knight’s concert schedule.

So she headed north into Scotland with a vague plan to find her Urquhart relatives. But her first sight of the ruins of Urquhart castle looming over Loch Ness made her remember Jay’s fascination with such structures, and she abandoned finding family in favor of retaining her sanity.

Ireland seemed like a safe enough choice, until she got there and realized the name Carey had Irish origins. She spent one sleepless night in Dublin before heading to Wales, hoping like mad there would be nothing there to remind her of Jay. Once she reached Cardiff, she called Maureen to check in, and was thrilled and grateful when her friend immediately made plans to join her.

Looking much like a tropical bird in her magenta blouse, white micro-shorts and Kelly-green vinyl boots, Maureen rushed from the train station into Katie’s outstretched arms with a cry of delight. The heavy bag hanging from her arm knocked Katie’s breath from her with a large
whuff
. Maureen drew back, looking contrite.

“Oops. I just threw everything in here instead of worrying about a suitcase.”

“No sweat,” Katie replied with her first genuine laugh in weeks. “It only broke a couple of ribs.”

Maureen arched an eyebrow. “Ha ha.” She straightened the bright yellow newsboy hat over her platinum hair and looked around with interest. “So, where are we staying?”

“Well, the accommodations are pretty slim, so I was only able to get one room, which means we’re going to have to share a bed. Do you think you can control your baser urges, or should I make up a pad on the floor?”

After a level stare, Maureen made a show of looking Katie up and down as if assessing her for possible worth. “Don’t worry about me,” she declared. “You’re far too bony for me. What happened to all those sexy curves all the blokes swooned over? Have you been eating at all?”

Katie linked her arm through Maureen’s and began towing her toward the street. “Yes, I’m eating. Eggs.”

“And?”

“And that’s it.” She shrugged. “I’ve been craving eggs; sorry.”

“Cor,” Maureen breathed. “Well now that I’ve arrived we’ll get some proper food in you.”

After leaving Maureen’s things in the room, they ventured out into the town. There was no avoiding the castle since the entire town revolved around it, but Katie was relieved to discover Maureen’s presence kept her distracted. As the sun faded, Maureen steered Katie into a pub where she proceeded to order enough food to keep them well fed for a week.

“Are you trippin’?” Katie gestured at the dishes that covered their table. “I won’t be able to eat a quarter of all this.”

“Try.” Maureen shook a napkin into her lap. “You look terrible.”

Katie sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, please; do continue telling me how I look like the founder and president of Old Hags Incorporated.”

A smile quivered at the corners of Maureen’s mouth as she speared steamed vegetables with her fork. “All right. You don’t look that bad. But you are too thin.”

“I know,” Katie sighed. She peered at the object on her plate with distrust. “What is this thing?”

“Some kind of sausage. Eat it.”

“Yes, Mother.” With ill-grace, Katie stabbed the sausage with her fork and took a tiny bite. A torrent of spicy, greasy goodness flooded her mouth and she hurried to cut another slice.

After watching her eat like a starving wolf for a few moments, Maureen nodded in a satisfied way. “Good girl.” She dropped her eyes to her own plate. “He looks worse than you do,” she added.

Katie’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth. “I didn’t need to know that.” The tears that always hovered just beneath the surface filled her eyes and she used her napkin to blot them away before they could fall.

Maureen bit her lip and ate in silence for a few moments. She glanced through her lashes at Katie, who was eating with less enthusiasm, and sighed. “Katie, whatever happened?”

One shoulder shrugged. “I just told him. He wants kids of his own, so we called things off.” She shoveled more food into her mouth, hoping Maureen would get the hint.

If Maureen got the hint, she ignored it. “Well, he’s miserable. And Jay deals with that by doing his level best to make everyone around him just as miserable. I almost hated to put Nicky on the plane with him.”

“Nicky’s a big boy, Maur. He can kick Jay’s ass if it needs kicking.”

Maureen sighed again and returned her attention to her food. They finished their meal in silence and Katie was amazed at how much of it she’d been able to eat. Feeling comfortably full for the first time in weeks, she turned down Maureen’s suggestion to sample some of Cardiff’s nightlife and they returned to the inn.

After they’d crowded into the narrow bed, Maureen looked at the ceiling and giggled. “If Stuart Brady were to walk in right now, we could make a fortune.”

Katie’s laughter shook the bed. “That’s the truth.” Her laughter tapered off and she turned to face Maureen. “Is Jay really being a shit to them?” She didn’t want to hear about it, but she couldn’t resist the temptation to say his name, to feel for a moment he was still a part of her life.

“You’ve taken all the quilts.” Maureen tugged the covers back into place. “And, yes, he is. That’s why I wondered just what the bloody hell you said to him.”

Katie sighed. “I said that the longer we waited, the harder it would be to end things, that’s all.”

“Oh. So you didn’t bring up adoption?”

“I did.” Katie flopped back onto her back, causing Maureen to jerk at the quilts again. “It didn’t seem to be something he wanted to consider, though. And there was no point letting things get even more serious between us because then we’d both end up miserable. Can we please drop this now?”

“Okay.” Maureen patted her shoulder. “I’ll drop it.”

By avoiding any mention of Jay Carey, they enjoyed the rest of the week. But after seven days of banging around Wales on trains, Maureen was ready to return home. Katie decided to accompany her since she’d discovered that no amount of traveling was going to erase Jay from her heart. At least in London she’d be among her friends.

Katie stood before the door of her flat, listening to Maureen tromp up the stairs with her heavy bag. With a deep sigh, she turned the key in the lock and let the door swing open. Musty air hit her in the face and she grimaced. Biting her lip, she hoisted her suitcase over the threshold and stepped inside, ready to face any memories that might come her way.

• • •

Shadowed Knight returned to England, riding high on the phenomenal success they’d had in America. Maureen gave things two weeks to settle down before inviting Jay to dinner. In the end, she had to almost beg him to come since he seemed determined to avoid her at all costs. Nicky didn’t help; he warned her with irritating frequency not to get into Jay’s private business, but she was determined to see for herself how things stood.

The moment she saw Jay, she knew it wasn’t going well. Though she’d never been attracted to Jay herself, she’d always agreed with Katie’s assessment that he was one damn fine-looking man. The Jay that arrived for dinner was less than a shadow of his former debonair, sexy self. If Maureen had thought Katie was thin when she met up with her in Wales, it was nothing compared to the weight Jay had lost. He’d been lean anyway, but now he was thin to the point of emaciation, and Maureen wondered if he’d eaten anything in the past few months. Stuart had hinted that Jay had spent an inordinate amount of time on the tour experimenting with mescaline and if that was true, it was beginning to show. If nothing else, she could at least try to fatten him up, and she urged second and third helpings on him, gratified to see him tuck it away. After dinner, the three of them sat in the living room and the two men began discussing material for their second album.

Maureen shifted with impatience. Despite Nicky’s stern warnings not to meddle, she was unwavering in her intention to find some way to mend things between Katie and Jay. She tried not to be obvious as she watched him, her hands itching to fetch Nicky’s razor and shave the dark stubble from his chin. Though he made the proper responses and interjected comments about the songs the band would be recording, Maureen sensed a complete lack of interest on his part. Enough was enough; she was going to fix this even if she had to have a row with Nicky afterwards.

“So,” she interjected brightly into their conversation. “It was good in America?”

After a moment of bemused silence, Jay answered, “Yes, Maur, it was good. Why?”

“Just wondering.” She shrugged. “Nicky said the fans just loved all of you.”

Nicky shot her a suspicious look from under lowered brows. “They did. Anyway, Jay … ”

Maureen interrupted. “I was just wondering if Jay had found the mother of his children yet.”

“What?” Jay looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Why the hell would you ask something like that?”

“Since it seems so important to you to make sure your children have your sterling lineage, I thought you might have at least started looking for the sacred womb to bear them.” Maureen turned guileless blue eyes on him and ignored Nicky’s kick on her ankle.

Jay exhaled through his nose. “That’s enough, Maureen. And I don’t appreciate your sticking your conk into my business.”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s enough at all.” She ignored another kick from Nicky. “Katie is my best friend, and your stupid insistence on making sure your children spring from your exalted loins has devastated her. It’s bad enough that she was gutted by her situation before, but now you’ve gone and made it worse.”

“You don’t know fuck-all!” Jay’s brows drew together in a thunderous frown. “I never blamed Katie for this at all.”

“Maybe not, but … damn it, Nicks! If you kick me again, I’m going to smack you.” After a quick glare at her husband, she turned back to Jay and paused. She’d had to listen to Katie wax rhapsodic about Jay’s eyes more times than she could count, but she’d never experienced him turning the full intensity of them on her before. It made her more uncomfortable than she wanted to admit and couldn’t help but fidget under that unswerving stare. The thought of Katie’s distress, though, refocused her anger. “I don’t understand how you can toss Katie aside just because she can’t incubate your sacred sperm. I hope it’s bloody worth it, Jay.”

“Christ, Maureen.” Nicky ran his fingers through his hair. “I thought you weren’t going to meddle.”

“I’m not meddling,” she countered. “I’m just asking Jay how much joy his fully blooded Carey children will bring him if Katie’s not their mother!”

“You are meddling,” Jay informed her in a voice filled with white heat. “It’s none of your fucking business, Maureen, and you need to stay out of it. Got that?”

Ignoring the fury on his face, Maureen spread her hands wide. “Why is it so bloody important to you, Jay? Why? It’s clear you still love her or you wouldn’t look such a fright.” She took a perverse pleasure in his look of outrage. “Why can’t you adopt a baby? Why does it have to be yours? Is that worth making yourself and my best friend miserable for the rest of your lives?”

Jay rose from the chair, his movements all the more menacing because of how controlled they were. He leaned forward until his face was an inch from Maureen’s.

“I’ve had enough out of you,” he growled. “If you think it was easy for me to lose her, then it’s more than clear you have no clue as to what you’re going on about. You don’t understand, and until you’re in such a situation you never will. So get off my arse, Maureen, because I’m very close to smacking you right in the mouth!”

Out of the corner of her eye Maureen saw Nicky make a move toward them. Before he could intervene, Jay spun away from her and slammed out of the flat. After staring after him for moment in astonishment, Maureen ducked her head and turned to Nicky, shaking with reaction.