Authors: Christianna Brand
The heat of the flames beat him back; but in the moment that he stood there, he had glimpsed a small opening in the conflagration; if he could get through, could creep out onto the landing, he might perhaps manage to drop down into the hall; might even find masonry so broken and heaped that he could clamber down over it. He did not think that his aching head could stand the jar of another fall. “I must keep my mind clear,” he thought. “Whatever happens, I must try to keep my mind clear.” Catching up a tatter of linen from one of the beds, he mopped at his bleeding wounds, and, holding the bloody cloth across his mouth and nose, fought his way out through the heat and smoke, brushing himself against the walls of the corridor to crush the small sparks that caught at his tattered clothes. The smoke caught at his aching throat, the hot breath of the fire smote at his eyeballs; breathless and sobbing, he thrust his way through hell, and was out once more into a tiny haven of calm and peace, sheltered by a corner of roofing from falling stone, safe for a moment from immediate threat of the flames.
Outside, in the incongruous, unbelievable sunshine, Bella and Ellen wept over Antonia's safety, watching, faint and dizzy, the slow destruction of the burning house: and, cut off from him by the mountainous toppling of the outside walls, Claire and Peta and the three men tore with frenzied hands at the piled brick and concrete of Edward's tomb. Inside, crouched in his corner, Edward fought against the desperate longing for surrender; surrender to oncoming death, even to the agony that must precede the peace. Peace! Peace and rest! No more struggling, no more fighting, no more fear ⦠Surrender, unconsciousness, death. Surrender â¦
Only the spirit now had courage to go on. His head ached, his eyes were blinded by the pain and the heat and the smoke and the dust-clotted blood; from his temple to his shoulder, pain tore at him now, with terrible hands; blood poured down his arm and across his breast, and through the torn flesh a bone gleamed whitely for a moment and was engulfed again in a fresh clot of blood. “I can't go on,” he thought. “I'm dying. Nobody can live with wounds like this.” His knees gave way beneath him and for a moment blackness poured in upon him like fluid velvet, softly lapping him into eternal rest. “I can't go on. I needn't struggle any more. I'm dying. Let me die in peace ⦔ But the failing spirit drove on the rebellious flesh to one effort more; he stumbled to his feet once more and began perilously to climb down the shifting masonry into the hall, and there in the shattered cavern whose marbled beauty had been Serafita's pride, he crept as near as was possible to the great front door; and like a dog locked out, he lay panting and sobbing, and could try no more. “Let me die; what do I care? Why should I want to go on? Only to be caught and imprisoned and at last done to death because I killed my grandfather, because I'm mad, or not madâGod knows!âand a murderer. Why should I change one imprisonment, and one death, for another imprisonment and another death?” He crouched up against the plaster-strewn rubble, shielding his eyes with his one good arm from the sight of the oncoming flames. “I'll die. I'll just give myself up to death, poor mad Edward, dead and done with it all ⦔
Over the doorway, the delicate woodwork and glass were shattered to a thousand splinters; but in a sea of fallen stones, the arch stood firm. Philip and Stephen and Cockrill struggled frantically to clear a way through. “But we don't even know what we shall find on the other side. We don't even know that he's been able to get downstairs ⦔
Claire, the lightest and smallest, climbed up the slope of the stones to the height of the transom. “I believe if I could get some of this stuff away, I might see in ⦔ Her little hands clawed at the stones and plaster. “Yes! Yes, I can make a hole right through. I can see into the hall ⦔ She paused for a moment, peering in, with a face of horror. “My God, the fire! It's awful, inside. It's all up the stairs and on the top landingânot down in the hall ⦔ And then, scraping feverishly like a terrier at the small aperture, she thrust through her head and called, “Edward! Edward!” and wriggled her shoulders after her head and called again. After a moment she pulled herself back. “I can see him. He's down in the hall. He's hurt. I'm going through,” and she plunged back into the aperture again, gave a thrust and a wriggle and, headforemost, disappeared. The transom reshifted, resettledâand the gap was gone. But almost as she dropped down beside him, they saw a gleam of sunlight as Philip's hands tore a way through. “Quick, Edward, be ready; as soon as the hole's big enough, I'll help you up.”
He crouched on the rubble looking up at her, his hand at his throat. “Oh, Claireâwhy did you come? The fire will get here before they can get you out. You'll be killed. Oh, why did you
come
â¦?”
“I'll help you up, Edward. I'll get you out.”
At least the speech had come back to his lacerated throat. “Claire, of course I can't get out and leave you here ⦔ He gasped and choked, swaying against a boulder. “When they get through againâI'll lift you with my good armâmy right arm's hurtâand they must haul you out. After that ⦔ He looked up at the ill-balanced heap of masonry above their heads. “One more move, Claire, and the whole thing will come down. One person scrambling through ⦔
Above them the hands scraped and tunnelled. They faced each other in the stifling, flame-licked dark. “Edwardâfor God's sake, there isn't time to argue. When Philip gets through to haul you upâyou're to go! For heaven's sake, don't waste time with this fantastic argument. You're hurt. I'll help you out, and you're to go!”
The gap above them imperceptibly increased. It was true that there would be no time to argue. “Look, ClaireâI don't think more than one of us can get out. I think it'll collapse. If there's only one of us to be savedâit mustn't be me. Why should I live? I'll be sent to prison, or to a lunatic asylum, or hanged. Why should I be saved just for that? I don't want to be saved, I don't want to; I only want you to get out and be saved, and leave me here to die.” He looked round desperately. “Oh, why can't I die now and put an end to this; what can I do, just to die and be finished with, so that you won't have to save me ⦔ To their right the roofless ruin that once had been the drawing-room gaped dimly through the flames; Serafita's portrait, spared by some freak of incalculable blast to hang, though crookedly, on the in-bulging wall, simpered down at them in the light of the fire, with its painted, artificial smile. “I must do something; I must make an effort; I must drive Claire into saving herself ⦔ He staggered to his feet and before she could stop him, had stumbled forward at a little blundering run down the sloping heap of the rubble, and through the smoke and flames and out of her sight. In a brief flare-up of fire, she saw him lying on the floor beneath the portrait, arms outstretched.
Philip, with Stephen and Cockrill, scraped and battered at the place where the transom had been. “It won't hold much longer. The whole thing's giving way ⦠But there's nothing else to do, it's the only hope of getting to them now ⦔ Cockrill, small and agile as a monkey, worked at the top of the heap, delicately balancing on the rubble, peering into the hole. “The whole place is filled with the smoke and flame ⦠I can't see ⦠Yes, she'sâshe's just below me here ⦔ His small brown hands worked frantically, digging a widening gap, trying to steady the tottering wall above. Stephen was the first to put the terrible truth into words. “It's no use. We might get one of them out, but then the whole thing will collapse ⦠One person pushing through will bring the whole lot down ⦔ He did not pause in his work, but his voice was sick with the horror of the thought. “We can get only one of them out.”
“Yes,” said Philip, “it's true.” He did not hesitate. He called up to Cockrill: “Can you call through to Claire? Never mind if she doesn't answer, she may hear you anyway ⦠Tell her to be ready. Tell her she must leave Edward. Tell her only one of them can get out.”
Peta stood weeping below them on the broken terrace. “Oh, Philip, you can'tâyou
can't!
She mustn't just leave him to die!”
“It's Claire or Edward,” said Philip. “If the wall doesn't fall, I'll go down and get him. Go on, Cockrill, call down to her!”
Cockrill spared a word for the sobbing Peta. “He's right, my child. If only one can be saved, and one's a murderer, then the murderer must be abandoned ⦔ He leaned through the gap and called down into the smoky blackness below. Claire's voice, faint and high-pitched, answered him, and, as the gap suddenly widened beneath the strain of the infalling masonry, he leaned forward, groping, clutching wildly at the upraised hands below. Stephen and Philip, taken unawares, could only grasp at his legs and his body, dragging him backwards as the wall toppled in. From the house there came one terrible scream, piercing through the rumble of stonesâand then silence. Bruised and battered, Cockrill was hurled to the terrace below and, picking himself up, staggered away from the falling rubble and down the broken steps, and laid his unconscious burden on the lawn. Stephen and Philip stumbled after him, wiping the blinding sweat and grime from their eyes, and stood in a silent circle, staring down. At last, in a whisper, Philip said: “You saidâyou told usâwe should leave the murderer!”
“So we have,” said Cockrill, and, kneeling beside Edward, began tenderly to examine his wounds.
13
A
ND SO
Swanswater burned. There was the clang of a fire-engine bell in the distance and soon skidding wheels churned up the gravel of the drive; there were curt orders, the hiss of river water driven high from heaving hoses, and in the late afternoon light the flames glowed red on the helmets of toiling men. A rescue squad began methodical preparations for the removal of Claire's body from the ruins of the hall; and down on the lawn, Philip pushed Cockrill aside and took into his expert hands the tending of Edward's wounds. He said briefly: “He's not very bad. They're ugly, but they're all superficial; he can be stitched up and the arm set, and he'll be all right. Don't cry, Bella, he'll be quite all right.” An ambulance drove in past the iron gates and a little way along the drive. Philip glanced at it. “Tell them to wait a few minutes; there's no urgency about Edward, and we shall want it just in case Claire ⦠In case ⦔
The baby slept, exhausted, wrapped in a rug on the grass. Cockrill, Stephen, Bella, Peta and Ellen, were silent, looking down at the unconscious boy on the stretcher. Cockrill said, almost grimly: “My dear Philipâthere's no âin case.'”
Philip, his task completed, stood up. He turned away his head. He said: “Well, never mind; let them wait.”
Ellen went over to him. “Philipâdon't mind so terribly. You think it was your fault, but it wasn't. If it hadn't been youâit would have been someone else ⦔ She looked at the others. “Tell Philipâput him out of this awful agony ⦠It's true, isn't it?”
“Yes,” said Bella. “It
is
true, Philip. Claireâwell, she dramatized herself so much. And she was unhappy; she wanted to be lovedâshe knew that she was beautiful, and clever, and yet people didn't love her; and she couldn't understand why ⦠I think myself, it was because she never
had
been loved. From her childhood she'd lived here with your grandfather, and Peta had always been the darling, the petted one. It wasn't your fault, Peta, dear; don't reproach yourself; but you were the heiress, you were the child of the favourite, and Richard didn't really need Claire or want her; he didn't really love her. When she was old enough to be conscious of the need to be loved, well sheâshe tried too hard ⦠And it was more than that. She was a failure at her job. Just as she was beautiful and it didn't make her any more loved, so she was clever, but it didn't make her a success. I think there again, she tried too hard. She couldn't be content with doing an inferior job well, she wanted to be âliterary' ⦠Anyway, she knew that when the war ended, her âcareer' would be over; she'd be a failure; a failure as a journalist because she hadn't got a job and a failure as a woman because she hadn'tâhadn't got a man. Nothing in her life was satisfying and secure. And then, when this need was most urgently upon her, suddenly something flared up between her and Philip; he was unhappy and restless and she felt that she needed him; for the first time in her life, I believe, she felt that she was âneeded'âit's what all women want, I think, underneath; to be necessary to somebody or something ⦔ Bella broke off and looked about her. “I'm not putting this very well. I'm not very clever.”
Peta stood in the shelter of Stephen's arm. “You are, darling; you're very clever. Go on!” It eased the terrible tension of waiting, to talk, and if they were to talk of anything it could only be of Claire.
“Peta said it all that day down at the lodge,” said Bella. “If your grandfather signed the new will and diedâas he might easily doâbefore he changed it back, then she lost Philip and everything that Philip stood for.”
“She may have thought,” said Ellen, “that he was old, that he'd had his life; that she was only anticipating things a little. It may not have seemed so very terrible to her after all ⦔
Beneath God knew what weight of fallen masonry, Claire lay dead. Cockrill, looking up at the ruins, said almost sternly: “Because she has paid for her crime, Ellen, there's no need to try to make less of the crime itself. It isn't good or healthy that you should. She was a murderess, twice a murderess; and she let this poor boy here sufferâwell, he told you this evening what it had meant to him. I tried to make her own up to it, I tried to make her be the one who told Edward that all his nightmare was at an end, that he wasn't mad; at last I tried to shock her into doing it; I thought if I accused him pointblank she would break down. I knew that it would mean a lot to him, if she confessed; it would restore something of his faith. But she wouldn't speakâand then the bomb fell.”