Crossing the Line (The Baltimore Banners Book 1) (18 page)

     She took the wine and nearly drained it in one swallow, then gave Ian a wavering smile. "Never better. Is it almost time to leave for the awards ceremony?"

     "Yeah, whenever you're ready." Ian watched her for a few long seconds, then nodded and grabbed her hand. AJ was grateful for the comforting touch, even more grateful that Ian chose not to say anything about the foolish dance as he led her through the thinning crowd and outside to the waiting limo.

**

     The lights in the ballroom dimmed as the wait staff cleared the last remnants of dinner from the tables. The occupants in the room seemed to sigh in relief all at once, and Alec was no exception. He glanced down at his watch and shifted in the hard chair, wondering why these things were always so drawn out.

     He leaned across the table for the pot of coffee that had been placed there. Not that he wanted any of the cold stuff, but it gave him something to do. He poured the coffee as slow as possible, then offered it to everyone else at the table.

     Of course, nobody was really paying him any attention, so it didn't surprise him when there were no takers. He slammed the pot down on the table more forcefully than he had planned. Two of his teammates at the table turned and shot him a look of impatience, letting him know that he was still on their shit list, even though he had shown up to the ceremony by himself.

     If he had been smart, he would have shown up at the pre-party by himself, as well. But he hadn't, and he was very much afraid that it was too late to make things right. The look in AJ's eyes...the mix of hurt and loss when Brandi tried pulling him away from her would stay with him for a long time. Seeing AJ leave with Ian had pushed him over the edge. He dragged Brandi out of the club minutes later and rushed to get her back to her place, dropping her off with the barest of apologies.

     And a plea that she never bother him again. He left before she could make a scene and rushed to the ceremony, hoping for a chance to speak with AJ before it got started.

     But he was too late.

     He glanced at the table just in front and off to the side of his, the table where Ian was sitting with AJ and a few other teammates and their dates. Everyone was smiling, free of the tension that hung over Alec's own table. Ian had his arm draped casually along the back of AJ's chair and he leaned down to say something, causing her to laugh. Alec clenched his jaw and looked at the empty chair next to him, knowing that AJ would be seated with him tonight if he hadn't so thoroughly screwed things up.

     "Shit." Alec snapped the word under his breath and pushed back his chair hard enough that people turned to stare at him. He didn't bother apologizing, just turned and stormed in the direction of the bar as the room broke into a spattering of applause when the emcee approached the microphone.

     Alec returned to the table several minutes later with a full bottle of wine that he placed in front of him with a loud thud. He ignored the verbal admonishments from those around him and poured himself a glass, then pushed his chair away from the table, distancing himself even more.

     The ceremony dragged on, the restlessness of the crowd broken only by the humor of the emcee. Alec glanced down at his watch again, then let his gaze wander over the room. More than half of the players in attendance were beginning to fidget in their chairs, and Alec knew from experience that the next hour would be the longest of the night. Whoever had the bright idea to confine Baltimore's most athletic figures to a four-hour awards ceremony didn't understand athletes very well.

     Alec let his gaze travel to AJ's table again, telling himself that he wasn't spying. He just wanted to look at her, at how beautiful she was. And he was just curious and wanted to see if AJ was having fun.

     Because it certainly looked like she had been having fun all night, both at the pre-party, and even here at the stuffy ceremony. He didn't want to admit that she and Ian looked good together, and he really didn't want to accept the fact that they were dating. He hoped that tonight was just a favor, nothing more.

     Because he really didn't know what he would do if they really
were
dating. And he was a complete hypocrite, a fool. He had no rights, no claims, where AJ was concerned. There had been at least a dozen different things he could have done to change that, but he hadn't. Instead, he gave in to spite and let everyone think that he had reunited with a one-time ex-girlfriend. Including Brandi.

     Yeah, he was a hypocrite. Worse, even.

     He studied the table in front of him, his eyes narrowing on the two empty seats where Ian and AJ had been sitting. How could he have missed them leaving? Which didn't make sense. Why would they have left? Alec knew that AJ was supposed to be doing a story on the awards; she wouldn't have just left.

     He glanced around the room, trying to be nonchalant at first, then being just downright obvious about it when he couldn't see them anywhere. His gut twisted at the thoughts that came to mind. Was AJ really interested in Ian? Had they left to go somewhere more private?

     No. Despite the bitter acid in his stomach that image brought, Alec knew better. AJ wasn't like that. And if he was honest, he knew that Ian wasn't like that either.

     He shifted so he could see the rear of the room better, his gaze drifting over the few people stopped at the bar, searching. The only familiar face he saw was that of the slime ball weasel that used to work at AJ's paper. What was his name? Gordon, Jerome...Gerry. That was it, Gerry Brown. Why was he slinking around the back with a photographer? Alec didn't want to know, and didn't really care.

     He turned back around to face the front, clapping automatically when a couple of his teammates were awarded for their efforts with some local charities. The team itself had received an award for its fundraising efforts on behalf of children's cancer studies, and Alec stood with the rest of the Banners to applaud as Sonny and the GM went on stage to accept the award.

     He was getting ready to take his seat when a hand closed around his arm. Alec turned around, not sure what to expect, and was surprised to come face-to-face with a worried-looking Ian. He leaned closer, keeping his voice low.

     "Something's wrong with AJ."

     Alec straightened and searched the crowd, looking for her, then faced Ian. "What's wrong? Where is she?"

     Ian motioned for him to follow, leading the way toward the lobby of the banquet hall. "I don't know what's wrong. She started feeling bad about an hour ago, then asked for help to get to the ladies' room. Something about her head. Alec, she was stumbling and acting like she was drunk, but she hasn't had anything to drink since leaving the pre-party."

     "Her head? Shit. Where is she now?"

     "In the ladies' room." They made their way through the last of the tables and were approaching the foyer leading to the lobby when Ian stopped. "Alec, that dick wad reporter is hanging around waiting. I think he saw us go in there."

     Alec clenched his jaw and looked around. Sure enough, the guy was pacing back and forth, muttering to himself as he punched at his phone. The photographer Alec had seen earlier was nowhere in sight.

     He motioned to Ian, then strode purposefully through the lobby and straight into the ladies' room as if they had every right to go in there. He stopped as soon as the door closed, his heart squeezing painfully when his eyes rested on AJ.

     She was curled up in the upholstered chair, her hands wrapped around her head, her fingers digging into her temples. A small whimper escaped her and he watched as she tried to raise her head, her eyes slow to focus. He closed the distance and kneeled in front of her, closing his hands over hers, careful not to jostle her. He kept his voice as low as possible. "Do you have your medicine?"

     She shook her head, the tiniest of movements that he knew caused her pain. He let out a sigh then turned to Ian and motioned him closer. "Ian, find some medicine. The strongest you can find. Somebody out there has to have some prescription ibuprofen at the least."

     "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

     "A migraine. And a really bad one from the looks of it."

     "A migraine? You mean, like a headache?"

     "It's a bit worse than that. Now go." Alec shifted, wondering what he could do. He released her hands and walked over to the marble vanity, grabbing some heavy paper linen towels and soaking them under cold water. He squeezed the water out, then returned to AJ. As gently as he could, he moved her, settling her on his lap and holding the wet cloths over her eyes. Her hands squeezed over his, holding the cloth in place as her head rolled against his chest.

     The door banged open and a soft whimper escaped AJ as Ian rushed in. Alec tossed him a look and motioned with his head, signaling for quiet. Ian walked over, holding out a glass of water and a large white pill.

     "Eight hundred milligram ibuprofen. Will this work?"

     "Better than nothing." Alec straightened, supporting AJ as he took the pill from Ian and helped her take it. A shudder racked her body as she sipped the water, and she settled back against him with a whimper.

     "Ian, I need to get her home, but I can't drive her in my truck. Can you—"

     "I'll have the driver bring the limo around then make sure your truck makes it home. But there's a problem."

     "What?"

     "The dick wad is starting to make noise and attract attention, and he's got a photographer with him. I heard him say something about...he was pretty loud and accusing certain reporters of acting like drunken, uh, um, sluts."

     Alec clenched his jaw and fought the urge to go back out and use the idiot for boxing practice. He looked down, surprised when AJ whispered his name, surprised to see her eyes trying to focus on him.

     "Don't." The word was uttered so softly it couldn't even be called a whisper. Alec sighed and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then cradled her closer as her eyes fluttered shut.

     "Ian, I need a distraction. Something to keep him so occupied he won't notice when we leave." Ian nodded and hurried out, leaving them alone. Alec stared down at AJ, curled so trustingly against him, pain digging at the now-pale features of her face. His heart squeezed painfully, and he instinctively tightened his hold around her. Another whimper escaped her, causing his heart to turn over.

     "AJ, can you wrap your arms around my neck? It'll be easier to carry—"

     "No."

     "AJ, don't be—"

     "Your...award..."

     Alec's heart constricted at her words. She was in his arms, curled against him in pain, and her only thought was of the stupid award he was supposed to get. He bit back a bitter laugh and dropped another kiss on the top of her head. "AJ, I don't give a damn about any award. All I care about is you. They can give me all the awards in the world and none of it matters if I don't have you."

     Her hands twisted more tightly in the lapels of his jacket as she murmured something against his chest. He couldn't make out the words, but he didn't need to, not when her eyes fluttered open and looked into his. He swallowed against the raw emotion burning his throat but didn't look away. He didn't even blink, for fear that she wouldn't see what was burning in his own eyes.

     "I love you, AJ. Without you, nothing else matters."

     Her eyes drifted shut and her lips moved, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. Her head rolled against his chest and he realized the migraine was too much for her, that she was giving into it. Blinking against the burning in his eyes, he stood up slowly, cradling her as gently as possible as he made his way to the door.

     There was a sudden commotion on the other side of the door, and Alec knew that Ian had conjured up his needed distraction. But what he saw when he opened the door was enough to actually make him stop in complete surprise.

     "Holy shit, Ian." It took real effort for Alec to mutter the words under his breath instead of shouting them. Ian's idea of a distraction was going to end with him getting beaten to a pulp: the fool was in the face of one of the defensive lineman from the football team, the one who had danced several times with AJ earlier. Ian was arguing with him and shoving his finger into a chest the size of a refrigerator. The lineman wasn't budging. Worse, there was a crowd forming, and Ian was quickly becoming outnumbered.

     As a distraction, it was working. But Alec didn't want to think about the outcome. He shook his head and hoped his friend knew what he was doing, then tightened his hold on AJ and carried her toward the exit.

     He pushed through the door without being stopped, thankful that Ian's limo was at the curb, waiting with the door open. Alec eased into the back of the limo and settled in the lush seat with AJ collapsed against him, an agonized sob rushing from her as another shudder racked her body. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her temples, murmuring soft words as the limo pulled away.

     The movement was tentative, slow, but enough to pull Alec from his light doze. His arms tightened automatically, not willing to let go.

     "How are you feeling?" His voice was a rough whisper in the darkness of the room, and he felt AJ's body tense for a long moment. She finally relaxed against him, but not as completely as before. 

     "Tired. Like I've been run over." Her voice was raspy, a hot breath against his chest.

     He reached up and stroked her hair, brushing it behind her ear before gently massaging her temple. Thoughts of their very first night together rushed to his memory, of him holding her in sleep, of easing her pain as another migraine seized her. Thoughts of all the other nights since then, of how she curled up against him in her sleep.

     Much like she was now.

     Alec took a deep breath and continued stroking her hair, fighting the memories, fighting the regrets of the last couple of weeks. "Close your eyes, relax. Go back to sleep."

     He felt her begin to shake her head, heard her soft moan. "No, I can't." Her hand reached up and closed around his, and for one brief second, Alec thought she was going to hold it. Instead, she moved his hand away from her; he could feel her shift, and knew she was pushing herself up on her elbow. Pushing herself away from him.

     "I need to go home."

     Alec swallowed his sigh of frustration, knowing it wouldn't help. "AJ, you don't need to go home. It's the middle of the night, it's been a long night. Lie back down and go to sleep, let your body rest and heal."

     He held his breath, waiting, hoping. AJ's body was still tense against him and he felt her shift in the darkness. Was she getting up? He released his hold on her and waited some more, then sighed when she moved away from him.

     But she didn't get up. She rolled over onto her back and shifted away from him. There were only inches separating them, but she might as well have been in the next room for as distant as she seemed. Her body was little more than a shadow in the dark room, and Alec wished there was more light so he could see her face more clearly.

     "I shouldn't be here."

     It wasn't much of an opening, but Alec jumped on it. He rolled over and propped himself on his elbow then looked down at her, reaching out tentatively with his left hand and letting it rest gently on her arm. "Yes, you should. You belong here."

     Her arm tensed under his touch but she didn't move it away, and she didn't say anything. He felt her relax, and he shifted just the tiniest bit closer, running his hand slowly up and down her arm. Quiet minutes went by, and he thought she might have fallen asleep again.

     Alec lowered his head to the pillow, just inches from her, and eased even closer, their bodies barely touching. He trailed his hand down her arm and wrapped his fingers around hers, content to be next to her, willing to settle for just this tiniest of touches.

     "Where's your girlfriend?" The question was soft, barely a ragged whisper. Alec stilled, not so much because of the question itself, but because of the sound of AJ's voice. He was suddenly grateful for the darkness, because he was very much afraid that she was crying—or rather, trying not to cry—and he didn't think he could handle seeing that.

     So he squeezed her fingers, closed his eyes, and answered honestly. "She's right here next to me, where she belongs."

     There was a short laugh, obviously forced, as AJ pulled her hand from his. "Wow, Kolchak, funny. I meant your current girlfriend. The one you took to the ball."

     She shifted away from him and Alec knew she was going to get up, that she was going to leave his bed. It didn't matter that she had no way to get anywhere, she was still going to leave. He moved, rolling over and closing his arms around her, his face inches from hers.

     "AJ, you are the only one who matters to me. You. Nobody else. Brandi was...she was a stupid mistake two years ago, and a stupid mistake two weeks ago. Nothing happened between us, and she means nothing to me. She never did." He paused, swallowing, and lowered his head even closer to her. "Do you remember what I told you earlier tonight?"

     "Alec, don't."

     "'Don't' what?"

     "Alec, please, I just...I need to leave. I need to go home." Her body was tense in his hold, but she made no attempt to move. From this close, he could see her eyes were closed. Her voice was strained, as if she was forcing the words through a sore throat. He swallowed hard, and without wanting to, he reached out and ran his hand across one soft cheek.

     His fingers touched the dampness there, and she tensed again and tried to pull away, a groan of frustration escaping her. His own stomach clenched as a wave of regret and sorrow washed over him, weighing him down. He rested his forehead against hers, swallowing back his own emotion at the evidence of her tears.

     "AJ, I love you. And I am so sorry. For everything. I never meant..." He took a deep breath and let it out. "I am the world's biggest ass. And I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again. But—"

     "Alec, stop." AJ shifted beneath him and tried to turn her face away, but he held it in place with a gentle hand against her still-damp cheek.

     "Listen to me, please." She finally stopped trying to turn away from him, but her body remained tense. He took a deep breath and let the words come out in a rush, not knowing how long he might have before she really pushed him away.

     If she hadn't already, in the way that meant the most.

     "I'm sorry I acted like an ass from the very beginning. And I'm sorry that I never told you how I feel. I'm sorry that the one and only time I ever took you out, it was to a strip club. I'm sorry that I treated you like one of the guys and I'm sorry for not making you feel special. And I am so sorry that when Brandi first showed up at the rink, I tried to laugh it off. It didn't mean anything to me, and I never even stopped to think what it meant to you. I—"

     "You humiliated me, Alec. Worse than that, you hurt me."

     Her softly spoken words made him pause. Of all the emotions he might have expected, humiliation had never crossed his mind. He pulled back just a little and looked down into her face, realized that her eyes were open and staring over his shoulder. He had no idea what to say, and was saved from saying the wrong thing when she spoke again.

     "All that other stuff...doesn't matter. But that day at the rink... You thought so little of me that you let me go as soon as she came up to you. She pushed me away and you let her. If it hadn't been for Ian, I would have fallen flat on my face. It's a moment in time frozen for prosperity forever. I know, because the pictures—the ones that didn't make it into the paper—were sent to me."

     "AJ, I didn't—"

     "Yeah, I know, you didn't mean to. She caught you off guard. I get that. But right after that? You disappeared. And then...you laughed about it. Like it was some big joke. No big deal. You have no idea...how much...that hurt." She paused, took several deep breaths, and Alec knew she was doing her best to keep him from seeing her tears. But he did see them, and it was tearing him apart inside. "And then, I start seeing pictures of you two together, and all I kept hearing is how the two of you are back together. Real funny...considering how you told me...she was nothing. And you have no...idea how much...that hurt."

     "Yes, I do. Because if it's anything like how I felt when I saw you with Ian yesterday...if I made you feel even a little bit like how I felt, then yes, I do. And God, I am so sorry, AJ. So sorry." He held his breath, waiting, then, slowly, he lowered his face and touched his lips against hers, the barest of brushes. He trailed his lips across her cheek, tasting the saltiness of her tears, feeling her anger and pain.

     "AJ, I am so sorry. For so many things, but most of all for hurting you. And I don't know what to say, I don't know how else to tell you what I'm feeling. But it's tearing me apart seeing you like this, knowing that it's all my fault. Please..." Alec paused, swallowing against the lump in his throat, not knowing what he was asking for, struggling for the right thing to say, struggling for the right thing to do.

     AJ finally turned her head and looked up at him, her eyes shining in the darkness. He swallowed again as their gazes met, as he saw a mix of emotions swirling in the blue depths of her beautiful eyes. The moment hung between them, suspended, and it felt like they were waiting. For what, he didn't know.

     Finally, afraid it was the wrong thing to do, afraid it would push her away forever, he dipped his head towards hers, his lips closing over hers in a tentative kiss. She didn't turn her head, didn't pull away, so he gradually, hesitantly deepened the kiss. Her mouth opened on a soft sigh and he seized the opportunity, swept his tongue into the soft darkness of her mouth, exploring, claiming.

     Her body relaxed under his, and she reached up and ran one hand through his hair, then down along his neck and shoulder. He waited, afraid she would push him away, then groaned when she pulled him closer, her tongue darting out and dancing with his.

     His kiss became more urgent, his touch almost desperate as he shifted, moving his body over hers, trying to show her what he couldn't put into words. He pulled back, afraid of going too fast, of pushing her. Alec didn't want there to be any regrets in the morning, he wanted her to be sure before he went any further.

     But when he pulled back, she reached for him. When he tried to speak, she crushed her mouth against his and robbed him of speech. And when she wrapped her legs around his waist and thrust her hips against his, he lost control of all thought except how to show her that she belonged with him, that he belonged with her.

     That they belonged together.

**

     The phone vibrated again, skipping across the surface of the desk. AJ gritted her teeth and tried to ignore it, then grabbed it and tossed it across the cubicle. The phone hit the bulletin board hanging on the fabric wall, bounced off, and clattered to the floor. The battery popped out and bounced across the tiled surface, coming to a stop near her feet. She grunted and kicked it away, then laid her head down on the desk with a frustrated sigh.

     Several minutes later, the extension in her little office began ringing. With a muttered curse, she lifted her head and stared at the phone, her jaw clenching when she saw the number on the Caller ID readout. She reached out and yanked the cord from the base, silencing it.

     AJ wondered if it would work, but didn't dare get her hopes up. Every phone around her had been ringing nonstop for the last two days.

     Since she had spent the night with Alec.

     Since she had slept with Alec.

     Since Alec had told her he loved her.

     But it was a mistake. It had to be. He did not love her. He couldn't love her, not when he had just been seeing his old girlfriend. She believed him when he told her that nothing had happened between them, but she couldn't believe he loved her. It was a mistake, emotion born out of guilt.

     She had tried telling him that, but he refused to believe her. And he kept calling. And calling.

     AJ laid her head back on the desk, wondering if it would help if she banged her head against the hard surface. She sensed a shadow cross over her, confirmed by a rough clearing of the throat followed by the impatient rustle of paper.

     She didn't need to look up to know it was Tim.

     "How's that article coming?"

     "What? The one on the little league team? I just emailed it to you." Yeah, that had been a rough one that had really stretched the limits of her abilities. She briefly wondered if he was here to give her another hard-hitting assignment, something even more far-fetched and worse as punishment.

     He grunted, and she heard more rustling. "I still love this headline: 'Baltimore Ball, Baltimore Brawl'. Catchy, don't you think? Great story, too."

     She flinched when the paper hit her in the head and she looked up, her gaze sweeping across the bold head line. "Tim, I said I screwed up. I know I did. How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? How long do I have to grovel?" She looked from Sunday's paper to her editor.

     Or maybe it was soon-to-be ex-editor. Getting fired would fit perfectly into the mess she had gotten herself into. One night. That was all it had taken for her to plummet into the bowels of hell.

     If not for the pain and anger still simmering inside her, she may have been able to find some twisted humor in the situation. Especially since, when you got to the bottom of it, the entire thing was her fault. If she hadn't had the migraine...

     Alec wouldn't have tried to save her.

     Ian wouldn't have created a distraction.

     She wouldn't have gone home with Alec.

     There wouldn't have been a huge fight between players from three of Baltimore's sports teams.

     She wouldn't have slept with Alec.

     Alec wouldn't have told her he loved her.

     AJ swallowed a groan and put her head back on the desk, unable to look at Tim when he fired her. She deserved it. She knew she did. He had gone out of his way for her, showed his trust and belief in her and got her the job she had wanted for years.