Cruiser (17 page)

Lex

I’m sitting at my window, staring out. I’m so confused about everything that happened. I wish I could have Cruiser. I wish Rey would be more forgiving. Like my mom
always says, most people don’t get what they wish.

But maybe they
could if they try hard enough.

I get up and leave my house, heading for the Daltons. Before ringing the doorbell, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is definitely worth a shot.

The door opens and Cruiser is in my view. I stumble back. I wasn’t expecting him. My heart races.

We stare at each other. He’s wearing jeans an
d a white T-shirt, and his hair is one big mess.

“Hey,” he says, so soft I almost miss it.

“Hi.” My voice is barely above a whisper.

We continue to stare at each other. It makes every hair on my body stand up. Being this close to him, it hurts. How I wish he could take me in his arms. How I wish I could make the pain in his eyes disappear.

“Is Rey home?” I ask.

His eyebrows
rise in surprise. He nods.

“I’d like to talk to him.”

I can see the question marks all over his face. I want to reassure him that I’m not getting back together with Rey. But I keep quiet because I don’t want to raise his hopes. I don’t want him to get hurt.

“Sure.” He widens the door for me.
I move past him, my shoulder brushing his arm, my skirt swishing against his jeans. “Rey!” he calls.

A few seconds later, Rey peeks over the banister. “Yeah?”

I step forward. Even from a distance, I see his body tense.

“Can we talk?” I ask.

Cruiser stands behind me. I can feel his heat jump onto me. Rey climbs down the steps, his expression wary. Cruiser’s eyes move from me to Rey before he heads upstairs.

“Can we sit?” I ask Rey.

He folds his arms over his chest and marches into the living room. I follow him and lower myself on the couch. Rey stands on the side, arms still crossed. He’s still hurt and pissed. Maybe this isn’t as easy as I thought.

I wring my fingers in my lap. Then I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Rey, first I want to apologize for—”

He snorts. “Don’t bother apologizing. If you’re truly sorry, you wouldn’t have dumped me for Cruiser.”

My throat gets dry. “I didn’t dump you for Cruiser.”

He rolls his eyes.

“Can you please sit?”

“I’d rather stand.”

“Okay.” M
y eyes drop to my hands. “Breakups are hard, Rey. Getting your heart broken—”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m so over you.”

I bring my eyes to his. It’s obvious he’s lying, but I ignore his last comment. “I’ve always loved Cruiser, Rey.”

He scoffs. “And for a minute there, I thought you might actually want to get back together with me.”

“Don’t do this. Please.”

He uncrosses his arms and lowers
them to his sides. Then he crosses them again.

“Forget about me, Rey. I know you hate me right now. But think about Cruiser, how he feels. He’s had feelings for me since before the accident. He felt the same way when he was in New York. When he returned and saw us together, he didn’t say a word. He must have been pretty hurt.”

Rey doesn’t say anything.

“He’s sacrificing himself because of you,” I continue. “He’s not going to be with me because he knows how much it hurts you.”

All this time he’s been wearing a pissed-off expression. But once he hears my last words, his face softens.

“He’s your twin brother, Rey. Your best friend. Don’t you want him to be happy?”

His eyes flash to mine. “His happiness comes before mine?”

“Have you really, truly loved me, Rey? Or have you been in love with the idea of having a girlfriend?” I get up and move toward him, reaching for his arm. He pulls away.
“Maybe we never really loved each other, but have just been leaning on each other because we were both going through a tough period. I was dealing with the accident, and you missed Cruiser.”

He doesn’t look at me, but I see he’s thinking about my words.

“Have we ever felt true passion?” I ask.

He glances at me, but doesn’t say anything.

“I know you feel a little inferior to Cruiser when girls are involved, but you’re an amazing guy, Rey. Really, really amazing. A girl would be lucky to have you. You deserve a girl you really love. Who will really love you. A girl who will make you feel things you’ve never felt before, who will be on your mind twenty-four seven.” When I touch his arm, he doesn’t pull away. “There’s someone out there for you. You just need to find her. You
will
find her.”

I search his face, hoping my words comfort him. He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m leaving for
California.”

I step back. “What?”

“Yeah. So you can have Cruiser all to yourself without feeling crappy about it.”

I don’t understand. He’s running away because of Cruiser and me? “Rey.”

“I got into Kelman’s Music Academy in L.A. The new semester starts in two weeks.”

I blink a few times as the news sinks in. “You got into Kelman’s? Rey, that’s awesome!”

He’s trying to fight it, but a big grin forms on his face.

“I knew you’d get recruited. I knew it. This is so exciting. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he says. His tone isn’t bitter, but it’s not very appreciative, either.

Thoughts form in
my head. Dreams of Cruiser and me together without having to worry about Rey’s feelings. I push them away. It’s not fair to think about that.

“Yeah,” Rey says, looking at his shoes. “So you and the hot Dalton twin can finally be together, just like you’ve always wanted.”

Tears prick my eyes. “Don’t do this, Rey.”

“
It’s a good thing I’m leaving.”

“I want to try to be friends.”

He snorts again. “Whatever.”

“Please. Do it for Cruiser, Rey. He loves you and would do anything for you.”

He clenches his jaw.

“Just think over everything I said. I wish you lots of luck in Kelman’s. I know you’re going to be a famous violinist one day.” I squeeze his arm and make my way to the door.

Before I leave, I turn back to look at him. He seems upset, but I hope he comes to peace with all of this. Hopefully L.A. will be a new start for him. Hopefully he’ll meet a girl there and forget all this.

As I’m about to open the door, I see Cruiser at the
top of the stairs. Our eyes lock for a second. I give him a small smile, pull the door open, and walk out.

Cruiser

Rey’s already packing. He’s not leaving for another two weeks, but that’s how he is. Always preparing ahead of time.

I can’t believe
he’s actually moving away. We just got back together after my being away for a year. I’ll miss him like crazy.

A knock on my door. I glance up. Rey’s there.
Twin telepathy at its finest.

“Hey,” I say.

He sits on my bed. Stares at his shoes. Means he’s got a lot on his mind. I plop down near him. “Scared?” I ask.

He scoffs. “
For what?”

“Gonna be your first time alone
on the west coast. I’d be a little scared.”

“You? The Mighty Cruiser ain’
t afraid of nothing,” he jokes.

“You’d be surprised, Rey,” I mutter.

“At least I’ve got two weeks to let it sink in.”

“Yeah.”

We’re quiet for a few minutes. Then I say, “Rey,” just as he says, “Cruiser.”

“You first,” I say.

His sneaker taps on the floor. “Lex talked to me yesterday…about the two of you.”

I shut my eyes. Take in a breath. When I opened the door for her, I got all these feelings. Felt like I was going to lose my mind. Damn, I miss her so much.

He gets up from my bed and starts pacing, rubbing the back of his neck. That’s what we Dalton men do when we don’t know how to broach a subject. We pace. “The truth is…I knew all along that we’ve never really loved each other. Not the passionate love everyone talks about. Where you can’t eat, sleep. How she’s constantly on your mind and you want to spend every second with her.”

“Rey, we don’t need to talk about it.”

“We do.” He strides to the window and peers out. “I was jealous of the two of you when we were kids. I always felt left out. Always thought she’d replace me as your best friend.” He turns around. “But then I got her and it felt so good. I finally had my first girlfriend.” He paces again. Stops by the door, his back to me.

I don’t realize I’m holding on to every word he says until I feel my
fingers digging into my palms.

“
I felt safe with her because I knew her so well, since we’ve been best friends forever. It was so much easier to stay with her instead of putting myself out there.” He scratches the back of his head. “When you left for New York, we got close. I thought it was love. I hoped it was. But it never really was. We loved each other, but not in that way.” He pauses for a second. “When you came back, I knew you liked her. I knew you wanted her. It made me feel good to have something you wanted. This was the first time a girl chose me over you. I was such a horrible person, such a dick. I knew you wanted her, but I didn’t care. You’ve always been there for me, always put yourself before me. And I kept the one thing you really wanted away from you, just to boost my ego.” He shakes his head. “And when she broke up with me, it wasn’t my heart that was broken, but my pride. I couldn’t stand that she dumped me. That’s why I wanted her back. I’m so stupid.”

He turns to me.
His face is sad, guilty. Apologetic. “I’m sorry, Cruise. I should have brought you two together. I shouldn’t have kept her away from you. You’re my brother. Lex makes you happy. You should have her.”

Shit. My eyes are getting wet. What the hell. I march to the window and look out. Why the hell am I crying?

Rey stands behind me. “I want to see you happy, Cruise. Even if I weren’t leaving for L.A., I’d still want you to be with her. You two share something very special. I hope I can share that with a girl one day.”

I wipe my eyes and
turn to him. “You’re a good guy. Come here.” I take him in for a hug. “You will meet that special girl one day. Trust me.”

He pulls out of the hug. Smiles shyly. “I hope.”

I smile sadly. “What the hell am I going to do here without you?”

He walks to my door. “Lex.” And he disappears.

Lex

Mom’s in the kitchen when I return from hanging out with Dani. She’s wearing her thick-rimmed reading glasses. She has a pamphlet from a new doctor laid out in front of her. Tucked under the pamphlet are the forms Mom’s filling out.
Rosalind Woods
.

“What are you doing?” I ask, taking a seat near her.

“Just going over this program.”

I don’t say anything.

“Lex, sweetie, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” I quickly say.

Mom takes my hand. “I know something’s bothering you. You can talk to me about it.”

I stare at the tablecloth. “I’ve just
been thinking. About my future.”

She slides her glasses off her face.
“Let’s sit down on the couch.”

I want to talk to my mom so bad
ly. I let her take my hand and lead me to the living room. She settles down and I sit down near her. Up until this point, until my mom’s arm comes around me, I didn’t realize how much I need her.

“What has you worried?” she asks.

“I’m thinking of quitting dance so I can study to be a spinal cord specialist,” I say, then look at her. I’ve never brought this up before and I’m not sure how she’ll react. “It kills me when you and Dad fight,” I continue. “It kills me even more when you tow Rosie from doctor to doctor. It kills me that Rosie would rather stay home with her computer and the TV instead of hanging out with her friends.”

Mom stares at me for what feels like forever. She rubs her forehead. “I need some coffee.”

“Mom.” I take her hand so she can’t escape to the kitchen. “Rosie’s fine the way she is. Please. When will you finally let it go?”

“I have to fix her, Lex,” she whispers, her eyes brimming with tears.

I stare at her. “What do you mean?”

She digs into her pocket and pulls out a tissue, then brings it to her eyes. “It’s my guilt, Lex. Rosie begged to come along with us to the restaurant. If I hadn’t left her…” She presses the tissue to her nose.

“Mom, that’s crazy. You know the accident wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s fault.”

“Yes, I know that. But…I can’t help it. I need to help my daughter.”

“If I were Rosie, I wouldn’t want to see any more doctors, any more programs. I’d want my mom to love me the way I am.”

She blows her nose. Her hands are shaking. “I know, sweetie. I know. I keep telling myself that. But the more I dig, the more I feel that the next doctor will be the one. And when he fails, I find another, and I get hopeful.” She shakes her head. “Why am I telling this to my teenage daughter?”

I place my hand on hers. “Because your teenage daughter is here to listen.” I rest my head on her shoulder. “Dad doesn’t like it. He’s accepted Rosie the way she is. I’ve accepted. Rosie did, too. We can’t do this without you.”

Mom lays her head on mine. All I hear is her heavy breathing and the tick tock of the clock on the wall. Mom’s arms tighten around me as she hugs me to her chest and kisses the top of my head. “
You are absolutely right. I’ll try. It’s a hard adjustment, but I really want to do what’s best for Rosie.”

“Let’s show
her how beautiful her life can be even though she’s confined to her wheelchair. Let’s get her back to the spunky little brat she used to be, the chatter box who brought home a new friend every day. I miss that girl.”

My mom runs her fingers th
rough my hair. “I miss her, too.”

We sit in silence for a little while. Mom sits up and looks at me.
“Don’t quit dance, Lex. You are so talented and you can have such a bright future. Don’t let your guilt throw you down a path that’s not for you.”

I bite down on my lower lip.

“Do you honestly want to be a spinal cord specialist? The only way to heal, and to help this family heal, is by being yourself and doing what you love. Don’t change.”

I smile as her words sink in. She’s right. I love to dance, and I’d love to have a career in it. I need to take my own advice and live life the way I’ve been living before the accident. Becoming a spinal cord specialist is noble, but it’s not for me. I think I’m finally learning to forgive myself for the night of the accident.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for everything. I miss this.”

She kisses the top of my head. “I do, too. We’ll work on getting things back to normal around here. I promise.”

I smile. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”