Cry Me a River PG-13 Edition (5 page)

He pulls a neatly folded up piece of notebook paper out of his pocket and meticulously unfolds it and straightens it out.  The lady next to me leans over and whispers, “He reads this to us at every meeting.”

John,

You were amazing at the conference tonight.  I can’t believe that investor from Alabama is going to meet with us next week.  I knew that software would be a hit.  Everyone in the room was mesmerized when you brought it out and showed them how it works.  Can you imagine every student from age six to sixty will be able to simplify their life!  Baby, this time next week, we will schedule a family trip with our kids.  Oh, I can’t wait!  We’ll have to do it soon or Jamie will be too far along and won’t be able to travel.  Grandparents…. I’ve wanted to be a grandma ever since Roger got married.  Okay Grandpa software designer, I’ll pick you up to meet your team for drinks. 

I love you…. I’m so proud of you. 

Love Grandma - aka - The Love of YOUR Life!

John takes a tissue from his pocket and wipes away a lone tear.  “This is the last letter I received from my wife.  She’s gone now,” another tear falls, “she was an alcoholic but I didn’t realize it back then.  I miss her.  She would be a grandma to three little girls, but she died and I lived.”  He abruptly stops talking and folds his paper up and puts it back in his pocket and goes back to his seat.

A lump has closed off my airway as I think about how his life was summed up to be a promising one for a fleeting moment and now it’s gone.  Now he goes to meetings and eats chocolate chip cookies made by an aggravating woman.

Everyone except me and one other person stood up to talk.  After a long pause, River stands up front and tells us to have a good evening and she’d see us Thursday.  She motions for me to come over to where she’s at and I do. 

“I’m happy you came out tonight Caide, I’m sure this was a lot to take in.  I’m here for you any time you need someone to talk to.”  She lowers her voice to a whisper, “And if you show up to another meeting with alcohol on your breath, I’ll notify the judge the next day.
  If you can’t refrain, you may need to attend AA meetings instead.”

She did not just call me a drunk.  I think she
did! How nervy.  This can’t be the only Al Anon meeting around here.  “I don’t have a drinking problem, but thanks for trying to insinuate I do.”

River gathers up the papers she had so neatly set out, which I don’t understand since no one took any of the papers.  “I’m not insinuating you have a drinking problem, but this meeting is for people who have been affected by others with drug or alcohol problems.  This is a safe place for them to vent about those
issues.  I’m concerned they’ll be afraid to talk if they think you’re an alcoholic. ” 

I shake my head in understanding, it’s a valid point.  “I’m
sorry. I wasn’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable.  This is new to me; I didn’t know there were meetings like this in our little town.  How often do we meet?”

“I am here three times a week, Monday, Thursday, and Saturday at five.  There are other time slots, ones that work for any schedule.  The sheet the judge sent over says you are required to attend two meetings a week.  Here,” she hands me a sheet of paper, “this is the schedule.
  We encourage everyone who is new to the program to do thirty visits within thirty days.  I can’t make you come more than you’re willing too, if you’re willing at all.”

I look at the calendar and she’s right, I can be
screwed-up in the head at almost any time, day or night.  “Wow, that’s a lot of meetings.  I didn’t realize so many people would come to something like this.”

“If you mean, something like this as in support groups, you’d be surprised.  Addiction doesn’t
discriminate; it is in almost every family.  Can you help me put these chairs up?” 

We fold the chairs and place them along the wall with the other chairs that weren’t used.  We gather up the uneaten snacks and she places them in a bag and tells me she drops them off at the nursing home by her house.  Pretty and kind, who likes to bust balls, she’s interesting in ways I’ve never known.  I wait for her as she turns off all the lights and locks the door.

“Bye Caide, I’ll see you later this week.”  She clicks her fob and her red Jeep Wrangler Unlimited chirps as it unlocks.   

My driver is standing outside of the Lincoln Navigator waiting to open the door for me.  I feel like a putz for having a limo, but it is what it is.

“Sir, would you like me to take you to the pool hall as you instructed earlier?”  The driver asks before he closes the door.

Why did I want to go to the pool hall?  Cheri
, that’s right, sweet talking Cheri.  “No, I’ll go home.”

“Very well.”  He shuts the door and I lean back in my seat, by myself…alone.

____________________________________________

“I became insane, with long horrible intervals of sanity.”

Edgar Allan Poe

RIVER

“No Ryan, I’m sure it was him.  For the love of god,
I’ve watched his segments on baking from day one.  Not to mention, his name is Caide, pretty much a giveaway.”  I say to Ryan, my best friend for the last ten years.  He’s been with me through everything, my mom’s alcoholism, her death, boyfriends, through everything that made sense and those that didn’t.

Ryan stirs in another packet of sugar into his coffee.  How he sleeps after we sit at Waffle House drinking coffee half the night is beyond me.  “You’re certain he bats for your team?  I don’t have a snowball chance in hell?”  When we were fifteen, Ryan and I stole a bottle of my mom’s wine and hid in my backyard to get drunk.  He tried to kiss me to find out if he liked girls.  He said that if he could kiss someone like me and not feel anything,
then he was positively gay.  I didn’t tell him his kiss didn’t do anything for me either and I’m most certainly not gay.

“Nope, he’s straight.”
  I reach in my purse and pull out my e-cig with its Cherry Crush flavor. I’ve been trying to quit since the day I started smoking.

“That sucks….,” He says trying to be funny.

“Enough about him, tell me about your new job.”  I sit and listen to him tell me about his new job as a personal assistant to Jackson Thomas from Good Morning, North Carolina.  He’d been working for a retired oil tycoon until he died last month.  He left him his beach house and his brand new Jaguar, in his will.  His son threatened to contest the will, until he saw a video where his dad spelled out why he cut him from the will.  Thankfully for Ryan’s sake, he didn’t tell him he had been his boy-toy for the last year of his life.  To the average person, Ryan doesn’t set off gay-dars or anything, it was his way of keeping his options open.  He hates the way people discriminate against same-sex couples so he hides it to keep the peace.

We talk until almost two in the morning.  “I better get out of here; I need to let Zoe out for a potty break.”

“I can’t believe you named your German Shepherd, Zoe,” I tease.  “Text me a pic of her, I bet she’s huge.  It’s been two months since the last time I saw her.”  Zoe is another one of Ryan’s ideas of ‘blending in’.

We leave a big tip and pay our bill. 

“Night River,” Ryan pulls me in for one of his bear hugs.

“Night Ryan.”

The humidity is making the windows of my Jeep fog up from the cold a/c.  I blast Pink as loud as I can before I turn into my neighborhood.  After my mom died almost five years ago, her estate went into probate.  After what seemed a lifetime, they gave me the green light to sell the house and buy one of my own.  I didn’t want to keep her house, not after years of darkness and bad memories.  As an only child, the only thing left to take care of was the string of medical bills and credit cards of my mom’s.

When I was
younger, our life wasn’t miserable.  My dad served as a colonel in the Marine Corp and was madly in love with my mom.  He came from a long line of servicemen who later became politicians and businessmen.  My parents vacationed in places like Martha’s Vineyard, and traveled all over Europe.  As a child, everything seemed magical and filled with laughter.  One afternoon in second grade, my Uncle Bob picked me up from school as we were coming in from recess.  Later that night, I found out my dad had died in a training accident.  That was the day the lights went out and darkness set in at my house.

My new-to-me house was built in the late nineties and is smack in the middle of the neighborhood on a cul-de-sac.  The houses are all on acre lots and each house looks different than the other.  The builder only allowed three of each floor-plan in the neighborhood, and they can’t be on the same street.  Even though they are all different, they
have a lot of the same characteristics.  Most of the houses include a huge front porch, perfect for days of drinking sweet tea and gossiping.  Ryan told me I was getting ready for my baby-making days.  Kids, yeah, not for me, I’m screwed up enough; I don’t need to ruin anyone else’s world.

I pull into the double car garage and quickly close the garage door.  I watched a scary movie a few years ago
where a serial killer attacked its victim as they were in their garage.  It freaked me out for the longest time, now I carry pepper spray on my key-chain. 

My Pomeranian,
Rusty comes running to the door, her nails click on the porcelain tiles as she prances into the mudroom.  As always, she spins in three circles and barks until I pick her up like a little baby.  “Did you give Casanova a hard time today?”  Casanova is my ill tempered solid black Persian cat.  Rusty barks in agreement that she did indeed annoy the cat all day.

After an epic game of fetch with a mini-tennis ball and Rusty, I call it a night.  Casanova was right where I expected him to be, in the center of the bed resting after a long day of napping and grooming.  He’ll move up closer to my head once I turn off the lights and start reading my Kindle.  One of the girls from work convinced me to read The Vampire Academy books by Richelle Mead.  She would carry on about how Dimitri is so hot and one day she
is going to find her a Russian to marry. 

Marriage is the one thing I can’t imagine myself doing, not after dating Kyle.  We met in co
llege at NC State and started dating exclusively after knowing each other for a week.  I was mesmerized by his intellect and protective ways, until two of his ex-girlfriends contacted me about what happened to them.  He’d never hit me, so I didn’t believe he hit them.  We dated for five months and then the shit hit the fan.  I was talking to a guy in the library; he asked me if I was related to a girl named Kim.  Kyle stormed over, grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the guy.  Like a wildfire he went from sweet and attentive, to mentally unstable. 

It wasn’t as though I’d never been hit before, hell, live with a paranoid alcoholic long enough and they’re bound to hit you sooner or later.  Kyle followed me to my dorm one night and beat the snot out of me.  My roommate
, Autumn, found me and called 911.  I filed charges and put a restraining order against him.  Since I’ve moved back to the coast, I haven’t heard from him.  If I never hear from him again, it will be too soon.

____________________________________________

Thursday 5:00 pm

I pull up to my store Apple Sacks and notice the parking lot is full.  That’s a great sign since the economy has been so bad.  I haven’t suffered from the economy too bad, between my online store and beach season, I stay busy.  I carry tons of lingerie as well as corsets.  Our corsets sell out in less than a week.  The craze about corset training has been phenomenal.
  Thanks to
50 Shades
everyone is a nymph.

“Girls, make sure you take out the trash on your way out tonight.  I’m meeting Gwen for dinner to go over everything for the fashion show next month.  If that one high school girl comes in and tries to return anything, tell her to come back when I’m here.  She’s always trying to return things when I’m not here.”  My business degree didn’t go over how to handle habitual buyer’s remorse.  I don’t think she is remorseful, I think she likes to wear a new outfit, tuck the tags away and bring it back for a refund. 

“Is this your store?” A customer asks.

I smile at the petite blonde girl, no older than eighteen.  “Yes, it’s all mine.”

She has a handful of hangers in her left hand and this
year’s Gucci Jackie Flora canvas shoulder bag.  The same purse I pinned on Pinterest the other night.  It’s only a twelve-hundred dollar purse and a teenager is carrying it; the injustices in the world.

“I love everything.  Look at everything I found today!  I almost died seven times when I saw the pink and white candy striped nighty, so I’m buying two!  You’re the only place who carries a 32D bra.  I mean seriously, don’t designers get it?  The black and white zebra striped curtains and frames around the mirrors are genius,” she gushed on about the décor.

“I’m so happy you found some things you like.  If you’ve been coming here for a while, you’d know I just remodeled.  The place really needed a sprucing up.  I bought it last year but I just did the remodel.”  I chat her up since she has at least four hundred dollars worth of clothes in her hands.  Little rich girls who’ve never worked a day in their life are what typically come into my store.

She smiles at me showing off her perfectly white teeth.  I’m sure she’s a model or daughter of someone famous.  “Oh yeah
, I like the circular platform and the dressing rooms in the middle, it’s so retro feeling.”

I reach for the clothes and walk her up to the white gloss checkout stand.  “Thank you for shopping here, Sabrina can get you signed up for a royalty card.  We are allowing our VIP’s to have exclusive sales and free admission to our fashion shows.  I have to run, but thank you again.”  I rush for the door bumping into it as I head to my car.
  I’ll probably get a bruise, but won’t remember how.

It’s still early, so I make a quick stop at the bakery to place an order
for Ryan’s birthday.  Driving to the restaurant I get lost in thought and my brain goes to Caide, wondering if he’ll be there tonight.  No!  Don’t think about
him. 
Him, being Caide.  After watching his YouTube videos a couple of years ago, I developed a mini-crush on him.  On Monday, out of the blue I get a fax saying he’d be attending my session.  I’ve never seen a judge order someone to Al Anon, I wonder what happened to order him to support sessions.  It could be about his ex-girlfriend who died a few weeks ago. 

I reach for my phone and call
Ryan only to get sent to voicemail.   “Call me love,” I say so fast it sounded like one word.  I pull up to the steakhouse Gwen picked for our dinner meeting.  The irony is it’s the place Caide’s parents own.  I shake my head as if I could shake his name out of my brain.

____________________________________________

Gwen is dressed in a gorgeous light tan palazzo pants and vest with a ruffled white top.  She bought the top at my store, but I have no idea where she got the rest of the outfit.  Her hair is always so beautiful, long and naturally curly down her back.  If I could be another person for a day, I’d pick Gwen.  Men fall all over themselves to be near her.  Tonight I pale in comparison to her stunning looks. 

I stand up to give her a hug.  “Gwen, you look so great!  That new man of yours must be good for you.”

Gwen laughs her cute little laugh.  “You’re looking pretty hot yourself.  I’d ask you if a man is keeping you busy, but I bet it’s the same answer as always;
you don’t have time for a man
.”  We take a seat and the waiter almost trips and falls on our table he was rushing so fast.  That’s the effect she has on people.

No matter how bad I want to order a glass of wine, I don’t do it.  After I jumped Caide’s ass for drinking, it is probably smart not to
drink a cocktail.  Gwen orders a wild drink from the list of house cocktails and I order water with lemon.

“
It isn’t that, I don’t need a man right now.  You know how hectic it is in this business.  Most of the guys my age are still in college or still in party mode.”  The waiter brings us our drinks but mistakenly gives me sweet tea.  Instead of correcting him, I let it go…not worth the aggravation.  We both order, she sticks with salad but I pick a steak.  If I’m going to eat at a steakhouse, I’m having steak.  My mother was a stickler about only eating salads when out in public; my stomach tends to disagree with that idea.  I’m a meat and potatoes girl and thankful for my fast metabolism. 

Gwen puts a mouthful of lettuce in her mouth and looks at me with a silly grin.

“What have you done Gwen?”

She points at herself, “Who me?”

I purse my lips and shake my head.  “Yes you.  Go ahead, spill it.”

“Okay, I have a friend
whose brother is back in North Carolina and looking to mingle.  I’ve seen pictures of him, and girl, he’s beautiful, his name is Lance.  Just think Sir Lancelot.”

There’s always a catch with guys she tries to set me up with.  “Aaaaand?”

“Did I mention he’s going through a divorce?  Well, not really going through it, he has to wait a year…you know the North Carolina law says you have to be separated for an entire year before you can file for divorce.  So he’s in his year part of it.  I think he has ten more months.  I said he’s beautiful right?”  She rambles quickly.  Gwen and her beautiful men, sheesh.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at her.  “Spit it out Gwen, there’s more you’re not telling me.”

“You’re so bossy.  How about we go on a double date Saturday night, we can do dinner at The Eagles Nest and stay for the band and dancing.  It isn’t a night club but they play great music and everyone is more mature.”

Not giving her another chance to speak I blurt out, “They’re old!  That place is for old people….like thirty’s and forty somethings!”

“Come on, it will be fun.  I’ll be there with you, and if you don’t like him, you never have to see him again.”  She puts her hands together in prayer, “Please.”

“Okay, I’ll go, but he better not be a total freak.”  I pull out my phone and type in a reminder to go on a date with an ape
and meet Gwen at The Eagles Nest.  “Let’s talk business; I have a meeting to get to.”