Cursed (22 page)

“You’ll be very relieved to know that my legs are working again. And I found chopsticks.” I tilt my head toward the breast pocket of the shirt I’m wearing. It’s Zack’s. I commandeered it from his closet.

He’s kneeling in front of the fireplace, dressed only in sweats. The fire is roaring and he’s lit the gas heaters on the upstairs deck. There’s a love seat and chair out there along with a coffee table. I have the bag of Thai in one hand and two beers in the other. Zack promptly relieves me of one of the beers and the bag of food.

“Smells great!”

I follow him outside. “I worked very hard heating it up in the microwave.”

Zack’s arranging the cartons, but he pauses to pull me into his arms. His hand curls around the same spot where Sarah grabbed me this morning at the elevator. Without thinking, I wince.

“Did I hurt you in the shower?” The alarm in his voice makes me realize I can’t pass this off as something he did. It would cut him to the quick.

“No, it happened earlier today.”

He’s pushing up the sleeve and inspecting my arm. There’s already a bruise. Several. With a gentle finger, he traces the outline of the handprint. “Did Kallistos do this to you when you were locked in that room with him?”

“No. It wasn’t Kallistos.” The last thing I need is for Zack to have one more reason to go gunning for Kallistos. I tell him the truth. “It was Sarah.”

“Sarah?” From the expression on his face I can tell it wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

“She showed up at the office.”

“Looking for me?”

“Me, actually.”

He frowns. “I have a feeling I’m not going to like your answer, but what for?”

“To give me the stay-away-from-my-man speech.”

“I’m not her—”

“Did the two of you sleep together the other night? Just tell me the truth, Zack. I’m ancient. I haven’t the heart for games and betrayal.”

To his credit, Zack doesn’t skip a beat. “Yes. Slept. She showed up here after you left. She had no place to stay. She knew I wouldn’t turn her away. I couldn’t. We shared the cage.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. I meant it when I told you it was over between the two of us.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “I’ve got to put an end to this. It isn’t Sarah’s fault. Without meaning to, I’ve put her in a bad spot. She’s desperate and feeling cornered. That’s a dangerous combination.”

He pushes a button on his cell and listens intently before leaving a message. “J.C., it’s Zack. Look, I know what you’re trying to do. I can even understand it. But it’s not going to work. I told you before, I’m done. I’m not coming back. This isn’t my fight and Sarah isn’t going to convince me otherwise. She has no sway over me. None. If you don’t set this right, I’ll have to.”

Zack tosses the phone onto the coffee table, then walks over to the rail and stares out at the ocean. The nerve in his jaw is ticking. I give him a moment to collect his thoughts before asking, “So, who’s J.C.?”

He turns back to face me. “J. C. Hewitt, he’s the current beta of my old pack. He’s wilder than a June bug and dumber than a doornail. Before I left there was an upset, a turnover in leadership. The new alpha, Asa Wade, is a heartless bully. He’s ruthless. He’s also smart and ambitious. He started to develop alliances. The culture began to shift in a direction I couldn’t abide.”

“And that’s why you left?”

Zack nods. “People were getting hurt. Everyone was afraid. Some, including J.C., were looking to me to put a stop to it all.”

I hand Zack his beer. “They were pressuring you to take on this Wade character?”

He drinks down half of it before answering, “I’ve spent too much time on my own. Too much time dealing with brutal killers and cold-blooded sociopaths who will do anything to hold on to power. I joined the pack because I wanted to be a part of something, not because I wanted to be in charge or responsible.” Sadness washes over him, clouding his features. “Power has a way of changing a man. I’m not fit to be a leader. I’ve made too many mistakes.” He finishes off the rest of his beer.

I hand him mine. “I bet it wasn’t an easy decision, walking away.”

Zack reaches for my hand and leads me to the love seat. “Easy, no. But I’d walked away from bigger and badder than Asa Wade. I was lost once. I promised myself I’d never go down that road again. Some of the pack members evidently think they can still persuade me to come back, J.C. for one. Apparently Wade has his eye on Sarah and he scared the shit out of her. It didn’t take much persuading. J.C. planted the seed and—”

“Sarah came here to talk you into going back and getting rid of Wade.”

“Only in doing that, she put herself in a tight spot. She can’t really go back. Not without betraying her agenda or submitting to Wade. That pack, that place, it’s all she’s ever known.”

“Is it the only pack you’ve known?”

Zack nods, his expression grave. “It didn’t take long, after walking away from my old life, to realize that walking away wasn’t enough. I needed to walk toward something. I needed to find meaning.”

“And you found it with them?”

“For a while. It felt like home.” Zack shakes his head and with it the melancholy seems to lift, replaced by something else. Resolve. Determination. “Wade is the worst kind of wolf. Sarah can’t go back there.”

I feel a flush of compassion for Sarah. “What are you going to do?”

Zack kisses me on the forehead and plucks two of the chopsticks from my pocket. “Eat. Worship every inch of you. Figure out the Sarah problem tomorrow.” He dives into the shrimp pad Thai.

His ease with casual affection is enviable. I’m out of practice. For good reason, I remind myself. I pop open the container of drunken noodles and give the contents a pensive stir. My perspective concerning Sarah is shifting. She’s desperate and afraid, torn away from all she’s known and facing life alone in a strange place. Something I’ve experienced a thousand times. Perhaps—

“Emma?”

Zack’s voice pulls me back. He’s said something and I’ve totally missed it. I try for a smile. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”

He tilts his head to the side and studies me. “Something else is on your mind. Out with it.”

I bite back the urge to deny and deflect and go for the truth. “I don’t want to see anyone get hurt. You or Sarah.”

It’s the truth. But I’m also thinking of more than pack politics. I’m thinking of Demeter. I blow into the container. It gives me a place to focus.

Zack turns sideways in the love seat. “I know how to take care of myself. I was trained by the best. But I also know my limitations, when to walk away, when to get out.” He reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. “I did the right thing leaving South Carolina. I’m glad I did.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” I tell him in a rare moment of candor, even though I know I will, know it’s inevitable.

“You won’t,” he assures me. “Listen, Emma. I get it. You’ve been in a relationship that ended badly—am I right?”

The intuitiveness of his unexpected observation cuts me to the quick. But it also makes me realize I have to stop pretending that
our
relationship can end any way but badly. Our fate’s sealed. Still, I nod, slowly.

“That guy, whoever he was . . . he’s not me. That relationship is not this relationship.”

“I don’t
do
relationships. Not anymore. I’ve been on my own for more years than you can possibly imagine. I’ve grown used to being on my own and—”

Zack cuts me off. “Isn’t it the guy the one who’s supposed to be commitment-phobic?”

He looks amused. He has no idea how serious this is and I have no idea how to explain it without placing him further in harm’s way. His statement about knowing when to walk away doesn’t reassure me. Zack Armstrong is not the kind of man who backs down when the stakes are high. He’s a lover
and
a fighter.

I don’t want to have this conversation. I want to get lost in Zack. I want him to explore my body with his mouth, to fuck me fiercely, to bring me to the edge of blissful oblivion, to that place where there’s no need for penance and no fear of punishment. Where I don’t have to come to terms with how selfish and reckless I’m being for just a few more hours of happiness. I blink back tears.

Zack’s brow furrows. “I understand your hesitation. I can’t blame you. I’m a man with a dangerous past. I have a lot of regrets. I’ve made mistakes. So many that I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be able to make up for them. Maybe we should go back to pretending, play it safe. Is that what you want?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. He reaches out and cups my face in the palm of his hand. “I just don’t think I can. I don’t want to. This thing that’s building between us, I want to see it through. Don’t you?”

I kiss the inside palm of his hand. “More than anything.” I’m speaking purely from my heart because the decision’s been made. It’s as if the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders. Demeter can’t—won’t—deny me these last moments of pleasure. “Make love to me.”

Zack leans over me and covers my mouth with his, drinking me in and enveloping me in his arms. The kiss is leisurely. He takes his time and I savor every second, letting the passion build until my heart is pounding.

He pulls back. “Say please,” he murmurs, his tone light, teasing.

A Siren never begs. I can have any man at any time. I’ve conquered kings, seduced holy men and rakes, driven the famous and infamous to desperation with want. I’ve fallen in lust and I’ve fallen in love. But I’ve always been in control.

I swing one long leg across Zack’s lap. Rising onto my knees, I straddle his hips and slowly unbutton the shirt I’m wearing. His erection grows under me and I wantonly begin to ride it. Seeing the desire build in his eyes emboldens me, giving me the confidence to try something I’d never done before.

“Please, Zack. Please—” The rest of my sentence is swallowed in a gasp.

•   •   •

I’m standing in the living room, staring out the patio doors. The ocean looms black and restless under a star-filled sky. The pounding of the waves crashes down on me, as relentless as my eternal despair.

Zack is right, this case may not have gone the way we anticipated, but Amy, Isabella, and the others are home safe. That counts for something, but not enough.

“Will it ever be enough?” The sound of my voice is swallowed by the wind. But I know she hears it. She hears everything. I don’t expect an answer. Nothing has changed; I feel it to the core of my very being. The words Demeter uttered thousands of years ago hold the same power over me today as they did then.

“You will live as mortal, but love will be denied to you, and you will rescue girls until I, Demeter, think you have done your penance. I will be watching. Always watching. Cross me, your lovers will die, and your penance will increase tenfold. All because you didn’t save my daughter.”

Her words, crushing, brutal, echo in my head. I feel empty. I’m so immersed in my unhappiness I don’t know Zack has come up behind me until I feel his arms slip around my waist. I want nothing more than to turn around, bury my face in his chest and remain forever locked in his embrace.

But that’s not going to happen.

That can’t happen. I’ve already seen to it.

After we’d made love, after Zack drifted off to sleep, I got up, showered, and dressed. I scrubbed out the shower and sink, rinsing away any trace of me, of my scent, of my perfume. Then I raced down to the kitchen to clean the dishes, toss away the empty food containers. As soon as I heard the shower running upstairs, I went back up and stripped the bed, put on fresh sheets. The ones that smell like me are now spinning in the washer.

I’m prepared for questions.

Questions that he’ll soon forget asking.

He nuzzles my neck, sending shivers racing up my spine.

When I don’t move, don’t respond to his touch, Zack puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him.

“Are you all right?” he asks. “You’re dressed. And the bed’s made.” He waves a hand toward the house. “You cleaned up the kitchen. Are you leaving? I was hoping you’d stay.”

I look into his face, press my palms into my thighs to keep from reaching up and pulling it closer, to keep from kissing him. Instead I release a sigh. “I think I’d better be getting home. The week is finally catching up with me.”

His head tilts to the side, his gaze intent. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong? We’re okay?”

“Absolutely,” I say, my voice full of reassurance. “I could sure use a cup of coffee before I go, though. I hope you don’t mind, I made some.”

He smiles, a slow, sweet smile. “Running low on caffeine? Come on. Sit down. I’ll pour you a cup.”

I reach out and take his hand. “Let me get it.”

He takes a seat at the dining room table. I feel his eyes on me while I gather cups, spoons, creamer from the refrigerator, and the sugar bowl. I place them on the table, then make the trek back into the kitchen for the coffeepot. The pot feels unbearably heavy in my hand. I pour the bitter brew into his cup and watch the steam rise and dissipate.

He adds the sugar and cream to his coffee and gives it a stir. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Never been better.” I force a smile, then on impulse, lean in and cover his mouth with mine. The kiss is soft and sweet and takes my breath away. “This is real, isn’t it?”

Zack cups the side of my face in the palm of his hand and traces my lips with the pad of his thumb. “Yes. Are you positive I can’t persuade you to stay?”

The certainty in his voice, the tenderness in his touch makes my heart ache. If I let him persuade me to stay, we’ll both be lost. There is no denying it. I can’t pretend. I’ve fallen in love with Zachary Armstrong. What’s worse, I fear he’s falling in love with me. Liz is right. I need to fix this. I can’t let it continue.

I won’t let it continue.

I wait and watch as he takes a few contented sips of his coffee.

Then, because I can’t bear the thought of watching the transformation, I leave the table and wander back outside.

The moon, although not full, is still high and bright in the sky. The ocean sparkles beneath it. The air smells of salt. Some things never change. Tears sting my eyes, but I stubbornly wipe them away. I did what I had to do.