Cursed Ecstasy (Cursed Series) (11 page)

“There’s something about you, Gretchen, that pulls me to you. I want to be near you and help you. We don’t know one another at all, and I get that, but if you’d give me the chance, I’d like to be your friend.”

His chocolate eyes pull me in, and for a brief moment, I’m stuck in a trance. The look on his face is caring; not too many people have ever looked at me the way he is right now.

Being here in this hospital, I’ve felt so alone. Dault has pushed me away, Linc is hurting, and Steve, I’m sure, is being nice to me because of Linc. I don’t really have anyone here to help me.

There’s no physical or romantic connection to Christian, but something about him wants me to let him in, let him help me and be there for me when maybe no one else will.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch earlier. There’s just a lot on my mind and I’m not one to let others into my world. If you really want to be my friend,” I stop for a brief second and smile, “you’ll have to call me Etty and not Gretchen; it’s what my friends call me.”

A smile spreads across his face and he pulls me into his embrace. He smells like clean laundry and musky cologne. My senses fill with his scent and I let my body melt into my new friend.

“Thank you, Christian.”

“For what?” he asks, pulling me tighter to his warm body.

“Being a friend and coming back here. I guess I needed you more than I realized.”

“I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll allow me; you just have to let me in.”

Stepping away from him, I gaze up into his eyes once again. They’re filled with so much comfort. He returns a sincere look and I know that, somehow, this will all work out. Even if I only have my new stranger to lean on through all of this, I’ll be okay.

“I really want to find Linc and see how Jo is before heading home. After all, if they’re here, I really don’t have much to go home to anyway.”

“I’ve already checked to see where Linc’s room is so we can head on up there if you want. I won’t stay if you don’t need me to; just know that I’m here for you.”

“You have no idea how much I appreciate this, Christian.”

He takes the bag from my hands and reaches his other hand for mine. Escorting me out of the room, he leads me down the hall toward an elevator. Without letting go of me, he pushes the up arrow button and we enter the steel box.

My nerves are beginning to get the best of me and a knot of panic starts to settle into the pit of my stomach. I pull my hand from Christian’s as I feel the clamminess of my palms.

From the corner of my eye I can see him watching me.

“Are you okay?”

Nodding my head, I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Yeah, I’m just nervous to see Linc. I don’t know how he’ll react. He’s been my rock since moving here and I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t want to see me.”

As the doors open, he grabs for my hand and leads me out into the hallway. Stopping just short of the elevator, he turns and backs me against the wall. Tilting my chin up to face him, he stares into my eyes.

“I don’t know how strong your relationship is with Linc or exactly what’s gone down the past few hours. What I
do
know is that you are strong and you give off this impression that people are only out to get you. Talk to him, tell him what happened and how you’re feeling. If he’s as good of a friend as you make him out to be, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

I allow his words to sink in and take a deep breath.
Maybe he’s right. I’ll just talk to Linc and explain exactly what happened.

“Okay,” I reply.

Letting go of my chin, he takes a step back.

“Good, now let’s go see Linc so that you can let go of all this anxiety you’re feeling.”

Taking a step ahead of me, I follow closely behind him while walking through the halls leading to Linc’s room.

Christian stops in front of a closed door and leans up against the wall.

“I’ll be right out here if you need me.”

I give him a half smile and turn the knob.

Walking into the room, I hear the steady beat of the monitors and see my rock lying in his bed.

He’s sleeping and I’d rather not wake him. Pulling a chair up alongside of him I take a seat and wait.

Minutes go by but they feel more like hours. The anticipation of him seeing me in here makes me want to scream. I just want to shake him and have him yell at me. I’m not sure how that will make me feel any better, but it sounds good at the moment.

Adjusting my position in the chair, the wooden leg screeches against the tile floor. My heart skips a beat and my eyes dart to Linc as his eyes open and he turns his head to face me. Linc blinks his eyes a few times and eventually focuses in on me.

The look on my face must be of pure fear.

“Etty, hell, how are you?” he asks in a groggy voice.

My mouth drops open to the floor.
He’s asking about me. Shouldn’t I be the one asking how he’s doing?

He starts to move in his bed and the pain he’s feeling shows on his face. His dark hair is a mess, his deep brown eyes rimmed in red, and worry lines are forming along his forehead and scrunched brow.

“Me? You’re asking about
me
, Linc? I think I should be more concerned with
you
right now.”

“I’m fine, Etty, I just hurt my arm.”

I roll my eyes at him and move to sit on the edge of his bed.

“I’m so sorry about all of this, Linc. I had no idea that Rick would come looking for me. If I knew he would do something like this I never would have stayed with you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

He reaches his left arm to grab on to my hand.

“Look, I get that you’re feeling a bit shitty right now. It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you. Get that out of your head right now. I’m just glad that you’re alright.”

Shaking my head at him, the tears start to run down my face.

“Thank you for being my rock, Linc. I love you like a brother. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you were to push me away. Everything that has happened over the past few hours is a blur to me. I just need to know that you and Jo are okay.”

“I’ll never turn my back on you, Etty. You’re one of my girls and I’ll die protecting you and Jo. Don’t
ever
question that.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief and squeeze his hand.

“There’s so much to sort through. Have you heard anything about Jo yet?”

He pulls his hand from mine and props his arm behind his head.

“The nurse that came in to check on me a little bit ago said that she’s still recuperating from surgery in the ICU. I haven’t heard much more than that. I guess no news is good news…right?”

Wringing my hands in my lap, I look away from him for a second. I know there isn’t much I can do, but I hate that there’s still so much unknown happening right here in front of us.

“Etty, look at me.”

My stare turns from the blank wall to him.

“Not your fault, you got that?”

I nod my head in his direction.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Good, now tell me what the doctors said about your fall. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just a bump to my head—nothing that won’t take care of itself.”

“I doubt that. Don’t be stupid, Etty. You fell down the stairs and your head was bleeding.”

“I’m good, Linc, I promise.”

“Take care of yourself, Etty. I’m sure they won’t let me out of here anytime soon and I can’t watch over you.”

He stops for a second and looks around the room.

“Have you talked to Dault or Steve since you got here?”

Biting down on my lower lip, my nerves start to kick back into full gear.

“I saw them for a bit, but right now Dault has made it perfectly clear that I’m the one to blame here. I don’t know that he’ll ever see past Rick hurting you and Jo. He hates me now more than ever.”

A small laugh escapes his lips and a smile crosses his face.

“Dault doesn’t hate you, Etty. He’s just being the bitch-ass punk he always is when things don’t go his way. Give him some time and he’ll be back to his asshole self in no time. You two have a connection and I know he won’t be able to stay mad at you for long.”

“I don’t know, Linc; he’s
more
than pissed off at me.”

“Forget about him for now; let me deal with him once I’m outta here. He cares about you, Etty, he just has a weird way of showing it. Just worry about you and taking care of that pretty head of yours. Why don’t you go home, get some rest, and relax? Come back here later tonight and we’ll talk some more. Maybe they’ll give me some more details on Jo by then, too.”

“Will you call me if anything changes?”

“Of course. Get out of here so I can get some more sleep. These pain meds have me getting tired again.”

Stepping off of the bed, I lean in and give my Linc a tight hug.

“Thank you, Linc.”

“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

I smile at him and let out a heavy breath before turning my back and leaving the room.

Lost in Thought

There’s so much I want to tell you. I wish you were here to help me through everything. I miss you every day and wish there was a way to bring you back to me.

Since you’ve been gone, pain is all I’ve ever known. I may be strong, but the fight I’ve put up to be the man I am is crushing me.

A man is someone that should be strong. He should hold the weight of the world on his shoulders while supporting the family he loves.

I’m not a man, I’m a coward.

The people that count on me the most are the ones I’ve let fall.

Linc, my brother, needed me and where was I? Oh, that’s right, at a bar, drinking away my sorrows and looking for a quick lay. That’s my life—a worthless piece of shit that no one should depend on.

Jo’s my best friend and the one person that has never judged me for the way I am. I’ve let her down, too. She’s hurting, and again, where was I to keep her safe? She deserves the world and thank god she has Linc to give it to her. I’m nothing but a burden that keeps her up at night worrying if I’ll make it home dead or alive.

Etty is the one woman that my heart was beginning to ache for more and more each time I saw her. She’s the one I felt I could possibly let in and I pushed her away. There’s
nothing more to say other than I don’t deserve the love she wanted to give me…if that’s really what she wanted. I should have given her the world, and instead, I put her through hell and back when she needed me the most.

Mama, I’m sorry. I should have saved you, been a better son, and stayed out of trouble. It’s my fault you’re not here with me. If I was brave I could’ve stopped him and made sure that you would be safe forever, but instead, he took you from me and now I’m left alone.

I want to be a better person—a man that others can fall back on and trust when they are in need.

Her face is all I see; even when I wanted to despise her, she was all I wanted.

The way she felt in my arms, the smell of her soft skin, and the passion we were able to ignite amongst one another, I’ve never felt that before.

Will I be the man she needs?

Will she give me the chance to love her as she should be loved?

Will everyone I need in my life forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made and the pain I’ve caused?

Lost in thought, all I want is to be a better man.

Chapter 13

Two Weeks Later

“Let’s go, shit stain. We need to get out of the shop and to your therapy session,” I shout back to Linc’s office.

I’ve been patiently waiting for him for the past half hour.
What the hell is taking him so long?

Poking his head out of the office, he looks down the hallway to me. “I’m coming. I just need to finish up this last statement and I’ll be out.”

“Dude, whatever, I’m going out for a smoke and you’d better be ready to go when I’m done.”