Daddy Wore Spurs (Mills & Boon Cherish) (Men of the West, Book 32) (15 page)

Mariah continued to study the rueful expression on Linda’s face. “I realize you loved him, too. Like a friend.”

“No. That’s where you’re confused. I loved him like a woman loves a man. And Ray loved me. But all those years we could’ve been together—really together—were wasted. Because he wouldn’t consider marriage. You see, your mother had crushed him in that aspect. He was afraid to try to be a husband again. Afraid to reach for the happiness he so deserved. I don’t want that to happen to you, Mariah. I don’t want the best years of your life to be wasted because of fear or pride or doubts.”

Amazed at Linda’s revelation, Mariah reached over and placed her hand on the woman’s forearm. “I feel like a fool. It never dawned on me that you loved Dad in that way. I never realized that Dad loved you. I always thought you two were just very good friends. Now, I only wish—oh, Linda, you would’ve made him the perfect wife. And Aimee and I needed you—as a mother.” She shook her head with regret. “You’re right. Dad wasted so many years.”

Leaning forward, Linda gently touched her hand to Mariah’s cheeks. “You love Finn. Go to him. Tell him that, if nothing else. Then if it’s meant for you to be together, it will happen.”

Could Linda be right? Could there be a chance that Finn really loved her?

“Me go to him?” she asked dazedly.

Linda gave her a wry smile. “You’re the one who sent him away.”

Go to Nevada and face Finn? What would she tell him? How could she make him understand that all she’d ever wanted was his love? She didn’t know. She only knew she had to try.

Rising to her feet, she wrapped her arms around the other woman. “I love you,” she said thickly.

Linda patted her back. “Ray would be proud of you. And so am I.”

Chapter Twelve

T
wo days later, Finn stood next to his sister as they gazed across an open section of the J Bar J. A few yards away, his herd of mustangs was grazing on the summer grasses that were currently flourishing after a flurry of unexpected rain showers had hit the area.

“The babies are sturdy little things,” Sassy said as one paint colt kicked up his heels and began to run circles around his mother. “Look at that. He thinks he belongs on the racetrack.”

Finn grunted with amusement. The sight of the babies was bittersweet. They were all safely born now. And all growing like weeds. He was proud of his expanding herd. And at one time, he’d believed Mariah had been proud, too. But he’d been wrong about her feelings for the horses. And her feelings for him.

“That guy won’t be going to a track. But he might turn into a nice roping horse.” He glanced at Sassy. “Just bear with me, sis. I promise you’ll have your pasture back soon. Tomorrow I’m going to look at some land east of here. Actually, it’s not far from Grandma and Grandpa Reeves. It might not be exactly what I need, but I’ll know when I see it.”

Sassy wrapped her hands around his upper arm and gave it a hard yank. “I’ve told you over and over, Finn. There’s no hurry. In fact, I’m loving having them here. You wouldn’t want to sell them to me, would you?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “Not hardly. Maybe when I get a big herd I’ll give you a few. How’s that?”

She pressed her cheek against his arm. “I might just take you up on that, brother. But in the meantime, what is Dad saying about this step you’re taking to get a place of your own?”

“He’s coming around. Gramps isn’t happy about it. But he won’t say much. What can he say? I’m thirty-two years old.”

Sassy stepped back and gave him a long, searching look. “Well, I’m glad you’re going on with your plans. But to be honest, you look awful, Finn. In fact, I’ve never seen you looking so drawn and—well, sad. I’m worried about you. And so is Jett.”

Finn grimaced. Since he’d come home from California he’d tried his best to return to normal, to be the same happy-go-lucky guy he’d been before he’d met Mariah and his son. But nothing felt the same. He was a different man now. And though he wanted to believe he’d changed for the better, he actually felt like a gullible fool. He’d let one Montgomery sister seduce him, then he’d turned right around and let the second sister snag a hold of his heart.

“Guess my acting ability needs work. I thought I was putting on a pretty good show of being happy. Not convincing enough, huh?”

Sassy shook her head. “Not even a little.”

Taking her by the arm, he urged her in the direction of the truck. “We’d better get back to the house. Gypsy is going to be pulling her hair out trying to see after three kids.”

Sassy walked a few steps with him, then stopped. “Gypsy could handle five kids if need be. And we’re going to stand right here in the middle of the pasture until you tell me what’s going on. Is it Harry’s aunt? Are you feeling guilty or something about taking Harry from her?”

With a painful groan, Finn looked toward the sky. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen and the sun was hot on his face. Normally this was the kind of day that made him want to jump a fence or sing at the top of his lungs. Instead, he felt as though the heavy weight in his heart would never lift.

“Or something,” he muttered. “I don’t want to talk about her. Or California. Or anything about it. I have Harry now. It’s over and done with.”

His pretty redheaded sister folded her arms against her chest in a stance of defiance. “Too bad if you don’t want to talk. There was a time a few years ago when I didn’t want to talk, either. I was pregnant and afraid—especially afraid that no one in the Calhoun family really wanted me around. And Jett—I couldn’t believe that a man like him might really love me. You forced me to talk about those things, and if you hadn’t—well, I shudder to think that I might have turned my back on this wonderful life I have now.”

His expression softened as he studied her face. Several years ago, no one in the Calhoun family had known Sassy existed. But she’d come here from New Mexico on a hunch. Someone had told her that she looked like Finn and she’d wondered if there was some sort of connection between her and the Calhoun family. The moment he’d first laid eyes on her, Finn had been certain she was his sister, and he’d fought to get the truth revealed.

In doing so, he and Sassy had opened up a dark family secret. Not only had the Calhoun brothers learned that Orin had been unfaithful to their mother, they’d also learned their grandfather Bart had schemed to keep the affair and Sassy’s birth a secret. But time had a way of sweeping things into the past. Orin and Bart had been forgiven and Sassy had become a cherished member of the family.

“That’s true,” Finn admitted. “I did force you to open up and face things that I’m not sure I would’ve been brave enough to face. I even talked you into the DNA test. And if I bullied you a bit, I’m not sorry. I have my sister now.”

“And your sister wants you to be happy. So talk. What is the problem with Mariah?”

Frowning, he turned and stared hollowly at the herd of horses. “She isn’t the problem. I guess I am. I made a fool of myself. I proposed to her—believing that she loved me. She turned me down. And—well, after that she wanted me to leave Stallion Canyon as soon as I could. So I did. I got Harry and my horses and came home.”

“But now this doesn’t feel like home to you anymore. Right?”

Finn turned back to his sister. “How did you know that?”

She smiled slyly. “Because once I met Jett, New Mexico didn’t feel like home anymore to me.”

“You’re too smart, sis,” he said glumly.

Stepping forward, she grabbed up his hand and squeezed it between both of hers. “I’m just a good guesser,” she told him. “And I’m guessing that Mariah does love you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have made an issue of you leaving. Did she give you a reason for turning you down?”

Finn grimaced. “She believes I was after her ranch,” he muttered, then shook his head with frustration. “And maybe I did botch the way I proposed to her. Maybe it was insensitive of me to mention the ranch at all. But it’s where I wanted us to make our home. Was that so wrong?”

Sassy gave his hand a hard tug. “Finn, a woman wants to know that she’s loved just for herself. You need to convince Mariah that you’d be happy to live with her anywhere. You would be, wouldn’t you?”

He nodded soberly. “Nowhere on this earth would make me happy unless she was with me.”

With a big smile, Sassy urged him into a walk. “Then you need to tell her that. And I don’t mean pick up the phone and call her. You need to take her into your arms and show her.”

He cast her a doubtful glance. “Do you think she’ll listen?”

Sassy chuckled softly. “I’d be willing to bet twelve of my new calves against your mustangs that she’ll listen.”

Finn suddenly urged her into a faster walk back to the truck. “Come on, slowpoke. I’ve got to get to the Horn and start making arrangements to drive back to Alturas.”

Laughing, Sassy turned loose of his hand and started trotting the last few yards to the waiting pickup truck. “Thank God I have my brother back!”

* * *

Back on the Silver Horn, after Finn turned Harry over to Tessa, he hurried down to the horse barn to discuss his schedule with Colley, the Horn’s head horse trainer and Finn’s right-hand man.

As the two men stood outside the open doorway of Finn’s office, Finn informed the rugged cowboy of his plans. “I’m not certain how long I’ll be gone. Maybe just a day. Or it might be several. Either way I’ll make sure Rafe and Dad keep in close touch with you.”

“Don’t worry about anything, Finn. We’ll be working on the yearlings for the next few days. And Rafe wants us to rotate the remuda to another pasture. So we’ll be doing that, too.”

“Sounds good,” Finn told him. “I’ll see you when—”

Finn broke off as a flash of movement at the opposite end of the barn caught the corner of his eye. Glancing down the wide alleyway, he peered through the dim, dusty light. Beyond a stable hand pushing a wheelbarrow full of dirty shavings, a woman was walking in their direction. And she looked incredibly like Mariah.

“What’s the matter?” Colley turned his head to follow Finn’s stare. “Oh. Is she here to buy horses?”

For a moment, Finn wasn’t sure he was going to be able to answer Colley’s question. His throat had gone so tight he could scarcely breathe.

“Uh, no. That’s Harry’s aunt.” He jerked his gaze back to the cowboy. “Would you excuse me, Colley? I’ll talk to you later.”

The man gave Mariah one last curious glance. “Sure, Finn. I’ll be out with the yearlings.”

Colley walked away while Finn stood where he was, watching in disbelief as Mariah came to a stop a few feet in front of him. She was wearing a white cotton sundress with pink and yellow flowers splashed over the full skirt. A pink silk scarf had been twisted into a tight cord and wrapped around her black hair to keep it off her face. She was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen in his life, and he suddenly prayed for the right words to come to him.

“Hello, Finn. I just came from the house. Tessa told me I could probably find you here at the barn. Am I interrupting anything?”

Only his whole life, he thought.

“No. That was my assistant. I’ll finish my conversation with him later.” He stepped toward her and his heart was suddenly pounding so hard he could hear a whooshing noise in his ears. “You must be here to see Harry. He’s going to be happy to see you.”

She moved closer and Finn folded his hands into fists to keep from reaching out and grabbing her. She looked so incredibly soft and womanly. And the sweet scent drifting from her called up all sorts of evocative memories.

“I do want to see Harry. But that’s not why I came here today,” she said.

Doubts and uncertainties were practically paralyzing him. His brain felt frozen, and even if the barn suddenly caught fire, he doubted he could move a muscle.

“Why are you here?” he finally managed to ask.

“You.”

She’d spoken the word so lowly that he barely heard it. But it was enough to send a thrill of hope rushing through him. Or was he getting way ahead of himself? Maybe she was here to tell him she wanted partial custody of Harry? But that didn’t make sense. Not when she’d always insisted Harry needed to be with his father.

He gestured toward the open doorway behind him, all the while aware that two young grooms leading a pair of yearlings down the alleyway had stopped to stare at Mariah. It wasn’t unusual for women to visit the horse barn. The Silver Horn probably sold more horses to women than men. But Mariah was different from those women. Seeing her in this dusty barn was like spotting a violet in the middle of a prickly pear patch.

“My office is right here,” he told her. “We can talk in private.”

She moved past him and stepped into the room. Finn followed right behind her and was amazed to find that his legs were trembling as though he’d just run several miles at a torrid pace.

“How did you get here? Drive?” he asked.

“Yes. I left early this morning,” she said as he carefully shut the door behind him. “I’m sorry about showing up without warning. I started to call. But I was afraid you might tell me not to come.”

He walked over to his desk and rested a hip on one corner. She continued to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room and Finn could only wonder how she would react if he closed the short distance between them and pulled her into his arms. Would she remind him that their lovemaking had ended back at Stallion Canyon?

“Why would you think I’d do that?” he asked.

She made a helpless gesture with her hands. “We—uh—didn’t exactly part on pleasant terms.”

He swallowed as his mind was suddenly consumed with the pain he’d endured these past weeks. Losing her had turned his skies gray. He wanted to see the sun again. He wanted to believe that the magic they’d shared on Stallion Canyon had never died.

“No. There was nothing pleasant about leaving you or Stallion Canyon,” he confessed. “So what are you going to say now? That I’m still after your ranch?”

“If I truly believed that I wouldn’t be here.”

His gaze locked with hers and before he knew it, he was crossing the small space between them and wrapping his hands around her shoulders.

“I don’t know why you’re here, Mariah,” he said hoarsely. “But I have to tell you—”

“Wait, Finn!” She touched her fingertips to his cheek. “Before you say anything, I have to tell you—I’m here because I love you. I should’ve told you that from the very beginning. But I was mixed up and so afraid.”

“Afraid? Oh, Mariah, there wasn’t any reason for you to be afraid. Not of me.”

Her head moved back and forth as tears began to fill her eyes. “It wasn’t you, Finn. I was doubting myself. When you told me you loved me—that you wanted for us to get married—I couldn’t believe it. You see, I’ve always thought of myself as the forgotten daughter—the second-best sister. Compared to Aimee I was the quiet wallflower who rarely got noticed.”

He gave her shoulders a gentle shake. “That’s ridiculous, Mariah. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman with so much to offer. I’m sure there have been plenty of guys who’d give their eyeteeth to date you.”

Her gaze slipped to the middle of his chest and Finn could suddenly see the raw vulnerability on her features. The sight made his heart ache, made him want to wrap her in a tight hold and shield her from every hurtful thing in the world.

“A few,” she said quietly. “But once they met Aimee I was usually forgotten.”

“That’s hard for me to believe.”

“I imagined it would be. That’s why I never said anything. But now I have to tell you how things were back then. So that maybe you’ll understand.”

“Tell me what?” he urged.

She sighed. “The reason why my engagement ended all those years ago. You see, when I met Kris during my college studies, I thought he was different. When he proposed and gave me a beautiful engagement ring, I thought finally someone loved me just for being me.”

“But something happened.”