Damaged and the Saint (16 page)

Harlow couldn’t stop looking at me. I loved when the world disappeared until I was all she could see. Made me feel like a fucking superstar. Better than the applause of a thousand badasses, thinking I was damn unstoppable. Harlow made me the man I craved to be. The man I thought I lost in Mexico.

We sat on the back porch for nearly an hour. Holding Harlow against me, I studied her features. Only days apart, I’d missed her in a way that scared me. I felt like an infant reliant on his mother for all his needs. I craved Harlow in a million ways. Her eyes hypnotized me much like the passing clouds did when I was a kid. I could stare at her forever. God willing, I would.

“You look tired,” I said, sounding exhausted myself.

“I didn’t sleep without you.”

“I guess I’m your dreamcatcher as much as you’re mine.”

Harlow’s smile relaxed me until I couldn’t stop yawning.

“We could take a nap,” Harlow said, nuzzling my throat. “I want you to stay for dinner, but my mom won’t be home for hours. The house is quiet and Jace usually naps during the day since he has trouble sleeping in the dark. Are you hungry?”

“Nope. Grabbed food on the drive. You haven’t eaten though.”

“I’m not hungry,” she said, standing up. “Let me show you my room.”

I took her hand and followed her to the house, past the couch where Jace dozed, and down the hallway to her bedroom. The walls were a pale blue and family pictures covered each one. A hanging shelf was filled with more pictures and a Big Bird doll.

Harlow noticed me eyeing her doll. “My shrink gave it to me when I got to Ellsberg. It’s a focal point. When I’d freak out, she told me to focus on the doll and not what was upsetting me.”

“Did it work?”

“Not really. Winnie’s doll helped her more, but I keep Big Bird to remember how much I’ve grown.”

I said nothing, only nodding and studying the room. I ran my hand over the comforter on the bed she slept in every night for years. Checked out the too small closet with her clothes jutting out along with a dresser with drawers half open. The room reminded me of everything I loved about Harlow. She was messy in her organized way. She liked earth colors and surrounded herself with reminders of those who loved her.

Harlow closed the bedroom door except for a crack. She turned to me with tired eyes and forced a smile.

“When Winnie and Dylan stayed overnight last month, they had to keep the door open a little. The house rule is the only people who get lucky here are Mom and Dad.”

I smiled softly. “No doubt my parents will have a similar rule when we visit.”

Harlow’s eyes lit up at the mention of meeting my family. She still expected me to bail on her. I didn't know what needed to happen to gain her trust. All I knew was I needed this woman.

My hands were in her hair before I realized I’d moved. Harlow flinched, yet softened when my lips met hers.

“I missed you,” I murmured, shuffling her back until we reached the bed. “The world is fucking cold away from you.”

Harlow didn’t speak. My hunger frightened her. She was even trembling while her hands slid under my shirt.

“I’m not leaving this town unless you come with me.”

“Okay,” she whispered against my lips. “I felt like I was falling apart when you were gone. Food tasted like shit. Everyone got on my nerves. I’m obsessed.”

“I missed you,” I said again, unable to think of the right words

Harlow nodded, but she didn’t truly understand my desperation. “I can’t go back to the way I was,” I stammered. “I never realized how much weight I felt on my shoulders. How much tension I held in my body. I worked out so much to get rid of that feeling. With you, I can relax. I can breathe. Do you understand?”

“You love me,” she said softly.

“It’s more than that. Men can fall in and out of love. It’s like the flu, burning hot in the beginning then tapering off. Love can end, but my need for you isn't temporary. You're my salvation. I can’t exist away from you.”

I was dumping a whole lot of desperation on a fragile nineteen-year-old woman. Though tough on the outside, still assumed bad things would happen. Around every corner was the ugliness she left behind. This was why she expected me to find someone better. I was too good to last. I felt the same way about her.

Relaxing on the bed, Harlow let my words sink in. She pulled a comforter over us before cuddling against me.

“How long do you think you’ll stay in Ellsberg?” she asked.

“As long as you’re here. I told you that.”

“What I mean is how long before you’ll get restless staying here?”

I studied her face and understood the question behind her question. “I’m on vacation, so there’s no hurry.”

“Where will we go afterwards?”

“I'm planning on starting a security company in Texas. Houston is a big city and we’d blend in.”

Harlow could barely keep her eyes open. “What will I do? Answer the phones?”

“If you want to. Or you can sit on your ass back at home. Or become a veterinarian. I don’t care what you do as long as you’re happy. In Texas, I'll keep teaching you everything I know about killing and hiding and reading situations. I’m not done training you, grasshopper.”

Harlow smiled and her eyelids closed. “You came back.”

“Yeah, I broke a few speed limits too.”

Harlow’s smile widened. I felt her dozing off, exhausted after worrying and waiting for me. The last few days wiped me out too and I didn’t take long to follow Harlow into sleep.

I dreamed of the prison and the night I chose to take a life rather than lose my own. The stench of urine, blood, and filth filled my nostrils.  I baked in the never-ending heat inside the prison walls. The dream felt so real, yet I knew the suffering was in my past.

Harlow was my anchor. Even in the dream, I felt her wrapped in my arms. She soothed away the pain from my memories. I awoke to find one of her legs tossed over mine. Smiling at her relaxed sleep, I dozed off again.

The next time I woke up, Harlow was still wrapped in my arms, yet awake and studying me.

“You frown so much when you sleep,” she mumbled, still groggy. “You don’t know how beautiful you look when you frown.”

I glanced at the clock and realized we’d napped half the day. Quiet voices from the living room told me Winnie, Dylan, and Toni had arrived. The time had come to play boyfriend.

I rolled over and braced myself over Harlow whose eyes widened in surprise. My lips found hers then quickly pulled away when I remembered the door was open. Leaning down a bit more, I kissed her throat.

“Rafael,” I whispered in her ear.

Climbing off the bed, I took her hand and pulled her up. Harlow stared at me, unsure then her eyes brightened.

“I prefer Bob,” she teased, hurrying past me.

I still managed to snag her before she disappeared out of the door. “I should have told you before I left. I thought to do it, but I’ve spent too long hiding from people. I ended up chickening out.”

“Wuss.”

Pressing her back against me, I wished our evening could be us alone at the hotel. Instead, I held her tightly until the time came to follow Harlow into the living room.

The Holiday Inn Express was a ten minutes drive from my house. The air conditioning in the room ran on high, feeling great on my sweaty skin. I turned to Rafael who tossed his keys on the dresser then gave me the once over.

“What should we do first?” he asked, handing me a loaded question.

“Before we get too comfy, I’d like to clean up.”

His dark eyes dissected me, sizing up my comfort level before speaking.

“Lots of clean towels,” was the response he figured I could handle hearing.

Walking past him, I shut the door behind me without thinking. I let the water warm up while I stripped down and considered my next step.

I loved Rafael. I wanted to be close to him. When I thought he wouldn’t return, I could barely function. Yet I felt nervous now.

I soaped up my pits and nether regions, making sure to smell fresh. No matter my nerves, I planed to push myself to get closer to Rafael. He understood me. Hell, he looked ready to pounce the moment we entered the hotel, but kept his hands in neutral. If he could control himself for me, I needed to control my fear. No more thinking like the Harlow who Vaughn saved years ago.

Emerging from the bathroom, I wore only panties. A towel covered my breasts as I walked past him and sat on the bed.

“Your turn, Sweaty Beast.”

Rafael inhaled deeply then lifted an eyebrow. “Good thing we took a nap. I suspect we’ll need our energy tonight.”

“No fucking,” I blurted out. “Sorry.”

Standing up, he just smiled. “So many other ways to play.”

Rafael didn’t shut the door while he showered. I could have checked out the view. Yet I could barely keep my nerves under control without adding his naked ass to the mix.

I waited for him in the chair, covering myself with the towel. He appeared from the shower in only a pair of black boxers. His damp skin shined and I ached with an urge to touch him. No matter my lust, I remained where I was and pulled my towel tighter around me.

“Why do you get so nervous?” he asked, tugging me to my feet. “I know you. What I don’t know, you need to teach me.”

“I want to be close. I just panic when I think too much.”

“With you, I never think. If I did, I wouldn’t have moved you into my place the day we met.”

“I had you hooked from day one,” I said, trying to sound confident.

Rafael smiled then gently tugged the towel away and tossed it on the ground.

“You hide these pretty ladies in the sports bras you wear. I had no idea they were such a handful until you showed up for the hot tub wearing your green swimsuit.”

Leaning into his hands, I sighed. “I don’t want people thinking of me as the boob girl.”

Rafael said nothing, giving me one of those patient grins of a man who’d been around longer than I had.

“Don’t,” I muttered, frowning at his smile.

“You are so young.”

Before I opened my mouth to complain, he knelt in front of me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“You remember me, don't you?” he teased, talking to my breasts rather than me. “You feel neglected.”

Even wanting to say something, I only sighed when he nibbled at the tender skin under my breasts. Lust broke through my anxiety, making me smile. Rafael continued to explore. His sexy lips sucked and teeth nipped at the sensitive flesh.

By the time his tongue slid back and forth over my nipple, I could barely stand. My hands snug in his hair, I had no intention of letting him stop though.

Rafael lifted me as he stood up and walked to the bed.

“I talked to Vaughn,” I gasped as he rested against the headboard with me straddling him.

Rafael focused on my throat. “Don't talk about other guys.”

I forced him to look at me. “He said we could stay at his cabin. It’s private, so you’d feel comfortable about sharing private stuff. I’d also feel comfortable letting you strip down and stretch out.”

His sly grin made me squirm. Rafael groaned when my hips pressed down against his. Feeling powerful and sexy, I grinned.

“Poor, Rafael,” I whispered, kissing him softly before biting at his lower lip. “You like me.”

Kissing me hard, he caressed my hips and lifted me off him.

I sat next to him awkwardly covering my breasts. “What’s wrong?” I asked, thinking my teasing pissed him off.

He reached out and caressed my cheek. “Do you want to touch my cock?”

I hesitated. “Do you mean Rafael’s cock?” I asked and grinned. “Or should I call it Bob’s cock?”

Saint grinned. “I really don't care what you call me, baby. I just want you to touch me like no other man existed before.”

Leaning forward, I licked his lips. My hand rested inside his as he guiding me past his boxers. Hard and hot, his cock twitched against my fingers.

“Rafael’s cock likes me,” I said, my voice betraying my fear.

His smile widened. “I can’t come until I watch you do it.”

Before I spoke, the fingers of his right hand slid under my panties to my moist pussy.

“Trust,” he whispered.

Relaxing my hips, I focused on his dark hungry eyes. He pressed one finger inside me then a second one as I moved rhythmically against his hand. His left hand guided mine over his cock, stroking him.

“Trust,” I whispered.

His knuckle stroking my clit, Saint worked me slowly towards an orgasm. I did the same for him with my hand. Already so thick, his cock grew harder and bigger in my hand.

“I love you, Rafael.”

“Show me.”

At the command of his voice, I moved my hips faster against his fingers, wanting to come for him. My free hand moved from his chest to mine, stroking my nipple.

“Yes,” he whispered.

Rolling my hard nipple to the same rhythm I used on his cock, I worked us both closer to release.

“I love the feel of you inside me,” I gasped, letting go of my nipple and leaning forward to kiss him.

I held onto his chest, our lips sucking hard at each other. His fingers moved faster inside me, following the frenzied movements of my hips. I was so close. I pressed my cheek against his and let go as the pleasure overwhelmed me.

Gasping and pressing down on his hand, I nearly forgot I was stroking his cock. I only felt the waves of bliss. Catching my breath, I rested my face against his shoulder.

“I love when you come,” he moaned, licking his fingers.

Still resting against him, I stroked his cock faster. Cum leaked down my hand and I felt him holding his breath as the hunger built. Rafael wouldn't let go until I leaned forward and licked the head of his cock.

“Damn,” he groaned, unable to control himself any longer.

I stroked every bit of cum out of him, licking drops away until he was soft in my hand.

“How soon can we get to this cabin?” he said as I crawled into his arms.

“Tomorrow is Vaughn’s grilling at his house and I’m supposed to go. I’ll get the keys then.”

“This town is obsessed with grilling,” he teased.

I didn’t respond immediately, too interested in his fingers tugging at my nipple.

“Tomorrow,” I finally whispered. “Can you wait that long? Should we even wait that long?”

“I want private and hotels aren’t really private. I scanned the room for listening devices, rented out the rooms next doors and across the hall, so no one can bother me. I still feel exposed, but I’m a paranoid guy.”

“Paranoia has kept you alive and that’s all that matters.”

“Let’s play more,” he said, adjusting me back on the bed. “I need more than a taste of that pussy. I know how much she missed me, but does she know how much I missed her?”

Grinning, I wiggled my hips as he tugged off my panties. Playing was fun, but soon we needed to take the leap and make things real. No more thinking of Playboy, Devils, and my past. Rafael was mine and I wanted him to claim me.