Dan Sharp Mysteries 4-Book Bundle (24 page)

Dan sat rigid. “You’re welcome to request another investigator at any time, Mrs. Philips. Just as I’m free to pass the file along to somebody else.”

“I don’t like being told off,” she said icily.

“Neither do I. But I probably know more about finding missing teenagers than anybody else in this town. I’ve already made some progress on Richard’s case and I may make some more. If I do, I’ll let you know what I turn up.”

“You do that, buster.” She stood and walked out of the office.

Scary,
Dan thought, wondering what reasonable chance any kid with those parents would have to grow up to be anything other than fucked up.

Sally opened his door and peeked in. “Are they gone?”

“It’s safe.”

“Thank goddess!”

“What were you saying about people not being colourful anymore?”

“Sometimes white trash is too colourful.” She slapped something down on his desk. “Sorry to spoil your afternoon, but the fun’s over,” she said.

Dan saw the name Daniella Ballancourt in capital letters. He opened the file. Her death was no longer being considered suspicious. The coroner had determined the bump on her head was caused during her fall from the boat. The skin around it contained traces of paint consistent with samples taken from a lifeboat strapped directly below the upper deck where she was believed to have fallen. More importantly, a couple had come forward and testified they’d observed Daniella alone on deck moments before she disappeared. She’d been bent over the rail, vomiting. When asked if she needed help, she’d turned them away. The account had been given by a respected judge and his wife. Dan recalled the older couple who’d seemed annoyed by the fright they’d had. He thought they’d said they were on the lower deck when she fell, but perhaps that was another couple. He was on the phone with Saylor again.

“It just showed up on my desk, too,” Saylor said. “Damn!”

“Why did it take so long for them to come forward?” Dan asked.

“I’ve got the inside scoop on that. From what I heard, they didn’t want to be associated with the whole event, from the gay wedding right on down.”

“Then what were they doing there in the first place?”

“They were Lucille Killingworth’s business associates. Apparently she pressured half the Canadian establishment into going to the wedding.”

“I heard that, too.”

“Anyway, it looks like the case is closed. I guess that’s that.”

“So it would seem,” Dan said. He paused. “Did you bring up the fact that Lucille Killingworth had paid for the girl’s abortion?”

There was a hum on the line. “I did,” Saylor said. “It wasn’t well-received. Everyone here was eager to accept the verdict of accidental death. Say no more.”

“Seems odd,” Dan said.

“That’s what I thought.” Saylor seemed anxious to be off the phone. “Well, better luck next time. If you’re out this way, drop in and see me.”

“Will do.”

For once, Dan was on time to pick Ked up. His friend the “ruffian” was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps they’d had a falling out, though Ked didn’t really fight with other kids. Maybe he’d decided the boy wasn’t friendship material. Probably better than finding out the hard way. They made it home without hitting any traffic snarls. No annoying neighbours or dog turds on the step. The universe had stopped targeting him with booby traps. Dan was a little surprised, but grateful nonetheless. He plucked a bundle of mail from the box as he entered. Bills, flyers, restaurant menus, lists of services available, items for sale, requests for donations to build a water filtration plant in Namibia, feed the hungry in Libya, stop the proliferation of landmines, and put an end to the seal hunt. A thousand plans for saving the world. None asking whether it was worth saving.

An envelope caught his eye — parchment yellow, good quality paper. He flipped it over and caught the name: L. Killingworth. Surely it wasn’t a thank-you note for his presence at the wedding. He opened it and a cheque for $10,000 dropped into his hands. On the memo line were the words “For services rendered” next to Lucille Killingworth’s signature.

He carried the envelope and cheque upstairs to his office and laid them on his desk. His first instinct was to call Bill, but he knew there’d be no response. He picked up the cheque and dialled the number under the address. To his surprise, Lucille answered. Her voice remained unchanged when he identified himself. Dan thanked her for the cheque and explained that he wouldn’t be able to accept it.

Her voice expressed concern, with a tone of annoyance shaded in. “But you did some valuable work for me — important work. I simply wished to express my gratitude for your loyalty to my family.”

“Actually, Lucille, I never considered it work. As for loyalty, I simply did a favour on Bill’s behalf.”

“Yes, I understand that.”

“I can’t accept it. It would look bad.”

“Nevertheless, I am grateful,” she said with quiet insistence.

“And I accept your gratitude,” Dan said. “But there’s no need to pay me for what I did.”

“Well, then I guess I will have to respect your wishes,” Lucille replied with reluctance. “Though it seems silly you won’t accept it.” She gave pause. “What about a charity? I could donate it to some cause of your choice.”

“Thank you — it’s not necessary. I’m happy to know the case turned out all right.”

“Yes, it has, hasn’t it?”

And all so very neatly,
Dan thought. He wondered for a moment if the judge and his wife had received a cheque in nice yellow parchment paper as well. “I’m just wondering, though….”

“Yes?”

“When we spoke the other day, I told you Daniella was pregnant.”

“Yes. A dreadful thing.”

“You seemed surprised.”

“I was — shocked.”

“But you didn’t mention you’d paid for her to have an abortion.” The pause was long enough. “So I take it your shock was actually on learning that she was
still
pregnant.”

The voice remained unchanged. Dan admired her cool. “It was between me and the girl. It had nothing to do with what happened afterwards.”

“How did you learn she was pregnant? Did she come to you for help?”

“A woman knows these things.” There was another slight pause, and Dan wondered if she was considering calling “Larry” again. “I think I had best not say any more,” she said with hostess perfection, the unassailable “thank you for your kindness” to someone whose name meant not the slightest thing to her. Though the voice remained unchanged, the tone of conversation had altered imperceptibly. “Thank you again, you’ve been most helpful.”

Yes, I’m sure I have,
Dan thought, as the call clicked to a close.
Though I’m still not sure what purpose I just served
.

He and Ked ate supper together. Afterwards, they watched some mindless TV about a Chicken Man that Ked seemed to comprehend far better than Dan did. Ked walked Ralph and went to bed. Dan was still putting away the dishes and mulling over his conversation with Lucille Killingworth when the phone rang. Bill’s home number showed on the display. He grabbed it.

“It’s Bill,” came the edgy voice.

“Nice to hear from you,” Dan said. “I was hoping you’d be in touch earlier.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I gather you’ve heard the news about Daniella. They’ve decided it was an accident.”

“Yes, thankfully. Look — I’m not calling to chitchat. I’m calling to say that I know what happened between you and Sebastiano on the boat. He claims you initiated it and that you practically raped him.” Bill went on before Dan could speak, his voice hard. “You’re a bloody hypocrite, you know. How many times did you tell me you don’t bareback, but then you practically rape this boy?”

Dan was stunned. “I….”

“Anyway, I have no interest in ever seeing you again. You can go back to the gutter where I found you.”

Dan found his voice. “Where we met was Woody’s. And you were the one in the gutter that night.” He expected Bill to hang up, but the silence hung on between them. “I can’t believe you’re jealous after what’s been going on between you and Thom.”

“Don’t try to turn this around!” Bill shouted. “Thom is my closest friend!”

“Far more than a friend, from the sounds of it.”

“You don’t even know Sebastiano!” Bill sounded nearly hysterical.

“Let me get this straight — you’re saying it’s all right for you to fuck Thom on his wedding night because you’re his friend, but it’s not all right for me to fuck Sebastiano because I’d just met him?”

The question was met with silence.

“Bill?”

“I’m hanging up,” Bill said.

And he did.

Dan smashed the receiver down. “Fucking hell!” He picked up the receiver and smashed it down again. “You cowardly fucking prick!”

He listened for stirring sounds from Ked’s bedroom. He unclenched his fists and tried a breathing exercise —
in
-two-three-four,
hold
-six-seven-eight — one that Martin had recommended. It didn’t help. Dan doubted whether Martin had ever felt true rage in his life.

He went over all the things he should have said to Bill, going back to the night they’d met when Bill insulted Dan’s neighbourhood and later asked Dan to have unsafe sex with him. What Dan should have said was,
Get lost, you loser!
Why hadn’t he? Because Bill had been nice to him. Because Bill had accepted him and his sordid background and his cheap little world and his awkward ugliness, and let him drive his expensive car and make love to him in his tasteful townhouse and dirty his expensive satin sheets. Because he, Dan, was the real loser for taking whatever he was handed instead of demanding better. And because deep inside Dan knew he was to blame for this, just as he’d been to blame for his mother’s death and his father’s drinking. It was his fault — every loss and degradation he’d suffered, beginning with his mother’s demise and his father’s disgust with his only son.

Thinking of his father made him want a drink. He poured a Scotch and waited till the warmth in his gut muddled his affections. He began to feel bad for everyone — not just himself, but for Daniella and Sebastiano, whose quest for a new life had failed utterly, for Thom and Lucille, whose world had been rocked by the tragedy, and even for Bill, who he missed already despite everything, and for his best friend Donny who’d been forced to make Dan face reality. Which he now saw was something Donny had never wanted to do.

By the second drink Dan was thinking of Bob Greene, remembering the stability they’d had during those three short years in Leaside. Was that all the happiness you were allotted in life? As strange and ill-fitting as the relationship had been, the love was real. In fact, it was one of the best things that ever happened to him. At the time, he hadn’t realized he’d lucked into an archetypal gay relationship: the patient older man and the confused unlovable kid who needed to belong. He had been happy with Bob, but he couldn’t bring to mind now the last time he’d felt anything remotely like happiness.

He picked up the bottle and peered through it. The world appeared more pleasant coloured by the amber liquor. One more drink, he knew, and the cynicism would creep in beside the self-pity. He wouldn’t be thinking of the love that had worked between him and Bob, but of the older man with money and the kid with the sizeable cock. So why not skip the drink and go straight for oblivion? Go right from the Sermon on the Mount to the Crucifixion. The way he ruined everything by going too far.

For a fleeting second, he saw the repulsed faces of the men and women he’d asked for spare change on his arrival in Toronto. Their expressions had said it all. They’d known him for what he was: a piece of shit who got nothing because he deserved nothing, and never would. That was why bleakness had followed him all the days of his life. Except for Kedrick.

Except for Ked.

This thought radiated against the darkness and lifted him up. He remembered the first time he’d been handed the bundle of warmth wrapped in blankets and looked down at his son’s wrinkly red features. The tiny miracle he’d participated in. All the things he and Ked shared that belonged to no one else: comforting words whispered in the dark before bed, hands held climbing stairs, moments of anticipation and worry as Dan watched him grow and learn. He recalled the first time his son had asked his advice and the wondrous trust creeping across Ked’s face as Dan helped solve his problem. The glow he’d felt knowing his son looked up to him. All the good that had been and would always be. So who had judged it otherwise, and why? Dan had, of course. Whatever others said about him or did to him, it was he who’d accepted it. No one had made him what he was but himself.

The phone rang and his heart zigzagged. It would be Bill calling to apologize, to say he loved Dan, always had, and just wanted to talk things out. Dan picked up and listened to the mechanical whir of a line being transferred. Only an 800 number. He hung up before some desperate telemarketer came on the line.

He walked to the door and fingered his jacket. He could go over to Bill’s and try to talk to him. But what was the sense? Bill might change his mind tomorrow, but Dan wouldn’t be able to push him into anything tonight. He stood there fighting the feeling. Wanting to give in, but not give in. He was doing exactly what he’d done as a kid when anything upset or troubled him. Holding it in and pushing it down till he’d conquered his feelings. Till they no longer scared him, a dangerous reef lying blackly below the surface of the water, the boat’s vulnerable bottom skimming only inches above.

He breathed out, pushing hard against his diaphragm to empty everything. He wanted to shrink, get smaller and smaller, till he disappeared. He stood in the hallway, looking from his coat to the door. His eyes fixed on a wall calendar, a bucolic scene in a country lane with children and chickens and a nurturing mother watching over her brood. It had always seemed full of life’s complex mysteries, promising all that and more every time he looked at it. But now it had changed. Now it was just a picture in the same way his coat was just a coat and the door just a door. Empty. In some way he couldn’t define, things had lost their meaning, their substance slipping away without his recognizing it. He stood there among the lifeless objects and realized they were just that: lifeless.