Dance (28 page)

With
that settled, they fell into silence for a while, drinking their coffees and
eating their muffins. Jared was surprised to find that the silence was not at
all uncomfortable, on the contrary.

“You
said you watched the Tony Awards,” Fenix said after a while. “Did you like my
speech?” He looked at Jared cheekily, trying to make light of the subject.

“No,
I didn’t.” Jared said honestly.

“It
was for you,” Fenix met Jared’s eyes head on.

“You
looked so unhappy, Fen,” Jared said, not flinching away from Fenix’s piercing
gaze. “And when you called me after that you sounded so miserable that I
honestly thought you were going to do something stupid. I freaked out, found
your number, and when you refused to take my calls, I was on the verge of
jumping on a plane to come and get you. Thank god I talked to Cathleen. She
said you had called to arrange a meeting and you sounded OK.”

Fenix
looked away then, but Jared managed to catch the shame that crossed his face.

“Fenix,”
Jared said gently. Fenix looked at him reluctantly. “I’m sorry about what
happened in the dressing room yesterday. I should have controlled myself better.
But seeing you...”

“Don’t
apologise,” Fenix interrupted, placing his hand over Jared’s again. “I’m not
sorry.”

Jared
shook his head and closed his eyes but didn't remove his hand from the table.
He’d lied. He wasn’t sorry either.

“I
don’t know what you want from me, Fenix.
From
us
.
Why did you come back? I
thought Broadway was your dream. Why did you give it up? I know
Poison
missed out on the Tony and was
probably kicked out of the
Osbert
theatre, but I bet
you could have found a job anywhere you wanted.” Jared stopped talking because
Fenix started shaking his head in denial.

“
Poison
wasn’t kicked out. All I had to
do was sign the contract and we would have had another season on Broadway,”
Fenix said, and then paused, staring at Jared with conflicted eyes.

“But?”
Jared prompted.

“But
I wanted to come back home.”

Jared
was confused – New York was Fenix’s home. He’d been born and raised there.

Wait.
Did he mean what Jared thought he meant?

The
realisation must have shown on his face because Fenix laced their fingers
together before speaking.

“Yes.
Home.
Here, in London.
With you.
I came back for you.”

Jared’s
head started spinning. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, what that
meant.

“How?”
was all he managed to
say.

“I
bullied the producers into moving the musical back to Queen Victoria,” Fenix
said with a smirk.

“What?
How the hell did you manage that?”

“I
have my ways,” Fenix winked. “But even if they had said ‘no’, I’d have come
back. I couldn't stand to be away from you a day longer, Jared.”

That
information was too much to take in. Jared kept staring at Fenix as if he’d
grown a second head, unable to even begin to understand how Fenix had achieved
that. He had no doubt Fenix was telling the truth – one thing they had in
common was always being honest with each other. That was one of the reasons
they had worked so well as a couple – there were no secrets, no assumptions.
They said whatever was on their mind and resolved any issues the moment they
arose.

Suddenly,
Adam's words sounded loud and clear in Jared’s mind:

Are you going to
survive it when he leaves again?

They
struck him like lightning, flooding his mind with memories of those awful two
years when Fenix had been gone. Jared could not go through that again. If Fenix
left, this time he was not going to recover. He’d be as good as dead.

Jared
pulled his hand back and Fenix frowned.

“I
understand that all this is too much for you to find out all at once,” Fenix
said. “Unlike you, I’ve had time to think this through. I just wanted you to
know that I love you, Jared, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for you,” he
finished, leaning back in his chair, not attempting to touch Jared again.

“OK,”
Jared said, thankful that Fenix understood, not pushing him to answer straight
away. He did love Fenix, there was no doubt about that, but he also wanted to
absorb all this new information.

“OK,”
Fenix said and smiled.

Chapter twenty eight

Jared

Jared felt the
urge to throw his phone against the wall when his alarm started ringing at
10:00 am. He’d barely managed to fall asleep at all during the night, tossing
and turning and unable to stop thinking about what Fenix had said.

He’d
forced a whole fucking musical out of Broadway for him.

That
was unbelievable. Jared would have said impossible, but apparently it wasn't.
But that wasn't what made Jared’s heart do a somersault every time his mind
wondered back to their conversation.

 
Even if they had said ‘no’, I’d have come
back. I couldn't stand to be away from you a day longer...

Jared
wanted to believe that so badly.

“So let me get
this straight,” Adam said as he opened the door, holding it for Jared as they
both walked into Queen Victoria later that day. “You agreed to go in front of
the whole world and announce that you’re absolutely unaffected by what Fenix
did to you, and now that he’s back you’re best friends?” He stopped in the
middle of the foyer and spread his arms wide, almost spilling his coffee
through the small drinking hole of the take-away cup.

“I
doubt the whole world reads
Entertain Me
,”
Jared said as he continued walking, ignoring Adam’s outrage.

“This
is what you choose to address?
Entertain Me
’s circulation figures?”

“Not
really, no,” Jared said as he walked through a door, letting it close behind
him.

“Jared!”
he heard Adam shout after him. “Seriously, wait!” Adam caught up to him easily
– the man’s leg span was twice a normal person’s. “This is bullshit and you
know it.”

“It’s
not. It’s the best way to deal with this situation,” Jared said as he stopped
walking to turn and face his very angry friend. “I know you’re looking out for
me, but it’s OK. Fenix and I met for coffee...” Adam’s eyes widened and he
tried to protest, but Jared raised a hand to stop him. “And we talked. We’re
good now.” Adam started shaking his head even before Jared had finished
speaking. It was obvious he had a lot to say, but he pursed his lips until they
lost their colour and nodded silently.

“Excuse
me,” someone said, catching their attention. They both turned in unison to face
a young man, standing a few feet away from them, looking lost. “Do you guys
know where the costume supervisor’s office is? I’ve been trying to find it for
half an hour, but this place is a maze!” He smiled at them and his eyes
sparkled.

Both
Jared and Adam stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes. He was quite
attractive – lean, about five nine, with dark blond hair cut below his jaw
line, intense grey eyes and plump lips that spread into a very charming smile.

And
he was the spitting image of Charlie Shields – the lead singer of
Nix
who had broken Adam's heart.

Jared
glanced at Adam who was gaping at the guy, clutching his coffee cup as if it
was a life line. His face was pale and he looked shocked.

“Charlie?”
Adam whispered.

The
guy frowned instantly and took a step back.

“No,”
he said, looking at Adam suspiciously. “My name is Penn. Charlie is my brother.
By the look on your face I take it you know each other.”

Adam
swallowed loudly and closed his eyes, shaking his head side to side.

“How
is that possible?” he murmured almost to himself.

“Well,
when a woman gets pregnant, sometimes she gives birth to two identical twins.
It’s not a miracle or anything, happens quite often,” Penn said sarcastically.
Jared couldn't help but smile.

“No,”
Adam said sharply, fixing his black eyes on Penn menacingly. Most people shied
away from that stare, running for cover almost immediately. Penn’s eyes flashed
and the guy visibly shuddered, but not with fear. He was attracted to Adam, and
even Jared could feel it. “I meant, how is it possible that I dated Charlie for
almost a year and he never mentioned he had a twin brother!” Adam's voice rose
and he looked at Jared incredulously, as if looking for answers. Jared shrugged
– he’d never really known Charlie, but from what he’d heard, the guy was a
jerk. He wasn’t surprised he hadn't shared much about himself with Adam.

“We’re
not really close,” Penn supplied with a humourless laugh. “Look, I’d love to
stand here with you and chat about my brother,” he continued, clearly not
meaning it, “but I have to be in the costume supervisor’s office in about ten
minutes. Can one of you point me in the right direction or should I find
someone else to ask?”

Jared
cleared his throat and decided to help the guy out
since,
obviously, Adam was still pondering the whole
Charlie-has-a-twin-brother-he-failed-to-mention situation.

“If
you go that way,” Jared pointed towards the corridor on their left, “and turn
left at the end, it’s the second door on the right.”

“Thanks,”
Penn said and smiled politely. He turned to leave but paused and added: “It was
great meeting you,” he looked at Jared first but his eyes quickly travelled to
Adam and stayed there. “I’m a huge fan of yours. It’s my dream come true to
work here.”

Adam
remained silent. Jared felt he needed to fix the situation before they ruined
Penn’s first day at his dream job.

“Thank
you. Hope you like it here,” he said with a polite smile.

“Oh,
I’m sure I will,” Penn said, his eyes never leaving Adam. A slow blush
crept
his cheeks and he quickly added, “Thanks again,” and then
headed in the direction Jared pointed him in.

Once
Penn walked away, Adam rubbed his hand over his face, sighing.

“I can’t fucking
believe this,”
he said as he looked at Jared desperately.

“My dressing room.
Now,” Jared
commanded.

Jared
let Adam go in first and then closed the door behind them. Adam sat on the
sofa, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

“So
what are you going to do?” Jared asked, sitting in the chair by the dressing
table. Adam's head snapped up and he looked at him in surprise.

“I
wasn't aware I had to do anything.”

“Come
on! Charlie is the only guy that managed to hold your attention for longer than
a single night. He broke your heart when he left. Now, fate drops his
twin brother
in your lap. He looks so
much like Charlie, but Penn seems
nice
,
unlike his brother. Don’t tell me you’re not attracted to him because he’s
exactly your type.”

Adam
shrugged, silently admitting Jared was right, but he didn’t seem particularly
interested in continuing to discuss that.

 
“And, what’s more,” Jared continued
,
 
“
I noticed how
attracted to you he was. When you glared at him I swear I could feel him
shudder from where I was standing. I bet he’d be exactly what you need in
bed...” Jared rambled, knowing Adam wouldn't be able to take it much longer.

“Alright, alright!”
Adam
interrupted him, falling back on the sofa. “Just stop talking.”

“I
will if you
start
talking,” Jared
teased.

“Of
course I’m attracted to him, he’s gorgeous,” Adam said with a sigh. “But I’m
not as big of a bastard as you think I am.”

“What
do you mean?”

“I
can’t go after him exactly because he seems like a nice guy. I’m not sure if
I’m attracted to
him
, or to the fact
that he looks so much like Charlie. I don't want him to feel like a substitute
or something,” Adam explained, staring at the ceiling.

“Oh,”
Jared said, genuinely surprised. “Well, maybe, for the first time in your life,
you should get to know someone before you fuck their brains out,” Jared said
conversationally. Adam groaned.

“How
is this going to help?”

“I
bet Penn is nothing like Charlie, even though they’re twins. If you get to know
him, you won’t think of him as Charlie’s brother anymore. He’d create his own
profile in your mind, so to speak, and when you eventually get to the fucking
his brains out part, you won't feel guilty you’re doing it because he reminds
you of Charlie. You’ll be doing it because you want Penn.”

Adam
groaned louder and stood up.