Dance (29 page)

“This
was deep, man,” Adam said mockingly, heading for the door. “I don’t have time
for that. I’d rather go out this weekend and pick someone for a quickie.
Much less effort.”

“Adam!”
Jared called before he managed to open the door.

“Just
drop it, OK?” Adam said before he walked out of Jared’s dressing room.

“You’re
a fucking idiot!” Jared yelled after him through the open door, getting an odd
look from someone passing by. He smiled sheepishly and closed the door, shaking
his head.

It was Saturday,
and the theatre was always crowded on weekends.
Of Kids and Monsters
was a popular show, and it was often sold out,
but Jared couldn't remember a single Saturday when there had been an empty
seat. Not that it mattered to the performers – everyone, including the
children, were professionals to their core. They’d perform the show the same
way regardless of whether the theatre was bursting at the seams or half empty.

Jared
was in the middle of a song when he thought he saw Fenix’s familiar form
backstage. Was he watching the show? The idea of a full theatre didn’t scare
Jared, but the thought of Fenix watching the show after two years definitely
did. It made him nervous and anxious, and right now he could not afford any of
those emotions, or he’d mess up his lines.

Maybe
it wasn’t even him.

Yeah, right.

Jared
forced his traitorous mind back into the show. He had a costume change in about
ten minutes. He’d know for sure then.

It
turned out Fenix was indeed backstage. He was talking to Penn when Jared
stepped off the stage to change his costume. Unable to take his eyes off Fenix,
Jared just stood there like an idiot while the wardrobe guys helped him in his
new costume, handing him a bottle of water. Penn was all smiles and Fenix was
his usual charming self – laughing at what Penn was saying, touching his upper
arm and nodding encouragingly.

Jared
didn’t want to feel jealous. But he did, and he hated himself for it. It was
childish, unreasonable, and completely out of line, but all Jared wanted to do
at that moment was stomp over to them, rip Penn away, and kiss Fenix in front
of everyone. Claim him as his.

Forcing
himself to look away before he got lost in his overwhelming thoughts, Jared
took a step back and turned towards the stage, getting ready to go out again.
Adam had just stepped off stage and his eyes immediately fixed on Fenix and
Penn, much like Jared’s had. His deep, brown stare was pure, melted fire. Only,
his deadly glare was focused on Fenix.

“I
thought you liked his brother?” Jared said when he approached his friend. Adam
startled and shook his head.

“I
do,” he grumbled and stepped past Jared to take the bottle of water he was
immediately offered.

“So
why are you looking at Fenix like you
wanna
burn him
alive?”

“Because Fenix going up in flames would be a great service
to humanity.
And besides, we’ll have a chance
to see if he can live up to his name,” Adam said as he unscrewed the cap and
took a few big gulps of water.

Jared
narrowed his eyes at him in clear warning. They might not be together anymore
but he’d hurt anyone who intended to harm Fenix. Adam caught the meaning behind
Jared’s narrowed eyes and gave him his trademark you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me
look. Jared didn’t have time to deal with any of that right now – he had to be
on stage in about a minute. With one last look in Fenix’s direction – he has
giving Penn a goodbye hug – Jared turned his back on everyone and took his
place on the stage edge.

The
show had to go on. Everything else could wait.

Jared walked
into his flat and kicked the door closed – his hands were busy carrying the
shopping bags. He’d realised that morning that his fridge was almost empty, so
instead of accepting Adam’s invitation for a night out, he’d gone to Marks and
Spencer’s and gotten food to last him a week. Adam had been unhappy that Jared
was ‘ditching him’ yet again, but when Jared pointed out that he was hardly
ditched – he had at least five people tagging along – Adam had smirked and
walked out of the theatre. And besides, Jared knew his friend was going to go
on a hunt for a quick fuck, and he
was
 
not
in the mood for Adam's shenanigans.

Jared
set on putting away the groceries and making dinner. He switched on the digital
radio he kept in the kitchen and started humming to a well-known pop hit as his
mind wondered.

Every
single day for the past two years he had yearned to hear Fenix’s voice when he
came home at night. At first, Jared had thought that it was a normal reaction –
they’d been living together for over a year before Fenix left. It was a natural
instinct, a habit even, to want to talk to him when he was alone in the home
they’d shared.

But
the need didn’t faze out after a few months. Not even after a few years. Jared
still, to this very day, craved to hear Fenix’s voice next to him. Craved to
share his life with the man, to make plans for the future, to tell him how much
he loved him, and how much he missed him. The sudden pang of need that slammed
into his chest made him lose focus for a second and he cut his finger as he was
chopping vegetables for the salad. It wasn’t a deep cut but it immediately
started bleeding. Jared swore, rinsed his finger under the tap, and wrapped it
in a kitchen towel. He took a plaster from the first aid kit he kept in one of
the drawers, put it on over the cut, and spread his hands on the counter taking
a deep, calming breath.

This
had to stop.

He
could not go on like this.

All
he wanted was Fenix, back in this flat, back in his bed, and back in his life.
And he knew Fenix wanted that, too. Not just because he’d told him, but because
Jared had seen the haunted look in Fenix’s eyes that night at the
Tonys
. Jared knew their separation had been just as hard on
Fenix, if not harder.

Jared fought
the impulse to pick up the phone and call Fenix, to beg him to come back home.
He should make that decision with a clear head, not when his love, his
need
for the man was clouding his
judgement.

His
phone rang, startling him. Jared hurried to the living room and saw the phone
on the coffee table, Fenix’s name illuminating the screen.

It
was like he’d read his mind.

“Hi,”
he said as he picked up after a short hesitation.

“Hey,”
Fenix’s soft, perfect voice sounded in his ear. “What are you up to?”

“Just cooking dinner.”

Fenix
hummed but didn’t say anything. They fell silent for a while, listening to the
other breathing.

“Jared...”
Fenix began. Jared had to sit down – his knees almost gave out hearing the
yearning in Fenix’s voice. “I wanted to tell you something,” he said, and then paused.
Jared made an encouraging noise, but didn't trust himself to speak. He had to
bite his lip, hard, to stop himself from blurting out something irrational.
Something he really wanted to say... “I never stopped thinking about you,
replaying every single moment I spent with you in my head. I think that’s what
kept me somewhat sane during the past couple of years. Remember when you told
me that you didn't want to waste the time between meeting someone and gathering
the courage to say you’ve loved them since the moment you saw them?”

How can I forget?

“Well,
I don't want to waste the time between telling you how sorry I am that I left,
and getting back together. I know I said I’d give you time and wait for you,
but I don't want to waste another fucking second that I could be spending with
you. I’ve already wasted two years that I can never get back and I promise, if
you let me, I’ll try to make up for that. I’ll make you happy...” Fenix’s voice
wavered and he stopped talking, breathing heavily.

Jared’s
chest was about to explode. His heart swelled, his hands started shaking and
tears streamed down his face. The man he loved was begging him to take him
back, to make him happy, and he’d be damned if he said no. Whatever else life
had in store for
them,
he had to take a chance. He had
to be with Fenix again.

“Come
home, baby...” Jared managed to say, his voice hoarse and sounding alien to his
own ears. “Come home.”

Chapter twenty nine

Fenix

Fenix didn’t
need another invitation. The moment Jared had uttered the words ‘come home’ in
a desperate, husky voice, Fenix had started packing. Less than an hour later,
he was knocking on Jared’s door, his heart hammering in his chest like it was
about to bounce out.

He’d
dreamed of this moment so many times.

Jared
opened the door, breathing heavily like he’d run to get it. He was wearing
sweats and an old t-shirt, his hair was all over the place, his cheeks flushed
and his eyes alight with joy. He looked fucking gorgeous.

Mine.

And
he was Jared’s, too. Always had been, always would be.

They
didn't speak. Fenix stepped in and dropped his bags on the floor, his eyes
never leaving Jared’s. Jared leaned in to close the door and their cheeks
brushed. It was the slightest contact, but it sent an electric current down
Fenix’s body. He couldn’t be away from Jared any longer.

Fenix
turned his head slightly at the same time Jared turned his, their lips
colliding. Their bodies moulded against each other, pulling clothes out of the
way. Fenix started pushing Jared backwards, leading him further into the apartment,
as he pawed at his clothing, wanting nothing between them. They left a trail of
t-shirts
, jeans, pants, and socks as they made their
way to the bed, still kissing, still unable to let go of one another even for a
second.

Fenix
pushed Jared down on the bed and fell on top of him, kissing his jaw, nipping
his chin, licking his lips... He couldn't get enough. Jared ran his hands all
over Fenix, reacquainting himself with his body, moving eagerly as if he wanted
to touch everything all at once. Fenix groaned and started pumping his hips
into Jared’s, the friction smooth with their
precome
.
Jared moaned, deep and loud. He squeezed Fenix’s ass, hard enough to leave
finger prints.

“I
love you,” Fenix whispered, surprised his voice still worked. He leaned back
and looked seriously in Jared’s eyes, letting him know he really meant it and
it wasn't a heat of the moment thing. “And I’m never leaving you again.”

Jared
swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

“I
love you, too. And I won’t let you leave ever again.”

Fenix’s
world exploded like a colourful firework display.

They
made love all night. Urgent and desperate at first, then gentle and slow, until
one of them screamed and begged for release. They fell asleep in each other’s
arms, their limbs tangled together, and their hearts beating as one.
Again.

“So, I guess
we’re
gonna
have to cancel that magazine feature
after all?” Jared said as he spread some butter on toast the next morning.
Fenix was busy loading the coffee machine on the other side of the counter.
God, he’d missed this.
Jared and him, doing normal, boring
stuff, like cooking or watching a stupid reality show or just pottering around
the house.
“Fen?”
Jared said, turning to fully
face him.

“Sorry,
got distracted,” Fenix apologised, grinning sheepishly, trying to remember what
Jared asked him. Oh yeah, the interview. “No, I don't think we should cancel.
Cat already went out of her way to get us in with such short
notice,
I think we should take advantage of the publicity. We could revise what we’re
going to tell them about us,” Fenix finished with a wink.

“You
mean
,
you want to go public? Tell the press we’re back
together?” Jared asked.

“Yeah.
Don’t you?” Fenix
frowned.

“Of
course I do... I’m not sure that’s going to rid us of the photographers,
though.”

“The
photographers can go suck a dick for all I care,” Fenix said and shrugged,
turning back to the coffee that was brewing nicely in the pot, filling the
kitchen with a lovely smell.

Jared
laughed and didn’t comment any further. Fenix threw him a look over his
shoulder, still unable to believe he was really here. That he was here
to stay
. That Jared had let him in his
life again so easily.

He
wondered how long it would take before he stopped being amazed at that.
Before he got used to this again.

Fenix
wasn't sure. But what he was absolutely certain about was that he was never
going to take it for granted.

The
Entertain Me
office was in a
non-descript building on Earl’s Court. Fenix and Jared were immediately
recognized by the receptionist and escorted to the studio on the third floor. A
tall, lanky man in his early thirties spotted them as they entered the photo
studio and headed in their direction, smiling.