Dance Till you Drop (5 page)

Turns out I could.

Everyone spilled out of the ballroom and down the stairs. I slipped to one side and took a big breath. I hadn't fallen on my face. No one had pointed and laughed at my sickled feet or bent back knee and I hadn't crashed into anyone on the travelling steps.

But my legs and arms felt loose and wobbly, as if there was nothing inside holding my body together.

I stumbled over to the water cooler and took a paper cup.

Jasmine was already there, taking tiny sips. Her face was quite red and she looked very frazzled and un-Jasminey.

‘Hi Jasmine,' I said, not really expecting her to talk back.

‘Hey,' she said.

‘How did you go?' I asked.

It was funny – because we were both from Silver Shoes, I felt like we were kind of in it together. Like we had to represent our dance school.

‘I think I went okay,' Jasmine said. She crumpled the empty cup in her hand. ‘I hope so, anyway.'

‘You're a really good ballerina,' I said. ‘I reckon you have a great chance of getting in.'

Jasmine clasped her hands together and gave me a small, shaky smile. ‘Thanks, Paige.
I really want a place in the masterclass, so that means a lot.'

Riley came by then and grabbed my arm. ‘Paige!' she said. ‘I need some sugar. Let's go find some snakes.'

I waved goodbye to Jasmine, wished her good luck and let Riley pull me along. It felt nice to be around my friend. Riley was so unfazed by the whole thing. I know it was mean, but I also felt a bit better seeing how even perfect dancers like Jasmine could get nervous, too. It didn't excuse her snippy comments, but it was nice to see what was beneath all that.

We found Mum pacing around down the hall and dug the snakes out of her handbag. She asked a million questions about the warm-up, and Riley answered them all while devouring the lollies. I managed half a snake and then my tummy felt sick again.

It was because of the girls around me. They were so pretty and they didn't look scared one bit. I watched some of them warm up. It was like they were made of rubber; they were so flexible. You could easily mistake them as members of the Royal Academy of Ballet already.

What was I doing here?

‘Paige?'

I blinked. ‘Pardon?'

Riley giggled. ‘I said, do you want to find a studio and we can go over our audition pieces?'

‘Oh,' I said. ‘Sure.'

‘Should I come along?' asked Mum. ‘I can give you some last-minute pointers.'

‘I think we'll be right,' I said. ‘Go and have a coffee, Mum.'

‘Yeah, looks like they have a whole restaurant down there,' said Riley.

‘Well, if you're sure,' said Mum. She kissed Riley on the cheek and then gave me a big perfumey cuddle. ‘Best of luck to you, girls. You'll both be gorgeous and knock them dead. I know it.'

‘Thanks, Mrs Montreal,' said Riley before taking my arm and leading me into a nearby studio.

‘How ya doin', Paige?' she asked.

I just looked at her.

‘Oh yep.' Riley laughed. ‘Got it.'

She started to practise her audition piece, which was full of her perfect grande jetés, brisés and arabesques, which her long legs made look effortless. I was so nervous that I couldn't even get my legs to swap once in my entrechats.

In the end my tummy got so flip-floppy and my legs so shaky, that I went back to the waiting area outside the lobby and sat down.
The mean-looking lady from reception raised an eyebrow at me.

‘You're not in for a while,' she said.

‘I know,' I squeaked.

Riley joined me and sat back against the wall, rolling out her ankles. How could she be so calm? I swear I had beans. Every new position I sat in was more uncomfortable than the last. I fiddled and twitched all the way through the first lot of girls doing their audition.

And then it was our turn.

A girl I recognised from Dance Art was first.

Then Riley was called in.

And the third person was …

Me.

‘Paige Montreal?'

I looked up.

‘Paige?' said the mean lady, looking over her glasses at me.

‘Yes?' I squeaked.

‘You're up next,' said Mean Eyes.

‘Okay.'

The remaining girls in our block looked at me like I was a weirdo. I got to my feet.
I walked towards the scary, massive ballroom doors.

They opened and Riley came out. She was beaming and had two big red spots on her cheeks.

‘Paige!' she said breathlessly. ‘Are you next?'

‘Yes,' I whispered. One-word answers were all I could manage.

‘It's fun!' said Riley.

Yeah, right.

‘I'd wait for you, but I have to hurry up, Nana's waiting to take me to Ash's hip hop gig.'

I nodded.

‘Paige,' huffed Mean Eyes. ‘You may go in now.'

‘You'll be fine,' said Riley. ‘They're not too scary at all. Just dance like you always do.'

‘Thanks.'

‘See ya soon?' she asked.

I nodded again before I watched her disappear.

‘They're
waiting
for you,' said Mean Eyes. Her voice could have snuffed out a candle.

I went in.

I tried to make my feet as soft as possible, but I swear a herd of elephants came tramping in with me.

Gosh. As if the ballroom wasn't large enough when we were all in there. Now it was just me, I felt like I was in a castle.

Right at the end was a long table. Three people were sitting behind it: the man and woman who'd led the warm-up, and another lady who looked very old. She wore a huge floral scarf that swallowed her whole head.

My feet slowed. I came to a halt.

Silence.

‘You can come closer, dear,' said Floral Scarf.

I moved forward one step.

Mr and Mrs Warm-Up looked at each other. Then Mr Warm-Up leaned on his elbow.

‘Well, hello,' he said.

‘Hello,' I went to say, but my spit got all slippery in my mouth. I swallowed and cleared my throat. ‘Hello,' I tried again. My voice was meant to sound bright and cheery.

It was a miserable failure.

‘So you're Paige,' said Mr Warm-Up.

Obviously
, said Ellie's voice in my head.

I snorted back a giggle and tried to stand straighter.

‘We saw you in warm-up,' he continued. ‘There was a lovely lightness to your movements,  although you need to keep your shoulders down. There's a lot of tension around the back of your neck. I understand you're probably a bit nervous.'

‘There's no need to be anxious, dear,' said Floral Scarf.

I clasped my hands together. My palms were clammy. Floral Scarf and Mr and Mrs Warm-Up kept coming in and out of focus.

‘It says on your audition form you do a lot of styles,' said Mrs Warm-Up. ‘You must be a busy girl. What's your favourite?'

Mind blank. All my words were stuck somewhere between my tummy and my throat.

I remembered I was supposed to be making a good impression.

‘Ballet,' I said.

‘Of course,' said Mr Warm-Up with a mean smile.

‘And why would you like a place in this masterclass?' asked Mrs Warm-Up.

Well, here's the thing. I don't. I don't want to be here at all. Ballet isn't my favourite style. And I hate auditions. Also, your sweater is really ugly.

I just couldn't lie. Not anymore. I couldn't even think of the first step in my audition piece. And even if I could, I knew I wasn't going to perform it well.

Because my heart wasn't in it. And that's where dancing should come from.

‘Actually, it's fine if I don't get a place,' I answered.

‘Beg your pardon?' asked Mrs Warm-Up. She leaned back in her chair and gaped at Mr Warm-Up and Floral Scarf. But Floral Scarf didn't even look at her. Instead she leaned forward and rested her chin on her hand.

‘Go on, dear,' she said.

‘It doesn't matter if I don't get a place,' I said, a little more clearly. ‘It's best it goes to somebody who actually wants to do the masterclass. Excuse me.'

What was I doing? I was turning to leave the audition! Was I really?

‘Thank you for your time,' I added quickly, dropping a curtsy. And then I left.

‘Heh heh heh,' I heard Floral Scarf say as I ran out. ‘I like that one. Should have done that years ago myself.'

When I got home that night Mum was sitting up at the kitchen bench, tapping her gold fingernails against the surface.

Clack, clack, clack
.

‘Hi,' I said, shutting the front door.

‘Did you have a good time at the concert?' Her nose wrinkled. ‘The hip hop one.'

‘Yes, thank you,' I said, hanging up my dance bag. ‘Ash and Benji were really good.'

‘I wish you'd checked with me before you rushed off with Riley,' Mum said.

Clack, clack, clack.

‘I'm sorry,' I said, ‘but I had to race down after my audition. They were pulling out of the car park when I saw them. I didn't have time to find you, so I thought it would be okay to send you a text on Mrs Nason's phone.'

‘Yes, well, I appreciate that,' said Mum, ‘but we didn't agree you could go. The audition was the most important thing. You're lucky it finished in time.'

I looked down at my feet. ‘Very lucky.'

Clack, clack, clack.

‘Where's Dad?' I asked, watching her fingernails.

‘He's in the garden.'

Clack.

‘I think I'm going to take a shower,' I said.

‘Paige,' said Mum.

‘Yes?'

‘Anything else you want to tell me?'

Clack.

‘I don't think so,' I whispered.

‘Anything about the audition?'

‘Umm …'

‘Like how you ran out of it?'

Silence. Mum looked at me like I'd just said dancing was the worst thing in the whole world.

I sighed.

‘Did you really think I wouldn't find out? Paige, you worked so hard on that audition piece!' She stood up, her hands on her hips.

‘Not as hard I could have,' I said, ‘if I wasn't already dancing so much.'

‘Pardon?'

‘I only finished learning my piece a few days ago,' I explained. ‘I wasn't ready. Just like I'm not ready for the ballroom comp next weekend.'

‘It's a shame,' said Mum, as if she hadn't heard me at all, ‘but there is another masterclass coming up in a few months with the Australian Dance Company. We can work towards that one.' She sat back down with her hands tightly clasped on the bench.

‘I don't want to do that either,' I said.

Mum got up again and switched the kettle on. ‘What did you say, sweetie?' she asked, looking for the tea bags.

‘Mum! I don't want to do any more ballet masterclasses!'

She looked in the cupboard for some cups. ‘Do you want a hot chocolate?' she asked.

‘Mum!' I said, louder this time.

My cheeks were burning up and I felt a bit sick, but I knew I had to say it again. ‘I'm not going to do any more ballet masterclasses! And I'm not going to do the ballroom competition either!'

Mum turned around and gave me a long look. The two cups in her hands said ‘Born to Dance' on them.

‘I'm not quite sure what you mean,' she said. ‘I'm very disappointed you ran out of that audition, you know. It doesn't look good. That masterclass could have been a great opportunity for you.'

‘Yes, but I haven't even decided I want to be a ballerina,' I said. ‘I don't know if it's my favourite style. I'm not even that good at it.'

‘Of course you are,' said Mum, ‘and it's a great foundation for your ballroom work.'

‘But I'm doing so many classes and all these competitions and masterclasses and it's too much! I don't have time to try to be really good at one or discover which one I like the best. It's just dance, dance, dance!'

‘I thought you wanted to be an all-rounder,' said Mum.

‘I do,' I said, ‘but I also want to discover my special style. Like, Ellie has Broadway, Riley has ballet, Ash has hip hop, and they all have so much fun. I want to just enjoy what I'm dancing and then hopefully I'll love it so much that I'll
want
to do the competitions and everything.' I took a deep breath. ‘Not be forced to.'

‘I don't force you!' cried Mum. She looked down at the cups in her hands. ‘Do I?'

‘I don't want to let you down,' I mumbled, ‘because I know you love dancing, too, and it's probably nice to see me in things, but …' I looked up at her and grinned. ‘Maybe you should take some dance lessons again! Miss Caroline is starting an adults' group. She was talking about it the other day.'

Mum looked at me for a long time and then she laughed. ‘Maybe I should,' she said. ‘I'm sorry if you thought I was pressuring
you, Paigey. I just love watching you dance. You're beautiful on stage. It makes me so proud, honey.'

‘I know,' I said.

Mum stared at the ‘Born to Dance' cups. ‘So you don't want to do the ballroom comp on Sunday?'

‘We're not ready for it,' I said. ‘Have you seen our standing spins?'

Mum smothered a smile. ‘Hmm, you might have a point.'

‘Plus, I really want to go to Ellie's birthday,' I said.

‘Yes, you should do that,' Mum said. ‘Your friends are important. But do you still want to continue with the ballroom lessons?' she asked hopefully.

‘Yeah,' I said, ‘I'm enjoying them. I just need more practice, though. So I can get really good.'

Mum smiled. ‘And Benji's rather cute, isn't he?'

‘Mum!' I said. My skin got all itchy and hot.

‘Whoo, is that a blush, honey?' she teased.

Dad came strolling through the front door then, covered in mud and bits of weed. There was a leaf in his hair. He looked at Mum and then at the cups.

‘Brilliant,' he said. ‘A cuppa's just what I need.'