Dancing in Circles (Circles Trilogy) (22 page)

She lowered her gaze and bit her bottom lip. "I'm scared."

"I know."

"What about…?"

"I'm not stupid." He pulled her down and hushed her with a kiss. "I've got protection."

She tugged at the bottom of his sweatshirt, wrestled it over his head then snuggled down on his bare chest and listened to his heartbeat. "I wish you could tell me you loved me."

"I can't tell you how I feel, but I can show you." His hands slid along her skin. Already he was familiar with the curve of her back. The way the waist curved in and the hips flared out. He ran his fingers up each vertebra of her spine then spread them out along the firm muscles of her upper back.

Julie searched his gaze. Nothing she saw caused her to doubt him. "Teach me."

Robert picked up his sweatshirt, rested it on her back then rolled the two of them over. He pressed up onto his hands. Beneath him lay the first person he knew he could love. Her face was flushed, her eyes wide open and her body trembling, with nerves or excitement, he didn't know. He would force himself to be patient and tender.

"You're the most beautiful person I have ever known. Your eyes—" He closed his eyes and reopened them. "When you look at me…ah, I can't explain it. I don't have the words." He lowered his mouth to hers and hoped his kiss would fill in the missing thoughts.

Julie revelled in the waves of emotions racing through her body each time he kissed or caressed her. She loved the feel of the firmness of his arm and shoulder muscles and the way the smooth skin rippled down his flat, hard stomach. She wanted to memorize every second to be able to savour this night forever, but was soon swept away with passion.

Resting in his arms, a warm flush covered her body. Making love with Robert had been wonderful. He'd been patient, gentle and caring. "I love you."

His hand caressed her arm in soft, slow strokes. "I wish I could tell ya I love ya. I don't know if I do. I know I want ya more than anyone else. Somethin' inside me comes alive when I think about ya. I feel happy just being in the same room. Maybe someday I'll figure out if what I'm feeling is love. I don't wanna lie to ya. I simply don't know."

A small smile crept over Julie's face as her breaths matched the rhythm of Robert's brush along her arm.

***

Two warm lips on her forehead and Robert's whispered, "Wake up," dragged Julie back from her contented nap. She opened her eyes. Robert was dressed except for his jacket, which he'd placed over her as a blanket. "Time to get ya home and put ya to bed."

After she dressed, she followed him out of the studio. She paused at the doorway, turned and glanced at the place where they'd made love.
What a wonderful birthday present.

Just past noon, Robert stepped off the last stair and headed towards the kitchen. He needed coffee. He grabbed a mug out of the cupboard.
Hmph, been livin' here too long, startin' to know where things are.
As he poured coffee into his mug, the smell of warm java tickled his nose.

He wandered into the dining room looking for anyone. Finding it empty, he passed through into the living room and smiled at Julie as she stepped off the stairs. "Good morning." He placed his coffee on a side table and reached out. Julie moved one step to her right. Robert pulled his hand back and blinked.

She rubbed her arms.
Don't touch me. Everybody is going to know what we did. How can I face anybody
?
Oh why did I say yes?
How can I tell him? Look at him. He looks so confused. Now what do I do?
Julie glanced at the carpet then out the front living room then down at her hands. Where she didn't look was towards Robert. He lifted his coffee to take a sip.

Julie's mother entered from the kitchen. "Good morning." She leaned closer and kissed her daughter's cheek. "Happy Birthday, hon."

Though coughing and sputtering, Robert managed a weak, "Pardon?"

"It's Julie's birthday. Didn't anybody tell you?"

"No."

"Mommy," Ashley shouted from the family room. Mrs. Anderson excused herself.

"Happy Birthday." Again, Robert put down his mug and walked over to Julie. She shuffled backed a step. He tilted his head. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Julie glanced down at her feet. Her heart raced.
Stop looking at me.
Peeking up at Robert's face, Julie bit her lip at the crinkled brow and sad expression chiselled onto his face. Part of her wanted to hug him but a bigger part wanted to run and hide.
We should never have…oh my God, what am I going to do?

He reached out to hug her. "Are you sorry we—"

"Don't!"

"Don't what?"

"Don't touch me." She leaned away from him.

"What's wrong?" His hand ached to touch her, but she'd backed too far from him. A deathly cold shiver slithered through his gut. His mind whirled trying to figure out the reason she was rejecting him, but no clues revealed themselves. Last night. The words slapped his soul.
I shouldn't have touched her. Shouldn't have made love to her. Fuck. I so screwed that up. Idiot.

Before he could discover what was troubling her, Mrs. Anderson returned to the living room. "Would either of you like some breakfast?"

"I'm outta here." Robert paused to see if Julie would signal him to stay. She dug her toe into the carpet and chewed her lip. He brushed past her, grabbed his helmet and jacket and walked out the door wondering if last night had been a big mistake. It had been the best night of his life, but had it cost him Julie?

Her mother rested her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Something wrong?"

Julie gulped down an ache that was trying to fill her soul. She raised her eyes and gave her mother a weak smile. "I think I'm just tired from yesterday."

"Maybe you should go in the family room and watch TV. I'll go with you and settle you into a chair." She guided Julie to the door at the head of the stairs. "I'll even turn on the TV and bring you a Diet Coke. How about a blanket, and you can lie dormant all day?"

"Mom, I really don't think—"

"Well I do. I'm the mother. You're the daughter. You must obey." She led her down to the family room. "Here, Julie, let me turn on the light for you."

She pressed the wall switch and the room filled with light. Balloons and banners hung from the ceiling. Julie glanced at her mother then opened her mouth to speak when a loud and cheerful chorus of "Surprise!" and "Happy Birthday!" cut her off.

Julie's father, brother and sisters popped up from behind chairs and doors. Francine, Tricia, Jennifer and Heather rose from behind the corner bar. Next to that, on a table was a birthday cake in the shape of a pair of pointe shoes with nineteen candles waiting to be lit.

Tricia scooted over to hug her friend. "We bet that you'd figure we'd all forget your birthday cause of exams and stuff."

Performance of your life here, girl. Happy Julie. Happy, happy Julie
. "To be honest,
I
almost forgot my birthday because of exams and stuff. You guys are the greatest. Now where are my presents?" Julie rubbed her hands and pretended to crack her knuckles.

After the presents were opened and the cake was served ,the Anderson siblings and parents
 
left, so the girls could gossip. Francine was talking about her date with a freshman college student when Jennifer leaned over to Julie and whispered, "So where is he?"

Julie swallowed hard and forced a casual shrug.
How
do they know? Can they tell I slept with him?
A jolt of nausea hit her. She inhaled a deep breath to calm it.

"Where's Robert?" Jennifer swallowed the last bite of cake.

"What?" She fought to control her breathing.

"Since you two were so into each other at my party, I figured he'd be here."

Stay calm.
"We're just friends."

Jennifer gave her friend's shoulder a little shove. "That's what you keep saying, but I was watching you two, and there's more going on than you're telling us."

Julie pursed her lips and shook her head.

Tricia waved the others over. "Julie's having boy trouble."

"Boy trouble. I'd call him man trouble." Heather sighed.

"You and Chris having problems?" asked Francine.

"Chris is extremely old history." Heather stood next to Julie. "She's onto bigger fish."

"Who?" Francine raised her eyebrows and waited.

No. No. No. Change the subject. I don't want to think about him. Or talk about him. Please everybody, just go home.
Julie forced her face to be neutral and willed the tears not to fall.

"Robert," Jennifer grinned as she waited for Francine's response.

"Robert!" Francine's face snapped to a frown. "How could you?"

"He's a nice guy."
Well that was pathetic.

"He's trash, Julie." Francine flicked her hair over her shoulder. "He'll concoct some sad story to charm his way into your pants. Excuse my crudeness, but look what he did to Trish. Seduced her, beat up her boyfriend and then moved on. Onto you as it seems. When he's got what he wants from you, he'll be gone. Probably move onto Jennifer. At least he's got taste. I'll give him that. He's moving like a shark through the best pack in the school."

Julie sputtered out a feeble protest, but Francine charged onward. "Let me guess. He told you a sad story about having a terrible childhood. Probably beaten by his parents or…or maybe abandoned by them. Spent his days alone, cold and shivering. He probably said he joined the gang because he was looking for friends. Did he happen to mention that the gang he belongs to is involved in drugs, prostitution and extortion? Did he happen to mention that he has a criminal record? Another thing," Francine stood tall and sneered. "Did he happen to mention he's the leader of the Shoresmen?"

"The leader?" Heather popped her hand over her mouth.

Francine leaned inward and lowered her voice. "Do you know how they get to be leader?"

The others shook their heads. Julie remained frozen and mute.

"They kill somebody."

"No way." Tricia's voice was a mix of squeak and gasp. "Who?"

"Could be anybody." Francine adjusted the sleeve on her blouse then readjusted it. She adored being the focus of attention. "A police officer. Or maybe a judge who sent a member to jail."

Julie tensed.

Francine bit back a smile. "My dad says they're trying to start a gang war. The gang unit had everything calm and controlled but Shoresmen got greedy. They want to take another gang's area, which'll mean more drug revenue and prostitution earnings. "Your
friend
," The word dripped with intense disgust. "will probably become a very rich punk."

Julie chewed her lip. Robert had originally hidden the truth about his status in the gang. He only confessed it when cornered in a conversation. He didn't offer the information freely. How could she know if everything Robert told her was the truth? Maybe last night was just another conquest to him. He'd gotten what he wanted out of her. He never said he loved her.

Julie clenched and unclenched her fists. What a fool she'd been. So easily charmed by his personality and sexy looks. He was such a smooth talker. Big, sad, puppy dog eyes. Pretending to be all interested in her. What an idiot she was. He was a gang member after all. He couldn't be trusted.

"Hate to break this up." Tricia glanced at her watch. "But we have to go so Julie can spend part of her birthday with her family."

Francine pulled Julie aside. "You know he has a criminal record. He killed my brother. Knifed him in cold blood. How can you trust someone like that?"

"I…I…"
Everybody just go away and leave me alone. I need to think. No, I don't want to think about him. It confuses me.

Julie escorted her friends to their cars and waved then Julie returned to the family room. As she stared at the gift certificate for a spa day, one thought revolved around in her mind – What if Francine was right? She collected her presents and headed upstairs.

Just outside her bedroom, her parents stopped her. "Now for your present from us." Her mother held something in her hand. "We're dropping the others at Aunt Karen's and then we're going for supper and then to the Westland Performance Center to see—"

"Swan Lake!" Julie snatched the tickets. "Oh, thank-you. I'll get dressed in two seconds."

Almost true to her word, Julie changed and raced to the car. As Mr. Anderson locked the door, he asked his wife, "What do I do with the fourth ticket?"

"Stick it in the door. Maybe Robert will get the hint. If he comes home in time. Brr, that's a nasty wind."

As Mr. Anderson drove the car down Crestview, a gust of wind whistled past their house. It snatched the ticket from the door and tossed it into a hedge.

***

Julie barely tasted her supper and repeatedly checked her watch to see if they were going to be late. She only relaxed when they were seated in row two, programs in hand and the lights dimmed. As the overture ended and the curtain rose, Julie's attention was riveted to the stage. She mentally danced every step, held every pose and soared with every lift. Intermission was a rude interruption. When the curtain closed at the finale, Julie stared at the stage wishing the dancers would reappear and perform all over again.