Dancing Naked (13 page)

“I’m okay,” Kia answered, struggling to her feet and glancing at Derek’s car as it squealed around the corner. She stepped up onto the sidewalk and brushed herself off.

The woman studied Kia, frowning. “Who was that?” she asked.

Kia shook her head. “Just some idiot I know.”

“I don’t think you should take any more rides with him,” the small boy said.

“No, I won’t,” she answered. “Trust me.” She rubbed her right shoulder. It had taken most of the impact of the fall, but she could still rotate her arm so she knew nothing was broken. Her palms were scraped and one knee ached. She took a deep breath. She hoped she hadn’t hurt the baby in any way. Wouldn’t that be ironic, she thought, if Derek
caused her to have a miscarriage? She shook her head and started walking away. She had to get home to Angie.

“You’re sure you’re going to be okay?” the woman called after her.

“Yeah, thanks,” Kia answered, turning back. Then she realized, with a sinking feeling, that she’d left her book bag in Derek’s car. This wasn’t over yet.

With a slight hobble, Kia began to retrace the short journey she’d just taken in Derek’s car.

From:
        Kia<
[email protected]
>
To:
             Justin<
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 26
Subject:
     derek knows 2
it didn’t go so well — i just finished bailing out of his car, but i’m ok. really. i haven’t heard the last from him, but i’m glad he knows.
C U

From:
        Justin<
[email protected]
>
To:
             Kia<
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 26
Subject:
     Re: derek knows 2
i’m glad you’re ok and i’m not justifying whatever it was he did, but u know, despite your feelings about the guy, it is his baby too, and he’s impacted by what you’re doing. regardless of what u eventually choose to do with it, he will have a ‘child’ out there. that’s a pretty mind-boggling thought for anyone.
C U tomorrow!
Uncle J

“Haven’t you got any homework tonight, Kia?” asked her dad after dinner that night. Without being asked, she’d begun loading the dishwasher and putting away the leftover food. She realized, too late, that her behavior looked suspicious.

“Yeah, but I left my book bag in Derek’s car this afternoon,” she admitted. “And I don’t want to call him to get it back.”

“Derek’s
car?” he asked.

She nodded, and began to fill the sink with water.

“You were in his car, but now you don’t want to call him? What’s going on, Kia?”

Kia glanced at Angie, sitting at the kitchen table with her homework laid out in front of her. Angie turned her attention back to her books and pretended to concentrate.

“I broke the news about the baby to him. The news that I’m still pregnant.”

“Yeah? And?”

“He didn’t take it too well. He’s really ...” Kia paused, looking for a polite term. “Angry.”

“Well, I guess so. You told him you were going to ...” Now her father glanced at Angie. His voice changed, taking on a placating tone. “How about doing your homework in your room tonight, honey?” he suggested.

Angie slammed her books shut but didn’t say anything. She made a point of stomping out, although Kia suspected she was secretly relieved to leave the room. Any talk of the baby made her uncomfortable.

When she’d left, Kia’s father continued. “You led
him to believe you were having an abortion, right? Of course he’d be angry. He’s feeling deceived.”

Kia shrugged. “I guess.”

“Deceived and overwhelmed, I would think.”

Kia began to wash the dishes.

“So what did he say?”

“Not much. He wanted to go make another appointment right away.”

Her father picked up a tea towel and began to dry the dishes. “Can’t say I blame him. I suppose you’re still not willing to reconsider?” he asked, hopefully.

“No, Dad, I’m not.”

“Well,” he continued, disappointment apparent in his voice, “he deserves an explanation. And you need to get your books. Why don’t you invite him over?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am.”

Kia sighed. “If he comes over, you’re not going to say anything to him, are you?”

“Like?”

“Like yell at him for what he did.”

“For what
he
did?”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “For what
we
did.”

“I didn’t yell at you, did I?”

“No. Maybe you should have.”

“I don’t see what good that would have done.” Her dad looked down at her. She noticed how tired and sad he appeared. “I think it’s a little late for lectures, don’t you? And accidents happen. I promise to keep my thoughts to myself.”

Kia thought about it. At least if Derek came to her
house he couldn’t pull any more stupid moves like he had in the car today. “Okay,” she agreed, drying her hands. She went down the hall to her mom’s small office and dialed his number.

“Derek, it’s me,” she said when he answered the phone.

“What do
you
want?” he asked. “Oh, let me guess,” he continued, without waiting for an answer. “You came to your senses and you made another appointment.”

“We need to talk, Derek. And I need my bag from your car.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Kia, until you do what you were supposed to.”

“That was a stupid move you pulled today.”

“Oh, you want to talk about my driving?”

“No, Derek, you know that’s not it. Why don’t you come over, bring my book bag, and we’ll talk ... about the baby.”

“Are you nuts? What’s there to talk about? If you want your stupid books come and get them yourself. I have nothing more to say to you.”

“This is your baby too, Derek. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Yes, it does, Kia,” he said quietly. “It means you and I were a big mistake, right from the start. I misjudged you. I would never have thought you’d do something this stupid.”

“Derek ...”

“I have nothing more to say. Get an abortion, then we’ll talk.”

The phone went dead. Kia hung up and slumped in the chair. A moment later she sensed her father standing in the doorway.

“Well?” he asked. “Is he coming over?”

“No. He’s too busy right now.” Kia didn’t know why she was covering up for him.

“Do you want me to take you over there then, to get your books?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

When they arrived at his house she found her bag outside the front door. She picked it up, grateful not to have to see him, and climbed back into her father’s car. They rode home in silence. When they pulled into the driveway, her father patted her knee and said, “He’ll come around.”

“Maybe.”

“He will. You’ll see. Finding out you’re going to have a baby is quite a shock.”

Kia nodded. “I know.”

Feb. 26

I hate him, hate him, hate him.

I hate that my baby is half him.

Will I hate my baby if she looks like him?

How could I ever have found that shallow jerk so ... oh god, so perfect?

Was it just a physical attraction? Am I that shallow too?

Oh god. I hate me too.

Justin took Kia’s hand as they approached the community center where the first prenatal class was being held. She looked up at him, surprised.

“I’m your partner,” he said. “Okay?”

She nodded, noticing how warm his hand was against her cold one.

“And partner can mean just about anything these days,” he said. “So it’s not really a lie.”

Kia nodded again. Partner. She liked the sound of it.

Dr. Miyata had been right about the prenatal class—there was an interesting mix of expecting couples there. All skin colors were represented, and there was a wide range of ages. Some of the women looked old enough to be grandmothers, Kia thought, but no one looked as young as she did.

They were greeted with warm smiles and Kia began to relax. This might not be so bad after all. The couples tended to be holding hands or touching in some way, so Justin put his arm around her and she leaned into him. It felt like the perfect fit.

“Good evening, moms and partners,” said Shannon, the prenatal instructor.

“And uncles,” Kia whispered. Justin squeezed her shoulder.

“Welcome to our first class,” Shannon continued. “We have a lot to talk about tonight. Before we get started, I want each of you to introduce yourselves and tell us how you feel about having a baby.”

Kia’s stomach knotted up. This was exactly the kind of warm and fuzzy stuff she didn’t want to get into. She listened to one couple after another describe, in a gush of emotion, what having a baby meant to them. When it was their turn, Kia introduced herself and then Justin, as her partner. She turned to the next couple, hoping to bypass the “feeling” part, but it didn’t work.

“And what are your feelings about the baby?” Shannon asked.

“We’ve nicknamed it Peanut,” Justin said, jumping right in as if he really was the proud father. “And he, I mean she,” he winked at Kia, “has a wonderful mother.” There was a smattering of applause. Kia felt her face burn, but her heart was racing. “I don’t know about Kia,” he said, “but I’m in awe of this whole pregnancy and birth thing. It’s so miraculous.” There was a murmur of agreement all around the room. He looked down at Kia and she nodded at him. She wasn’t sure if her pregnancy was miraculous or just a disaster, but she was glad Justin had come to her rescue once again.

Later, over hot chocolate, Kia thanked him once more for coming along.

“Hey. It was fun,” he assured her. “For a few minutes there I forgot that I really wasn’t the father.” He smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“And I was wishing you really were him too,” she said, then quickly corrected herself. “I don’t mean him, Derek, I mean him, the real father.”

“I knew what you meant.”

The warmth she saw in his eyes felt like a hug.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, each lost in thought.

“Having a baby really brings couples closer, doesn’t it? There was so much love in that room,” Justin commented.

Justin’s usual cheeriness was gone and a melancholy thoughtfulness had taken its place. Kia wished she could read his thoughts. What was it about the prenatal class that had made him sad? She stared into her own mug. Did he realize she’d meant what she’d said? That she really did wish he was the father?

She looked up and found him staring at her. She felt herself blush but didn’t know why. “I’m afraid I’m going to be awfully attached to this baby by the time it’s born,” he confessed.

She nodded. “Me too.”

“But it’s your baby. Not mine.”

“That doesn’t matter.” She studied him, puzzled. He didn’t meet her gaze. “Have you changed your mind?” she asked, trying to swallow her alarm. “I wouldn’t blame you. You don’t have to go through with this prenatal stuff, you know. I’ll understand. Honest.”

He reached across the table to touch her arm. “No, no,” he answered softly. “Nothing like that. I think I’m just experiencing some paternal pangs or something.” He smiled, and Kia noticed the light was back in his eyes.