Dancing Naked (10 page)

From:
        Kia <
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To:
             Justin <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 7
Subject:
     Sex!
justin,
it’s not whether they’ll accept what i’m doing that bothers me. it’s whether they’ll accept what i’ve done. shawna will. angie will think it’s gross. (right now I think it’s gross too. i may be off sex for the rest of my life. lol)
k & p

From:
        Justin <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Kia <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 7
Subject:
     Re: Sex!
kia,
catchy subject! i did lol. and i don’t think u need 2 worry about being off sex for the rest of your life. the human sex drive is an impressive thing.
so when do prenatal classes start?
hugs to u both
uncle justin

From:
        Kia <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Justin <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 7
Subject:
     Prenatal
hi justin,
you’re right about the sex drive thing. perhaps we need a pill to turn it off until we’re old enough 2 “handle the responsibility” as they say. (and i’d pay someone to give derek an overdose. ha ha.)
prenatal classes start in 2 weeks. the first ones are mostly about nutrition and exercise. then they start up again in the spring and we learn about birth and babies.
c ya mon.
k & p

Shawna wrapped the elastic around the bottom of the French braid. “There,” she said, standing back and assessing her handiwork. “Perfecto moi.”

“Perfecto moi? Stick to Russian, Shawn.” Kia twisted her neck to see the back of her head in the mirror. “Not bad. Next week it’s cornrows. You’d better start practicing on one of your old Barbie dolls.”

Shawna smiled, reached into the bowl of popcorn and
sat back on Kia’s bed. “This is fun. We haven’t done it in ages. Remember our Friday-night make-over parties? We were going to open our own beauty shop. You’d do facials and manicures and I’d do hair.”

“Yeah, well, guess what? My dreams went down the tube when Diana told me I’d have to do pedicures too. Yuck.” Kia plugged her nose. “Think of all the toe jam and stinky feet.”

Shawna made a face. “And did you hear about the hairdresser who went home after work and found head lice squirming around under her fingernails?”

“No way!”

Shawna laughed. “No. I just made that up.”

Kia grinned and chucked a piece of popcorn at her. But then an awkward silence descended again. Things hadn’t been the same between them since the afternoon they’d walked home from school together and Kia had snapped at Shawna. And now Kia was trying to find a way to tell her about the baby, but she just didn’t know how. Shawna had been unusually quiet too.

“Is everything okay with you, Ki?”

Kia turned to Shawna, surprised. “Yeah, why?”

“You seem ... I don’t know, like, spaced out or something.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I am.” This was the moment. She sat up, took a deep breath and opened her mouth to break the news, but Shawna interrupted her.

“And Derek’s been spreading some ugly rumors about you.”

“He has?” This was news. Kia forgot for the moment about telling Shawna anything.

Shawna wouldn’t make eye contact with her. “He’s saying that you’re a slut.”

“I don’t believe it!” Kia felt the blood rush to her face. “To who?”

“To everyone, it seems like. I heard it from Courtney, who said she heard it from Fahreen. And Lauren said she heard him say so himself. At Mitch’s party.”

“I’m going to kill him!”

Shawna reached for more popcorn.

“Mitch had a party?”

“Apparently. But don’t feel bad,” Shawna said. “Lauren said he only invited people who were into weed.”

“Lauren’s smoking it now too?”

“Yeah. She’ll do anything to get Mitch to like her.”

“Huh.”

“So, how are you going to kill him?” Shawna asked, eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you ask him his preference? Slow and painful or ...?”

Kia shook her head. She couldn’t see any humor in it. “Why is he saying that stuff? And what does that make him?”

Shawna fluffed up her pillow and pulled the covers up to her chin. “He’s a jerk. Everyone knows that. Don’t worry about it. No one will believe him.”

But Kia knew that wasn’t true. Derek had the kind of charm that was powerful, almost hypnotic, and she knew she wasn’t the only one who was a sucker for it.

Shawna snooped in the drawer of Kia’s night table while she waited for Kia to change into pajamas. She spotted the new journal and picked it up.

“Have you written in this yet?”

Kia nodded numbly.

“Any great words of wisdom?” Shawna didn’t open it, but waited expectantly.

Suddenly Kia knew exactly how to break the news to Shawna. “Listen, Shawn, I think if you read what’s in there ...” she glanced at the journal, “then you’ll understand why I’ve seemed spaced out.”

Shawna tilted her head. “Are you sure? I don’t have to.”

“Yeah, go ahead, read it,” Kia said, walking toward the door. “I’ll go make us some hot chocolate. I’ll be back in a minute.”

When Kia came back into the room carrying two mugs a few minutes later, she found Shawna sitting up, the journal closed in her lap, her face long and pale. She climbed off the bed, crossed the room and hugged Kia, who had to struggle to keep from spilling the hot chocolate down her back.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Shawna asked.

“Because I didn’t want you to say I told you so,” Kia answered, handing Shawna a steaming mug.

“And did I say that?” Shawna asked, looking hurt.

“No, I’m only kidding,” Kia said, realizing too late the sting in her words.

They sat for a moment, Shawna on the bed, Kia in a chair, staring at each other. Finally, Shawna broke the painful silence. “A swarm of bees?”

Kia nodded, then grinned. “Killer bees.”

Shawna smiled, setting free a tear. She wiped it away, set her mug on the dresser, then pulled the quilt back for Kia. “Come on, girl. I want to hear everything.”

~ fingernails are fully formed
~ baby has reflexes
~ all 20 teeth are formed

Feb. 17

Words.

My parents use words for everything. Talk everything to death. Everything is debated or discussed. They show their feelings through words.

School is about words.

Even Youth Group is about words. I feel blah blah blah. You feel blah blah blah.

Borrring.

Derek was not about words. He was about something else. Energy, desire, heat. I discovered something in me, something instinctual. Something powerful. Something beyond words.

But maybe a few words would have helped. Clarified things. Made me realize we weren’t in the relationship for the same thing. Maybe we weren’t even in a ‘relationship.’

Derek doused my fire, quickly, unexpectedly.

God, how I miss it.

From:
        Kia <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Justin <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 18
Subject:
     heavy sigh
hi justin, 2 down, one to go. shawna and angie know. derek doesn’t, and I’m in no hurry to tell him. shawna was cool, angie was ... i dunno. real quiet. i’m not sure what she was thinking. all she really said was “who’s the dad going to be?” i told her there wasn’t one, and she just looked at me kinda funny. i really feel like i’ve let her down, more than anyone else. i’ve been like her role model, u know? and the harassment she’s gonna get from her friends will be brutal. i wonder if mom & dad have told their friends. i don’t have the guts to ask.
what have I done to them?
why?
see ya tomorrow at youth group
k

From:
        Justin <
[email protected]
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To:
             Kia <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 18
Subject:
     Re: spect
hi kia, i don’t have any little brothers or sisters, but i know all about letting people down. been there, done that. it’s a tough one, but in the end you’ve just got to remember not to let yourself down. and you’re doing great. you’re doing what’s right for you, and you’re being honest with everyone else. eventually angie will respect that.
can i break the news at youth group?
uncle J

From:
        Kia <
[email protected]
>
To:
             Justin <
[email protected]
>
Date:
          Feb. 18
Subject:
     Re: Re: spect
gladly! C U there.
k & p

Justin struck a match and lit the candle in the chalice that sat on the floor in the center of their circle. “We kindle the flame as a symbol of our gathering,” he said.

“May the light of understanding illuminate our darkness,” the gathered teens in the youth group responded. “May the warmth of sharing bring us peace.”

Justin sat back. “Okay. Check-in time. Who wants to start?”

“I want to start,” Chris said, “by offering some food.” He reached into a paper grocery bag that sat on the floor beside him and pulled out a tub of once-frozen chocolate cookie dough and a handful of spoons. “It will be a kind of ... communion, you know? Like they do in other churches.”

“Oh yum!” Laurel said.

Chris handed a spoon to each person. “I thought we could just pass the bucket around while we did check-in. What do you think?” he asked.

There were enthusiastic nods around the circle.

“You call that food?” Justin asked, smiling.

“Absolutely!” Chris answered, taking the first scoop and passing the bucket on. “The best kind.”

“Food of the gods,” Meagan agreed, digging in and then sucking the gooey chocolate dough off her spoon. She
closed her eyes and tilted her head back. “Ahh. To die for.”

Kia settled back and listened to everyone’s news as they took turns sharing their stories of the past week. When the bucket reached her, she dug out a rounded spoonful of cookie dough, popped it in her mouth and then passed the bucket to Justin, who was sitting on the floor to her left. His turn to share was next. She was to be last, but she’d have nothing to say. Justin was going to say it for her.

While Chris rattled off the scores of his last four hockey games, Kia glanced sideways at Justin’s profile and felt an unexpected fluttering sensation in her stomach. Justin shifted his position just then, stretching out his legs, and his shoulder pressed against hers. She froze. This was not nerves, she realized with alarm, recognizing the feeling.

“So, Chris, are you done?” Justin asked. She felt him shift again, sitting up straighter now. Immediately she missed the warm feel of his shoulder pressed against hers.

“Yeah, that about sums up my week,” he answered.