Dangerous Beauty: Part Three: This is War (29 page)

What?
Anastacia thought.
But why?

“Anastacia, I failed you, and I hurt you, too. What happened to us was just as much my fault as it was yours … maybe even more. Telling Angelo that …” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, this is hard for me say. I’ve been thinking about the moment I would get to talk to you like this for so long.”

“Please try,” she whispered. “Please tell me, Cesare.”

“Letting Angelo believe that I hated you back when I first came to America was the only way that I could fix his and my relationship. We worked together, but we were at each other’s throats. Therefore, in order for us to coexist peacefully, I let him believe that I hated, you when nothing could be further from the truth.”

Anastacia’s heart jumped in her chest, but she didn’t say a word. She just continued to listen.

“What I said the night you left was stupid, insensitive, and not true. I was scared, Ana, you were so devastated—we both were—and I couldn’t think of a way to console either of us. We were both so young, we didn’t know how to deal with it. I was angry with you for a little while, and even fell into a depression. But, love, I forgave you for leaving many years ago. I could never hold that against you even if I wanted to. We experienced something extremely heartbreaking, something devastatingly tragic, and neither of us were prepared for it. We both made some bad decisions after that happened to us, Ana. You ran into the arms of the devil. And I …”

The moment the tears began to fall from his eyes, her heart broke.

He clutched her oversized shirt in his hand and drew in a shaky breath. “I was unable to care for my son, to be the father he needed at the time. Losing the baby, and losing you, had broken me so much, Ana. I only asked her to take our son for a short period of time while I got myself together in America, while I found us a decent place to live and helped Angelo build the organization. I thought he’d be safe with his mother, but …” He shook his head and brought his eyes back to hers. “Ana, Abrielle hurt him. She abused her own son, my baby boy, and she did it to hurt me. I mean, what kind of sick woman would do such a thing? I didn’t find out what she was doing to my son until it was nearly too late. That night—when I arrived in Italy and saw my son lying beaten and unrecognizable in that hospital bed—was the worst night of my life. I had been so wrapped up in myself, so focused on getting money and building a life in America, that I’d neglected my son. There were days when I didn’t even answer the phone when he called. For two years he endured that pain, and the worst part is, I had wanted to bring him to America the moment Melina had Mikilo, but his mother had insisted he wanted to stay with her in Italy for a little while longer. I was stupid enough to believe her.”

“You weren’t stupid, Cesare—”

He shook his head. “Don’t. Please, Ana. This is my pain, my mistake, and my truth. Let me tell it. Kyle was almost four and Mickey was almost two when I took him from Italy. I had to get him in therapy right away. I got him to tell me everything that Abrielle had done to him right before he just shut down and forgot … everything. To this day he doesn’t remember anything that happened to him when he was with his mother. He only has the scars on his body to remind him.”

“Where is Abrielle, now?”

“Even if I knew I wouldn’t tell you, Ana. I didn’t tell you this because I want you to find your sister and kill her. I told you this because I wanted to give you an example of the love a child has for their parent. After I took him around Nathan, Kyle slowly started opening up again. He became a kid again. I am honest with my son about everything. He asked me why he had the scars, and I told him that his mother was a monster and she’d hurt him. Then I told him that I failed to protect him from her … and that I’d regret that for the rest of my life. Do you know what he said to me?”

With wide eyes, wanting to hear the rest of his sad history, she shook her head.

“He told me it was okay, that I was a good daddy and he forgave me, and he pleaded with me to never make him go back to her. Then he reached forward and did that little thing you used to do to him. He tugged on my ear. His doctor said he associated that action with happiness, with love. Even after I failed him, he loved me.” He cupped her face. “We made a lot of stupid mistakes in the past, Ana, don’t mess up again. Carterina is your baby, she is a part of you. You will sit her down and talk through it. All of it. You will do it because you love her, and she will forgive you because she loves you. Even though I still do not forgive myself for what happened to my son, I accepted his forgiveness and changed my life. Never again have I put my ambitions before the people I love. After Mikilo’s mother left, I got a place for just myself and my sons, and I raised them on my own. I learned my lesson, and now you will learn yours, Ana. But first you need to trust that Carterina will love you despite your mistakes and tell her the truth.”

With a deep sigh, Anastacia nodded her head. “You’re right,” she whispered while gently wiping the tears from his eyes, “but I’m still scared.”

He nodded in agreement. “Trust me, I know what it’s like to be terrified of your kids.”

She chuckled softly. “Are you more afraid of Mickey or Ky-ky?”

“They both have their moments, but they are my life and I accept them even with their flaws. It’s always been the three of us.”

“Mmmhmm…” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder and picking at the buttons on his shirt. “Don’t forget your slew of young women.” She was surprised by the bitterness and
twinge
of jealousy she’d heard in her own voice. Whoops.

“Was that jealousy I heard?” he asked, obviously amused by her statement.

“I’m not jealous,” she whispered still picking at his shirt because now she was unable to meet his eyes.

What the hell did she have to be jealous for? She was Anastacia Stone for heaven’s sake. She couldn’t walk down the road without men offering to court her. She didn’t need to be jealous of anything.

Cesare chuckled. “I cannot believe you’re jealous, Anastacia.”

“I said I wasn’t jealous.”
That’s a lie because I am
. “I was just asking. It didn’t mean anything.” This conversation wasn’t really working for her new ‘no lying’ lifestyle.

He shook his head. “Don’t lie to me, it is pointless. I know what I heard. There’s nothing to be jealous for anyway. I’m sure what you’ve heard of my love life was embellished.”

She rolled her eyes. “I doubt that, Cesare. From what I remember you never had any trouble finding a mate in the past.”

“Neither did you,” he reminded her. “Since the day we first I met, you’ve had a constant flow of men behind you, begging you to be theirs and confessing their undying love.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed into his eyes. “They could all confess whatever they wanted to, Cesare. There are only four men that have ever had the pleasure of seeing my perfect body without clothing.”

He laughed.

“Don’t laugh.” She laughed a little herself. “You weren’t laughing when I was undressing for you.”

“No I wasn’t. If I had, I’m sure you would have put them right back on—”

“Then kicked your ass and left,” Anastacia finished.

He smiled. “And that was the last thing I wanted you to do once I finally got you naked.”

Anastacia was astonished by the next noise that escaped her lips: a giggle. A ridiculous flirtatious giggle that she could not believe came from her. Disgusting! She sounded like a fucking girl. If her father were alive he’d kick her ass. Surprised by the sound, Anastacia slapped her hand against her mouth.

Cesare was thoroughly amused because he knew what she’d done, and that she hated that she’d done it. The fucking bastard. Anastacia frowned, attempting to stand, but he didn’t let her.

“Come on, Ana,” he laughed. “Stop it. I am playing with you that’s all.”

“You’re being a jerk,” she grumbled.

“Because you’re being ridiculous. You have too many rules, woman. No crying or laughing, nor emotion of any kind. No living, no breathing …”

Okay, now he was being an asshole. She rose to leave, but once again he stopped her.

“Ana, stop. All right, I’m done. I promise. Come here.” He opened his arms for her to rest on him, and after a moment of hesitation she complied. “See, that’s better,” he whispered.

Anastacia didn’t know why he’d whispered his words until she felt why … his chest was still shaking with silent laughter. She could no longer be angry even if she tried. She sat up in his lap and playfully hit is chest, even as she began to laugh herself. This was the huge difference between Angelo and Cesare. Angelo wouldn’t want to deal with her temper, so he would never laugh at her in the first place, but Cesare … Cesare was the type to do whatever he wanted. If he thought it was funny, he’d laugh until you thought it was funny right along with him.

“Stop laughing!” she yelled at him.

He shook his head, still laughing at her. “I’m sorry, I can’t. For you to expect me to is wrong, Ana.”

“I hate you,” she laughed, glaring at him in mock anger.

Grinning wide, he wrapped his arms around her and placed his forehead to hers. “If I love you, you have to love me, too.”

She smiled, feeling carefree for the first time in a long time, and the words escaped her lips without even a thought. “I do love you.”

Then she paused.
Oh shit. Oh shit!
Did I just say that out loud? Shit!

Frozen, all she could do was look into Cesare’s eyes. He’d gone silent as well. She really had no idea what to do next. She didn’t know how long they sat staring at each other, but the moment she opened her mouth to break the silence, Cesare’s lips were pressed to hers.

Something so powerfully intense shot through her body, forcing her to immediately cling to him;
Anastacia could not explain it even if she tried. She kissed him hard. It felt so good … so, so fucking good. Anastacia was nearly lost. The way he was touching her, the way she touched him, she knew exactly where the kiss was headed, and she didn’t want him to stop. It took one thought that chose this moment to creep into her head.

If you move too fast, you get hurt
.

Hurt. Anastacia had experienced hurt many times in her love life, and recently she had decided to break the cycle. If a man wanted to be with her, he had to court her. He couldn’t just expect her to get into bed with him. It didn’t matter if she loved Cesare. Getting unknowingly cast into the role of Angelo Salerno’s mistress again had made her realize she wanted more. Hell, she had even decided she would like to marry again. Maybe this time it’d actually work out for her.

Anastacia reluctantly pushed back from the kiss. Breathing hard, she gazed into Cesare’s eyes. “We have to stop before this goes too far.”

Cesare seemed to snap out of a trance and back to the present. “Oh shit,” he said breathlessly. “Fuck!” Guilt flashed across his face as he looked into her eyes. “I kissed you.” He said the words as if it were the worst thing in the word.

Anastacia frowned in confusion. “So what?”

“Ana, you are in a relationship with Angelo. He’s going to fucking kill me!” He helped her up before he shot up from his seat and paced the floor anxiously, raking his fingers through his hair. “God, I’m the worst fucking friend. I promised him I wouldn’t do this.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Anastacia asked, “Do what?”

“I promised him I’d keep my distance, Ana!” he yelled. “He only agreed to not fight me about seeing you healthy if I promise we wouldn’t … you know.”

“We didn’t, ‘you know’,” she snapped. “And even if we did, it would be none of his fucking business. I don’t know what he told you, but he and I have been over for almost two months. Weeks before Carterina was taken.”

The expression on his face instantly changed to confusion. “What?”

“I ended it with him because he is with Cynthia! I refuse to be his whore again, so I let him go.”

“But he said—”

“He lied.” And it didn’t surprise her that he had either, the controlling bastard. “I’ve barely even talked to Angelo since the day I broke things off with him. You don’t have to do everything he says, Cesare. He’s the boss of your work, not your life.”

“I run my own life, Ana. It’s just,” he sighed, “I thought you were still together. I thought that we betrayed him … again.”

“We never betrayed him, Cesare.” Ever since the first time they’d made love, Cesare had always felt that they’d betrayed Angelo, but Anastacia had never thought that. She and Angelo had broken up after he had cheated on her with a prostitute, and called her numerous horrible names during a drunk phone call. That night Cesare came back to Italy to comfort her, that night they conceived their daughter. Gabriella Elizabeth was what they named her before she’d died within Anastacia’s womb.

“I told you long ago to stop calling the night we conceived Gabriella a night of betrayal, Cesare.” Anastacia hated when he did that. She
hated
it. It made her feel like he was saying that her death was a punishment for their actions. “She was made from love, not betrayal.”

Anastacia wrapped her arms around herself as she always did when she thought of the baby she lost … well, the two babies she’d lost. She couldn’t forget about Carter’s twin.