Dangerous Beauty: Part Three: This is War (28 page)

Anastacia moved closer to him. “Then teach me.” She looked up into his cold, blue eyes. “Please,” she begged. “I want to learn how, Cesare. Stop being so mean to me. I told you long ago that Italian boys have to be nice to African girls.”

Something changed in his eyes when she’d said that … they lost a bit of coldness.

“And why is that, Anastacia?” he asked, setting the items on the counter and beginning to pull out the ingredients.

In the effort of lessening the tension between them, Anastacia took a risk. She knew exactly what to do to get Cesare Valente to loosen up and have fun with her; she wasn’t going to act as if she didn’t. She slowly walked over to him with a playful smile on her lips. Once she reached him, she encircled his arm with hers and stood on her toes, resting her chin on his shoulder. She felt the muscles in his arm tense, but she didn’t step back. He looked at her on his shoulder and she smiled, then answered his question.

“Because, Italian boys
love
African girls, Cesare Valente.”

When she said the words that she had once said to him when she was just seventeen years old, his eyes suddenly brightened with playful amusement.

There was her Cesare.

Anastacia was young during a time when she was often looked down upon simply because she had dark skin. She and Cesare used to play this game often whenever he’d noticed her beginning to be affected by the horrific things many—including her own blood relatives—used to say to her.

He shook his head and continued laying out the vegetable he needed to cut. “Italian boys love African girls, huh?” he asked, a smile pulling at his lips.

Anastacia nodded her head. “They do, very much. Can’t get enough of us. You’re missing out, Cesare Valente.”

He chuckled softly and she wanted to kiss the dimple in his cheek. The laugh alone warmed her entire body. God, he was so … perfect.

“And why am I missing out, Anastacia Stone?”

She shrugged. “Because you are not dating an African girl of course. Those girls you date are pretty, but they are not like me. The men and woman don’t look at me because I’m different … they just can’t take their eyes off of how beautiful I am.”

He laughed, and the warmth rushed through her body once again.

“I’m telling you, Cesare,” she laughed softly, “they only pretend like my skin bothers them, yet I know the truth. They can say what they want, but I know they just wish they were like me. I have beautiful brown skin.”

In that moment, he turned his head to gaze down upon her, and the look in his eyes caused her to pause. “You have stunning, brown skin … Anastacia Stone,” he whispered. “And don’t you ever let anyone tell you different.” Slowly, he brought his hand up to her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Beautiful both inside and out. You’ve fooled them all, Ms. Stone. You’re not who they say you are.” A subtle sadness flashed through his eyes. “I can see you … still.”

Numerous emotions thickened the atmosphere until they disappeared into a world where no one else existed but the two of them. It was very clear to Anastacia at the moment that she had forgotten just how much she loved Cesare Valente. Now she understood why Angelo had continually asked her if she was still in love with him. It was because he knew … he knew what she didn’t know. What she still didn’t understand. For more than a minute all they did was gaze into each other’s eyes, unable to mumble a word. Anastacia wasn’t able to hide a thing even if she wanted to. She was positive that every thought in her head—every feeling in her heart—was showcased on her face, but she didn’t care. She never wanted this moment to end.

But as they say about all good things …

Cesare was the first to blink out of the trance they’d fallen into, and Anastacia quickly followed suit. An emotion resembling guilt flashed across his face, and he swallowed and took a step away from her.

“We should get back to cooking,” he murmured, turning his attention back to the food in front of him. “If you want to help, that’s fine. You can cut the tails off of the shrimp and get them prepared for cooking.”

Anastacia awkwardly nodded her head and reached in front of him, taking the shrimp and a knife and placing them on the island.
Okay, that didn’t go as planned
. All she’d wanted to do was lighten the mood, but instead she’d just made her life even more complicated. Anastacia was shaken,
actually
shaken. Her blood had rushed to the surface beneath her skin, making her feel nothing but a slow, simmering heat … everywhere. She needed to steady her nerves. Touching him, saying those words to him, had stirred something deep within her. Something dangerous and forbidden.

I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have gotten that close. What a stupid, stupid thing to—

Abruptly Anastacia jerked her hand back and yelled “Ow!” when pain shot through one of her fingers. She looked down and saw blood.
Holy shit.
She hadn’t even realized she’d started cutting. She was usually so good with a knife.

“Dammit, Ana!” Cesare immediately took her hand in his and pressed a clean towel to her wound. “You have to pay attention.”

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, not even listening to him. She was too focused on the proximity of their bodies. He stood so close to her, much closer than he needed to be. “I wasn’t paying attention, I didn’t mean to—”

“Stop,” he said softly. Sighing, he led her to the sink and turned on the water. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It was a mistake. I just don’t like to see you hurt yourself, that’s all.”

After he was sure her wound was no longer bleeding, he placed her finger under the warm water.

Anastacia looked up into his eyes. “Is this why you have been caring for me?” she asked.

Turning off the water, he stared into the sink, frowning in thought. “Yes” he said as he place her hand back on to the towel and gently dried her hand. “I saw you hurt, and now I will see you better. I didn’t trust that anyone could care for you as well as I can.”

Unable to stop herself, Anastacia took a step closer to him … only to have him take a step back. Surprised by the action, Anastacia looked away, embarrassed. Such behavior wasn’t normal for her, but she truly wasn’t feeling her best. All the rules she’d created for herself—for her daughter—seemed so fucking pointless right now.

Quickly she pulled her hand away from him and tried to walk away, but before she took a step Cesare reached out and gripped her arm.

“Stop, Ana. I’m sorry.”

Anastacia jerked her arm, attempting to pull away from him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Cesare. I’m not feeling well any more, I’ll go lie down now.”

He pulled her closer to him. “Please,” he whispered, the emotion in his voice causing her to turn and face him. “I don’t mean to hurt you, I’m just,” he sighed, “confused, that’s all …”

Anastacia felt her face heat as unshed tears glistened her eyes. “I’m sorry, Cesare.” His brows furrowed, but she continued. “I know you hate me and you want to keep your distance, but it’s just so hard for me. I don’t remember you like this. You used to be so happy, so full of life. If what I did to you hurt you this much, I’m begging you to please just forgive me. I have no excuse other than I was extremely hurt and broken. I was facing so much shit every day, and I was facing it alone. I know I had you and Ky-ky, but there was things I had to endure that neither of you would ever be able to understand. I hit rock bottom after our daughter died.” She inhaled a deep, shaky breath when emotion hit her hard. Giving birth to a stillborn baby at thirty weeks of pregnancy was something Anastacia would never wish on any woman, not even one she hated. Time doesn’t take that pain away. One always remembers the moment they realized their precious baby—the one that kept her up all night kicking—just suddenly stopped moving. The doctors told her that it wasn’t her fault, that sometimes bad things just happen, but there was no point. One doesn’t just feel better after experiencing something like that. You just … can’t. “Cesare, I had never experienced that much pain before. I was convinced that God was punishing me. That night I left you and Kyle, I had every intention of killing myself. When I told you I couldn’t live anymore, I meant it. I went to a doctor, paid him for any poison that he could provide me, and injected myself with it in my hotel room.”

Shock and grief flashed through Cesare’s eyes. “Ana—”

“No,” she cut him off, as a tear fell from her eye “Don’t stop me. Let me tell you the truth. Let me tell you what happened.” When he remained silent, she continued. “I woke up four hours after I took what I thought was poison, angry with the doctor that had taken my money and lied to me. The doctor turned out to be a good man, a ve–very good man …”

More tears fell from her eyes as she thought of her recently deceased friend. Without that man, Anastacia never would have made it after Silas killed her son and gave Carterina away. The man had been both her confidant and her only real friend for over twenty years. He’d died of brain cancer just three weeks before Carter’s birthday a few months back. She had told Carter that she had to go handle business, but really, she had to go bury her friend and grieve with his family. In his will, he had left her a key for a safe that contained the money she had given to him when she was just twenty-one years old. She’d given it to his family and made it back to the States in time for Carterina’s birthday dinner.

“He told me that one day I’d thank him for not letting me kill myself, and that he’d help me. I didn’t listen to him that night. I didn’t see him again until two years after that night … because that night I made the best, and worst, decision of my life. I fled the country with the man that would become my husband, the father of my deceased son and living daughter, and the man that would torment me and haunt my dreams for over twenty years. So if you’re looking to make me feel like shit, or scream at me or punish me, you’re too late.” She placed her hand to her heart. “I have already been punished,” she cried. “There is nothing that anyone else can do to me that is worse than what I have already endured.

“The only person that can truly devastate me to the point of breaking me is on a plane coming home from meeting her father in one of the most fucked up ways one can imagine, and I’m scared. I’m fucking terrified because while trying to make her love me, I broke my promise to her. I lied to her, I kept things from her because I am what I never wanted her to be. I’m a coward. I’m a liar and a coward that’s desperate for the love of my daughter because I fucked up so bad that I wasn’t even able to raise her myself. I had to put her in the hands of a man that wasn’t even her father, a man that I had never met until I begged him to take my baby so that her actual father wouldn’t kill her, or sell her to some sick fuck that would rape her! For three years I didn’t even get to see my baby. Had Robert not taken pity on me, and helped me get off my ass and rebuild my father’s empire, I never would have gotten to see her face. I never would have had hope that I would have her again.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. “The first time I hugged my baby in over twenty years was right here in this kitchen. Silas took her away from me because I didn’t want to be a family with him.” A sob escaped her lips. “Now he will take her because I didn’t tell her the truth. She probably knows now. She probably knows that I am a liar, that I was married to Silas, that I was once a weak woman who allowed a man to abuse me and lock me in a dark room multiple times. Sometimes he locked me away and made me go three or four days without food or water just to punish me. And I let him because I had convinced myself that I deserved it, that I loved him. If I couldn’t have death, I’d have pain I could feel on the outside and not just in my heart. Silas gave me that. He sucked me into his world and I lost my mind. I didn’t get it back until I felt them kick. Carterina, my daughter, and Gabriel, my son. His name would have been Gabriel …”

And there it was. The first time she had ever told anyone the truth. The first time she had ever told anyone what she had allowed Silas to do to her. The first time she had ever told anyone that she was married to Silas Steele. She hadn’t even told Robert.

“I am still legally his wife,” she whispered. “Though I have acquired much power, I still haven’t been able to complete the simple task of divorcing him. Somehow, he has prevented me from doing so. I’m stuck.”

For much longer than a moment, Cesare just silently stared at her. Even though Anastacia had already lowered her eyes in shame, she still felt his eyes boring into her. She had completely stripped herself in hopes that he would forgive her … that he would see she was truly sorry for leaving that night. Carterina was the only reason she could never regret suffering in that horrible marriage. Anastacia would rather have not experienced the abuse with Silas, but if she had to just to have her baby in her life, then she would go through it all over again. That was what Anastacia planned to tell her the moment she walked through that front door.

“Anastacia,” Cesare said softly, bringing Anastacia from her thoughts. “Please look at me.”

She looked up into his eyes, expecting to see judgment, but found none. What she found instead made even more tears fall from her eyes. Concern, empathy, understanding … and love.

Cesare took her hand and lead her over to a booth-like table in the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, he sat down and pulled her to him until she took a seat on his lap, facing him.

Frowning, he visibly swallowed before speaking. “Anastacia Elizabeth Stone,” he released another long breath and his eyes glistened with unshed tears of regret, “I owe you an apology …”