Dangerously Safe (5 page)

Chris gave her one curt nod and turned to look at the opposite wall. She gripped the towel tighter and fought the urge to stay. Soothing his fragile ego would only confuse him.

It would be better for him if she left. That’s what she told herself as she stepped into her clothes as fast as possible and ran out to her car with tears streaming down her face.

Chris pounded his fist against the bed. The soft sound and vibration through the mattress coils served as a pathetic reward for his attempt to work out his frustration. He should never have let Hannah walk out the door.

She’d done this the entire time he’d known her. Let a guy in for one night and then walk away. If she saw him again, she’d act like she never knew him at all. And those guys seemed to be okay with that.

He’d thought that getting her to trust him enough to make love to every part of her body would have made some kind of difference. Damn. He was a fool.

Everything about Hannah screamed temporary. Except their friendship. Maybe that’s why he thought he’d have a chance in hell of breaking down those barriers she kept solid and strong.

He knew none of the other guys had stood a chance. The last thing he wanted to do was end up like one of them, especially since he had so much invested in Hannah.

Now he was one of those guys. He didn’t want to lose her. He’d loved her the minute they’d met. The reality of sleeping with her had been better than anything he’d dreamed of, and he’d done a hell of lot of dreaming over the years.

He wanted Hannah to be his girlfriend. Hell, he wanted her to be his wife. But the way she’d left only reminded him of why he’d kept their friendship a priority. Hannah didn’t do “love” let alone relationships.

Sure, they’d maintained a friendship for a long time. Hannah invested in that kind of relationship because she deemed it safe. He couldn’t hurt her like a lover could if she invested her heart.

The line had been crossed. Their friendship could never be the same. She would think it could be, but no way could he go back to pretending their mind-boggling night of sex hadn’t meant a thing to him.

She’d given him her body in the shower, but something happened to her on the bed. She opened up to him and let go in ways he doubted she’d been able to do with anyone else. He’d gotten to see a glimpse into her heart and soul, and she looked incredible.

Now Hannah had all she needed to run in the opposite direction, pushing him away as she went. He should have stopped her before she’d raced out of the house. Too bad he’d let his damn ego stand in the way.

The way she got out of the bed like it was on fire and inched towards the door while giving lame excuses had bruised his pride. So Hannah wasn’t the only damaged one in the relationship. He needed to get over himself and fast.

He couldn’t help but run his hands through his hair and sigh. He’d dated girls who had walked out on him. It had been easy to let them go. He had to face it. Every single one had been a replacement for the woman he wanted the most. Hannah.

And he’d just let her walk away like the others. There was only one difference. Her exit hurt like hell.

At least he could say he’d tried to make it work with Ariel. He thought he’d made all the right moves and said all the right things, but it still hadn’t been enough for her. She’s said she’d wanted more. What he’d given her hadn’t cut it.

It did hurt when she left. He’d done everything he thought he needed to so he would forget about Hannah and give his heart to Ariel. She’d looked so much like Hannah they could have been sisters. But their personalities were night and day.

Hannah stayed guarded at all times and used her wit to push people away. . Ariel on the other hand was warm and loving. She’d told him she’d gotten out of a six year relationship only months before meeting him. He’d been the second man she’d been with. Ever.

He’d thought he could live up to that kind of pressure. In fact, he’d actually convinced himself it would make him a better man if he knew he had such high standards to meet. He’d thought so many stupid things. Now look where it had gotten him.

Damn it. He had to do something about this and fast. If he let Hannah put enough distance between them for too long, she’d have time to cement the cracks he’s put in those walls of hers making it impossible to get through.

She said maybe she’d see him tomorrow. Damn right she would. And he wouldn’t take any more of her crap. This relationship was going to happen. She wanted it, too. She just didn’t know it yet.

****

When he walked into the bar a little after 9 PM the following night, he stopped just inside the doorway. The sounds and smells of the bar offered a familiar comfort. Loud classic rock, beer, greasy food, and tobacco stuck to clothing mingled in the air. He spent most of his time at the bar when he wasn’t working. And the love of his life worked there.

There was no way he could have missed her standing next to the old pinball machine flashing against the side of the bar. Hannah had tied heart shaped balloons to the back of a chair and pushed it so the balloons floated in front of the dart board.

Her outfit was typical of what she wore to work. Her jeans hung low on her hips, and her favorite t-shirt that read, “I Speak Fluent Sarcasm,” rested just about the waist. Her back was towards him as she lifted a dart, moved it back and forth before whipping it at the balloons. It hit the wall with a soft thud. She’d missed.

“I don’t know who did what to Hannah, but she’s in a foul mood tonight. I’d steer clear, buddy.”

Roxy Jackson, the bar’s owner and Hannah's surrogate mother, came up next to him and shrugged. “Somebody pissed her off good. I’m lucky the bar’s dead tonight. If anyone rubbed her the wrong way I’d probably end up having to call the cops. She’s lookin’ to unleash holy hell on anybody. It's kinda pissing me off, too.  She’s the best when she’s not on the warpath.”

Chris grunted in response. “Any idea what set her off?”

He held his breath and leaned back. Roxy always took care of Hannah and her friends, but he knew that if anybody did anything to hurt her, she would be the second in line to beat the crap out of him. Usually Chris would be the first in line, but since he was pretty sure he’d fall into the category of the person who’d upset her, he’d take what he had coming from the next person in line.

Roxy shook her head and shrugged again. “Nope. She says she’s fine. Nothing happened, and if people would just leave her the hell alone she’d appreciate it.”

Chris shook his head and closed his eyes while letting a slow breath escape through his lips. At least she hadn’t hung him out to dry yet.

“Go on and sit as far away from her as you can. I’ll grab you a beer.” Roxy patted him on the shoulder and headed to the bar.

Chris chose to sit by the exit. Who knew how the evening was going to turn out? He needed to talk to Hannah about last night. There had to be way to break through those walls and keep them down.

Or things could go very wrong. His stomach soured at the thought. He just couldn’t let that happen. Hannah had to be a part of his life. Even more than that. He wanted Hannah to be the center of his life.

He jumped when the first dart hit a balloon making a loud popping sound, and Hannah cursed in celebration. She bent down to pick up another dart when she noticed Jack behind the bar getting his beer. Her hand stilled, and she turned. The way her face changed from tight lips and downturned eyebrows to her mouth forming a small “o” and her cheeks flushing might have been comical on any other day.

Hannah turned, placed the remaining darts down with a soft clicking sound, wiped her hands on her jeans, and sauntered over to his table. Even with the solid pit of fear growing in his stomach, the simple sway of her hips turned him on.

“I thought I might see you tonight.” She didn’t take the chair next to him. The way she moved might have screamed she was relaxed to anyone else, but he knew her too well. Her arms were stiff and her neck muscles tense. When she sat down, she crossed her arms over her chest. Relaxed Hannah would have leaned onto the table and made eye contact at least once in a while. This uptight Hannah stared at some imaginary spot on the table.

“Hey.”
Shit.
That was lame.

“Hey.” He took a deep breath and took comfort in the fact that she let him take the lead for now.

After countless seconds went by, he realized “hey” had been a stroke of genius. Nothing came to mind to say that wouldn’t sound awkward or set her off. If only Roxy had brought his beer over. The liquid courage sure sounded good right then. He decided to go neutral.

“How—”
“What—” She started at the same time and blushed. Waving her hand in the air but still avoiding his eyes, she said, “You go first.”

He cleared his throat. “How’s your night going?”

She raised one eyebrow and glanced at him. “Uh, slow. It’s the night after Valentine’s Day and a Wednesday. Nobody’s hanging out at the bar tonight. Except us, apparently.”

His chuckle sounded as fake as it felt. Damn, this was hard.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to break through the mess they’d created last night. It was time to shit or get off the pot.

“Listen, Hannah. Don’t freak out. I just wanted you to know that I had a really great time last night. Actually, it was better than great. It was amazing.” He held his breath and took his turn avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah.” Her voice was little more than a breath.

He dared a glance at Hannah. Her pink cheeks had gone a shade darker. She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, and she ran her fingernail back and forth over a scratch in the table. The music in the bar seemed to get louder.

“So, I was thinking maybe you can come over after your shift? Maybe watch a movie?”

She stilled.

Uh-oh.

“Listen, Chris,” she said before pausing to lick her lips, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last night … probably shouldn’t have happened. We’re friends. We should have just stayed friends.” She glanced at his face. “Could we maybe forget about it?”

He sat back in his chair so hard it screeched against the floor. All of his fear vaporized with her last statement. Forget about it? Hell no. Even if there was a reason he’d want to forget it, hell would have to freeze over before it might actually happen.

Now he was pissed. What the hell did last night mean to her? Was he really going down as just another lay for her? Shouldn’t their friendship make what happened between them mean more?

Well, fuck. He wasn’t giving up that easily.

“No.”

Hannah’s eyes met his. She looked dazed. “What?”

“I said ‘no,’ Hannah. We can’t just forget about it. That’s not going to happen.”

She pressed her lips together and clasped her hands on the table. “So what does that mean, exactly?”

He mimicked her position and leaned forward. “It means that we’re friends who went beyond their normal boundaries and had sex. Mind blowing, hot, wet, incredible sex. And we’re going to do it again. And again. And again. I’m not going to let you run away from me. You can make all the excuses in the world as to why we shouldn’t do this, but I’m not listening. I’m not one of your one-night-stand guys. I’m in this for the long haul.”

The crimson rising in her cheeks warmed his insides. He was getting to her. He leaned closer and whispered, “We’re doing this, Hannah. I’m not losing you as a friend or a lover. I’m taking both.”

Hannah got up so fast she knocked her chair down behind her. He watched her lips move while a few sputtering sounds came out but nothing coherent. She was mad.

He glanced at the bar to see Roxy wipe her hands, sling the towel over her shoulder, and place her hands flat on the bar.
Oh, shit.

“You cannot tell me what to do!” Roxy raised one eyebrow, and Chris could have sworn he’d seen the corner of her mouth twitched upward. The beating of his heart in his chest pumped the adrenaline he needed in order to face a pissed off Hannah as well as Roxy if it came to that. Chris took his time standing and put his hands on his hips.

“I’m not telling you what to do.” He worked to keep his voice low and steady. “I’m telling you how it is, Hannah. You have to stop running away from good things. Everyone isn’t out to hurt you. And you know me. We’re already amazing together. It’s that simple.”

Despite her reddening face and fisted hands, Chris fought the urge to grin. She wanted to blow a fuse but held on because she was at work. He’d have to be careful or she’d throw all caution to the wind and rain holy hell all over his ass if he pushed too hard. Reason #150 why he loved Hannah Monroe.

“I can’t believe you’d go there, Chris. After all I’ve…” She raised a fist to her mouth, and tears welled in her eyes. He hadn’t seen that coming.

Hannah ran to the hallway in the back of the bar. He assumed she’d be going into either the ladies’ room or Roxy’s office. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. It used to be that he was the one of the few who could witness her tears. Obviously he was no longer good enough.

Shit
. He knew she had issues with trust and intimacy.  Those bastards from the football team in high school had messed her up the day they tried to rape her, not to mention the dumb-asses who'd brought her into the world.  No wonder she'd never had a healthy sexual relationship in all the years he'd known her.