Dare to Breathe (5 page)

When I wake up, I am alone but I can still smell the scent of Nathan in my room. His smell reminds me I am safe and I yawn, suppressing a small smile despite the bad dream.

I hop out of bed and go into the kitchen completely forgetting to take my bathrobe. I stop short when I see both Ben and Nathan sitting there.

Ben gives me a loud whistle when he notices my tank top (no bra) and short shorts. “Nice…” he says, looking at me with a big grin.

Nathan slaps him over the head with the newspaper.

Squealing, I quickly turn around and go back into my room to find better clothing. Their laughter follows me in and I feel almost normal, for once laughing along with them.

“So, tonight I am cooking pasta!” Carrie tells me dramatically.

Tonight it is just us girls and I am happy about this. I need to get some distance from Nathan as even though his friendship is so sweet, I know he is starting to invade the personal space I have guarded for such a long time.

“Want my help?” I ask. Mandy and Carrie look at each other, roll their eyes and ignore me. I know I should be offended but even I can’t eat my own cooking!

“So, Sam, how are you enjoying Sally’s?” Mandy asks, sitting down next to me.

We watch Carrie as she chops up the onions and garlic, sets them aside, and goes off to find the pots she needs.

“It’s great!” I say to her. “Sally and Beth are an awesome team.”

“Yeah, those two have been through a lot,” she says, smiling fondly in memory.

“How do you know them?” I ask her.

“Well, Sally and my mom were best friends in high school. Sally met Beth in college and they hit it off right away. They have been a couple ever since and my mom has been best friends with both of them since then,” she tells me, pouring each of us a glass of wine to go with our pasta.

“So, Carrie, did you go on your date with Dave?” Mandy starts a new conversation with Carrie as she prepares our food.

I listen to them talk about boys and how boring the college ones they have met are so far, absently thinking about Nathan and his warm soothing arms that have now touched me, although briefly, twice.

“Sam?” I hear a voice calling me back. “You still with us?” Mandy continues.

“Umm, what?” I come out of my daydream and blush with my errant thoughts.

“I asked if anyone in this whole college has finally gotten your attention?” she says.

I suddenly notice both girls are looking at me with interest. Mandy is smirking at my red cheeks but luckily for me, says nothing.

“What, no! I am way too busy to be thinking about boys,” I answer, rolling my eyes at them. I grab a piece of bread and start chewing it before I say anything stupid.

“I know what you need,” Carrie says, narrowing her eyes in my direction. “You, my friend need a party and I know just where to go!” She looks over at Mandy and they have their secret ‘no words’ conversation.

“Seriously Carrie, no thanks!” I say but both girls are shaking their heads, excitement lighting up their faces.

“No pretty girl, this Saturday you are coming with us,” Mandy giggles.

Shit
, is all I can think.

Chapter Nine

Saturday comes and the girls both tear into my room, pulling my clothes out of the tiny wardrobe and going through everything I own.

“Right, how about this one?” Mandy asks Carrie holding up a tiny black skirt I bought on a dumb whim last summer.

“Uh uh, no way,” I say shaking my head but it’s too late.

“It’s perfect,” says Carrie, holding up a blue tank top next to the skirt. “These go together perfectly.”

I sit there like a baby doll as both girls dress me. They then decide to do my hair and make-up and eventually leave me to go and sort themselves out. I walk up to the small mirror in my room and examine my face. My blue eyes are popping with all the dark eyeliner and mascara and my cheeks are a rosy red, but I am not sure if it is the blusher or just my embarrassment. My long black hair has been brushed to an inch of its life and hangs freely down my back. I am wearing my black boots and have a black jacket to throw over it all.

Nervously I sit on my bed and wait for them, not daring to go into the rest of the house in case I bump into Ben or Nathan.

“Sam, get your pretty ass out here!” I hear Mandy shout at me.

Reluctantly, I open the door and go into the kitchen. I see Mandy has put on a body hugging black dress that highlights her gorgeous platinum blonde hair and perfect body. Carrie comes down the stairs wearing tight pink pants with a strapless black top which just accentuates her sharp features.

Ben and Nathan are sitting in their usual spot at the kitchen counter and Ben looks me up and down with a huge smile.

“Damn girl, you scrub up good!” he says, grinning.

Nathan, I notice is looking down at his hands with a scowl on his handsome face. I ignore him and instead gaze at Mandy and Carrie who both look drop dead gorgeous. Their happy faces make me smile and I go over to each of them giving them a quick hug, surprising them with my enthusiasm.
Whatever happened to my keeping a physical distance from everyone
?

“Well, let’s do this!” I say to them with a nervous smile. They jump up and down like jelly beans and we grab all our bags.

“Where are you all going?” asks a somber voice.

“We are headed down to Joe’s,” Carrie tells Nathan. “Want to come?”

Nathan looks in my direction and then away again. I get butterflies in my stomach as I imagine him deciding to join us.

“No, I have a date,” he says, pulling himself off the chair and heading out the kitchen. As he walks past me, he gently brushes against me and I take a small breath. His step falters for just a second and I feel his quick glance at me, but then he is gone. I look away from the others, trying to mask the disappointment in my face at his departure.
What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be having these feelings for him.

“Well, what crawled up his ass?” Carrie asks Ben.

Ben looks over at me with a question in his eye but then just shrugs.

“You want to come with us?” she asks him, breaking his gaze which is still fixed on me with curiosity.

“Hell no! You ladies are on a mission tonight, I can tell, and no way am I getting in the way! Just for the record, you all look damn fine!” he says, smiling at us, his charming face oddly proud.

Mandy gives him a peck on the cheek and then grabs Carrie and me by the hands, dragging us outside to hail a cab.

“Don’t wait up for us,” Carrie shouts out, laughing as we leave.

This was a bad idea. Dumb! Stupid!
I sit huddled in the corner of the booth trying to stay in the shadows. I hate the smell of liquor. It brings back so many evil memories that normally only surface when I am asleep. The club itself is pretty busy with dark red booths filled with people, a massive bar over on the left hand side and a huge dance floor right in the middle of the club. The music is pumping and on the dance floor I can see the girls thrusting their bodies to the music. They have tried repeatedly over the evening to get me to join them but I can’t budge. I clasp my clammy hands and try and look as if I am enjoying myself. I know I am failing miserably.

A guy at the bar catches my eyes before I can look away and starts to walk towards me.
No freaking way!
He sits down at the table and looks me up and down.

“Hey gorgeous,” he slurs at me.

All I can smell is the booze on his breath and I try not to heave. He has brown mousy hair that is tousled and a big bulky body that seems to sap the energy from around him. My nerves are starting to fray.

“My boyfriend will be here in a minute,” I say, looking around him. “He doesn’t like me talking to older men.”

“Name’s Ted,” he says, ignoring me, “and I am not that much older than you are!” he adds with a half-smile. I wonder how he knows my age but then figure he probably doesn’t care.

“Ted look,” I say looking directly at him with as much attitude as I can muster, “I need you to leave me the fuck alone.”

Ted just picks up his bottle and takes a big sip, his gaze never leaving mine. He has a stupid smirk on his face and I start to worry that this will end badly.

“Sam? Is that you?” I hear a friendly voice screech in my direction. A very drunk Jess comes tottering over towards me and I am overjoyed to have her as a buffer. Ted just sits back and watches. His eyes are creeping me out but I choose to ignore him.

“Hi Jess!” I say getting up to give her a hug.
I guess this place doesn’t I.D. people very much judging by the state of her.
Jess is wearing a tight purple top with black jeans which hug her in all the right places and the cutest heels ever.

“Oh, my God! It is you. How the hell have you been?” she says, plonking herself down next to me.

We start to chat and I see Ted shift in his chair.
Good, I hope he is getting bored
.

Suddenly Jess stops long enough to notice him. I see her eyes light up with interest as she looks between us. “So, who is this?” she says loud enough for Ted to hear. That’s all the invitation Ted needs and before I know it, they are deep in conversation. I should be relieved but there is something about Ted that freaks me out. I desperately want to leave but notice the girls are now at the bar talking animatedly with two guys. They see me surrounded by people so give me a wink and a wave and continue talking. I have to get out and have some fresh air so I shift myself past Ted and Jess. As I have to go around them, I feel Ted’s disgusting hands touching my ass. I slap his hands away and stomp off to the bathroom. When I get there, I look at myself closely in the mirror.
What the hell is wrong with me?
For the last twelve years I have lived a great life with two people I call Mom and Dad, so why can’t I just let the past go and relax for once?

That’s it. I can’t let this continue
. I think of Nathan on a date and try not to let it crush me. I am going to force myself to have some fun tonight even if it kills me. If everyone else can do it, why can’t I?

I go back into the club and to the booth where Jess is now practically on Ted’s lap. His eyes follow me once again.

“So, Ted, you going to buy us a drink?” I ask him boldly as I slide into my seat. His eyes lift in interest to mine.

“Sure thing sugar. What’re you ladies drinking?” he asks with a smirk.

“I’ll have whatever Jess is drinking.” I wave my hand in her direction trying to ignore the term of endearment that just sounds sleazy coming from his mouth.

Jess announces that ‘Screwdrivers’ are the drink of the day and he pops up to go and get us each one. When they arrive, I take a small tentative sip.
Not bad, a lot of orange juice; I can hardly taste the liquor
. I take another sip and watch Ted and Jess giggling at each other. I feel myself finally start to relax.

“I love this song!” Jess says, jumping up and pulling me out the booth a few drinks later. “Come on Sam!” She blows a kiss to Ted who still looks far too interested in both of us, but again I ignore him and stumble towards the dance floor. I close my eyes and concentrate on the music. I feel my body start to sway,
hey this is fun
! The pulsing music begins to speak to my body and loosen me up. I get up close to Jess and we dance and dance, just moving our bodies around the room. Carrie and Mandy come over to join us and before I know it, the four of us are jumping up and down and moving around the place like we own it.

I suddenly feel a pair of eyes on me and before I can stop myself, I look up and see a pair of familiar chocolate-brown eyes boring a hole into my soul. He is leaning against the bar with his arm casually draped over yet another beautiful blonde woman.
Damn, could he be any more obvious?
She whispers something in his ear and his eyes leave mine to give her some attention. I suddenly don’t feel like dancing anymore and I shout to my friends that I am heading back to the booth. They smile at me and continue dancing as I weave my body through the sweaty dancing bodies.

Unfortunately, Ted is still there but this time he is sitting with two other men who look about thirty years old. They all look at me as I approach and I suddenly feel exhausted and a bit tipsy.

“Bought you another drink,” Ted tells me, pushing the sealed beer in my direction.

I nod thanks, open it up and take a deep drink. There is something sickeningly familiar about this drink that reminds me of my past, but I don’t even stop to take a breath, almost downing it in one go and trying to forget seeing Nathan’s arm around the pretty blonde.

Ted shifts closer to me and rests him arm on the back of my seat. His fingers start rubbing my shoulder. I panic as I realize no one can really see me and that he is way too close to me.

“I…umm, I have to go. Th-thanks for the drinks,” I say, trying to stand up.

Ted pushes me down gently with his hand. “No, you owe me a kiss at least,” he says, smoothly moving even closer towards me.