Dare to Love (23 page)

He’d made room. Let her into his life.

And he missed her.

It’d been two weeks since the episode with her father, and staying away from her at work was giving him an ulcer. He was a nasty bastard with his sisters, his brothers steered clear, and his mother liked to berate him often about letting Riley slip through his fingers. Olivia had a big mouth.

“Shit.” He never used to brood about women.

He had a breakfast date with his mother this morning, and if he could keep their conversation off Riley, he just might survive this day.

He strode into the restaurant his mother had chosen, but instead of finding her waiting at a table, he found his father.

“Oh hell no.” Ian spun around, turning to go.

“Ian. Don’t walk out on me.”

He clenched his fists as he pivoted back and strode to the table where his father now stood. “But you had no trouble doing the same to me. To
us
.”

“That’s right. I did it. Now sit down and listen to my side for once.”

Ian reared back, both at the admission of guilt and the fact that his father demanded to be heard. He hesitated a brief moment.

“I suggest you sit and talk to me. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life not only resenting me but giving up on the woman you love.”

“My mother sent you here.”

“Yes.”

“To set me straight.”

“Right again.”

In other words, if he didn’t have this talk, his mother would make sure she sat him down and did it herself. But for some reason, she’d decided to ask
him
to do it instead.

“Let’s get this over with.” Ian pulled out a chair and sat down.

His father did the same.

“I have no excuse for what I did. Your mother and I had an arrangement. I not only violated the sanctity of marriage by cheating, but I was a shitty father.”

“To some of us,” Ian muttered.

Robert braced his arms on the table. “To all of you. Savannah knew about your mother. I’m not sure which of the kids knew too, but trust me when I say, they didn’t like me not being married to their mother, and when I told them about all of you—they resented being the illegitimate ones.”

His words gave Ian pause. Not once had he thought about Alex and his siblings getting short shrift. Not. Once.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What’s your point?”

“You are not making this easy.” Robert shook his head, but Ian had to give the man credit, he didn’t get up and leave. No, he stuck it out.

“Did you really expect me to?”

“My point is, none of you have good reason to trust or believe in people. The thing is, you underestimate people. You underestimate yourself. Look at what you’ve done for your sisters. For your mother. You’ve been their rock.”

Compliments? From Robert Dare?

“Look at what you’re capable of, and now let me ask you, are you really going to give up on Riley when she needs you the most?”

“Now we get to the point. You really think I’m going to sit and listen to you give me advice on love?”

His father grinned. “At least I know you love her. There’s a place to start.”

Ian sat back in his chair and groaned. “Yes. I love her. But she—”

“No buts, boy. If your mother hadn’t said yes to marrying me, things would have been different. If she hadn’t said, ‘I might love someone else, but my father’s sick so I have to marry a man of my parents’ choosing’…well, I wouldn’t have you wonderful children I don’t deserve. But she’d have the man she really loved.”

Ian’s eyes opened wide at his father’s full knowledge of his mother’s emotions and feelings.

“Don’t look so shocked. I knew I wasn’t it for her. To say we didn’t have a shot? Well, that’s an understatement. But you and Riley? What could possibly be holding you back except for the fact that my behavior left you unable to trust or hold on to a good woman?”

Ian grew dizzy.

A waitress started toward them from across the room, and Robert shook his head. She stepped back.

“What do you know about Riley?” Ian asked, suddenly hungry for information about her. Starved, in fact.

“I only know what your brother told me.”

Ian held back the word
half
.

“Which is?”

“The concussion’s getting better, and she’s moved back home.”

“Into her piece-of-shit apartment?” His voice rose, and the older couple sitting next to him frowned at him, but Ian didn’t care.

Robert shook his head. “Your brother and I agree about her living arrangements.”

“She got a raise. She can afford a much safer place to live.”

“Therapy costs a lot of money,” his father said. “I didn’t say that out loud, did I?”

Suddenly needing a caffeine boost, Ian gestured to the waitress, who bounced over with a smile. “What can I get for you?”

“Coffee, black, please.”

She glanced at Robert. “Refill on the decaf. Thanks.”

“Decaf, huh?” Ian asked when the waitress had walked away. “I remember Mom always having your coffee ready in a travel mug whether you were leaving for work or for the airport. Strong, black, no sugar.” The memory took him by surprise.

He’d suppressed so many of his early childhood memories, the good and the bad, not wanting any part of his past, because any time he remembered, he hurt. Suddenly the hurt wasn’t as sharp.

It wasn’t the years that had dulled the pain, it was the changes in him. The softening. He knew he had Riley to thank for that.

“Therapy, huh?” he asked his father.

“You didn’t hear it from me. I just thought if you realized how much of an effort she was making to deal with her past, maybe you would do the same. I’d ask you to do it for yourself, but I have a hunch I’d have more success if it was for her.”

Ian frowned. “Because you know me so well?” he asked with no heat to his words. Not anymore. Though he didn’t think he’d ever forgive and forget, holding on to so much hatred had taken so much out of him.

His walls had walls.

And those walls had kept Riley out. Even when he thought he’d let her in, he’d been pushing her away. How the fuck else had he walked out on her in the hospital? Self-loathing filled him at the thought, and Ian rose from his seat.

“Going to get your girl?” his father asked.

“Don’t think this was a bonding moment,” Ian said.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” his father said, raising his coffee cup in a mock toast.

Ian’s lips turned upward despite himself.

*     *     *

Riley worked late, not minding since she didn’t have anything to rush home for. She typed up the last report of the day and organized her desk for the morning. But now she was ready to shut her computer and head back to her lonely, empty apartment, when her instant message chime went off.

She glanced at the monitor, hoping Dylan hadn’t found a reason for them to stay even later. She was exhausted. She hadn’t been getting much sleep since the incident with her father. Since she’d left Ian’s and had gone back to sleeping alone in her own bed.

She looked at the screen, and her heart nearly stopped beating in her chest.

Ian: I need to speak to you.

She blinked, certain she was misreading. He’d avoided her since her return to work. She hadn’t bumped into him in the hall nor had he sought her out. He hadn’t called to check on her either. He’d just cut ties, and damned if that didn’t hurt. After the longest month of her life, he was asking for her now?

She knew he couldn’t want anything job related. She didn’t work under him.

Her pulse began to race as she typed back.

Riley: Just leaving for the day. Will stop by on my way out.

Ian: I’ll be waiting.

Her nerves kicked in as she powered down her computer and grabbed her purse, shutting the light off as she walked out of her office.

After five, support staff was gone for the day, and she knocked on his door, letting herself in.

He rose as soon as she stepped inside. “Lock the door,” he said by way of greeting.

She automatically did as he asked, closing them in his office. Alone. Beneath her collar, she began to perspire from sheer nerves because she knew, no matter why he’d called her in here, they’d be having it out.

Possibly for good.

As usual for this time of day, his jacket was off, hung on a hook on his door, his tie was undone, and the top buttons on his dress shirt open. He looked scruffy and hot, but as sexy as he appeared, he also looked tired, dark circles shadowing his eyes, and she wondered if he’d lost as much sleep as she had since they’d been apart.

“How are you?” he asked, his searing gaze raking her over.

“Fine. Apparently I have a hard head.” She knocked on her skull with her knuckles.

He didn’t laugh. “Don’t joke about what that bastard did to you.”

“Well, I’m not going to cry about it.” She’d done enough of that over Ian and her father both. After a lifetime of abuse, she still shed a tear over the kind of parent she had and the way he treated her.

“You look good,” Ian said, sounding relieved. “I was worried.”

“Bullshit.” The words were out before she could think, taking her by surprise.

He reared back, staring at her.

“What? You want me to think you actually care? Is that why you walked out on me at the hospital and I haven’t heard from you since?”

From the minute she’d entered this office, she’d felt her emotions brewing below the surface. She wasn’t surprised they were coming out now. She’d spent so much time first berating herself for violating Ian’s trust and then missing the good times they’d shared, she hadn’t allowed her anger at him to truly surface. But as she stood here now, it was alive and vibrating within her.

“Go on,” he said in a deceptively calm voice.

She flexed her fingers and decided to take her therapist’s advice. Of course, she’d only had two sessions, but they’d been plenty productive. The first lesson? Let yourself feel. The second? Express those feelings before they eat you alive.

What was the worst thing that could happen? Ian had already abandoned her. She strode up to his desk, bracing her arms on the wooden top.

“My father slapped me. My head slammed against a brick wall. And you didn’t come in to see if I was okay.”

His eyes darkened, and his cheeks burned with what she’d like to think was embarrassment.

“The doctor came out with an update on your condition,” he said.

“Oh. That makes it all better,” she said, her temper rising.

“I never said it did.”

His placid demeanor drove her insane. “I know I screwed up by not coming to you about my father’s threats, but I had my reasons. I wanted the chance to explain them to you, but you wouldn’t give me the chance.”

She straightened and walked to his side of the desk, stepping into his personal space. “You dumped me on Alex and took off, never to be heard from again. Did you feel better after?” She shoved at his chest, hurt and so very betrayed. “Hmm? Did punishing me for defying you make you happy, Ian?” She shoved at him again.

He grabbed her wrist. “Nothing about how I handled this makes me happy. I was an arrogant ass. Is that what you want to hear? I thought if I laid down the law that you’d have to come to me first. Always. Then I’d have—”

“Control,” she said at the same time as him.

“Exactly,” he muttered.

“Well, I hope your precious control keeps you warm at night,” she snapped at him.

“It doesn’t.”

“Good.” Because she was lonely too.

He lifted a strand of her hair and twisted it between his fingers. She felt the pull straight through to her skin. It was the start of him getting to her—if she allowed him to.

She hadn’t decided yet. “I’m human, which means I’m going to make my own decisions. And I’m going make mistakes,” she told him.

A smirk edged the corners of his mouth.

“Unbelievable. You’re laughing?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m just realizing you’re smarter than I’ve ever been.”

She tipped her head to one side. “Say that again?”

“Hell no. It’s taken me too long to catch up,” he muttered, more to himself than to her.

“Meaning?” she asked, her tone weary even to her.

He cupped her chin in his hand, just begging her to turn into him and find comfort. And she was tired. So tired of riddles and talking in circles. Tired of being alone.

His thumb caressed her jaw, and she couldn’t help but stare into his eyes.

“Meaning, I love you,” he said in a strong voice.

Riley gasped. “You—”

“I love you.” His eyes were warm.

No longer that steely grey. She couldn’t name the color, just the temperature in their depths. And there was heat. Lots and lots of heat. Everything inside her melted, at both his expression and the words she’d longed to hear.

“You’re strong enough to overcome your past, and you’re strong enough to deal with me. From the minute you walked into that ballroom, you were it for me,” he said in a gruff, emotional tone she’d never heard from him before.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “How do I know you won’t find some reason to push me away again?”

His hand remained on her cheek. “You trust me. How do I know you won’t leave me for a better bet?”

“You trust
me
,” she said, a slow grin spreading across her face.

Then she did the one thing that guaranteed him she understood. She grasped his wrist and turned her head, easing her cheek into his palm, accepting him and opening herself to
them
.

“I love you too, Ian.”

The words reverberated in his brain until finally settling in his heart. She meant it. More important,
he believed it
.

He lifted her up and seated her on the desk, stepping between her legs. “I’m not sure how I got so lucky, but I won’t be screwing this up.”

She wound her arms around his neck. “How about you just screw me instead? How’s that for a play on words?”

“Not funny.” He leaned in, touching his nose to hers. “I’ll be making love to you, not screwing you. And that’s something you’d better remember.”

He eased her skirt up around her legs, pulling off her barely there panties. “I think you should give up on underwear too,” he informed her. “It’ll make my life so much easier.”