Dark Spaces (6 page)

‘Is Ali in?’ she asks.

Herika shakes her head.

‘Shit.’ Gem really needs to get some clean nappies for Tyler. ‘Do you know when he’ll be back?’

‘Long time,’ says Herika.

Gem pulls her coat around her. She’s going to have to go over to Fred’s. When she looked at Tyler’s bum this morning there was fresh blood.

‘Sorry,’ says Herika.

Gem’s shoulders sag. Why does it always have to be this way? She turns to leave, a flake of snow landing on her nose.

‘Wait.’

Gem looks back round at Herika who is still in the doorway. The woman holds up a hand to her. ‘Stay.’ Then she disappears inside. In a couple of minutes she returns with a ten pound note and holds it out to Gem who fishes in her pocket for the razor blades she’s come to sell. Herika ain’t normally allowed to do any business without Ali but Gem ain’t about to argue is she?

Herika waves away the packets of Gillette and Gem doesn’t understand.

‘For baby,’ says Herika, pushing the tenner at Gem.

Gem don’t need to be asked twice and grabs the money.

‘Thank you,’ she says.

The snow is coming down harder now, sticking in her eyelashes, making her blink.

‘Take.’ Herika holds out a crumpled brown envelope towards Gem. It’s the sort that bills come in and make Mum cry. ‘Take.’

Gem ain’t sure what to do. Money’s one thing, but what’s this?

‘Take.’ Herika makes it clear she ain’t asking and Gem does as she’s told.

When she looks, there are some numbers scribbled on it in red biro. It looks like it could be a phone number.

‘For help,’ says Herika and closes the door.

Gem’s fingers are starting to sting so she pushes them deep into her pockets, the tenner in one hand, the envelope in the other.

The snow was big and weightless, huge feathers tumbling from the sky.

Jack pushed Alice’s furry hat down over her pink ears but he was fighting a losing battle against the curls which twanged ever upwards. She had Lilly’s hair for sure.

‘What do think of this then?’ He rolled a snowball and threw it against a tree.

Alice gurgled.

‘Will we build a snowman?’ he asked. ‘A huge guy with a carrot for a nose?’

Kate soon joined them, stamping her feet and rubbing her hands together. ‘It’s brass monkeys out here,’ she said.

‘Och, you southerners. You’ve thin blood.’

‘Whereas you lot from over the water are made of sterner stuff, I suppose?’

‘Absolutely,’ said Jack.

‘We’ll soon see about that.’ Before he knew what she was up to, Kate scooped up a handful of snow and shoved it down the back of his neck.

‘Mary, Mother of God.’ Jack leapt a foot into the air. ‘You’ll pay for that, woman.’

He grabbed a fistful of snow himself and chased her with it, until she slipped and landed on her back. Then he pounced on top of her, a leg on either side of her and dangled the snow inches from her face.

‘What do you think, Alice?’ Jack turned to his baby. ‘Shall I do it?’

Alice clapped her hands together.

‘Think of the sisterhood, Alice,’ Kate shrieked. ‘The oppressed sex have to stick together.’

‘Oppressed sex my arse-cheeks,’ he said and crumbled the snow gently, letting it fall onto Kate’s delicate features.

She smiled and flicked a glance at their position. ‘While you’re there …’

‘Don’t tempt me, woman.’ He kissed her nose and got up. ‘About this snowman.’

Half an hour later they had built a beauty and Jack held Alice, helping her wrap an old scarf around his neck.

‘What shall we call him, eh?’ asked Jack, wiping the dribble from Alice’s chin. ‘How about Frosty?’

‘Blimey,’ said Kate. ‘If ever you get bored of the job, there’s a career for you in writing children’s books.’

‘Okay, J. K. Rowling, what do you suggest?’

Kate stood back to admire their handiwork, stroking her chin in mock concentration.

‘Bob.’

‘Bob?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘And you say I’m lacking in imagination?’

Kate was about to answer him back when Alice made a sound that stopped them both in their tracks.

‘B … b … b.’

Jack held his breath. Alice had never made any attempts to speak before.

‘B … b … b,’ Alice repeated.

‘See,’ said Kate. ‘She thinks Bob is a great name.’

Jack almost burst into tears. ‘Woman, you are a bloody genius.’ He leaned over and kissed Kate on the mouth. ‘I’ve got to call Lilly and tell her.’

I watch Jack tell his ex all about the baby’s attempt at speech. The light in his eyes is a cut as deep as bone.

I don’t know why I want him, but I do. I’ve wanted him from the first second I met him. He barely noticed me at the nick. Maybe that’s what appealed. A far cry from other men who always seem so very keen to please me.

Whatever the reason, I’m certain that Jack and I should be together.

He laughs at something the ex is saying and my legs feel bloodless. I’m young and beautiful and toned. Everything the ex isn’t. But still I can’t seem to compete.

Jack looks over and I smile back at him. I whitened my teeth this morning and they’re as bright as the snow on the ground. He looks away.

The problem is the baby of course. It’s the glue that keeps Jack attached.

A single flake of snow lands on the back of my hand. It isn’t cold. I watch it melt against the heat of my skin, then suck up the drop of water left in its place.

Lilly hung up and punched the air. Alice had spoken. Well, not quite spoken but almost there. Hadn’t she told everyone there was nothing to worry about?

When the mobile rang again she grabbed it and answered.

‘See, Jack, I told you that these bloody doctors don’t know what they’re talking about.’

‘Wow.’ The voice was like oozing honey. ‘That’s not the usual impression I try to make.’

It wasn’t Jack.

‘Doctor Piper?’ she said.

‘Didn’t we agree that you’d call me Harry?’

‘I don’t believe we discussed it.’

‘Okay then,’ he said. ‘Miss Valentine, I’d much prefer it if you would call me Harry. Everyone does.’

‘Okay, Harry.’

‘And what about you?’ he asked. ‘Any preference as to how I address you?’

‘Lilly’s fine,’ she said.

‘Lilly.’ He let her name hang in the air as if admiring something exotic. ‘Well, Lilly, you left the Grove without telling me what you thought of my patient.’

‘Your gatekeeper said you were in an important meeting and couldn’t be disturbed.’

In fact the nurse had been snotty with Lilly, pointing out, unnecessarily, that Doctor Piper was a very busy man. Lilly had wanted to inform her that she wasn’t exactly a lady of leisure herself, but thought better of it.

‘Elaine does like to look after me,’ Harry chuckled, ‘but I would like to pick your brain if you have the time.’

‘Pick away.’

‘I have to do the rounds in a second,’ he said. ‘How about we have a chat after that?’

‘Sure.’

‘Over lunch? I don’t know about you but I’m usually famished by one o’clock. I was always the naughty little boy who opened his sandwiches during morning break.’

Lilly laughed. She’d been on free school meals and had spent her mornings so hungry she’d had to stop herself from eating the desk lid.

‘Shall I swing by your office around twelve thirty?’ he asked.

‘That would be lovely,’ Lilly replied.

The answer machine winked and there were over thirty unanswered emails for Lilly to attend to but she didn’t have time for that now. Instead, she set off in search of comb, perfume and lippy.

With her curls tamed into a vague approximation of real hair, and her throat and wrists dabbed with Chanel No. 5, Lilly felt almost human. Just a slick of mascara and she’d be ready for action. A rummage at the bottom of her bag revealed only a set of broken headphones and a pair of Alice’s socks so she patted herself down and delved into the detritus collected in the nether regions of her pockets. As she pulled out the revolting wad of tissues and biscuits she didn’t find mascara, but she did discover the piece of paper Chloe had forced upon her.

The thought of where it had been prior to its handover made Lilly shiver and she leaned to the bin and let it fall. But as she turned away, she stopped. Chloe had been so very insistent. There had been something very specific in her actions. Sure, Chloe was an inpatient in a mental facility where unusual behaviour wouldn’t be, well, unusual, but Lilly recognized desperation when she saw it.

She bent over and retrieved the paper with her finger and thumb. Then she placed it on her desk and smoothed it open, ignoring the faint smell of sweat and worse.

There were three words scrawled in pencil. They were smeared and smudged, but still legible.

Please Help Us.

‘You smell wonderful.’ Harry Piper closed his eyes and inhaled. ‘Chanel. My first wife never wore anything else.’

Lilly felt embarrassment splash her cheeks like an experimental artist as she took a seat across from him in the restaurant.

‘First wife,’ she said. ‘Have there been many more?’

He held up three fingers. ‘Not a great track record, I must concede.’

‘Mine’s not exactly sparkling,’ Lilly replied.

‘Then that’s something else we have in common.’

The directness of his gaze matched that of his observation and Lilly wilted under both, taking refuge in the menu.

‘On a day like today we need carbs,’ Harry declared. ‘Tell me you’re not one of those awful women who only eat fruit and vegetables.’

Lilly raised her eyebrows at him. Did she look like she lived on lettuce?

‘How about steak and chips?’ she said.

‘And sticky toffee pudding to follow.’ Harry rubbed his hands together. ‘It is snowing after all.’

When they’d ordered their food, which frankly took far longer than need be as the waitress giggled and fawned over every word Harry uttered, he poured them both a glass of Châteauneufdu-Pape.

‘Why don’t you tell me what you thought of Lydia?’

Lilly took a sip. The wine tasted expensive. She hoped Harry was paying.

‘Attention-seeking. Compulsive. No filters.’ Lilly paused. ‘And deeply, deeply unhappy.’

He smiled, the wine leaving a small stain on his bottom lip. ‘You’re good.’

‘To be honest it wouldn’t take Freud to work out that the girl’s got problems.’

‘Will she go to prison?’

‘That depends on what you tell me about why she did it,’ Lilly said.

‘I haven’t a clue why she did it,’ Harry said. ‘What did she say about it?’

Lilly shrugged. ‘Not much. She was drunk and didn’t know what she was doing. But I sense there’s something more complicated at the back of it.’

‘I’m sure you’re right,’ said Harry. ‘There usually is.’

Lilly had met a lot of damaged kids in her time, their back stories all different yet violently familiar. Poverty, family breakdown, drugs and despair. But what about Lydia Morton-Daley? Lilly wasn’t naive enough to believe a privileged lifestyle protected kids like that from every sling and arrow. Something had sent a girl with everything to live for on a downward spiral of alcohol, sex and self-destruction, but it would be a lot harder to pinpoint why.

What led a person from anger, frustration and sadness to full-blown mental collapse? Why could some kids hold on and others, like Lydia and Chloe, were unable to stop themselves falling off the edge?

The thought of Chloe’s sweat-covered face, the manic look in her eyes as she passed the note made Lilly take a long gulp of wine. The thought of what the note said made her take another.

Harry topped up her glass. ‘Are you okay?’

Lilly nodded. ‘I met another patient this morning,’ she said. ‘A girl called Chloe.’

‘What did she tell you?’ Harry asked.

‘What makes you think she told me anything?’

Harry smiled. ‘Chloe always tells people things. That someone’s poisoning her food, or that the nurses have put the evil eye on her. She’s delusional and, sadly for her, those delusions are mostly negative in ideation.’

‘Would it make any difference if they were positive?’

‘I think so, don’t you?’ said Harry. ‘If I could make my imaginings reality, I’d rather they were deliciously in my favour. I could quite enjoy my life as King of England or winner of
The X Factor
.’

‘But it’s not like that for Chloe?’ asked Lilly. ‘She’s paranoid?’

‘Utterly,’ said Harry, then his face lit up as their food arrived.

*   *   *

Gem calls in the fish shop on the way home and orders a bag of chips. It’s cheaper to buy a bag of frozen but you have to factor in money for the meter as well. And that thing eats money. It’s a lot cheaper if you pay the bill directly, but Mum keeps forgetting. Or they never have enough. So some men came round and fitted the meter and the fucker swallows pound coins like a slot machine.