Dark Surrender (8 page)

Heat crept up her cheeks. Doubly so, because for the first time, the attention had not been wholly unwanted. If anything, she had felt oddly . . . excited. It was thrilling to know he found her as physically attractive as she found him. It was also terrifying. And confusing. And embarrassing. She could not keep the heat from her cheeks.

He dropped his gaze. “We do not dance, but I will order classroom supplies in the morning.”

That fleeting moment of unguarded interest gave lie to the idea he was unfamiliar with dancing, but she felt it prudent not to challenge his statement. The last thing she needed was fantasies of her first dance, along with her first kiss.

He slowly stirred a bit of honey into his tea. “While I am sending missives and errand boys, should I have someone fetch your belongings from wherever you call home? I can provide luggage for transport, if you have none.”

That broke Violet out of her trance. Her entire body shivered with gooseflesh. No one must ever know where she hid.

“N-no, you needn’t bother,” she stammered. “I have no belongings worth fetching. Thank you anyway.”

His gaze sharpened, but his visage was impassive.

She dropped her fork and wrung her hands beneath the table. A governess with no home or belongings? If he hadn’t been suspicious of her before, he certainly would be now. She forced herself to meet his eyes.

Just as he had done earlier, he recognized her demurral for the evasion that it was, but foresaw no advantage in challenging the statement.

“As you like,” was all he said before giving her a slight nod. “I shall send for some gowns for you as well. I don’t suppose you are particular in cut or style?”

“Not at all. I’ll wear anything.” Violet’s thoughtless words triggered an irrational desire to swirl about in rich silks and satins, whatever was the first stare of fashion among the beau monde this season. But she would never have anything stylish to wear, nor any reason for finery. She’d already improved her lot from ragged hand-me-downs, to clean, serviceable dresses. The last thing either of them needed was her swanning about in clinging satin and plunging necklines.

Mr. Waldegrave, for his part, also seemed struck with a mental picture of her in something other than a tattered day dress. His lips parted and his eyes locked with hers. Whatever image he held in his mind heated his ebony gaze before he blinked and looked away, jaws locked.

Perhaps he, like all men, couldn’t help but fantasize about sins of the flesh. However, he was the first able-bodied man of her acquaintance to seem uncomfortable doing so. Violet wasn’t certain if it were more calming or more alarming to know that any physicality between them would have to come at her provocation. Particularly since she did find him devastatingly attractive.

His black hair was shiny and thick, and curled slightly at the nape. His sooty lashes and dark eyes stood out starkly against the pale beauty of his face, but his most arresting feature was the wide, perfect mouth above his strong chin. He’d dressed for dinner in clothes equally as outdated as his earlier vestments, but nothing could hide the fine quality of both cloth and cut, or the leanly muscled figure beneath the costume. His movements were graceful, his every gesture confident and purposeful.

His mouth looked as though it had been carved specifically for the art of kissing. And his hands—

Mr. Waldegrave leapt to his feet. His empty teacup clattered gracelessly against the china. “Do excuse me. I must return to my office. There’s much to be done.”

“I—I—I . . . ” She gaped up at him, startled. “That is, of course you must. I don’t mean to keep you from your work.”

“And you shan’t.” He strode from the room, pausing at the doorway only long enough to add, “I am accustomed to dining with my daughter. The rest of my time is spent in my office. Don’t expect to see me often.”

Violet nodded. She did not expect to be friends, and she certainly didn’t expect her strange fantasies to materialize into anything more than passing insanity. She had more than enough on her mind for the moment, not the least of which was the punishment for murder.

Above all, she needed to stay employed long enough to buy her freedom.

#

To Violet’s surprise, Mr. Waldegrave himself appeared the following morning to escort her through the catacombs to the outbuilding housing the library, and then on to her new pupil.

She had assumed he’d be far too busy to deal with a task so easily delegated to a staff member, especially given he so rarely emerged from his office. However, she was beginning to suspect he didn’t delegate any tasks that pertained to his child.

Somehow, walking together with the light of a single candle only made her more aware of every inch of him. How the narrow tunnels ensured their bodies remain a hairsbreadth apart. How the hem of her gown rustled against the leg of his breeches. How the perfect harmony of their footfalls faltered every time her sleeve brushed his waistcoat.

She dropped behind until he strode an arm’s length ahead. Nothing was amiss, she assured herself. Her discomfiture was due to her embarrassment over thoughts of kissing the night before. Everything was strange and new. She was wholly unused to strolling alongside a man, much less inadvertently rub up against one. That he was a well-turned gentleman—and her employer—only heightened her sense of awareness.

Although, now that she hung back, she was quickly becoming more aware of the catacombs around her. Once they reached the library, she would not be eager to trek back through the catacombs to Lillian’s sanctuary. Without Mr. Waldegrave’s body heat at her side, the chill from the stone-and-earth walls seeped through the worn material of her gown. Instead of seeing his fingers curled about the taper, she could only see his silhouette as shadows danced around them. The more she tried not to think about the bones buried in the walls, the more she regretted falling even a hairsbreadth behind.

When she could no longer withstand the tomblike silence, she hurried back to his side and asked, “Would it be better to have lessons in the library?”

“Absolutely not,” he snapped, startling her. His voice softened. “Yes. It would have been. Not anymore.” His pace slowed. “Once, this abbey was God’s house. There were no locks on any doors, so that believers could enter how and when they chose. Four years ago, I brought Lillian there so she could select her own volume of bedtime stories. While I was retrieving favorite authors, she escaped through a side door and into the morning sun.” He shuddered at the memory. “I almost lost her that day. The next time she visited the library, she flew into a rage upon discovering the exterior door locked tight. She ripped apart countless priceless volumes I’d hoped would become part of her personal collection and then attacked a young lady’s maid who dared to detain her. Since that time, only I have attended my daughter. And until I am convinced she will treat herself and her surroundings with respect, I shall not lead her into a temptation she cannot resist.”

Before she realized what she was doing, she touched her fingers to his arm to stop his pain. She jerked her hand back to her side as if his sleeve had caught fire, but it was too late. He froze in place, almost as if he’d quite forgotten what he was doing in the catacombs in the first place, and then his hot gaze settled firmly on Violet.

“Yes?” he asked softly.

“The library isn’t necessary,” she stammered, trying to remember what she’d been about to say. “That is, until Lillian knows her letters, a blackboard and a bit of chalk are as good as anything. I was just thinking that what she really needs is a change of scenery. She’s stuck in that sanctuary all day, every day. Mightn’t she look forward to lessons more if they were somewhere else?”

His eyes narrowed. “She shall not enter any room with an exterior door.”

“I understand,” Violet agreed quickly. The last thing she wanted was to be responsible for any child getting hurt on her watch. “And I agree. But is there no other chamber we can turn into a classroom? Even a small section of another room? It doesn’t matter where, so long as Lillian gets the sensation of ‘going to lessons’ like other children. She will feel less . . . trapped.”

He thought in silence, then nodded slowly. “Since the abbey is no longer used for religious purposes, most of its outbuilding rooms are empty. I shall have to order another desk and other supplies, but I can think of one room with a bench and a small table.” He turned and continued forward. “I’ll show you on our way to the library, and you can let me know if it’ll do. We’re almost there.”

Before long, they arrived at a new intersection. Although this passageway was blessedly free of holy corpses, it was therefore thrice as narrow and just as black. She stayed close to his side.

Presently, his long strides brought them to a ragged incline, which split to a dead-end before two ancient doors. A basket of candles hugged the wall near the intersection.

“This outbuilding holds unused prayer rooms.” He selected a pair of tapers and lit one for her before replacing his own dying nub.

She clutched the candle tight. “Thank you.”

“Thank
you
.” He fitted a key from his breast pocket into the lock, then held the door open for her. “I confess, you have given me hope.”

She smiled up at him as she stepped inside the small chamber. He did not return the smile, but his eyes showed his sincerity. He had probably felt desperation for far too long to remember how to smile. She could certainly understand the feeling.

He gestured behind him. “If this prayer room will suffice, with pleasure I will have it transformed into a classroom for Lillian.”

When Violet lifted her candle for a better view, the smile died on her face.

The prayer room had already been transformed once, it seemed. From a vaulted haven to an empty shell lined with layers of wooden planks. She touched a hand to her throat. How she would’ve loved to see the original stained glass, to stand in a pool of rich color as the sun’s warm rays slanted through the artisan windows. What an absolute horror to have turned an exquisite abbey into a labyrinthine crypt!

She forced herself to traverse the perimeter of the small room. Instead of her soul blossoming open and free—she’d never been particularly religious, but she did enjoy a deep connection to art—she felt more confined and deprived of beauty with every step. This space was awful.

She was not unfamiliar to the unwelcome sensation of hopelessness seeping into her very bones. Free from one horror, trapped in another.
Was
it better for Lillian to traverse suffocating catacombs just to while away a few hours in an empty coffin of a room? Or was she better off cloistered in her current chambers, knowing there was a key to her spacious prison but never being allowed a moment’s freedom, even to visit the tunnels?

Unsure of what to say, Violet slowly turned to face him. The bleak expression upon his weary countenance stopped her dead.

He knew. He
knew
. He made no attempt to disguise the anguish in his eyes, the tension in his muscles, the defeat in the slope of his broad shoulders. Her heart ached. This room was dreadful, the abbey a monstrosity, but he was a father who loved his daughter and had no other options. He wished to keep his child from harm. He wanted his daughter to
live
. And if that meant a miserable existence over a painful death, then so be it.

Mr. Waldegrave was no stranger to devil’s bargains and paradoxical emotions, she realized.
That
was why he’d given her the final say, the power to decide where the daily lessons would take place. He needed her to see that he was doing the best he could do with the hand he’d been dealt. Because there was no right choice. There was no good answer. Only darkness. Lillian’s impassioned plea that burning alive would be worth a glimpse of the sun must have been a dagger to his heart. There were no more sacrifices that he could make, yet he could not bring her peace.

Violet cleared the emotion from her throat and gave him a brisk nod.

“While I cannot in all honesty praise such a room as ‘delightful,’” she admitted in her most businesslike tone, “it is quite serviceable to our needs. The bench and small table will do until the desk and chairs arrive, and once the chamber is aglow from the light of candelabra, I’m sure Lillian will find it positively . . . pragmatic.”

Not exactly fawning praise, but Violet suspected Mr. Waldegrave would value honesty over sycophancy. She believed the approbation he sought had little to do with carpentry or homemaking and everything to do with his attempt to make a safe home for his daughter.

“Very well.” He kept his manner as matter-of-fact as hers, but the stark relief in his frame and face were undeniable.

It must be unbearably lonely to own acres of land but be unable to enjoy it. Being entombed on his own property, expected to govern his staff, his daughter, and himself, without help or relief or the ability to call upon a neighbor for tea . . . The rank air invading Whitechapel and Spitalfields alleys had never been particularly fresh, but at least Violet had been able to breathe it freely whenever she chose.

“This way to the library.” He led her through the catacombs to another solid door, which he deftly unlocked before motioning her inside.

She expected more dust, more wooden planks, more misery—but as he used his candle to light a pair of wall sconces, she found herself in a library as sumptuous as any parlor in London.

The walls were lined floor to ceiling with rows upon rows of books. A balcony circled the perimeter overhead, allowing visitors a more convenient browsing experience than the typical wheeled ladders. A crackling fireplace nestled in the center of the far wall, flanked on one side by a door partly blocked by stacks of books, and on the other by a half circle of well-cushioned wingback chairs.

She made her way through the spacious aisles. Breathing in the scent of leather-bound books, she ran the tip of her finger along their spines. History, science, children’s tales, biographies, medical texts, legal treatises, even an entire wall dedicated to gothic novels. No wonder he was passionate about this room. It was magnificent.