DarkestSin (19 page)

It didn’t matter if Brody would ever feel the same way about
her. She learned the hard way there were no guarantees in life, but she wanted
to make the most of their time together.

And she wanted to lift the cloud that’d settled over him
during the last week or so. She didn’t know what was bothering him, but she
wanted to help him.

That was what people did for those they loved.

She rolled over, startling him, catching him lost in his own
thoughts.

“I thought you were out,” he murmured.

“Almost. You wore me out.”

He smiled and her heart melted. His long hair unbound,
fanning over his shoulders, made her want to run her fingers through it just to
feel him, soothe him. “I’ll take that as a compliment, darlin’.”

“You should.” And she couldn’t help it—she smiled back. “So
tell me something about you?”

And just like that, his smile disappeared, and those storm
clouds rolled into his eyes. She hated to see his happy and relaxed demeanor
change, but she wanted to help him with whatever was bothering him. And she had
to start by getting to know him better.

“What do you want to know?” he hedged, and she didn’t like
the fact he was guarded.

She reached up and stroked his cheek and gently brought his
head down to hers, kissing him lightly. He didn’t respond right away, but he
couldn’t resist her for long. No matter his reasons for his recent avoidance,
he still wanted her. He kissed her back but let her control it. When she pulled
away he grunted and she smiled, loving that his need was so transparent where
she was concerned. “Where did you grow up?” She figured she’d start with
something easy and continued stroking his cheek, encouraging him to answer.

He sighed, shutting his eyes and giving his head an
infinitesimal shake. Okay, maybe that wasn’t an easy question to start with,
but when he opened his eyes and gave her a sad smile, she knew he was going to
answer.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

He shifted, bringing her closer to him. He cupped her hand
against his face, holding it to his cheek. “I mean I was in a bad accident many
years ago and don’t remember anything that happened before then.”

“Oh.” Wow. He really didn’t know where he’d grown up. “How
long ago was that?”

“Um, I’m guessing around thirteen years. My early memories
are vague. I just remember bits and pieces of being in a hospital. I know it
wasn’t more than thirteen years ago because that was when
that
hospital
opened.”

“What happened?”

“Not really sure. I was told it was an accident, assuming it
was a hit-and-run, but there were no vehicles. Colonel, my boss, found me and
helped me out, then gave me a job once I was able to work.”

“And you like working for him?”

He smiled. “Yeah. It’s cool. I’m good with cars and stuff,
so I figured I at least tinkered around with them before my accident.”

“You seem to get along well with the other guys.”

“Blade and I are tight. Bear’s a good guy. Helps a lot but
doesn’t take any shit from anybody. Hunter grew up around here and moved back
after something went down. I think he’s here licking his wounds or somethin’.
Roc is an ass—”

“That’s the one who told me about you and Mimi.”

Brody’s eyes narrowed. “I know. We sorta got into it. I’d
whip his ass if it wouldn’t cost me my job. Hell, I just might do it anyway if
he pisses me off again.” He sighed, shifting and bringing her closer. “Anyway,
Gage’s the newbie. None of us are itchin’ to trust people, so he’s still kind
of an outsider where the other guys are concerned. But I ain’t got any problems
with him, and he’s been helping me… Er, I mean, he’s helpful, eager to be a
team player, so I cut him some slack.”

This was good. Brody was opening up to her. Of course he
wasn’t spilling anything heavy yet. But it was a start. She liked the casual
chitchat, especially doing it naked in bed, but she had an objective here, and
she needed to get to it. “You wanna tell me what happened? Why you started
avoiding me again all of the sudden?” She posed her questions casually, so she
couldn’t come off defensive and hinder her shot at an honest response from him.

He looked at her, and the light in his eyes dimmed. His jaw
ticked as he clenched his teeth, but his expression wasn’t one of anger or even
avoidance. It was more like shame, and she immediately regretted asking. Sure,
she wanted to know his reason, but not if talking about it would cause him more
harm than just letting the topic go.

“I, er, I’m sorry. You’re right, I was avoiding you. But I
want you to know it had nothing to do with you.” He leaned up, braced himself
on his elbow and gazed into her eyes. “You are perfect. An angel. And I’m…I’m
not. There are things in my past I’m not proud of. I wish I could change them,
but I can’t.”

He looked desolate, so alone, and it didn’t make sense, but
she wanted to help ease his pain. It was, after all, the real reason for
getting him to open up to her. “We are who we are because of the things we went
through.”

“You have no idea, Xan. I’m a monster, a mur—”

“It doesn’t matter to me what you are.”

“It should.” He fell back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes. “I
have to tell you something, and I’m not even sure how to do it.”

Xan got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, but
even the prickling foreboding didn’t stop her from wanting to comfort him. “My
ex-husband tried to kill me,” she blurted. She wasn’t sure what she was going
to say, but it wasn’t that.

Brody’s hands fell away from his face as he gaped at her.
Great. Now that she’d dropped that little bomb on him there was no going back.

“I got married very young. Marco was…” she trailed off,
remembering how charming he was to her at the beginning and smiled at the
memory that was a lifetime ago. “I don’t know. He was larger than life.” She
pinned Brody with a stare. “And he wanted me. See, my parents died when I was
ten. They had me late in life, and my grandparents had died when I was younger.
My uncle on my mom’s side was in a nursing home, and my aunt on my father’s
side was all I had. She was retired and tried to help me as much as she could,
but she had a heart attack a year later. That’s when I entered the system.”

Brody stroked her arm, and she felt his encouragement through
his gentle touch. She took a deep breath, drawing in the strength she needed to
continue, inhaling his scent and immediately recognizing the strength he
presented. And not physical strength. No, just having him near her seemed to
feed her needs, whatever she needed, when she needed it, and right now she
needed that strength. She couldn’t explain, but she relished it, figuring this
was normal for someone in love. Well, normal for
normal
people.

“I met Marco when I was in high school. He was a few years
older. In college, or so he said. After a few years of bouncing from one foster
home to the next, being treated by someone like I was the only person in the
world who mattered was nice. Really nice.” She stopped to gather her thoughts.
This was harder than she thought it was going to be, but she needed to forge
ahead. If she wanted an open, honest relationship with Brody, he needed to know
everything about her.

“The fact that he was rich didn’t play into it,” she
continued. “I mean I thought it was cool not having to worry about stretching
my money because he bought me all kinds of stuff. But it was the little things,
like if I was out of soda and didn’t have time to stop on my way home from my
part-time job, I’d find a fresh Dr. Pepper with a rose on the counter when I
got home.” Her lips flattened as she thought about how obvious the bad signs
were now that she was looking back. “I fell hard and fast and then got knocked
up. We married right away.”

“And then he changed,” Brody said, stating the obvious when
Xan didn’t continue.

“And then he changed.” She nodded. “But it was nowhere near
as bad as it was after I’d given birth to a girl. He was pissed.” She chanced a
look at Brody, his eyes squinted as he worked his jaw furiously. He was angry
for her, and that thought melted her already warmed heart. Yeah, she was
head-over-heels in love with this man. “Anyway, he beat me and raped me until I
gave up fighting back. It’s weird how someone could see a person and know right
away what kind of mood they’re in. I could walk into the same room Marco was in
and instantly know if it was going to be a bad day.”

“Did you try to leave the bastard?”

“No,” she said quickly. “He’d have killed me.” And then she
laughed bitterly. “I knew he’d try to kill me if I ever left on my own, but
after I had Scott, I found my ticket out of that hellhole.”

“Which was?” Brody asked as he stroked Xan’s hair.

“Evidence against him. You see, he was so filthy rich
because he was into organized crime. I found a flash drive containing information
on contracts and contacts he’d secured along with some information about some
human trafficking job that went to shit. I turned it over to the FBI. But he
found out and tried to off me.”

Brody leaned in and kissed her temple. “He didn’t succeed.”

“No,” she breathed, snuggling into him. “But the evidence
disappeared, so the only thing they had on him was an attempted murder charge.
He was convicted, and I was put under protection. But he recently got out, and
I think he’ll come after me. Or Scott.” She looked up into Brody’s eyes. “I
can’t let him take my baby.” Her voice cracked, and Brody squeezed her to him.

“That’d never happen. I won’t allow it.” And he said it with
such conviction that she almost believed him. Almost.

She gripped his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin
and hitting steel muscle. “You don’t understand. He’ll stop at nothing.
Nothing.
Until he gets what he wants.”

“I’ll stop him,” Brody growled. “Consider it already done,
baby.” Xan searched his eyes and saw that he truly believed this. She knew it
wouldn’t be that simple, but the fact that he cared this much helped soothe
her, making her want to seek more comfort from him. “I don’t want you worrying
about this. In fact, this is part of what I tried to tell you earlier. I—”

“Shhh.” She put two fingers over his mouth. She appreciated
his effort to convince her she didn’t have anything to worry about, but she
knew better. Talking about it wouldn’t make it go away, and she’d succeeded in
opening up to him. More than succeeded. She felt this warm blanket of
protection surrounding her from Brody’s words. He couldn’t make Marco
disappear, but he could be her moral support, which was more than she’d had
outside of the FBI agents assigned to her case. It made her love him even more,
want him desperately. “No more talking.” She heard his breath catch as her
mouth descended on his.

Brody knew he should push her away and finish this
conversation. She’d opened up to him, and by God, he wanted to do the same with
her. He wanted to come clean with his past, hell, with his present too, since
technically she was an assignment.

He knew she’d stopped being an assignment from practically
the very beginning, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to bear his soul as
she had done. Until there were no secrets between them, they couldn’t be a
couple.

And when she found out the truth, she’d cut his balls off.

Nope, no hope for them being a couple. So why couldn’t his
heart accept what his brain already knew?

If he was a gentleman who thought with that organ and not
his dick, he’d push her away, confess his sins, and await her wrath. But as
Xan’s tongue licked the seam of his lips, probing for entry, any logical
thought process disintegrated.

On a groan, he opened for her. Her tongue delved into his mouth,
seeking his, and more of his control slipped. He flipped her, landing on top as
he took over the kiss, his tongue plundering the moist, hot depths of her
mouth. She was a fucking drug to him, and there was no detox. She was air for
long-submerged lungs. Water for a man dehydrated. She was everything to him,
and even though they didn’t have a future together, he’d love her forever.

Yeah, he was a lovesick fool, and he didn’t give a damn.
He’d have to give her up one day, but he just couldn’t push her away any longer.

He trailed hot kisses along her jaw to her neck, nipping and
licking the path and grinding his aching cock against her wet pussy. He wanted
to slam home—they were already naked, so it’d take all of two seconds—but he
needed to take her slow, love her with his body as he loved her with his heart,
his soul. He wasn’t worthy of her, but she’d always be the other half of him.

And he wanted to touch, kiss every inch of her, worship her
body as she deserved.

As he continued his loving attention, trailing a hot path
downward, his lips found a puckered nipple. Xan gasped and arched, thrusting it
into his mouth. The sound of her pleasure was like lightning to his balls,
fueling him on. He worried it with his teeth before sucking it hard, bringing
that sweet nub to the roof of his mouth. And he still couldn’t get enough of
her.

He would never get enough.

He rolled her other nipple with his fingers as he devoured
her. God, she tasted so good. Like the sweetest candy. He alternated, swooping
over to the other nipple with a groan as his hand raked over the wet one he’d
just deserted. But he couldn’t stay on one for long, so he moved between the
two, licking, sucking, nipping one while he pinched, pulled, rolled the other.
And he moved back and forth, ratcheting up their desire. Xan was a wanton,
writhing goddess beneath him, moaning her ecstasy and clutching his hair, not
really guiding him—just holding on while he feasted on her.

And then the scent of her musky, spicy arousal mixed with
the hint of vanilla that was her essence called to him. He left the pleasure of
her breasts and peppered kisses along her softly rounded belly. When he reached
her sex, he nipped her upper thigh, her inner thigh, and continued trekking
south, brushing his lips on her knee, calf, foot. She let out a little
frustrated whimper when he skipped over her swollen pussy, and he smiled,
loving the sounds escaping her. He continued his caresses, kissing a path back
up her other leg. And this time, he hovered over her core as her legs trembled
in anticipation. He blew his hot breath over her drenched folds.

“Please,” she moaned, and his sudden intake of breath at her
begging for his touch flooded his senses with her intoxicating scent.

He lowered, lightly licking her seam. “Tell me what you
want, baby.”

“You. Just you, Brody.” Fuck! His cock jerked at her
admission. He’d just wanted her to be vocal about her sexual needs, and she’d
hit him with something deeper. And he loved it. Hated it because he wanted her
too, and he knew they didn’t have forever even though she’d own his soul
forever.

But right now, right here she was his, and a primal urge
enveloped him. “Mine,” he growled, and then he devoured her pussy like he’d
done with her breasts. He licked, sucked, nipped along her slit, his tongue
swirling circles around her clit, and the hands in his hair that were just
lazily holding on became more demanding. She tugged on him, trying to get him
to give her aching pearl the same attention he was giving the rest of her sex.
Instead, his tongue stabbed into her quivering pussy, and she jerked up with a
scream as her hips flew off the bed.

She was about to come apart, and his cock was throbbing so
painfully in anticipation that he was about to embarrass himself and shoot his
cum all over his sheets. He needed to end her torment right now and send her
over that precipice he’d had her on. He drew her clit into his mouth and sucked
lightly as he batted it with his tongue and shoved two fingers into her. She
screamed. Exploded. And he couldn’t continue his ministrations to bring her
back down. He had to get inside her right fucking now.

He lunged forward, bracing his weight on his forearms,
taking her mouth with his in a searing kiss as his cock slipped slowly inside
her. Oh, going slow was killing him, but if he pounded into her, he’d come, and
then he’d really be embarrassed.

“Ahhh, yeah, baby,” he breathed into her mouth, fisting her
hair, as he started thrusting in earnest.

“I can taste myself on you.”

And if that wasn’t the sexiest thing she’d ever said he didn’t
know what was.

He reached down and grabbed her thigh, pulling her leg up
and anchoring it at his hip. Jesus, he wanted to rest it on his shoulder so he
could lick her dainty ankle, but he’d save that for another time. Right now, he
wanted his mouth melding with hers as he took her.

She lifted her other leg, hooking it against him like the
one he’d positioned, effectively opening her up to him, and he pounded into her,
finding depths he’d never experienced. It was heaven to his heart. Hell to his
balls because the cum was boiling inside and already racing. Her hands circled
him, nails digging into his back to force him as close as he could possibly
get.

And then she gasped, fingers biting into his skin as she
thrust her hips up and exploded in his arms. The sounds of her cries, the feel
of her pussy clenching around his cock and nails breaking his skin, the smell
of her sweat and arousal finally broke his last thread of control. With a roar,
he plowed into her as he came, barely registering Xan flying into a second
orgasm, giving her everything he had to give.

Long moments later, he eased off her and walked into the
bathroom to retrieve a washcloth. As he turned, he noticed blood trickling
along his side and smirked. His little hellion marked him. And with that
thought another surge of possession swept through him. One he damn well should
get used to. He quickly cleaned up his battle scars and returned to Xan, gently
cleaning his seed from her. He tossed the cloth into the hamper and crawled
into bed next to her. She was almost asleep, and he’d love to keep her here all
night, but because he loved her, her priorities were also his. He was a selfish
bastard, but he knew he’d never be the number-one man in her life. That
position was already filled, and Brody would happily take second place for as
long as she let him.

“Baby? Where’s Scott at? Do you have to go home tonight?”

She groaned and snuggled into him. Those damn warm tingly
things crept over him, and he figured he’d have to get used to that too. He just
didn’t have the willpower to deny his need for her. The guilt of what he
might’ve done to her all those years ago would eat away at him as his love for
her continued to grow, but that was a burden he would bear all by himself. A
secret he could never confess. Because it would destroy the woman who mattered
most to him.

But he would also take what he could get. He didn’t know how
long he had with Xan, but the memories would get him through the rest of his
life.

They’d have to.

“He’s staying at Chad’s tonight,” Xan whispered.

“Mmmm, that’s great news,” he murmured as he hugged her
tighter to him.

“You don’t mind keeping me all to yourself tonight?” she
asked, but she was drifting under and barely coherent.